Those eyes, that unique color was both piercing and deep and those eyes stirred a feeling deep inside me, a feeling I could barely describe because I'd never felt it before. Was it cold, or hot, or bitter? It was weird but somehow felt like familiarity, like home. Even though that was impossible as those eyes have not seen anything from my thoughts, my feelings, and least of all my desires. Or have they? But the expression that filled those eyes was just so deeply caring, almost hot. Sometimes their gaze crossed me, penetrating me like a deep tingle that traveled from my eyes down my cheeks to my lips and then further down until it warmed my chest. I tensed my muscles and wanted to look away, to pull back, to put on a fake smile and a fake gleam in my eyes, but the intensity held me in place and made the hairs on my arms stand up. It was like a welcome prison that I could not, would not escape. But something raged inside me.... No, many things raged inside me. In my head, my chest, and definitely further down. It was such a welcome confusion, that it made my head spin and made me feel more alive than the last months have in any way. I bit my lips, licked over them shyly and leaned forward. Oh, fuck it. The curve of those lips and the color of those eyes practically physically drew me in. I couldn't stop myself. I felt like a moth being pulled to the light. I paused just before this face and could feel its warmth on my skin, even though I already felt hotter than I thought I could bear. I looked into those eyes, those fucking eyes. Then I closed mine and closed the distance between us. It was a firework – a firework that just sealed my doom.

I woke up with a gasp and ran my hands through my already wild hair. "Bloody hell!!!" I cursed. My heart was beating fast, too fast. Whether because of those eyes or because of the person they belonged to, I didn’t know. "Bloody hell!!!"

4 months ago

The water beaded off my skin and left a slightly sharp but pleasantly cold mark on it. I stretched my face into the stream of water, let it run through my hair one last time and then turned off the tap with a sigh. While I was still drying myself off, I started to sweat again. The beach shower was outside and therefore not blessed with air conditioning. I slipped into my shorts and threw on my shirt. I tousled my hair again in front of the mirror and then combed it back with my fingers. Yep, surfer boy check. Arrogant but cute one might say. I grinned to myself and then went outside with my backpack. The others were already waiting in the shade of some tree, trying to keep the heat at bay by moving their bodies as little as possible. In short, they were lounging around. But it didn’t seem to work as I could see their foreheads shine from little pearls of sweat. "There you are at last, you've been showering longer than the girls," Ian joked and punched me in the arm. I made a face at him as if he was a tiny little cockroach that was crawling along my leg. "I just appreciate the luxury of a cold shower. Besides, that's sexist." I turned to Sienna and kissed her briefly on the lips. "Or Sienna doesn't give you everything you need," Ian said and laughed out loud. I just ignored him and walked towards the diner with my girlfriend in my arms. "Come on, we're supposed to be sipping away the milkshake stash at Ricky's."

I looked around the little group, sitting at peace at a small diner in a small town. I looked at my best friends, my so-to-say-family, all sucking on their straws – Ian with chocolate in the corner of his mouth, Lina with cream on her cherry-red lips, Oscar with fingers wet from the condensation, and Sienna smiling at me, her bright chocolate-brown eyes twisting in delight. Her milkshake was the same color and it looked delicious. I took a sip of her shake. "That's what your eye color would taste like," I said softly, licking my lips. Only she heard me, smiled broadly and then turned back to her shake. What a strange thought.

The summer had gone by so quickly, we'd just been on the trip to Portugal, tanned on the beach for a forbidden length of time - some of us definitely. We had eaten too much and enjoyed the fact that we were still young with wine on the beach in the evening and way too romantic only-in-movies-situations where we would look into the night sky, trying to figure out the zodiac signs. However, we failed bigtime. Nothing would change when university started in a few days, we would still be a group of young people, knowing almost nothing from adult-life. But we would not be together anymore. Not like now. We would live in different dorms and see different people in front of us. Only the university was the same, at least for Sienna, Ian, and me. That had to be enough for now. "We'll have to remember these days when things get different, when we're lonely or when we need a warm thought," Sienna said and placed her hand in the middle of the table, palm up. It felt childish but I was the first to put my hand on it, followed by the others. It was like a promise to preserve this moment, this summer, this friendship, to remember it later when the memories might fade a bit. Like a fragile dragonfly caught with its delicate wings in an amber molded from tree resin - its beauty visible from the outside and not to be forgotten or lost. This dragonfly was us, five young people who had the summer behind and the seriousness of life ahead of us.

