“Wake up!”
“You have a job today!”
“Wake up, you silly sleepyhead!”
I groaned and slammed my hand down on my nightstand, repeatedly, wanting to shut off a noisy alarm clock that was not there. I imagined that it was not even noon yet—far too early to be waking up.
“How do I turn you off?”
“Turn me off? Now, why would you want to do something so ridiculous?” Lotus cooed from my laptop speakers.
Having Lotus around has its many perks. Since she does not sleep—at least to my knowledge—she is able to spend the entire night reading odd message boards, posting advertisements, scrounging every nook and cranny of the internet trying to find me a job. Without her, I would have starved ages ago.
“You said we have a job today?”
“Yes! A poltergeist in a family home just outside the city—how exciting!”
“Ahhh…a poltergeist, exciting indeed.” I slid back into bed with a notable lack of enthusiasm.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Poltergeists are hard work. They are downright malignant and can seldom be reasoned with. Every case is different, and while that does provide a lot of material for my research, I must admit to being a little afraid at what they are capable of.
“No other job to take today?”
“Unless you have had a change of heart and want to investigate that asylum case from a month ago… this is all we have got, partner.”
Nope, that case genuinely terrified me. I did not want to take it, even if it meant starving to death.
“Partner…are you a cowboy now?”
“Yes. I am corralling my electronic sheep as we speak.”
This was her attempt at what she refers to as an ‘android joke’. It was a little funny, but I refused to tell her that.
“Am I allowed to go back to sleep, at least?”
“Most certainly not!”
“—swap me to your phone and get out of bed.”
I supposed that I did not have any choice in the matter. I had not left the house in a week, so if I refused to go out, Lotus would have hounded me for days.
“Fine. Let’s go.” I sighed and picked up my phone, swapping her over and putting my earbuds in.
“Ah, much better. Now I have you right where I want you.” She purred into my ears, clearly pleased at having gotten me out of bed.
I try my best to leave the house as little as possible. Not only do I not trust other people—I don’t like them. I find that I had more in common with the dead than any person living; and find some comfort in spending most of my waking hours either studying or cleansing them.
“Alright Lotus, let’s go.” I yawned and opened the door. Blinding sunlight struck me and nearly coaxed a fiendish hiss out of me as it deemed me more apparently vampire than human.
“Onwards, my champion!”