“All visitors to Haneda Airport, if you see anyone suspicious, please do not hesitate to approach the nearest staff…”

The feminine voice droned on robotically in the confines of the airport, even as I proceeded down the aisle to check in.

“This is going to be a great trip, eh, Yuu?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded as my friend, Nishimura Satoshi, threw his arm around my shoulder. My knees buckled under the weight, but I somehow managed to remain standing. The guy really should consider exercising and losing some weight.

“Okinawa, huh…I can’t wait to go to the beach! All the girls in swimsuits…maybe I’ll finally be able to get a girlfriend this time!”

“Uh, right. Good luck.”

I honestly thought his chances of success would increase if he worked out and lost some flab, but in a way his chubbiness did give off quite the cute impression. Hopefully there were some chicks who would dig that.

“What’s the matter with you? Not excited?”

“I’m just worried about running into a son of a beach.”

“…”

Satoshi stared at me and sighed, obviously annoyed by my pun.

“Look here, Yuu…”

“Ah! There you guys are!”

The both of us turned around as the rest of our group caught up with us. Miyazawa Misaki waved while Takahashi Tsukasa greeted us with a smile.

“Yoshida-kun, Nishimura-kun.”

“Hey, Miyazawa-san, Takahashi-san.”

I waved at them while Satoshi nodded.

“Thanks for inviting us along on this trip!”

“Don’t worry. We needed somebody to carry our bags for us anyway.”

“I hope you won’t trip yourself up during this trip,” I muttered. The two girls stared at me before Satoshi jabbed me with his elbow.

“Don’t mind Yuu. His jokes are a bit eccentric.”

“Ha ha ha, isn’t that right, Mi-chan?” Tsukasa asked as she giggled. Misaki shrugged.

“Yoshida-kun does have the weird sense of humor.”

“Ha ha…well, let’s check in.”

Satoshi and I were about to haul the bags in when a foreigner dashed across us, grumbling something as he cut across the queue. The customers in front of us, a group of Arabians with white headdresses and robes, were taken aback by his sudden intrusion.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“Eh…I’m sorry, sir, but…”

“Oh, fuck off, you terrorists! I can’t believe they’re still allowing you to travel! I’m glad Trump placed a travel ban on your country!”

“Trump is about to get trumped,” I muttered in English. The rest of my friends stared at me, not sure what I had just said. Unlike me, they didn’t understand English.

“Uh…we’re queuing in line here…”

The foreigner seemed to be a white man from the United States who was turning white with fury as he confronted the Arabians.

“Well, just fuck off, you terrorists. I’m in a hurry. Be glad no one’s deporting you from here.”

Snarling, he shoved ahead of the Arabians and slammed his luggage onto the conveyor belt before tossing his passport at the shocked staff.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Customer, but those men lined up first…”

“So what? They are terrorists. We Americans should have priority in the queue.”

“I’m afraid that’s not how it works…”

“You telling me you’re siding with terrorists now? Is Japan on the side of ISIS?”

“Someone’s clearly woken up on the wrong side of bed today,” I remarked.

Fortunately, a bunch of security personnel came over to “escort” the raving lunatic away and allow the Arabians to proceed in line. Thankfully, with everything restored in order, it didn’t take long before we could proceed to check in as well.

“What was that all about?” Tsukasa asked as we proceeded through the gate.

“A racist racing to the front of the queue.”

Everyone stared at me, and Tsukasa sighed.

“Sorry, forget I ask.”

Unfortunately, we weren’t given much time to forget about the incident because that very same man barged right through the gate, shouting as he waved his hand-carry around.

“Which one of you did it?!” he was screaming. The security guards tried to approach, but he kept them at bay with his bag. “Who stole my souvenir?!”

“A thief,” I replied. Satoshi rolled his eyes.

“I dare you to say that to his face.”

“A thief!” I shouted. The man turned on me, almost frothing.

“Obviously! But who’s the thief?”

I shrugged.

Furious, the man stomped around, intimidating a group of poor kids who were staring at him in fascination. Their mother quickly escorted them away, but he continued to bear down on them.

“Was it you, brat? Are you the thief?”

“Hi….!”

“Stop screaming and answer me!”

I had enough. Shaking my head, I proceeded toward the man and firmly placed myself between him and the children.

“Excuse me, sir…but what exactly did you lose?

“I’ll be asking the questions, kid,” the Caucasian man snarled. “Who are you?”

“Yuu.”

I heard that most Western countries such as America and Europe tended to introduce themselves by their given names, so to be polite, that was what I did.

However, the man looked annoyed.

“No, not me! You!”

“Yes, I am Yuu.”

I tilted my head and feigned confusion as the Caucasian man grew increasingly infuriated.

“Just answer the damn question, you cheeky brat! Who are you?”

“I’ve already told you. I’m Yuu.”

“Are you a fucking idiot?”

Nope, I was just trolling you. Not that it would be prudent to give the game away. Plastering what I hoped was an innocent smile, I shook my head.

“No, Yuu is confused.”

“I’m not confused, you’re the one who’s confused!”

“That is what I just said,” I replied patiently.

“You just said what?” the man demanded, thoroughly confused. Oh, the irony.

“I said that Yuu is confused…”

“What the hell are you saying now?!”

“No, I’m just trying to answer…”

“Oh, shut up!”

Irritated, the man glanced up just in time to see my friends approaching. They stopped when his gaze fell upon them. He pointed toward them.

“You!”

“Yeah?” I piped up.

“Not you, her!” the man snapped. He glared at Misaki, who looked more amused than intimidated. “What’s your name?”

“Mi.”

“Yes, you!”

“I am Mi,” Misaki replied with a smile. Good God, she was enjoying this. I couldn’t help but grin.

“She’s Mi and I am Yuu.”

“And I’m about to kick your ass, kid, because I’m sick of playing games!” the Caucasian man was jabbing his finger at me before gesticulating wildly. “You, me, everyone’s asses!”

“That’s enough, sir.”

“You’re making too much of a ruckus.”

The security guards had enough of his antics and were firmly escorting the ranting lunatic away, by physical force if necessary. While he screamed and thrashed about, Misaki and I shared a high five.

“That was quite the…interesting experience.”

“Indeed.” Reaching into my bag, I took out a bag of Japanese white chocolate that I had pilfered from the American’s bag. “Shiroi Koibito, anyone?”