“And then i said, yeah you can plow that dog of a wife too!”

A rambunctious round of laughter erupted from the group of men, save for one, as the red bearded man finished his story.

The story itself wasn't funny or interesting to the group of men, as the tale had been shared a countless times before. The group of men were merely high off their rockers and well past sober as they continued their chatter in the pub. It was high past evening and the group had been drinking at their favorite table in the only notable pub in Amberdale, the Otter’s Burrow, right next to the window and not to far from the door.

A heavy sigh erupts from one side of the table where the 5 or so men were seated. The red bearded man who had just told the story looked towards the source to see a black haired middle aged man, with streaks of grey showing in his roots.

The black haired fellow's drink looked as if the man had barely touched it. The man himself paid little attention to the glance of his companion as he stared off towards the window solemnly.

"C'mon pal, you didnt like the story?"

“You know just as well as i do that i love that story to bits Randal, but you've must've told it a hundred times now! don't you have any thing else?”  said the man who had not laugh to his red haired friend

“C'mon Phil, you know i don't have any other stories. Liven up a bit will ya? You've been down all day.”

Phil sighed as he swished his drink around, listening to the clinking of ice on glass, before taking a long sip.

“You know the works.” Sighed Phil "Management keeps 'cutting' costs, which we all know means they're just laying off whoever can be replaced with something cheaper, And our so-called 'Great' Mayor Rudolf decided to start 'redecorating' again and we all know what that means."

A few nods went up around the table at the mention of Mayor Rudolf and his desire to Expand the town while raising taxes whenever he could.

“Tell me about it. Just last week Mayor Rudolf  raised our already abysmally high taxes in the name of “Renovations. Sure it's not like we can't afford it, but still there was that new TV i've had my eyes on for a while now” Randall took a long gulp of his ale before settling back in his seat after revealing his petty concerns to the group.

“Ya’ kner what els?” Spoke another man, this one a bit on the overweight side and drop dead drunk as obvious due to his slurred speaking. The voice of the large man boomed within the bar and drew the eyes of a couple nearby patrons. “ teh only darn thing i’ve seen changed in this town are those brand spankin’ new tourist traps along main street”The man vented angrily to the group.

Again a round of nods flew up around the table, even Phil and Randall couldn't help but agree to his point.

The man could've easily have stopped right there and got back to his drink in hand but for whatever reason, his eyes flared as he climbed up on top of the table in his stupor, announcing his nearly incoherent rambling to the entire bar.

“Why Dern we jus’ go up ter Mr.Hammock and that counsel o’ city plannahs of his and giv’ em what for?!”

A mumble started up in the burrow as patrons all over started agreeing to the drunken words of the lone man.

Phil couldn't help but chuckle to himself as the bar started riling themselves up. Randal soon joined his friends at the bemusing sight of their friend trying to spark a revolution in a bar full of drunks and deadbeats who should've moved on a good while ago.

Trying to save his companion some face, Phil called to him "Come down from there already, Will. You've made a big enough fool of yourself today."

“Why don't you come up ‘ere instead!” The drunk man named Will shouted at Phil, nearly falling off of the table as he went. He managed to steady himself on the table and started taking another large gulp from his glass and had easily downed a good qaurter of the brothy amber liquid when a sudden boot hit him sqaure in the jaw, toppling him off of the table and into a heap on the floor, landing with a thud.

“I Dont need anymore dirt tracks on my table, Will!” The bar owner called out from behind the counter. Phil couldn't see below his waist, but he had the weirdest hunch that he was probably missing a shoe right about now.

The bar owner was an aged man who was clearly balding as the only tuft of hair that remains on his head were at the sides and above his lips. In contrast to his age, the bar owner was a large man, easily peaking 6 feets and had a strangely muscular body that betrayed the aged look  His grey hair and his bushy mustache  gave him. He wore a blue dress shirt with rolled up sleeves and a long white apron.

“Aha, Sorry about that Cap’. You know how Will gets after a few drinks” Randal called out.

Former captain Nigel Leghorn gave a faint nod to Randall. Though his service ended long ago, he was highly regarded within the small town of Amberdale and most of his patrons if they cared enough to swing by would call him Cap’ out of habit, It pretty mucch became his nickname.

“Aye, i know it better than i’d of wanted to. One of you boys better get him out of here before he starts drooling on my floor again.” The bar owner responded before getting back to shining the glass in his hands. The glass  was long since cleaned but the bar owner enjoyed the soft squeaking sound that came from the rubbing of cloth on glass.

Randall turned back to the men at the table.

“Alright, so who’s driving the deadbeat over here back to his home today?”

“I’ll do it” Phil said “I gotta get home to the misses anyways, it’s gotten pretty late already.” Phil noted at the dark sky outside the bar window.

Randall nodded to his old friend “Drive safely man, you know how the roads get at these times.”

“Che, You mean empty and barren?”

“Hey you never know. A deer might suddenly appear in your headlights.”

“Yeah sure a deer.”

Phil downed the rest of his drink in an instant before getting up and heading towards the still on the floor Will. He gave the sleeping man a good few kicks to the rear before giving up and deciding to just haul the man into his car. Thankfully Will was a particularly light fellow and phil managed to heave him over his shoulder after a couple failed attempts.

“I’ll be going out now, cya tomorrow Cap’ “

The bar owner merely grunted and waved the lad off.

Phil shook his head as a smile crossed his lips. The cap was always a blunt fellow and his attitude helped improve his mood a bit.

