After waking up in the infant body I figured out the problem… I can’t control it. The body isn’t developed at the moment so any attempt to do anything is useless. This, is really a crisis. And a situation in which I’ve never wanted to be in to begin with. Fuck that bastard. Why do I…

Wait. I’m an idiot. Ah~ stupid me why didn’t I think sooner!?

Being stranded in a body which for the moment I have no control off made me remember the issue which I somehow forgot. I was killed! Killed by that “god” so that he could place me in this world, to fight his war! God fucking dammit! I shouldn’t exist, I’m ashamed now. How could I forget the issue at hand, am I a fucking kid!? I really fell into his trap… That bastard, I’m going to kill him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad about him taking me away from my life on earth. I don’t really regret for that life. Yes, I had friends and things to do, but I can’t say it was a great life to have. Why?

I was an orphan since I was 15. (oh boo freaking hoo me… not!) I was left with money the parent had so I did manage to live by. I finished both high school and university (IT, not really special eh?). I went travelling along the way, had friends, a fair amount of ex’s, and in the end got a stable job. In these 26 years of my life I managed to somehow live my life to the fullest, yet it was… Slow? But fuck that, what’s in the past is already over. What bothers me that I was killed. And no, this I won’t just leave in the past. Was it necessary to kill me? Did it have to be me?

It really doesn’t feel right. Beasts and Demons. Am I really needed in this? He didn’t really explain much, but it is also my fault for not asking (retard me). I’m not even sure that I can just kill a living being. At least I’m certain I can’t do it now. But when the time comes, could I kill? Ah this isn’t good. I really fucked up. My head hurts…

Ah~ it’s been a week and I still can’t calm down. I tried distracting myself by looking at the surroundings. But it was slightly embarrassing. I was nursed by some young girl (20-something is young, no?), of course as a man I’d be happy but I’m currently in a body of an infant. So it’s really not a happy moment (not my fetish to go for those who feed me).

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So with that my plan to distract myself failed and I continued to think about my predicament. With a lot of free time you get to think about a lot of things naturally. And I hate it at this point. After thinking about what happened at the meeting with that… thing (I will no longer call that fucker a god), I realized that I was made fun of. Killing me, using my face and then baiting me with prizes. I really fell for his tricks, but it’s to be expected. A “god”-like existence and for him to not use some tricks to hinder my thought process, he must be laughing like crazy out there.  

This process of thinking led me to a simple conclusion. I will not trust what he said. I’ll play along the role I was given for now. But I won’t stop looking for the truth, it’s not that I don’t trust that fucker explicitly. I don’t trust the humanity as well. Let’s be honest, humans are a wretched race (me included). We lie, betray, exploit for our own gain. It’s the fact. So I can’t follow the truth before I see it myself.

Ugh, I think Ani would scold me like crazy for thinking like this again. I wonder how is she holding, I hope she’s fine even after my death. The reason I was in Poland was to visit her (she’s my friend so don’t get delusional), but to die on my way there… I hope she isn’t feeling guilty or anything. If she’s mad that would be fine, but if she’s sad I could never forgive myself. And that fucker-

I wonder how my things are being dealt with, my house, money, my pc. (If you think I’m gonna scream in agony because there is something humiliating on my web history or something. Nope, I’m safe) I never wrote a will, not like I expected to die anyways. I just hope it goes to some good use.

Well… What’s done is done, not like I can affect my former life anyways. Now I’m here in this new world, and I might as well try to enjoy it.