I stare at the water as it rises in a perfect laminar flow. It is not created by the large pillar of vibrant blue, but rather the pillar makes water from underground rise from below the mountain and over its shimmering form, saturating it with mana as a side effect, or rather it is by design, before finally sending it off towards the surface. It is interesting that the mana from the gold pile doesn’t also go towards the water, instead it seems to seep into the walls of the room, moving in patterns, feeding into something.

I am thankful for my eyes continuously becoming better. I can see the mana clinging to the pieces of armor and the weaponry, even to some of the books and trinkets strewn about. Enchanted items, clearly. I even stumbled across the mirror shield… which apparently mother took sometime ago. I didn't even notice, but then again, I didn’t spend much time in the nest. This does give me pause however. I changed. My reflection in running water is nowhere near as clear as this mirror, which shows vibrant swirling colors which have taken over the outer rim of my irises, doing minute shifts at the speed of a crawl. Interesting.

My horns have also grown properly, or rather improperly. There’s no pattern or symmetry, they just grew. At least I don’t see any of them curling to pierce my own skull, that’d be a very shitty thing to deal with. Where was I? Ah yes, magic items that I have no clue how to use. Nice. Also books and scrolls I probably can’t read. Doubly nice. This place is a treasure trove, a pity then that I can’t use any of it. I understand why she kept it protected. but why bring us… Are those ghosts?!

My body whirls around and I see red mist flowing into itself from the fire crystal pillar, taking on a more solid looking form and lashing out with gnarly, false limbs. RT pulled back from the first clawing, then jumped in and bit down, devouring a chunk of mana and causing the fog to audibly screech and fight harder. All of my siblings are doing something similar. Spots is battling earth fog while Crown takes to water. I wonder for a moment what caused all this… but then I realize why they were so fixated on the pillars before.

I stop tuning out the voices and I hear them far more clearly. The pillars are positively shouting senseless things about their respective domains, but they are also speaking.. no, they are feeling rage and making us know. Curses flow through my mind as I realize that these pillars are not dead. This isn’t like the gemstones, empty of self but full of power and snippets of the world. These things have power but also some sort of identity, like the crystals of a freshly killed beast. They don’t seem to hold any absurd ideas like “Trample a path” or “Sharp things pierce”, but they feel different from normal mana. I listen closely as the red crystal beckons Red Tail closer in one breath, while cursing his very existence the next. That seems to work as I actually see RT jump at the thing, ever the trailblazer that he is. He bites into the actual crystal, ripping out a chunk, sending the mana into even more of a rage, but a part of the mana actually struggles against the whole, attacking the rest of the mana to protect RT.

I do not understand it. I turn to look at mother, but she just lays down next to the pile of gold, her head resting on the metal. Am I supposed to be doing this too? I guess I should. I approach the metal mana pillar, tilt my head at the confusing and sudden silence, then get closer and take a bite out of it. Mana revolts. Metal needles materialize in my mouth, making me spit the chunk. I claw at my tongue, bleeding on the ornate floor, but the needles have vanished already. The mana doesn’t form into a cloud. There's nothing I can fight to weaken the crystal. My siblings seem to be weakening the real, physical retaliations by eating the fog, but the metal seems happy to stay put and silent. I go to the nature one, snap at it, try to taunt it, but only the normal amount of mana oozes out. I try biting it and the result is the same as the metal one, instant, powerful retaliation. It defies me.

I step away from everything, annoyed at the pain, lessened as it may be. Alright, the pillars are defective. I go to the fire pillar and RT goes from 0 to 100 by jumping at me with his absurd weight and size, knocking me away and growling with pure, greedy anger as a tendril swipes at his back. Alright, going to an occupied pillar is rude, got it.

I walk over to mother and sit in front of her, seeing a few of her eyes turn to me. I wish I could ask her “What the hell am I supposed to do?” but I don’t know any of the words for that. Instead I simply tug at her and point with my small hands towards them. She cranes her head and squeezes me with her tendrils. Soothing. Is she trying to console me for failing? Failing what? Why? What the hell did I mess up along the way that I am failing a step everyone else is taking?

This should be instinctual, yet there is only silence. No pull, no feeling like I am doing something wrong by not participating… Are my instincts broken? Or am I just not meant to do this? Is it because I didn’t hibernate? They caught up to me, meaning my growth is much slower. Things are going sideways and I do not know what I can even do, so I simply sit and watch them.

It is strange, they should be unsteady since their bodies changed so much while they slept, but it seems that they are even better than they were last time we hunted together. They are aware of spacing, dodging powerful swipes, fighting back against magic with their own spells, every little trick they had used against animals is put on display in this trial. And they’re all competent. It takes twenty minutes of continuous fighting for the first signs of weariness to appear. Spots is tired, and Crown isn’t far behind. RT is hanging on, but only because he stopped attacking and instead he is just biting at the tendrils of solid mana that try to swipe at him.

There’s a change in them, but it is minute. I can see bits of the unique mana they were just fighting against sticking to them. Even as they retreat, the mana decided to keep clinging on, not dispersing, not being absorbed, just being on them. There’s shifts in their scales. I can already see a few of Spots’ spots turning brown, Crown’s blue shifts into a gradient, Red Tail’s scarlet scales take over even more of his body to the point where I should call him Half Red instead. And I sit here, looking at my bluish scales with their sheen like an oil spill, unchanged ever since my weeks of sleeping by the chaos pillar.

