“OOOOOHHHH… Ahhhhhh…” Meran couldn’t help but stare at the big buildings and new sights. There were so many big people, and all of them looked so different from each other. Also, there were so many signs. His da had told him about what a lot of those signs meant. Like, the one with a foaming mug was for a tavern. And, the one with the anvil was the blacksmith. And, the one with the figure of a woman… Well, Meran didn’t know what that one meant, but all the women hanging out from the window had seemed super friendly, blowing him kisses and winking at him. Meran blushed a bit, wondering if the women had realized that he could see their boobies…
Still, Meran was enjoying his first visit to the city of Serenthal immensely. Mister Jaeger had said it was good to see the city to learn more about the world and that it would help Meran with his Wilabouwus. So far, Meran hadn’t been disappointed. Looking at some kind of market stand off to the side that was selling meat pies of some sort, Meran felt his mouth watering. He wondered if Mister Jaeger…
“UFFFFF!” Meran bounced back, having run into something, and he turned around a bit surprised.
There were two men standing there, and the one, who Meran had run into, looked down at him with a scowl. The scruffy looking man growled, “Watch it shorty!”
Meran’s eyes widened and he backed away, stuttering, “So…so…sorr….sorry…”
Unfortunately, that just made the man smile nastily. “Hey, Bo… Look at this little midget… Can’t even ‘pologise properly… Think he owes us? I mean, my leg’s hurtin’ where he hit me…”
The other man, a bit bigger looking, with a sloping forehead and close set eyes grinned stupidly, “Yeah…duhh… he owe us… uhhh…”
Meran began trembling a bit. These men reminded him of the mean men from the forest.
Just then… “Is there a problem here?”
Meran glanced behind the men and saw Mr. Jaeger… who looked very angry. Kind of like how he looked when Meran had first met him.
Richard was in a foul mood. It had taken three whole days to get back to the city, even though most of the days had been spent walking constantly. Part of the reason was due to Meran being a bit slow over long distances, but the other reason was behind him: a donkey. He had bought the stupid beast to help him transport all his loot, but the animal had turned out be more than a bit obstinate, throwing fits whenever it wanted and generally acting like an… ass.
But now, even the stupid idiots in the city were starting to piss Richard off. Take for example the two thugs, who were now threatening Meran. They reminded Richard of some two bit street gangsters from back home, who acted like they were all that just because they had a couple tattoos and walked around with their pants hanging below their butts and with a cheap, imitation handgun stuck in their waistbands, pointing toward their crotches. It was like they never thought about what would happen if the gun accidentally misfired or something.
After the crazy bastards and monsters that Richard had fought in the marshlands and the forest, these morons were… just an eyesore. So… “Like I said, is there a problem here?”
Richard thought he pulled it off correctly… the slight scowl, the annoyed tone, and the narrowed eyes. Unfortunately, the thugs didn’t seem to take the hint. The normal looking, oval faced thug wannabe just briefly turned around and snarled, “Mind yer own business! We’re discussin’ some impurtent facts with the shorty, here!”
Richard revised his estimate of the thugs, knocking them down to petty neighborhood trash, who bothered little old ladies and stole people’s dogs. “That shorty is with me. So, once again, you idiots got a problem?!”
Both men turned around scowling… until Richard pulled his short sword part way out of his inventory… while grinning his evil smile.
To the men, it seemed like the sword was appearing out of thin air, but that wasn’t important part. Seeing Richard suddenly tense up with what looked like ‘crazy eyes,’ a sadistic smile, and a willingness to go at it in the middle of a busy street, they knew how to leave well enough alone…. The slightly smarter looking one mumbled, “Ahh… No… no problem here, right Bo?”
The other one, who looked a bit intellectually deficient, looked between his friend and Richard before saying, “Duhh… But Ful, you said shorty did wrong…”
Ful suddenly grabbed the big guy and pulled him away, furiously muttering something. Richard let them go, while he pushed his sword back into his inventory. When they were far enough away, he sighed, thankful the threat had worked. Actually attacking them in the middle of a busy street would have been a bit too dangerous and stupid. Around him, he noticed a few people, who quickly looked away when their eyes met his.
