I can't figure out what that sound is? Dogs? Pigeons? Seagulls? Someone turn that off! I want to go back to sleep, what's going on?!!!!

It was hard, but I had to open my eyes. Where was I? Wasn't I going somewhere? Where was I going? Exactly to the store to prepare my royal dinner of the lost Protestant, against the foundations of society and social order.

How did I end up in that field? And what was that sound? I think I'm missing something.....

I forgot something, something very important, maybe I should have called someone? By the way, where's my phone?

God!!! That's right, I have a deadline in a couple of days to turn in my project, and I have nothing done, I need to get to work soon, or I will not have the benefits of a capitalist society.

Hmmmmm, that's obviously not what I forgot. Deadlines are certainly very important, but there is something much more important. I can't remember, but I'm sure it's much more important than even a call from... No, I don't want to be sad on such a nice morning, or I'm like Sartre's character from Nausea, longing for lost love. Of course, I was attracted to the image of such a social outcast, who suffers from his incredibly high intelligence and global purpose in this world, but I was well aware that between us there is a huge gap. Shit, what had I forgotten?

You know, the habit of smoking cigarettes develops, far from biological reasons. In short, we have a special organ in our endocrine system which produces nicotine and if we start smoking, it stops producing it. But it is solved by a minimum effort of will. The problem is in the head and in the rituals - smoking after eating, smoking when leaving home for work, smoking after sex. You do that a couple of times and that's it, you're trapped.

I didn't consciously form the dumbest ritual I've ever had. I was lucky enough to skip the teenage smoking period, I started dabbling in cigarettes when I was 17 at my first office job. I smoked one in the morning while walking in the park to the subway and thinking about the day ahead, and one at the end of the day on the balcony analyzing my life and thinking about the most important events.

And it got to the point where I can't concentrate properly without cigarettes. I need a cigarette!

My head is dizzy as hell, my phone is gone, I have a deadline at work soon, I forgot something important, and I'm somehow in some field near the beach.Great Sunday, I'm not even sure if it's Sunday. On the other hand at least something is going on.

Collecting the drops of willpower, which had evaporated from my body since high school graduation, well, that willpower is not needed, to fight with society, enough determination and that's all. Willpower is needed plankton in the office! Yes my logic is very strong, I have to concentrate and remember something, not to realize over and over again how pathetic I am.

So, after gathering some strength, I decided to look around. I found myself on a small hill, behind it was a large field that stretched far beyond the horizon, and behind the hill a couple of hundred meters stretched a huge beach. It must have been a deserted beach, because there was no sign of anyone resting on it.

I had to figure out where I was and how I got here. I searched my pockets and to my surprise I found a cigarette, which I lacked so much.

When I got down to the beach, I sat down on a cold rock in the shade and smoked a cigarette to think about and understand what had happened.

I had several temptations to be sad again, but the circumstances were as inappropriate as possible. The situation was really critical, and although I kept myself in check, I was very scared.

At times like this, I could physically feel the panic attacking me. To get all these nasty emotions and feelings out of me, I stood up and kicked the stone with all my might. The stone continued to stand as it did, and a dull pain pierced my entire body.

I screamed....

Such moments are very important, because without communication with people and with as much reflection as I have, a mountain of emotions accumulates that have nowhere to go. Of course you can sing songs or dance, but what is the point of dancing if you are already dead? Wait, what?

Dead..... I felt an animal fear and trembling overcome my body. I'm dead, how is that? Why this thought so clearly flashed through my head.

Fucking!!!!!!!!!!! I got hit by a truck! Hahahaha hit by a truck.... I'm dead, I'm really dead!!!! What the hell, there's so much I didn't get to do. I had to buy my parents a new house, fly my mom to London, buy a bunch of cool stuff I didn't have, my little brother.

To reconcile with Diana, to fix things with my friends, to create a company that would change the world. So many more books to read and movies to watch what the hell!

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

This is utter nonsense, just stupidity and injustice on a global scale. I lived a stupid and gray life, I had no luck with my talents or my looks, I wasn't the best at anything, I didn't grab the stars from the sky.

All my projects failed, I was never lucky, I never won any raffles, and when I did, it turned out to be a fraud. Why, but why was I not only never lucky, but I also died. What stupid nonsense. Okay, if I had saved someone with my life, you could have made a cheap teen TV series about it. But a truck in a crosswalk. Wasn't anyone luckier than me? Alas but yes, hahaha even here I'm not the best. Awesome.

According to Heidegger, one becomes oneself at the moment of death, because one will never be able to change again. This is why, by the way, Sartre says that hell is others, because for them we are constants in the moment, although for ourselves we become such only at the moment of death.

