His building had what was once a designated smokers area which only Ast used for his breaks, his coworkers instead frequenting local cafes or eating at their desks. No one at his company and close to no one in his country smoked anymore due to a lack of availability and the high taxes, this area was a relic from the past when businesses had segregated areas to try and appease both the smokers and those wishing to avoid them back when a mini cultural war was occurring around the right to smoke around others. The short uncovered walkway connected two self contained office spaces, the building was now occupied by two separate businesses but was initially designed for and used by one company with two loosely intertwined departments, the walkway was now obsolete and Ast wasn't sure if anyone other than him used it which was a large part of why he loved to spend his time there. Off to the side of the severely cracked concrete walkway was a wooden bench that he sat at surrounded by dirt, as he sat down for his break today he wondered if it had always been dirt or if it was once utilised by grass or other plants that had long since decayed, he said to himself that one day he would learn how to read the soil to see if it told a story and that one day day he would try to plant something there to give himself some company. Ast sat down in the same half of the bench that he would always sit, initially he left half of the bench empty in case one day someone did join him out there preemptively to prevent him from having to shuffle over in front of them but at this point he sat on the side out of habit.

Determined to finally message Ner but unable to think of what to say or how to penetrate what he considered to be the awkward topic of her extended absence over the last few days, he defaulted to just telling her his truth as accurately as possible as to how he felt about their relationship and everything that had been happening but first he decided to explain why he hadn't text her all morning. "sorry, really busy at work" he hesitated for about a minute before clicking send, he was worried that she would think he was lying and get offended, she knew that he never did any real work and that was strictly true on this occasion too. He had only done maybe 20 minutes of actual work so far today but still he felt as if he wasn't entirely lying to her, he felt that thinking about his boss and writing a poem about him was relevant to his work, he felt that since it was about his boss and understanding his bosses significance or lack thereof to his life story, it would help him successfully keep his job for years to come.

Ner knew he was lying but it didn't bother her, taking comfort in her belief that he would never do anything interesting enough for her to need to truly worry, she was too preoccupied with her own problems to worry about if he was losing interest in her. Their relationship had always been unconventional, they had been together for three years but it had been interspersed with weeks of no communication whatsoever so she thought this recent distance of hers should have little significance to him. Often times either one of them would get caught up in some new interest and go off to pursue it to return weeks later like nothing happened. At this point he felt like they no longer felt any serious real passion for each other, they still loved each other in some strange way but on both sides they now had some idea that they had essentially settled for the easier of option of staying with each other from a purely logical perspective "it is better than being alone" would be a summary phrase neither of them would object to if they managed a rare moment of honesty with themselves. He was obsessed with her but it wasn't so much her specifically that he was obsessed with, he could have been obsessed with anyone, he loved obsession for the sake of it, thinking it provided a noble base for his life to orient itself around, she was his main tie to reality, providing him with all of the feedback from the physical universe that he felt he needed, as long as he had her balancing him he felt like he was justified to embrace delusions in the rest of his life. The majority of Ner's job resolved around making small talk with clients, as such the mundane and superficial nature of her day to day conversations contrasted with her conversations with Ast which were often strange and unpredictable to he. Ast believed Ner had big self esteem issues and an increasingly bad drug problem, he figured most of her time not working consisted of her being either drugged out of her mind, watching some boring show, mindless scrolling through some social media, or crying as she tried to understand what was wrong with her. Combined with a history of poor relationship choices she felt like she didn't have the mental fortitude for a 'real' relationship, talking with Ast was effortless for her in the sense that she could say anything and he would accept it, she could not respond for days to deal with her own issues and he would accept it, although he was obsessive and constantly questioning her motives, he provided her the feigned understanding that she needed and stuck by her regardless of how bad she treated him.

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Most of their relationship was online, the majority of communication was through text with the occasional phone call, it was only every week or so they would see each other despite only living blocks apart. This meeting was usually initiated by Ast, not because he wanted to but because he felt it was necessary for their relationship, he felt that is how relationships worked in reality and with this being his only real meaningful relationship he treated it conservatively. They rarely had sex, every few months at best. The times in which they did fuck was enjoyable for both parties and this was one of the reasons Ast tried to avoid fucking anymore frequently, it was frequent enough for his needs and he didn't want to risk making it feel less special. Ast was not a sexual man by nature, from time to time it would build up and overcome him but for the most part he preferred the imagination of sex far more than the act itself, he was self conscious about all the deviant acts he wanted to enact and preferred to simply indulge them in his mind, another way in which he stuck to what he considered to be the safe route in their relationship. Initially she had tried unsuccessfully to pressure him into sex more, wrongfully thinking he was just shy and it is what he wanted deep down but she eventually accepted that he liked her regardless of this absence in their relationship. The frequency of their relations were not enough for her and after subtly warning him about her needs she occasionally would cheat on him, go on some dating app and find some guy to hook up with but she always successfully kept the men at a distance and broke it off with them after a few dates. She had met a few very determined suitors who insisted on staying in her life and said they would accept her for who she was but she never truly believed them and they eventually gave up so they essentially stayed together just out of familiarity and complacency.