Richard meets up with Dan at The Bar in downtown Manhattan.
“It’s been ten years, Richard – ten years, since I’ve kissed a woman.”
“I lost my wife back in 2033. So, what’s that? – nine, ten years ago?”
“Eleven.” The bar tender said while drying a glass.
“Eleven then.”
“To eleven,” Dan said while raising his glass, happy to find something else to toast to. Joe mirrored him before downing another beer.
“But what’s the point of comparing numbers?” asked a voice.
Both men turned left to face their questioner.
“What’s the point of anything?” Dan asserted snidely.
“Ah, now that’s something to think about,” said the silver-haired man, “For what has man ever worked for if not to earn the praises of women? And from what has he ever found motive for anything if not from the deeply embedded need to call one his own?”
Richard and Dan gave each other confused glances before the latter spoke: “We’re not trying to get philosophical here, mister.”
“Now that,” the man said with a shake of his finger, “that is perhaps the only thing we can do. Philosophy: that is the one exception to the rule. For philosophy has been a solace to those under the same misfortune as we – to those who long for the company of woman.”
“Well you can keep it to yourself, sir,” said Richard, “We’re just trying to have a beer if you don’t mind.”
The old man surrendered and turned away.
Now, perhaps it was the old man, or perhaps the truth that he spoke of, but whichever it might’ve been, Dan found himself thinking. “I just miss her is all. That was the point.” He looked at his comrade before he took another swig of his beer. “I just miss her.”
Brian enters the bar and sits next to Richard.
“Sorry I’m late, fellas; work kept me up.”
“No worries,” Richard said, “any word on the investigation?”
“Nothing. In fact, I just got off a call where someone had reported a woman sighting – said that they spotted a medium height individual with curiously shiny hair.” Brian gave an eye roll that confirmed the lead to be exactly as it sounded, “A few years ago I would’ve completely ignored anything like this, but…” he looked at his two friends, “It’s the best I can do to be optimistic.”
“Well then here’s to optimism,” Dan said while lifting his glass. His friends followed suit.
Since it was his first drink, Brian was the last to finish his serving. Dan and Joe watched his throat work before he put his glass down with a bang. “It’s just unbelievable. How can we seriously be out of women? The entire department, no, the entire government has brought it upon themselves to find them – and what do we have to show for it? Not even one.
“Perhaps they all sailed away together to get away from us,” said the bar tender. All three men looked up at the young man peevishly, which put a pause to his activity. “I mean…”
“You don’t know what you mean, boy,” said Dan, “you think this is a joke?”
The boy’s cheeks turned bright red as a noticeable gulp traveled down his throat. His failure at tact was an implicit trespass that every seasoned server would’ve been aware of – and it was something that he himself was becoming aware of too. “Of course not, sir. I’m sorry, it was wrong of me to say.”
“Damn right it was,” Richard said sternly.
Realizing that the young man had already cut his tip in half, he thought it best to save his words and remove himself. So, after bowing out, he collected his glasses and looked for another place to finish cleaning them.
“Wait,” Brian said, getting the bar tender to turn around. He then lifted his empty mug and waved it in the air with added annoyance.
After the three men were left with filled glasses, they remained quiet while each contemplated the same thing. Dan was the next to speak: “But seriously, where do you think they are, Brian?”
“Well, that’s the other thing. It’s been a little over a decade and we haven’t a single clue.”
As if not having paid attention to what was just said, Richard spoke up in a sentimental tone. “You know, I remember when Jackie would always make me bring things that I would never think to bring – to the airport, the beach, the opera, anywhere. I called it her just-in-case instinct. It was the cause of the extra towel, the extra snacks, the extra sun screen, the binoculars – because, you know, just in case. This used to annoy the hell out of me, but now I kind of get it.” He looked up to the ceiling as if offering a plead to god. “Oh, what I would give just to have that in my life again.”
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
Brian gave several emphatic nods. “I know what you mean, Richard. Suzan did the same thing…It sure was fortunate when I always had an extra pair of clothes in the trunk. One time I spilled coffee all over my shirt before a meeting and had rushed to the store before I remembered that there was another in the car. Saved me a pretty penny.”
Richard just finished pouring down a hefty amount. “Ahh! Where are the women? Surely this is the end of humanity.”
“It surely is,” Dan agreed, “But wait a second, Richard, I have a question – it was before we got interrupted by that old man.” Richard set his beer down to offer his full attention. “Have you really not kissed a woman since your wife?”
“Honestly haven’t. But I don’t see how you could’ve…It seemed that they all vanished at the same time.”
“Hmm, true enough.”
“So how did you, Dan?” Brian chimed in.
“How did I?”
“By how you’re talking I take it that you’ve had the fortune of meeting – and kissing – another woman.”