“EEEEHAAA! EEEHHAAA!” Of course, the donkey began to protest right about that time….
“Meran, calm Stinker down, will ya?” Richard had realized Meran was almost like a jack of all trades when it came to animals and the countryside. So, Richard had left most of what he thought of as a ‘supporter’ role up to Meran. It reminded him of a manga from the earth, where the MC had a halfling supporter. But looking at the, child like, clueless face starting up at him, Richard couldn’t see Meran calmly following him around while he killed hordes of evil beasts. Still… the halfling had done a pretty good job of taking care of other things so far.
“Yes sir, Mr. Jaeger!” Happily shouting in his high pitched voice, Meran skipped over to the donkey and began whispering to it as he calmly stroked its head.
Richard sighed and shrugged. It wasn’t like he was a farm boy, and working in a convenience store, you really didn’t learn how to tend to animals… unless you counted the crazy, doped up people that showed up in the middle of the night to grab a dozen of the partially cooked hot dogs at the to go counter.
“Well lad, you seem to have moved up a bit in the world since we last met.” The familiar voice caught Richard’s attention, and he turned around, only to find himself staring at Master Haroken, standing nearby with a smile on his craggy face.
“Haroken, you old thief, how have you been?” Richard held out his right hand and genuinely smiled back at the stable master, considering the man had been a big help so far… well, excluding the incident with the ‘Shit Monster.’
Grabbing Richard’s hand in a tight grasp, the stable master wryly grinned, “Fine enough, though it’s been a tad bit busy with the mess ya left behind. My boys were complaining all last week ‘bout havin’ to scrub down the horse shit ya left coated on the yard grounds and building walls.”
Richard felt his smile twist up a bit into a sardonic one. “Well, it’s not my fault that you let some idiots experiment with a pile of manure, is it?”
The stable master shook his head and still smiling, asked, “I heard from Master Mulfow that you went out to Ortesse to get some training done. It looks like that’s true, but who’s the little guy?”
Before Richard could answer, Meran excitedly answered, “Hi, I’m Meran! Mister Jaeger saved me, and now I’m travelling with him!”
Stable master Haroken cocked an eyebrow up in question and looked at Richard, who suddenly wished he had some duct tape to seal the halfling’s mouth with. Clearing his throat, Richard said, “Yeah… I ran into some trouble out there. Helped him out in the process. It’s one of the reasons I’m heading to the Guard fortress to talk to Captain Finovin. Well, that and I gotta check in with him to have him sign off on my pass.”
As they began walking, Haroken chuckled wryly and said, “He might be surprised that you made it back.”
Richard scowled and replied, “No doubt, he’ll be happy to know that I’m back so he can still fleece me for the stupid fine. It’s partially why he stuck me with that stupid pass, you know. Every guard post I passed, I had to check in with some fool in charge to make sure they could keep track of me. Well… at the last post, the local officer in charge ended up… ah… passing away. So, his replacement took care of things.”
Richard accidentally let that slip, and when he felt Haroken’s eyes suddenly boring into him, Richard looked away as suavely as possible, pretending to observe the scenery passing by. Finally, the stable master said, “Must have been a bit interesting there….”
Richard shrugged, still avoiding looking at the stable master. “Well… one guardsman is the same as another, not so?”
Haroken’s reply was a bit mumbled, but Richard though he heard, “Maybe… Maybe not.”
Deciding to redirect the conversation, Richard turned back to the stable master and asked, “Got a favor to ask you. You think you can take care of Stinker back there at the stables?” Right on cue, the donkey started making a racket, and Meran’s sing song voice interrupted, trying to calm the stupid animal down.
Harkoken turned around briefly before looking back at Richard with an enigmatic smile. “I’m guessing you mean the donkey and not the halfling…”
Richard snickered as they crossed the drawbridge leading into the guard fortress.
Finally getting to the large lobby/hall from the first day took some time, but when he did, he had Meran tagging along still ‘oohing’ and ‘awwwing.’ Most of the guardsman looked at the halfling with amused faces and gave Richard the critical ‘you look like shit’ glare. Of course, Richard wasn’t about to downplay the ragged, bloody state of his brigandine armor and his clothes. It was all part of the show… to squeeze out the maximum rewards for all his bounties. So, grinning like a madman, he jauntily made his way past the two fully, plate armored guardsman standing guard at the hall doors.