"I'm going to miss you," my mom said. She hugged me tightly to her tender body and tried to make her voice sound firm. "I want you to call me when you get there. Let me know if everything's okay then." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Mom...it'll be fine, don't worry about it. I'll manage, you should have more faith in me." She looked at me with little conviction. Susanna Lindberg was a small woman, petite with a big mop of blonde curls that made up for her height and which, luckily for me, she had passed on to me. I had inherited my green-blue eyes – because of which my grandmother always affectionately referred to me as her little turquoise frog - from my father. Niklas Lindberg was a slick, cool and distant businessman who always looked and acted impeccable, earned a lot of money, and demanded a lot from his family. But he loved my mother, and me too...at least that's what I assumed. I had a lot to thank him for, not least the many expensive suitcases that were still lying scattered and open on the floor of my room. "You can't even manage to pack without me kicking your lazy ass. Sienna is supposed to be here soon and you're going to make her wait." While she put her hands on her hips and blew a strand of hair out of her face, I had to smile and kissed the top of her head. "I love you so much, you know that?" Her features softened, her eyes moistened, and she quickly turned away. "Just make sure you finish before my top hair falls out from agitation." I laughed and cleaned out the rest of my wardrobe. It was slightly frightening how my life could fit into about three suitcases, two bags and a small rucksack.

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

It was still hot outside when the doorbell rang, Sienna looked at me beaming with joy and then immediately grabbed my bags to help me carry them. I looked around again, mentally taking a few photos of the house, my mother's smile, the rays of sunlight breaking in the glass wind chimes outside the door and the dried lavender on the steps leading to the street. After all, even if I saw them again soon, it was still a feeling of leaving it behind. Which I literally did, but it sounded so dramatic. "Remember that you always have enough in the fridge, that you're always at lectures on time and that you wash your sweaters on a gentle cycle." I was so glad that Sienna was just in the car and out of hearing-distance. "Mom, please, I've done laundry before, it'll be fine. Also, I probably won’t even need a fridge, it’s a dorm with a canteen. They have that kind of stuff there.” I hugged her tightly to me. Then I took a deep breath as if to build up some courage of a sort, and walked away from the big house, which was far too big for just three people and far too impersonal to really miss. It was more like a spicy aftertaste that you liked but didn't necessarily need and that you forgot when you hadn't had it for a while. I waved to my mom again and then left the life of my childhood and youth behind me at 60km/h and hot sun.

"It's huge here," Sienna marveled as we drove onto the grounds of the school’s residence. My new home. I had insisted on being allowed to study at a public university, or rather the corresponding school, if I followed my father's wishes – or rather requests – and chose business studies as my field of study. It had therefore made sense to choose the SBS business school, which was not far from the university where Sienna would be studying health sciences. However, we wouldn't be living in the same hall of residence. She hadn't been given a place here and I wasn't allowed in her girls-only shared-flat. At least not as a roommate. I gave her a peck on the shoulder. "Be happy about the size, then it won't be noticed when you come to visit me in secret." She scrunched up her face and looked at me, half amused, half scared. "I'm a bit jealous that so many students will be living here. What if I don't get on with my roommates? What if they're horrible?" I made a dismissive gesture with my hand and pointed to a parking lot where she could drive in.

"Oh nonsense, you can deal with everyone. Name one person who doesn't like you." I said it jokingly, but it was true. Sienna was one of the sweetest, kindest, and almost innocent people I knew. This was emphasized by her dark blonde slightly curled hair that shimmered golden in the sun and her dark warm brown eyes, which gave her the overall appearance of an angel. Sometimes too much of an angel which made it hard to argue with her. Those eyes now sparkled mischievously at me. "Well, are you shitting yourself already?" Sometimes I had to admit that her mouth and her choice of words let the angelic appearance crumble to tiny little particles and made her somewhat more humane. I gave her a tiny smack on the cheek, kissed her briefly on the spot after she shouted "Ouch" and got out of the car. The heat hit my face like hot fudge sauce. Like hot fudge sauce dripping onto my forehead, cheeks, and neck. Not the delicious kind of sauce though. We carried my boxes to my new room, which was further away than I had hoped. Then I said goodbye to Sienna after thanking her for her help and accompanied her back to the car park. I lightly pushed her into the car so she could head off to her own flat. “Don’t drive too far away from me, honey”, I said in a teasing voice and grinned at her. She stuck out her tongue and then she was gone. All of it in a blink of an eye.

Back in my room, I closed the door, took a deep breath, and looked around. The room had a large wardrobe, two beds – one on each side, and two large desks – one in front of the windows and one next to the wardrobe. There was another small door on the left-hand side, which was open and obviously led to a small bathroom. I pushed myself away from the door, went to the window and opened it wide. From downstairs I could already hear the voices of many arriving students, who were either lugging boxes around like me, saying goodbye to their families or just standing around talking. I was glad that it had worked out that I was allowed to choose a room with a roommate. My father didn't make many concessions to me, but I had fought for that. I didn't want to be stuck in a big house with a big room on my own again. No, if I was going to study, then I wanted the whole program. The whole program of a slightly dirty boys-room, indicating a lazy neglect of it, with some chip’s crumbs and untidied clothes, which would be hidden quickly when girlfriends visited. I grinned at those thoughts. But a roommate would mean that I would hopefully already have a friend without any trouble or - to be honest - without much effort. One friend might lead to another and another if I was lucky. The room was perfect so far, it wasn't too big, it wasn't too steely and perfect, it was exactly how I had imagined it. Holes in the walls and old bits of tape still stuck to the walls were evidence of previous occupants who hadn't made the greatest effort to cover up these little blemishes. Or rather, no effort at all.