Well, huh, to sum it up, for me personally, I am the most disgusting person. Jealous, cowardly, insecure, and evil - there's no changing it now, it's over. I'll never be able to fix it again, for all my acquaintances and loved ones I'll remain that way forever.

You know, I used to get angry when people told me I was kind, I thought that was a characteristic of stupid people, but now I wouldn't mind someone saying that I was a kind person. It's probably the only characteristic that fits me, even a little bit. Except I don't think of myself that way.

Seventy percent of the time I was kind just to get something from other people. Not material things, but rather mental things, but nevertheless. Therefore, I am not a kind person at all.

In my lifetime I gave very little joy to people, and because I was drab, even my death will not bring positive emotions to anyone. My parents will be hurt, and all my close friends will be uncomfortable for a while.

No pluses in this situation almost none, except that the project can not give up and you can not pay debts. Great, but what can you do, but the main question is where am I????

If heaven is a field and a beach, that's cool, but then it turns out to be overrated in the Bible. And why did I go to heaven? I've done too few bad things for hell, but I've done just enough for purgatory. Doesn't this place look like purgatory, and why doesn't anyone meet a person like me here?

Really, if this is some kind of afterlife, why am I alone here? We need to look for someone.

I walked down to the water; surprisingly, the sun wasn't burning at all, which was good, because I didn't like sunbathing. I took off my worn sneakers and soaked my feet in the water. Never in my entire life, and certainly not in the afterlife, had the seawater been so warm.

If you look closely, the water was as transparent as possible, and the bottom was pure clean with golden sand on the bottom. There was no algae or sea life, which to my shame I was afraid of. I wanted to swim or run along the shore or dive in and compete as a child to see who would stay under water longer.

The next few hours flew by unnoticed. The fear of realizing my own demise passed quickly, replaced by the peace of knowing that the earthly horror was over.

I swam, held my breath, explored the beach, threw the stones I found with toads, even built a sand castle. I felt a joy and tranquility I had never felt before. No need to rush anywhere, no problems, nothing irritating. I'm having fun and it's cool, this place is more like heaven now. Except that at the end of the day, when it got dark, I briefly thought that everything could not be so good and that it would soon be over, but I quickly dismissed that negativity.

After setting up my sleeping place under a tree, I lay down and gazed up at the sky for a very long time, until sleep itself came for me and I fell asleep for the first time since childhood.

I didn't know what happened to my body in that world, I didn't know how my loved ones felt, I didn't know what kind of place I was in and what awaited me.

Ordinary me, that's all I would have thought about, but today the universe decided to pamper me and gave me a couple of hours of carefree fun and somehow it's luck! Huh I got lucky.... I can't remember the last time I said that.

Maybe this is such a sip of pleasant life before the torment of hell, or maybe all future infinities I will spend on this beach.

That night I dreamt about Diana and that July night when we went on our first date. That moment and the feeling when I held her hand for the first time. After her I had held hands with many people before her, but I felt that magical warmth only with her.

I was very nervous and didn't take her hand on the first try; she must have felt my trembling when she grabbed it herself. I wish that feeling had stayed with me forever.

I dreamt that we were walking in the park, laughing with our professors at the institute and gossiping a bit about our classmates. There was some music in this action and dream; it reminded me of a moment in The Three Comrades, when the main character was walking with Patricia on New Year's Eve.

Like them, we walked the streets and enjoyed the magic of the evening and each other.

Whatever the future held in store for me, I would miss her. Diana was a gift and a ray not of light, but rather of the moon in my colorless existence.

The dream had led me through all of our pleasant memories, but abruptly from the walk in the park, I was switched to childhood memories.

I am at my grandmother's house, and for some reason no one is around and there is complete silence. I walk around all the rooms and no one is there. Not even our dog Chestnut is home. The only thing left to check is Grandpa's room, he's always home.

When I opened the door to his room, darkness came over me, the windows were boarded up and nothing was visible, I tried to fumble and turn on the light. The lights came on and blinded me a little, when the effect passed I saw my grandfather. My grandfather, with whom we went fishing, played chess and made fun of my grandmother - hanging in a noose under the chandelier.......

I woke up in a cold sweat. It was definitely not a pleasant dream. It took me back to a memory I certainly didn't want to dissect. It was early morning, and a little frost ran down my shoulders.

In a few moments, something would happen that would be the catalyst for my story and my entire future life in this strange place. As I approached the water and rubbed my eyes, I saw a body. A distinctly dead body that had drifted ashore.