This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Inside, it was as noisy and busy as he last remembered the place being. This time around, he was at least able to make out some of the differences. Here and there, he saw merchants negotiating with sharp eyed guardsmen, while other ‘paper pusher’ guardsmen dealt with stacks of paperwork. In the corner, he saw a few harassed looking men and women dealing with some less prosperously dressed individuals, and from what he could tell, there was a long line of people leading out through a side door of some sort.
Interestingly enough, Richard also made out a few other elves and halflings in the crowded hall, but his eyes kept looking for the ‘one.’ He had a few plans for the little bastard, but unfortunately, most of them were useless in such a place. Still…
“So, you’re back then.” The familiar, gruff voice caught Richard’s attention, and he suddenly stopped, causing Meran to run into him.
“Ouch… What did you do that for Mister Jaeger?”
Ignoring the halfling’s whiny complaint, Richard focused on the muscular guardsman, who was sitting at a nearby, wooden desk. The man fit the desk like a gorilla belonged in a suit, but the square jawed face was very familiar. Richard tilted his head a bit perplexed….
The guardsman put down his metal stylus that looked like a toothpick in his hands and solemnly looked Richard up and down. “You seem a bit beat up, adventurer. It might be a good idea to come in next time properly attired.”
Suddenly, Richard remembered: Mr. Prim and Proper. This was the guardsman, who had effortlessly plucked Richard off the table, before he could get to the… to the ‘one.’ “Um… hello?”
The guardsman calmly glanced at Meran, who was staring back with wide eyes, before saying, “The captain’s available if that’s what you’re here for.”
“Eh… heh… heh… ahhh… thanks.” Awkwardly, Richard slipped away dragging Meran along and made it to the captain’s closed door. The plain looking male ‘secretary,’ who was seated nearby looked up… and looked back down with replying. The last time Richard had been here had been before his trip to Ortesse. He had waited about thirty or so minutes, before the secretary had finally asked what he was waiting for. That had been… a bit infuriating.
This time around, Richard turned around and told Meran, “Go ahead and wait out here… I have some business to discuss with the captain.”
Meran’s mouth formed a wide ‘O,’ and he said. “Wow, Mr. Jaeger. You know the Guard captain?”
Out of the corner of his eyes, Richard saw the emotionless secretary raise an eyebrow and stop writing for a bit.
Coughing a bit uncomfortably, Richard replied, “Ahhh… Kind of… Anyway, like I said, wait out here… and… ahhh… don’t bother the people in the fancy outfits.”
“Okey dokey, Mr. Jaeger.” Meran’s reply didn’t exactly fill Richard with confidence, but sighing, he decided it was finally time to enter the lion’s den.
Straightening out his torn up brigandine armor, he knocked on the door and waited until he heard an “Enter!” Letting out a deep breath, he walked in.
A couple minutes later, he was patiently standing in front of the familiar, blonde elf, who was scanning through Richard’s pass and the letter from Ortesse for the fifth time. Richard was a bit annoyed… it was like he wasn’t trusted or something.
Finally, the elf looked up. “So… Let me get this right, Mr. Jaeger. You made it to Ortesse after defeating a pack of grassards, met with Sergeant Cothers to get your pass signed, went hunting for Blood Vipers in the marshlands with a disgraced, former guardsman, killed what I think is a class C beast in the forest, then killed some bandits, rescued a halfling, showed back up in Ortesse, and met with Sergeant Cothers, who… suddenly died from the shock of your news?”
Richard nervously looked at the elf and said, “Uhh… yes?”
Captain Finovin calmly laid the paperwork on his desk and steepled his him fingers in front of him before saying, “If I didn’t have Guardsman… let’s see… ah yes… Guardsman Mever’s testimony here, I wouldn’t believe half of that… dare I say horse shit.”
Though Richard felt a little ticked off at the suspicion… he decided to stay quiet. Truthfully, some of the letter written by Guardsman Mever had been a bit guided by Richard’s own perspective of things… Well, to be honest, the guardsman had pretty much written whatever Richard had told him to. It was amazing how desperate low level staff were to avoid responsibility when they found out their boss had been doing a big ‘no no.’
