Madness. They must suffer from a form of madness or mental disability to be this closed-minded. We have broken Hegemony restrictions at great economic risk to our herd to come meet these exiles. Across hundreds of light years, we have traveled, only to be met with reticence and evasion for even the most basic information on their history and culture.
Even after we sent them a data packet containing the contents of our entire databanks without being asked to, they refused to reciprocate. I find myself wondering if this herd is even worth the effort, and maybe there is a reason the Hegemony decided to isolate them.
Every hour that passes brings less hope that we can achieve anything with these “humans.”. At least they told us their species name, even though we had already discerned that from the transmissions they are broadcasting all over their space.
I am a stubborn Yiel’oh and a chieftain. I will try once more. And if they still refuse to incorporate with my herd, then I will wash my feet of the matter and forget they ever existed.
-First log entry of Chieftain Nah-lik after first contact with humans
Zah-Lok class scout ship A305
Bridge of Zah-Lok class Scout ship A305
1.2 parsecs from Ross 154 System-Earth year 2335 A.D.
“I am not at liberty to disclose that information at this time, Chieftain.”
Nah-lik sighed again and wondered how the Human Chieftain could utter the same phrase repeatedly without variation for almost two days, despite the questions being different. He had to admit the evasions were impressive, and they reminded him of the way the solicitors of his homeworld would twist words to answer questions without saying anything meaningful.
Glancing around the human bridge, he once again found himself marveling at their ability to balance themselves on just two legs and how gracefully they moved from station to station in the background without tripping even once. “Do their legs ever get tired, and how do their two feet not hurt carrying them around?” he thought to himself.
Taking a deep breath, he tried again.
“Chieftain Hen-riks, we only wish to incorporate our herd and your herd for the betterment of all. We do not ask much, just for access to your historical and cultural archives so that we may know your herd better. We wish to engage in the trade of goods and knowledge so that we can share the bounty.”
He saw the human chieftain make a small shake of his head, which Nah-lik thought of as frustration. “I am sure you are tired of hearing this, but I am not at liberty to disclose that information at this time, Chieftain.”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Nah-lik stomped his foot in frustration and threw his hands up in the air. “That’s it; I am done with these maddening creatures!” he thought to himself as he whinnied in frustration. Nah-lik drew himself to his full height and stared into the viewscreen with all the anger and resentment he could summon.
“We came in good faith and at great risk to our herd to meet you. We have gifted you our knowledge and archives, and you refuse to reciprocate. You are not worthy of our herd's friendship. Tonight, I will pray to the Life Giver and ask her to protect your bridge herd from a chieftain who is so closed-minded.” Nah-lik realized that he was yelling at the end of his tirade and quickly collected himself. He was about to turn around to order the bridge herd to begin departure procedures when he realized that there was complete silence on the human bridge.
He looked back at the viewscreen, and every human on the bridge was completely silent and not moving, as if in a still trance. Sub-Chieftain Jak-sun, who had never said a word from his chair during the talks, was drinking from a cup and suddenly spit out a large volume of brown fluid from his mouth and started making noises that sounded remarkably like our bray laughter.
The other human bridge herd immediately followed suit and started making the same noises. Nah-lik glanced at Chieftain Hen-riks in confusion, wondering if he was witnessing the human herd finally losing their minds. Chieftain Hen-riks had a grimace on his face and was showing his teeth and making the same noises. “What in the three hells is going on here?” He wondered. He was about to order an emergency FTL jump when Chieftain Hen-riks started speaking once more. “Chieftain Nah-lik. I think we just had a mistranslation by our Comm AI, unless you meant to call me a fathead on purpose.”
Nah-lik did not understand the word the human chieftain just said. His translation software repeated it as “large cranium” when he queried it again for confirmation. “What word is this that I spoke in error?” replied Nah-lik. Chieftain Hen-riks looked at a data pad and phonetically sounded out the offending word. “Nee-kal-ish?”
“Yes, you are closed-minded, Chieftain; I said that.” Nah-lik replied in confusion.
Again, the human bridge herd started braying in laughter, and Chieftain Hen-riks replied, “Ok, there is definitely a translation error, because you just called me a fathead again.” Sub-Chieftain Jak-sun stepped forward and quietly conferred with the chieftain. The chieftain nodded, and sub-chieftain Jak-sun took the center position of the bridge.
He started playing with controls on a device on his wrist, and a small hologram of Chieftain Hen-riks floated over the device. He then repeated the Yiel'oh word Nee-kal-ish and, using small movements of his fingers, started expanding the hologram head size until it became much larger in comparison to the rest of the hologram body. He then held it closer to the viewscreen for Nah-lik to see and repeated “Nee-kal-ish” while pointing at the excessively large hologram head.
Then he pointed at the head again and said, “Fathead. Nee-kal-ish” And then he pointed at Nah-lik, then at the human chieftain, and then at the giant hologram head. “Fathead,” he said again. Then he manipulated more controls, and the hologram with the giant head started to make body movements, accompanied by the sounds of strange musical instruments, while the giant head was bobbing around uncontrollably.
Nah-lik was in a still trance, watching all of this go on while the entire human bridge herd was braying uncontrollably at the sight of the ridiculous hologram with its giant head bobbing around. He suddenly felt all the pressure upon him disappear as he continued to watch the Hologram chieftains giant head lolling about while the much smaller body started doing different gyrations.
Nah-lik then started braying with laughter, and all the tension and anger he had been feeling for the last two days evaporated away as he fell to the floor of his bridge, braying uncontrollably as his bridge herd looked at him with consternation, convinced that the strange humans had made their chieftain lose his mind.