Prologue
Birth Of An Apocalypse
STATIC AND LOTS OF VOICES
“Quiet down everyone. I said QUIET!!! That is much better. Now welcome everyone to our end of the year planning session of the Meat is Murder coalition. As you know this year we are joined by our brothers and sisters from a variety of different organizations, we have representatives here from Veggies for Life, the Anti-Leather League, and of course, Fur is not Friendly. We also have a special guest today. A true life hero to all of our movements, Dr. Weinstein. Dr. Weinstein has been deep undercover for years documenting the cruelties of animal testing. However, he comes to us today in triumph. Dr. Weinstein why don’t you explain the rest.”
“Alright, is thing on? Can everyone hear me okay in the back? Very well then let me give you a brief history of what I have been doing and why I have finally decided to leave my important work and come and talk to you my brothers and sisters of animal freedom. 15 years ago I too fought on the frontlines to end the cruelty against animals, however after several years of struggle I decided that the only way to truly end the horror that humans perpetrate on innocent animals was to document and change things from the inside. I was just finishing up my doctoral degree in Epidemiology with an emphasis in Animal Welfare, I wanted to be able to cure all of those cute animals and make sure they never got sick, when I was presented with an opportunity like no other.”
“A company called the Zed Corporation approached me and offered me a job to work in their research laboratories. I can tell from your reaction that you too know that Zed Corp is one of the greatest enemies of us lovers of things cute and fluffy. Everyone here knows that though they are on the forefront of medical technology. How did they get there though? By testing on innocent animals. Well I am here to tell you that it is even worse than you think. Zed Corp over the last several decades has expanded from just medical testing on animals to also importing all types of animal products and has recently purchased a string of slaughterhouses to start diversifying into the premium and exotic meat markets. It is almost as if the CEO of Zed Corp Daniel Puffington sat down one day and made a list of what he could do to not only torture animals but kill them and feed them to others.”
“However, I come to you today brothers and sisters of a righteous cause with hope and a solution to the ever growing power of Zed Corp. While documenting the horrors of how they test on animals I came across research that had been abandoned years ago by the corporation. It seems that quite by accident Zed Corp had created a virus that could actually bring a stop to their entire animal cruelty empire. They quickly buried the research and hoped that no one else would ever discover it, but I did. The virus that they created on accident is easily transmitted through the air, touch, and water. Here is the brilliant part my friends, it will only make a person sick if they eat cooked meat. That is right you heard me. It lies dormant in the host for up to 72 hours and will only attack a person and make them sick if they consume protein that has been denatured by heat, or in other words cooked meat.”
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“Can you imagine it my brothers and sisters. This is a disease that when spread will force people to stop eating meat, because eating meat will cause them to get sick. As a bonus side effect it makes those who are sick allergic to the common chemicals used in tanning leather, hides and fur. I can see you are starting to understand. This one little virus will basically make the human population averse to eating meat and using poor animals as fashion accessories. I was able to recreate a sample of this wonderful virus from the research I found and I left Zed Corp soon afterwards. Now the only thing to do is release it into the world. That is where I need your help my friends. You see the virus is not as strong as I would like and I am afraid that if I was the only one to spread it than Zed Corp or another enemy of animals may be able to find a cure before it teaches humanity that it does not need to rely on the death of animals to survive.”
“So today after the meeting I will be giving out small perfume and cologne bottles filled with this virus so you my brothers and sisters of animal freedom can help me spread it as quickly as possible. I have discussed this with the leaders of your various groups and we have come up with a simple and fool proof plan. Everyone who receives a sample of the virus is to travel to as many airports and other transportation hubs and spray this anti-animal perfume and cologne to infect the non-believers. This way destinations around the globe will be infected by travelers within the 72 hour incubation period of the virus, and it will be spread out too far for Zed Corp to possibly fix or stop us. 5 days from now when the majority of those despicable meat eaters and animal killers are just starting to get sick we will release a video documenting what we did and why. This will allow anyone with any semblance of concern for animals to immediately stop eating meat and using animal products, after all we want to make a point not hurt people. For those who do not heed the warning, the consequences will be on them. At that time once people know that animal cruelty is no longer an option and it is all Zed Corps fault for creating the virus in the first place, the end of Zed Corp and a change for humanity will surely follow.”
MASSIVE CHEERING
COPY OF DR.WEINSTEIN’S INFAMOUS SPEECH NOW KNOW AS THE “ZOMBIE FOLLY SPEECH”
FOUND IN 2086 OLD CALENDAR
ARCHIVED 42 PA (POST APOCALYPSE) IN THE ISLAND FEDERATIONS NATIONAL MUSEUM OF HISTORY