I woke up.

The bright rays of the sun intruded into my room, yet again, but this time, I couldn't do anything about it.

As I opened my eyes, I couldn't see much since the blanket still covered my entirety. Ever since I was a child, I never moved much in my sleep. I'm quite glad that I retained that unconscious discipline since it prevented my eyes from being burned by the morning sun.

I sluggishly stood up and stretched my arms in the air, yawning as I looked over at the open window.

The sunlight looked warm, very warm, in fact, I could feel all my energy being siphoned out of me. If looking at it is already this exhausting, then I can't imagine what would happen if it were shining directly on my pale skin.

I took a step forward towards the window to peek through, but a sudden sharp prick on my right bare foot halted my movement.

I usually don't wear slippers inside my room, though I'm not sure if wearing one is a common practice. It wasn't really that painful to begin with, the initial pain was a bit surprising, but it quickly subsided after just a few seconds.

I definitely could have avoided this if I wore them, but it's quite tiring to sort through my messy drawer of random junk to find it.

I raised my foot to see what had happened. I was bleeding a bit, right around the center of my foot, but it wasn't anything serious. It's one of those kinds of wounds that quickly heal up in a matter of hours. After looking at the ground, I then found the culprit. It was a piece of debris from the broken curtain rod.

My mouth was slightly ajar in surprise as I quickly realized that I had forgotten to clean up last night.

But wait, why did I forget about it?

Oh, that's right, it's because of that girl. That occurrence almost slipped my mind entirely.

I glanced in every direction of the room, a bit frantically as I was still not sure about the reality of that situation, but luckily, there was no sight of any ghostly creature. I even checked under the bed just in case.

I sighed in relief as I concluded that she was gone.

Was it really just a dream? It probably is. There couldn't possibly be ghosts. She was probably just a hallucination from my failed suicide attempt. It's because both my body and mind were too tired at that point and I probably couldn't tell reality and dreams apart.

On second thought, I must have looked like I'd lost it last night. Panicking and hiding under a blanket after failing to commit suicide. No one would believe me if I said that I saw a ghost, but it's not like I can tell anyone about it, since I don't really have anyone to talk with, and not that I want to talk to anyone about it. I am suicidal, but I'd rather people see me as an unstable person rather than an idiot who thinks ghosts and the occult are real.

I walked towards the window, and stealthily peeked from the side, being cautious to not be seen by the people of the outside world.

Luckily, there was no human in sight, just the birds again. I took a moment to admire them. Birds are so beautiful, aren't they? Yes, they're gorgeous because of their wings and other attractive physical features, but what really strikes them as beautiful is that they are free. They're free to roam the skies, something that humans once thought was an impossibility. They can land anywhere without being charged with trespassing. Their very existence symbolizes peace and freedom, something that I, and probably every other human strive for. And that's another reason why I'm going to kill myself because when I finally succeed, I will be able to obtain both at the same time.

I sighed again.

That's enough sunlight for today.

I grabbed the blanket from my bed and clipped it on the curtain rod brackets to block out the sun. The light dimmed down a bit, but the blanket was too thin to fully block the light from piercing through.

A cold gust of wind blew by and waved the blanket onto my face. I just now noticed that it reeks from repeated use. I don't really wash my clothes, I know how to do it, but I can't do it, since it requires going outside this room.

This apartment complex has a public washing machine facility right next to it. I remember going there before, just to take a peek inside. It was probably quite a while ago, more than half a year perhaps.

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I stepped on some debris again and sighed.

What a chore this was.

I reluctantly got on my knees and picked up the debris on the floor one by one, since I don't have a dustpan or a broom in my room, or I think I don't have one. Again, going through my drawers of random junk is quite a pain.

I went to my kitchen and slid the debris inside a black garbage bag that was sitting on top of a garbage bag, which was sitting on top of a garbage bag, behind a garbage bag. Yes, my kitchen is a mess. There are garbage bags everywhere. Like most people, I do want to clean them, but that would require bringing them outside, which is something that I don't want to do.

Now that I'm done with cleaning, my body already feels like it could drop any second now, so I did just that and laid on my bed yet again.