All it took was a few hints and out loud questions about what the ‘big wigs’ back in Serenthal would think of such corruption for the innocent, naïve guardsman Mever to pretty much dance to Richard’s tune. Of course, by the end of it, the guardsman had lost most of his naivety. Richard figured he had done the boy a favor in any case… Richard had figured reality was a bitch, and the sooner the guardsman learned that, the better he would be for it.
Captain Finovin spoke aloud again, “Still… It seems as though you have done Serenthal a service with your actions.” Though the elf said it mostly straight faced, Richard wondered if he had seen a quick up lift of the elf’s lips… But quickly decided that was impossible….
“So… About the bounty?” Richard wasn’t going to let that go, no matter how much praise the captain spat out.
Captain Finovin raised an eyebrow before stating, “Guardsman Mever here confirms your grassard and Blood Viper kills in his letter, so you could collect three silver per grassard and five silver per Blood Viper. As for the boar… unfortunately, there wasn’t a bounty on the creature, though we knew it lived in the forest. That’ll still give you 180 silver Vales total or about 10 gold Vales. If I deduct that from what is left of your fine, you still owe about… lets say an even three gold Vales.”
Most people would have been pissed, knowing they had risked their lives only to have the ‘man’ take all the rewards in lieu of fines, but Richard was in a good mood. For one thing, he had all the loot from all the dead bandits/slavers. Even though the stuff was a bit bloody even after a good wash, he knew he could sell it for a decent amount. Number two, the bandits/slavers had actually been modestly well off, so he had about six or so gold stashed in his inventory. Of course, he could have gotten more if he had been greedy, but he had let Nevel keep the weasely boss merchant’s purse in exchange for the jeweled dagger.
So, in the end, he was in a good mood, because HIS FRICKIN FINES WERE PAID OFF! He felt like break dancing in front of the elf and mooning the bastard… but reality told him that would be a baaadddd idea. Instead Richard said, “Yes, sir. And I have a just enough to pay those three golds…”
Captain Finovin leaned back in his chair and said, “Indeed… I congratulate your Mr. Jaeger. Luck seems to have been on your side these past few weeks. To think you earned 20 gold in that time is a bit amazing, especially when a modest merchant hopes to make that much in profit in a couple months. Well done, indeed.”
Richard smiled stiffly and replied, “Sooo… I guess that means my business with the Guard is done… not so?”
The elf tilted his head off to one side and said, “Yes, very much so in regards to the fine. However, there is some work that I may have coming up… Your more adventurous outing tells me that you may find the ‘job’ a bit interesting. Do you think you might be interested?”
Richard felt a bit nervous seeing Captain’s eyes suddenly take on a predatory gleam, and for a second, he thought about refusing right off the bat… But then, he remembered who he was talking to: the Captain in command of the whole friggin Guard. Doing a favor for the man could be helpful in the future… or harmful if Richard refused. So, he whispered, “Sure… why not…”
The captain grinned, though the smiled lacked any goodwill or humor. “Good… See my secretary outside, and he’ll give you a receipt for the fine once you pay it off… And come see me tomorrow. I’ll have more details about your… little ‘job.’”
By the time Richard got out of the office, he was sweating… His ego was back down on the ground like it had been stomped there, and he wondered if this was the world’s way of telling him that he had been getting a bit too arrogant. Still, Richard didn’t think the ‘job’ would be that bad… at least he hoped so.
Outside the office, he suddenly saw… two Merans. They were hugging each other and laughing in their high pitched voices. Richard blinked a few times and then rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was hallucinating again… One little demon was bad enough, but two…
Then the second Meran turned around… and he had green eyes and a button like nose…
“YOU!!” Richard yelled, while pointing the right index finger of his right hand at the ‘one!’
The halfling grinned evilly and took up a guard stance. “I heard ye were here stranger! Lookin’ a bit grubby aren’t ya? Hah!”
“Why, you little….!” Richard felt his blood pressure going up, and the poison icon showed up in the corner of his vision as he began to pull up his inventory to get to his hunting dagger.
Then Meran piped up, smiling broadly. “Look Mr. Jaeger, it’s Cousin Welks!”