The SS Obsolete groaned, a symphony of rusty protests accompanying each shudder of its ancient engines. Grease stained every surface, from the chipped paint of the bridge to the tangled wires snaking across the ceiling like metallic vines. This was home, or at least, it was for now. Home for Captain Zero, a man whose name was ironic given his perpetually exhausted expression, and his eclectic crew.
Captain Zero, slumped in his captain’s chair – a repurposed dentist’s chair, naturally – stared at the flickering holo-screen. His dark hair, usually meticulously styled, was askew, mirroring the disarray of his life. Across from him, Veeva Korr, their navigator, meticulously cleaned her laser pistol, her sharp eyes missing nothing. Her fiery red hair was a stark contrast to Zero’s dark locks, and her efficient movements a counterpoint to his languid posture.
“Another one of those missions, Captain?” Sparks, or Flint ‘Sparks’ Maddox as he preferred when addressing the authorities (which wasn't often), grumbled from his engineering station, his hands already fiddling with a loose wire. His greasy overalls were a testament to his dedication – or perhaps his inability to remove stubborn grease. Sparks’ enthusiasm for work inversely correlated with the ship’s overall functionality.
Loo, or Luna ‘Loo’ Silva, their communications officer, stretched languidly, her long black braids swinging. "Missing planet, huh? Sounds thrilling." Her sarcasm was as sharp as her wit. She was currently attempting to decipher a garbled transmission from a space station that apparently smelled strongly of old cheese.
The holo-screen flickered again, resolving into the image of Captain Miran, a stern woman with a severe haircut and an even severer expression. "Captain Zero” Miran's voice crackled over the comms, "I need you to locate Zyphar-7. It vanished three cycles ago. No trace. No explanation."
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Zero raised an eyebrow. “Vanished? Like, poof? Gone?”
"Precisely” Miran replied, her voice dripping with no room for doubt. "And you're the only ones… available..." Her voice trailed off, a subtle hint of desperation clinging to the last word.
A collective groan echoed through the bridge.
"Zyphar-7?" Sparks muttered, his voice barely audible above the ship's groaning. "That's… beyond the Charon Nebula. Beyond the known edge of the galaxy!"
Loo snorted. "And the Obsolete's about as fit for that journey as a rusted bucket is fit for a royal banquet."
Zeno-9000, their ancient and hopelessly malfunctioning AI, chimed in with its usual helpfulness: "Error 404: Planet not found. Suggest checking behind the sofa."
Veeva, ever practical, cut through the noise. "Captain, we don't even have enough fuel to reach the nearest space station, let alone the Charon Nebula. Let's not forget the warp drive is currently powered by hope and duct tape."
Zero sighed. The image of Captain Miran vanished from the screen, leaving only static. He rubbed his temples, the weight of the impossible mission pressing down on him. "I suppose this is our ticket to a quick and painless demise” he muttered, looking around at his disheveled and equally disgruntled crew.
Suddenly, a low growl echoed from the shadows beneath the bridge. Grizzle, their monstrous, but surprisingly loyal, six-legged canine-like creature, emerged, its eyes glowing faintly in the gloom. It whined softly, nudging Zero's hand with its wet nose, as if sensing its master's frustration.
The holo-screen flickered back to life, displaying a hastily drawn map that had been ripped from a clearly outdated guide. It showed the known expanse of the galaxy but with a large question mark occupying the space where Zyphar-7 was supposed to be.
Zero took a deep breath. "Alright, team” he said, forcing a semblance of authority into his voice. "We've got a missing planet to find. Prepare for warp... eventually. Sparks, see what miracles you can conjure with that duct tape and hope. Veeva, chart a course... to wherever we might find some spare fuel. Loo, see if you can get through to the Cheese Station again and convince them this is an emergency. And Grizzle... well, just be Grizzle."
The absurdity of it all finally hit them. A collective laugh erupted, a sound oddly comforting amidst the chaos of their decaying ship and impossible mission. The chaotic adventure had officially begun. As an afterthought, Zero remembered the legends of Garnak the Great, a legendary space pirate, and Draxar the Destroyer, a cosmic horror from beyond known space, both rumoured to be involved in this mystery somehow. But for now, survival was the only objective. And survival on the SS Obsolete was never simple.