I reached out and grabbed my phone that was on the bedside cabinet. I opened it and what immediately met my gaze was one new and fifty-seven old notifications from Ms. Hannah, my aunt, and one old message from Dad. I haven't opened any of them, I probably never will.

I opened and browsed a shopping app and ordered a curtain rod. I checked the reviews, specifications, details, and everything that was written on the listing in order to be sure that this one would be durable.

I then ordered it. Three days to deliver. Guess I have another three days to live. There are a lot of ways to kill myself, but death by hanging is the most appealing to me.

I can bear with three more days. In fact, it might be even a bit enjoyable since I still have some books that I could read, but that idea will have to wait since the grumbling of my stomach signaled an activity that I needed to do first, and that is to eat some breakfast.

Strolling over to the kitchen made me remember one crucial detail that I had forgotten, and opening the fridge doors made the realization even more disheartening. I was out of food.

I didn't plan a single thing in the event that I failed in my suicide. I've rationed everything to run out on the day of my demise, be it food or anything else.

I'm quite unlucky today. Normally I don't really get peckish in the mornings, but the grumbling in my stomach says otherwise.

I desperately searched inside the drawers, cupboards, and other compartments that I could find in my apartment. With each compartment opened, sweat piled up more and more in my pores as I began to dread what I needed to do to solve this crisis, and that was to go outside and buy some food.

There's always food delivery, but this time, it wasn't an option. Most restaurants in my area don't open for deliveries in the morning. You can order from some restaurants, but all of the ones open are too far away and take around an hour to arrive. I usually place an order in advance at night if I want to eat breakfast the next day.

It's quite funny, isn't it? Last night I tried to commit suicide, to end my life forever, but now, I'm desperately looking for some sustenance to extend it. Death by starvation isn't really my thing, the reason for this is because I want it to be a fast death, not a death that will slowly torture me until my body gives in. At most, I'll allow up to a minute of pain, but beyond that is just something that I'm frightened of. Pain is much more frightening than death since you can attain peace through death, but only the opposite from pain. Pain is a challenge, a hurdle to be overcome in order to achieve true peace, and that is why I strive for a fast and simple way to overcome this challenge, which is death by hanging. Though I'm not really sure that it will only take a minute before I die, but I'm positive that I would already be unconscious in only a minute. My past attempt had already proven this.

I gulped as I eyed the final cupboard that hasn't been opened yet. I slowly reached for the handle as my stomach growled ferociously. I opened it and gasped. There was food, only a single can of sausages, but food nonetheless.

I grabbed it and immediately opened it.

I can cook, in theory. What I mean is that I know the steps on how to cook. I obviously know that I need to use oil for the food to not stick to the pan and that certain foods need a different amount of heat to effectively cook the inside. I have the knowledge, which most of them came from the books I read, but not the experience. It will probably take me three or four attempts before I can cook these sausages to perfection, but I don't have the time, or resources to practice with.

So instead, I pinched a sausage out of the can, pinched my nose with my other hand to not breathe in its raw smell, slid the sausage into my mouth, and bit a small piece off.

It was probably disgusting, actually, it is disgusting. Eating something raw is the epiphany of disgusting. No one in their right mind would accept uncooked food from restaurants, especially if it is low-grade meat. Who knows what diseases you could get from eating it. But I was desperate.

I finished an entire sausage and moved on to another piece. Unfortunately, I've held my nose for too long and needed to breathe in some air, and so I did, but because of this, I breathed in the stench of the sausage in my hand. Stench is the right word since its foul odor made my stomach turn and was strong enough to even make me drop the sausage.

I don't know how I didn't notice the smell when I first opened the can. Guess I was just that hungry. I turned the can around. 070622 was written on the label. I don't really know which number is the month, if it's the seven or the six, but that didn't really matter, since today was the third of October, meaning that if the month was one or the other, it was obviously still expired.

I threw the can as well as the sausage that I've dropped inside an open garbage bag near the mountain of garbage bags. Thus, my breakfast came to an end.

I sighed as I went back to my living room slash bedroom. I then ordered lunch on my phone through a delivery app, since calling up the restaurant is never an option for me. It is an option, but the talking part isn't.

I was still hungry, very much so, but there was no edible food in sight. So instead, I went with the best course of action. I hopped on my bed and took a nap.