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I turn to leave now that my siblings are done with this strange thing. They seem properly tired, but still they keep their heads high, a glimmer of excitement in their eyes. A glimmer that simply makes me know that their minds have changed in such a short time. They learn quickly, they are eager to attempt anything they see… no wonder then that they seem to have some understanding of the world after a mere few months.

By comparison I am inadequate.

Again.

I shake away those thoughts, simply looking again at the grandiose artworks engraved in the walls on the way out. The details are absurd, and despite her talent, I doubt mother has the delicate touch needed to make something like this. Unless she used magic. Which she likely did. Hmm… Oh well, who knows why she has a weird temple inside of a mountain…

Man… I am still a bit angry at her wasting months of my time trying to keep me away from something she was planning on throwing me into anyways. And now that I am here I just learn that I am unable to do whatever they’re doing. My bout of jealousy makes me focus more on what changed about my siblings, and then I notice something that hadn’t happened before. RT’s claws are making small sparks with each step. Similarly I can hear Spots’ steps being heavier, firmer, grasping the ground like he hadn’t before. Crown, on the other hand, seems to be a big more agile than before, more energetic, rushing a bit and slipping between us, only to stop so we can catch up. I feel her brushing past me, letting out a happy thrill as she speaks of what she saw with a single word.

She speaks of harsh rapids and calm lakes, of life that enjoys the safety of the water, yet dies nonetheless to that which should have protected it. She speaks of cruelty and beauty, of the eagerness to devour more and know more of what this crystal knows.

My eyes are wide as I look into hers, a strange fear being reflected in those beautiful blue pools. Last we spoke she could barely tell me about which pebble was her favorite, yet now she speaks of complex concepts with a fluidity better than mine. She saw so much from such a small fight against some ghostly apparition living in a rock.

I fell behind.

A few minutes and I was left in the dust.

How unfair.

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My siblings are famished. At least that’s the only thing I can think about as I see Crown absolutely devouring an entire tree while Spots is digging in the ground, having found some kind of burrow. RT’s gone. He has been gone from the second we came into the sun. It feels kind of sad, being left behind like this. I have months on them… Months of time in which I trained and practiced and… they manage to overtake me by simply sleeping and then biting the air.

I spread my wings and take to the sky, swiftly leaving the two behind. This is the extent of my work. Once more the nagging feeling comes back. I could have done more if I didn’t play around with the humans. If I had just focused on power instead of doing stupid things like the heat transfer spell. If I had pushed myself to exhaustion instead of being conceited…

But if I can’t be conceited now, as an infant, then when? Or were my weeks of sleep as my body developed the only time I had to be a child? Am I already an adult somehow? Doubtful, yet not impossible…

I let out a frustrated roar and dive down, ripping out the nape of a doe’s neck. It falls on the fresh grass, staining it red. Other nearby prey bolts away, but I don't give chase. I didn’t even need this one… but its flesh does calm my mind.

The only thing I can gather from what I have watched is that my siblings are cheating. Well, we are all cheating by the very nature of what we are, but they are cheating more. Those pillars have identity. They host mana with will and memories, something that doesn’t reek of some revelation, but rather of experience and flavor that one would need to live for decades in order to obtain. They are eating it, and thus, they are earning years of experience in minutes of fighting. What’s worse, the mana is acting like it is bipolar, both pulling in and pushing away. It wants to be taken, but also hates that we are taking it.

I do not understand this world, and I doubt I will at this rate, but I guess I have to make peace with the fact that there’s some things my siblings have figured out that I just don’t. RT was the first to use his breath, despite me being better at it. I have a trove of information and imagery, but that is worthless if they can catch up by eating some rocks… Especially when they’re doing it faster than I did with the prey I hunted.

I shake myself off, looking down at the few shreds of what was once an animal. I can only look away, annoyed at how easily I became jaded to butchering living beings. I should probably vent out my frustration on stone instead of doing this every time I feel wrong…

Oh well, too late to undo this, so I take flight again. I can feel the tingle of the electric mana as I speed up, dashing a distance once took me close to an hour in just a measly 10 minutes. Of course I find myself on the empty side when I land, but it doesn’t matter. I am where I am meant to be.

I came here without thinking, but there really is no better spot for me to try and catch up to them, now is there? Sure, they may have their fires and waters and whatever else those shiny rocks might show them, but I have something better.

You are better… right? It is embarrassing but I haven’t actually thought about it. Isn’t this thing worse than all the others? It gives out very little from each element compared to what I saw the others do, and so far it hasn’t created magical effects actively. It might be a dead crystal… oh well, at least I can keep improving my spells. If they win out in power I will have finesse.

My heart is squeezed by a cold grip. There’s nothing there, but I still feel it. That fear of failure. Maybe one day of pushing myself wouldn’t hurt…

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I don’t know when, but the suns are almost past the horizon. Mother actually comes to pick me up as I have lost track of time. Strange. I am not really tired, but I follow her anyways, which leads to me stepping into the tunnel, only to find Spots devouring fruits while his gut roars for him. Poor guy’s still hungry? Man he should’ve just gone out for some meat if it was this bad.

Mother picks him up, ignoring his protests, which just makes him give up and go soft. Once inside we find Crown grumbling as she nibbles, no, eats a gold coin, while RT smells of fresh rabbit, but is clearly unsatisfied. Months of sleep would do that, I guess. Still, mother tells us to sleep, and so we do.

Just before letting the darkness take me I hope that I can catch up to my siblings soon. The pillar acted nothing like theirs, so if tomorrow I am rejected again I might end up being truly left behind…

I hope I can figure this out.