Will didn’t drive a car, as he liked to walk more so to take it slow and earn him some well needed exercise instead of reducing his carbon footprint. So Phil opted to take the out-cold man into the passenger seat of his black sedan. Moments later Phil took his seat in the driver’s and started the car before pulling his sedan out of the half full parking lot and onto the barren streets of east Amberdale.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

His wife and daughter were going to have his head for this. Abigail especially was sure to give him a headache for not coming home sooner. Phil wondered if he couldn’t come up with some story to get out of this but when nothing came to mind he gave up on the thought and pulled out of the driveway.

Minutes later, Phil and will were cruising down the main streets of amberdale. The town didnt have alot of roads and no one was walking this late at night so Phil took the moment to enjoy the solemnity of the night, whistling a soft tune he remembered hearing on the radio earlier to himself.Will, on the other hand, had opted to start muttering in his sleep.

Phil began to turn down on the street he normally drove on his route back to His and Will’s home, only to stomp on the breaks.

“Damn it all!” Phil cursed as his sedan came to a screeching halt.

The road in front of him were blocked. A few seconds of investigating made it obvious that it was all for more town “Renovations”. Phil could’ve swore that the path wasn’t blocked this early so he assumed they must’ve started this afternoon.

He cursed his luck as he backed out and was forced to take a detour near the “abandoned district.”

‘The abandoned district’ Despite its name, actually isn’t abandoned due to the interest in the last couple of years in the Victorian architecture of the it’s buildings. A  century ago the buildings might’ve been considered well cared for. Nowadays it was merely a graveyard for the dozen of aged mansions left in disrepair, forgotten and untouched in the years as it was considered both a piece of history to the town and a piece for storytelling.

It was late autumn, and the trees that were bountiful along the sides of the district had long since dropped their leaves, leaving their bare branches to strike out menacingly in the dark headlight of the sedan.

If Phil was honest to himself, he'd rather be anywhere but this lone desolate road that rain parrallel to the fenced area of the Abandoned district. Why was it fenced? Phil didnt remember, but as someone who’s lived in Amberdale most of his life, it was of little surprise that he did not hold the abandoned district, due to the few rumors that floated around about the district. Tales of ghouls, Monsters, Portals to hell, and unsolved murders started popping in Phil's head, distracting the man from the dark winding road.

In fact, he was so distracted he never noticed the bloody object  that hopped in front of his car and slammed into the hood of it with a thump.

Will shouted at Phil and Phil slammed on the breaks.

“Did we just hit a person?”

“You mean did ‘you’ just hit a person.”

“Seriously Will, now’s not the time.”

He rolled the windows of his side of the car down and poked his head out.

“HEY! You okay over there!”

No response came back. Will was practically quivering in his seat, completely out of his drunken stupor.

“I think we should just leave for now” whispered will.

“Hey-” Phil started again, convinced he had hit a person but unwilling to step out of the car at the time.

The body on the ground did not respond again.

instead it opted to drag itself off of the ground and stumble near the hood of the car. Phil let out a relieved sigh as the figure turned out to be okay for the most part couldn't make out any distinguishing features besides the massive amount of red on their body and the slack way they moved

“You don't look so good man, how about you hop in the back and i take you down to the hospital?”

The person didn't say anything. It was then that Phil noticed the massive gash across their stomach. Any normal person would've long since

Bled out.

As this fact came to light, something started to click in the mind of Phil, although he couldn't quite put it in words….

Thankfully Will was still here to make that analogy for him.

“Oh heck Phil, i don't think that's a person.”

“Yeah I'm thinking the same thing, but if its not a person, what is it?”

The bloody ‘person' in front of them answered the question for it as it came i to the headlights of the car. Bloody red eyes, yellow teeth, long gnarly fingernails. A low snarl erupted from the lips of the creature as it started pounding on the hub of the sedan.

“Ah heck man, it's a bonafide zombie!”

“Shit, what do we do?”

“I don't fucking know, run it over again!”

Phil shrugged as he pulled the car into reverse, making the ‘zombie' in front of them stumble forward before it began trying to limp towards the car again.

Once they were a good 20 feet away from it, will shouted.

“Alright, Now floor it!”

With no sense of hesitation, Phil slammed on the gas pedal and the black sedan sped towards the figure. Seconds later a sickening crunch is heard from underneath the car as they ice the first undead they've ever seen.

For good measures, Phil threw the sedan into reverse once more, making sure to land right on top of the body before speeding forward again in silence.

Will and Phil's hearts were pounding as they neared wills house, but even so Will somehow managed to slip back into his drunken sleep. Will’s house was the closest of the two, It only took about 10 minutes for them to get there after crossing that desolate road from before. The drive over to his place was the easy part, the hard part was waking up the bastard and getting him out of the car. Phil tried shaking the drunk awake again but to no luck. Thankfully, Phil always carried a bottle of water or two in his car…

“.....HEY!” Will screamed as he awoke, drenched in water for some unknown reason.

“You might wanna get a towel” Phil mentioned as he snickered to himself at his friend.

Will hopped out of the car, an annoyed expression adorned on his face, and started muttering to himself but Phil wasn’t worried. This was an average day with William, the town drunk.

After William’s door shut with a slam, Phil looked down at his watch. It was well past 11 at the moment and Phil sighed as he slumped back into his seat.

His wife and daughter were going to have his head for this. Abigail especially was sure to give him a headache for not coming home sooner. Phil wondered if he couldn’t come up with some story to get out of this.

‘Maybe they’ll believe I killed a zombie  on the way?’ Phil amused as he pulled out of Will’s driveway and turned down the street towards his home a couple of blocks over.

And that, is how Phil and Will singlehandedly prevented the zombie apocalypse before it could begin.