Dan considered his response as his fingers played on the rim of his mug. “It was unusual. I found her in an abandoned home. Or at least, it looked abandoned…”
“You’re serious?” asked Richard. “You found a woman and you’re just now telling us?”
Brian nudged Richard to hush and urged the other to finish his story.
“It was an apartment in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I don’t know what made me go in that particular residence. It could’ve been any of them. And it wasn’t like I was looking for a place to just let myself in. But for some reason, by some twist of fate, I went in…”
Brian and Richard were now looking at Dan wide-eyed with expectation. They came at him at the same time: “Aaaannnd?”
“Well she was there. With her child. A baby girl.” Dan’s eyes were beginning to moisten as he formed the type of frown that fought against hard emotion. To Richard and Brian, it was a sufficient ending to his story. For while is wasn’t clear how long Dan had spent with them, two things were at once obvious. One was that they had eventually parted like the rest of the women; and the second was that it showed to be (as it unmistakably was) a greater loss than that of his original wife.
Dan rubs at his eye while trying to be discrete about it. “Life is just better with women.”
“That’s for sure,” said Brian.
“Hey, I think we can all drink to that,” Richard said in his best cheering-up manner, “here’s to women and the assurance that our lives will always be worse in their absence.”
Quick laughter rolled through the group while each held up their mugs in musketeerian gusto, as if they all couldn’t be in more agreement. But right as Brian was about to drink, something suddenly caught his eye at the entrance. It was to a person, a familiar sway – a bob of the hip that was characteristically feminine.
His eyes narrowed. “Is that a woman?”
Dan choked on his beer before dropping his mug on the table. “It can’t be.” His words came automatically; but despite his surety he quickly rotated for a backward glance. “Absolutely not.”
Richard had made the same movement before putting a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Now Brian, haven’t we already had a toast to your optimism?” Richard and Dan both started chuckling. Brian however wasn’t wavered; he knew what he saw. He’d been a keen observer of it all his life. Marriage did something to change him for a while, but that was only for a while.
He then rose from his chair and approached the standing figure at the bar. He gave a tap to the shoulder. “Excuse me.”
When their eyes met he felt even more confident in his guesswork. For even if he hadn’t considered the all-too-soft appeal of the cheeks, there was a gentle confusion in the eyes that gave him reassurance – something he’d only recognized in a woman’s may-I-help-you? face.
“A woman!”
In an instant, the sustained tone of bar-chat was reduced to several objects set in motion: the ringing of coin drops on the floor and the clacking of pool balls under misfire. Everyone’s attention centered on the mid-height figure with a ball cap and baggy overalls – whose then wide eyes only seemed to affirm the sudden exclamation.
Without a word, she quickly made for the door and busted through the threshold, leaving everyone at the bar utterly stupefied. When Brian finally came to his senses, he started off toward the door in pursuit, gathering some of the witnesses in his wake.
Once outside, Brian shouted for her to stop; but the woman showed no signs of slowing down.
As Brian was closing the distance, she made a sharp cut into an ally that he knew came to an end. This was it, he thought to himself, there was no escaping now. Knowing this, Brian slowed down to conserve his energy before rounding the corner.
“Stop!” the woman demanded. She had turned around to face Brian as he entered the closed ally, realizing then that the only way out was going through him.
Brian automatically raised his hands as to show she wasn’t under attack. “I just want to know what’s going on.” While he said this, a few others were catching up behind him; and the woman reacted by taking three steps back.
“Yeah, where are our wives?” one of them asked with labored breath.
“Stop!” she shouted again, “You don’t understand. If they find me the-
All of a sudden, a white beam flashed in front of her that caused everyone to blink. And when they opened their eyes, the woman was gone.
:::
At a royal palace far away.
“You found another one then?”
“Yes, she was at a local bar when some guy blew her cover.”
Why didn’t we catch her before?”
“She must’ve had shorter hair and less girlish features as a child.” The young god shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes they’re hard to distinguish from boys.”
“Very well. At least you’ve captured her. Well done, Cupid.”
“Yup, she’s being teleported to the Bubble Square as we speak.”
“Very good,” she said as she began to stride off.
“Oh, Venus…I know it’s not really my place, but if I may ask, why are we taking all of earth’s women?”
The goddess quickly turned to face her son as though to answer plainly, but a downward glance made it seem that it was a thing to be remembered. “I lost a bet to Zeus,” she said finally, “and any time one of us loses, the other can ask for a truth or dare.” The small corners of her mouth suddenly grew into smile. “I chose dare.”
“So, what then? He dared you to destroy earth by taking all the wide-hipped species?”
No, not exactly, the destroying earth part sort of came as a fortunate side effect,” her eyes became dark at her next thought. “No,” she said softly, “he actually dared me to have fun.”