"Oh fuck not again...", I explained to my sister who was driving the car. Why does she have to have such shit taste in music, if I have to listen to super base by Nikki Minaj one more time I'm going to go and blow up a super base. You know what, now that I think about it ISIS isn’t such a bad idea after all, I should have joined at 15 years old when I had the chance.
"Were here!" My sister happily exclaimed. God I fucking hate school, especially college. All college is, is a bunch of fucking normies talking about boring shit all day and then getting drunk and having lots of sex at night. The classes fucking blow, I hate listening to some asshole talk for an hour and a half about boring shit all day. Being an English major is fucking useless anyways, I have no idea why I’m here.
I stepped outside of the car, AND BAM! All I see is a bunch of mystical creatures, an open plain with a town not to far away, our car now on a dirt path (thank god we bought those all purpose tires) and RPG stats in my peripheral vision. What the actual fuck, just a second ago it looke. I really shouldn’t have eaten those brownies Steve gave me last night, I’m such a dipshit. Let’s see here, holy shit im already level 100?! “Uhh where are we” my sister said with a very scared look on here face. “Well I guess that proves its not Steve’s pot brownies” I said to her. Before I could read the rest of my epic stats, some cat girl wearing barely anything walks up to us, and goddamn she was fucking hot. Red hair, decently sized tits, milky white skin, the works baby.
“Are you lost?” She asks my sis. “Uhh no im just kind of confused why ELMSVILLE SUDDENLY LOOKS LIKE LORD OF THE FUCKING RINGS IS ALL” she screamed at the cat girl, causing her to cry like a little bitch. I turn towards my sister and yell, “Aww great you made our only help in this world cry, are you feeling good about yourself? You gonna scream at her and make her cry some more?!”. I then proceed to turn back around to the cat girl and say “As for you cat girl, you’ve got some weak skin crying at that, grow some goddamn backbone!”. Wincing at both of them, I then said “All right now I know this is going to be fucking boring as all hell for the both of you, I hate writing exposition personally being an English major asshole, but Ill do some normal human interactions because it would be weird to not introduce ourselves” I explained. “I’m Drake and this is my annoying sister Elena” then I proceeded to think to myself, [Holy shit I just realized our names are a reference to Uncharted despite being born before that game was made, Naughty Dog should give us some goddamn royalties the bastards!]. “Hey I haven’t actually done anything annoying yet…” my sister told me. “Your very existence in my life is an annoyance, anyways your name cat girl?”. “My name is Kyuu, I’m from the land of…”, I stopped here right there and went “Woah woah woah, I didn’t ask for your life story I just wanted to know your name, Jesus Christ, anyways I noticed that im kind of not on planet earth right now so who can I talk to for explaining to me just what the hell is going on right now…”. Kyuu then walked up to us and said, “Your being incredibly rude currently so why exactly would I help you two”. I looked at my sister who strangely enough had a sinister grin on her face, considering how idiotic she is I really don’t trust whatever plan she’s hatching.
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
“Wanna take our car” she says, WANNA TAKE OUR CAR SHE SAYS. I fucking face palmed so hard that I thought I killed myself because it literally felt like I cracked my skull open. I immediately turned over to my sister and looked at her with the angriest stare I had ever pulled off in my life. She looked pretty damn terrified and she had every right to be considering what I was about to say. I calmed myself down for a bit and then proceeded to tell her the following. “Ok Elena, that was quite possibly the stupidest offer I’ve ever heard and that’s saying a lot considering what you’ve done in the past (and believe me, you don’t want to know). Ok number one, why would you literally give away our car, the one type of transportation we have in this world. Two, you’re literally giving away a valuable piece of technology, FOR FREE, in this this world that probably doesn’t have any cars, even if there’s no fuel to use the car we might be able to pass it off as some kind of rare magic item or something. Lastly, you’re giving away… a fucking CAR, FOR INFORMATION. WE’RE NOT OPRAH WINFREY DUMBASS. IF WE GET BACK TO OUR WORLD, WE CAN’T JUST BUY A NEW CAR EASILY.”
Kyuu, with an face that looked like she saw two lesbian grandma’s having sex, quietly said to us “Umm, sorry for interrupting but what’s a car?”. I let out a sigh that would provide electricity to the world forever via wind turbines. I look back at Kyuu and said “Ok look, I don’t have time to deal with Tweedledumb and Tweedledumbass, here’s like 20 bucks in our worlds currency, you can pass it off as a rare item to a shop and make a shitton of whatever currency this world uses. Now can you help us or not.”. Kyuu, with a small tear in her eye then told me as she looked at my face and said “Umm thanks I guess, come with me to the bar…” I interrupt her again “Oh HELL NO, THE BAR IS THE NUMBER ONE PLACE YOU DON’T WANT TO TELL US INFO, BAD IDEA. No offense Kyuu but you don’t seem like the brightest bulb in the box, is there like some kind of wise sage or god that we can talk to for learning about this world, oh and make sure he or she makes the details snappy. I would hate to be bored out of my mind listening to garbage for an hour and a half like I do almost everyday”.
Kyuu answered back with “You know, if you stopped interrupting me for five seconds maybe we would get through this conversation easier but fine, you want a god? Ill give you a god you jerk! He lives up there on the Mountains of the Dynasty and can answer a total of five questions but considering who he’s going to be dealing with I don’t think you should ask him that many. I’ll come with you to tell you where you need to go I suppose, I’m headed there for work purposes anyways”. I talk back to her sarcastically “You jerk? Nice insult there litter box, now I have a lot of complai… I mean “questions” to “ask” this god so let’s get a move on, the car has full gas right sis?”.