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Week 4: The Circus

Week 4: The Circus

Virgil climbed up the stairs four by four and slammed his bedroom door down. He was done with them. With this "family", if you could even call it like that. He put his chair in front of the door, blocking it from opening and began to pack his stuffs in his backpack. Some clothes, his headphones, charger, his notebook and pen and pencil. He always liked to draw, nothing big or really great, but still. It was his way t ocalm down after a long day. He could still hear them argue downstairs. Her big sister, Valerie convinced him to talk to them. She said they would understand if he took the time to really explain to them everything. How naive the two of them were. They never understood anything, even less anything related to mental health. How could they understand anxiety or all the other things that Virgil were going through. He was about to pick his car key, the only nice thing his parents got him once he got his licence, when he heard a small knock on his door ''Virgil, can I come in?'' It was Valerie. He hesitated for a few second, but let her in. She was the only one that understood him, he couldn't leave without telling her. She needed to know that it wasn't her fault. In fact, it was because of her that he didn't leave sooner. They hugged each other, he promised her to give her some kind of news that he was fine and Virgil left by jumping out the window, on the tree right in front of it.

Valerie tried to buy him some times, but when the others heard the car in the hallway, they rushed out to try to stop him, but it was too late, he was gone and never going back. He could here some screaming outside, but he didn't care. Not anymore. He drove for a few hours, lost in his spiraling thoughts. He wasn't aware of his surrounding, not until he saw the red and blue flashing light behind him. He looked down and saw how fast he was driving. How did he not die already!? He was so far over the speed limit on this small and tortuous road. He pulled over and he could feel his throat closing up ''Not now, please!'' Virgil thought to himself. He took a few deep breath, but when he saw the flashlight of the police officer right beside him, his anxiety went all the way up again. He rolled his window down and he tried to speak, but he couldn't. Of course he couldn't. That was one of the many things his parents always blamed him for, the way he would never speak when he was ''a bit nervous''. He later learned that it was in fact some kind of selective mutism. And right now he really wish he knew how to make it go away. He sighed and pointed at his sun visor, the police officer nodded, and Virgil reached for the small white board and started to write that he couldn't speak at the moment. ''Oh... Huh, Can you sign?'' the officer asked, Virgil nodded and the other gestured to his partner to come closer. They spoke to each other, the first one explaining everything to the second one, meanwhile, Virgil was grabbing the wheel really tightly, making his knuckles go white. The second one came closer, and started to sign to hin. The fact that he could actually communicate with someone in a time like that was really conforting. He asked for Virgil's papers and everything and as he handed it to him, he started to freak out. The young man didn't want to go back to his ''family''. Not anymore. He was still minor, but not for a long time. He will turn eighteen in about 3 weeks. When the police officer asked why Virgil was driving that fast at that time of the night, Virgil completly broke down. He started to cry uncontrollably. He felt something wrapping around him. A blanket, they got him a blanket and wrapped it around him. Virgil did something he never thought he would be able to do: he hugged one the officer, the one that was signing to him earlier. How could some strangers be a better parental figure than his actual father? He let all his stress, anxiety and anger out in the tears and sobbing.

After what he felt like was an eternity, he finally calmed down enough to be able to speak. He begged them to not bring him back home. He didn't explain everything to them, only that he couldn't go back, that it wasn't his home anymore. The first officer took his partner away for a few minutes, he said he needed to talk to him to see what they were going to do, Virgil nodded and waited ''We have to bring him to your brother, Roman.'' The first one said ''I don't know Janus...'' Janus crossed in arm in front of his chest ''What do you want to do with him then? He doesn't want to go back. He is cleary from an abu...'' ''I know! I know! It's just...'' Janus gesture him to keep going, but Roman let out and exasperate sigh ''Fine! I'm going to ask him. But if he seems to hesitate only for a split second, we bring him to the nearest youth shelter!'' Roman went back to Virgil and explained that his brother, Remus, was the headmaster of a travelling circus. He was near town and he was always on the look for new people to join the group. Virgil agreed right away. Anything but going back there. He didn't care. Virgil really liked the idea of being really far away from home and a travelling circus was the easiest way to leave. Roman gave him the address of where the circus was and gave a call to his brother, telling him a young man wanted to join him. Remus let out a bitter laugh ''Another one?'' ''Another one, yeah.''

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Virgil drove all the way to the spot where the circus was and found out really fast that he wasn't the only young adult that found a shelter in this travelling circus. At first,he was a bit nervous, he heard a lot of bad things about circus. Like animal abuse and things like that. But this circus didn't have any wild animals. Only the two dogs of one of the showman. Everyone seemed to be there because they wanted to have a new beginning in life. A tfirst it was only a get away, a temporary thing, but most of them stayed because they really enjoyed doing their job. Remus greeted Virgil in a really energetic way. Virgil thought to himself that he will have a hard time getting used to that kind of energy. Remus offered him a small room to sleep for the night ''It's nothing fancy, but it has a bed, a roof and everything that you need! I will see you tomorrow, I will show you around! GOOD NIGHT!'' and he slammed the door as he left. Virgil was way too exhausted to look around, he collapsed on his new bed and went to sleep right away.

Almost a year passed since Virgil joined the circus and he couldn't be happier. He is a trampolinist with another young man named Patton. He is really bubbly and funny. They were actually both in the middle of the ring, doing their last performance of the night. Everything was going really well and it gave Virgil enough confidence to give Patton the ''look''. Tonight was the night. There was this trick that they were practicing for a while now, they were both able to do it, but during the actual performance, Virgil was always to anxious to do it. It was really hard and a bit dangerous if he missed it, Patton would fall from really high and could hurt himself. But tonight, Virgil felt really good and he really thought that he could do it. And they did it perfectly, earning them the biggest round of applaused that they ever got. They bowed to the crowd and ran backstage, where Logan congratulated them and gave them both a water bottle. Logan was the 'teacher' of the circus. He knew everything about all the circus art. He was the one that thought Virgil the trampolining. Virgil was drinking some water, trying to catch his breath when Remus rushed in ''CONGRATS YOU TWO! YOU DID IT!'' The sudden loud noise made Virgil dropped his bottle out of surprise, but Logan catched it before it hit the ground. Logan was getting really good at this, catching everything Virgil would drop for various reasons. The main one being Remus making him jumpscare.

At the end of the show, everyone went in the middle of the circus ring to great the crowd one last time. That is when Virgil saw them, right in front of him, sitting on the front row. Valerie and Emile, his best friend in his other life. He smiled at them and signed a small 'no'. He wasn't quite ready yet to talk with them. They understood and signed a small 'I love you'. Virgil smiled and bowed one last time before running backstage again. Seeing Valerie and Emile made him both happy and sad. He missed them, but there were too many bad memories around them. But he promised himself to write them both a letter tomorrow and mail it. They deserved to know that he was okay and happy now and that maybe, one day, he will be able to talk to them again.