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Within the Darkness
Chapter Sixteen: Imposter Syndrome

Chapter Sixteen: Imposter Syndrome

A day off, a nice simple down to earth date. For what felt like the first time in years, for the first time since his death and rebirth, Pitch was going to do something normal. Sure, Kathryn and him had that late night breakfast date, but that felt more like an impromptu last minute thing rather than a planned out event. Now the two finally had a chance to go on a proper date and feel like an actual couple rather than two friends getting pancakes after work. Pitch let Kathryn pick the location and set everything up so that he could be pleasantly surprised. Although he didn't need to eat normal food, tasting it was still a pleasurable experience for him.

Pitch wasn't sure what to expect from Kathryn when it came to what she considered a dating venue for what was effectively a special occasion. He found himself in a small family restaurant, one that despite being there for years and Pitch living in New Arkham all his life he didn't know about. It was an Irish pub kind of place. The building was a simple old brick building and the restaurant sold traditional Irish dishes and pub food. Everything from Irish shepherd’s pie to corn beef and hash to haggas to Irish style sausages. The two were sat down by a young lady waitress who looked somewhat familiar to Pitch but he couldn't place it.

After ordering their food and sitting for a while a large man in a white apron walked out with their food. “Hello kitten, long time no see.” The man spoke in a detectable but not too thick Irish accent. Kathryn looked at the large man with a big smile of familiarity. “Heya Uncle Mac, how ya doin’?” Kathryn herself takes on a slight Irish accent. Pitch sinks into his chair a bit. “Uncle Mac?” Kathryn nodded with a smile. “Yeah, he's my uncle on my mother's side. The waitress is his daughter. My cousin. I figured since I've met your cousin it wouldn't be too much for you to meet mine. It's a bit early for me to present you to my parents but I'm not sure how I feel about that tradition considering you're technically an orphan.”

Pitch grumbles slightly. “Vance and I may share genetics despite everything, I'd hardly consider him family. Besides, I've met your brother.” Kathryn does a dismissive wave. “I know I know, but still. Also although you met my brother I've yet to introduce you as.. well…” she clears her throat “James, meet Uncle Mac, Uncle Mac, meet James. He's… my boyfriend.” Mac reaches out his arms with a hearty laugh. “Ah so the nerdy kitten has finally found herself someone who's able to drag her face out of her work long enough to breathe fresh air and touch grass. That alone is enough for me to like you. Go ahead and call me Big Mac, everybody does. Even if there's nothing Irish about that creation despite the people behind it being from the old homeland.”

Kathryn rolls her eyes. “Uncle, we aren't here to talk about the history of the fast food hamburger. We're here for a homemade meal and a nice date.” Mac laughed again. “Then I'll leave you two love birds to it and stop botherin’ ya. Enjoy your meals.” Mac saunders off back to the kitchen. Pitch looks at his meal then back to Kathryn. “Look, I get the idea behind that s, but a little heads-up would have been nice.” Kathryn shifted in her seat. “Right, sorry. I just… I don't know. This is all new to me and the pacing may be off but I'm just trying to do the normal couple things. I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

Pitch sighed. “It is, it just feels… a bit fast is all. Normally you wouldn't meet the family till after the third date. I know things with us are far from normal but part of the point of this was to be an oasis of normalcy in our strange lives.” Kathryn nods. “I'll… try to do better. Just a bit excited is all. It's all new so I still get all fluttery.” Pitch chuckled. “I guess making a mistake like this because you are nervous is rather normal. Although as far as date locations this place doesn't exactly speak romantic.”

Kathryn sighs. “I know, but honestly I'm not sure what does. I could have picked a fancy expensive restaurant for a candlelit dinner. After all, it's not like you couldn't afford it. However, no matter where I pick to eat, your experience will always be lesser. Maybe next time we should watch a romance movie.” Pitch groans. “I've never been a fan of sappy romance movies. A star lot walk in the park maybe?” Kathryn considered the idea. “We can still do that tonight. We have the entire day so why not spend it as a couple.” The two then focused on their food till it was done before paying for it. Kathryn offers a goodbye hug to her uncle and the two leave the restaurant.

Pitch looked around as they walked. “Doing normal stuff like this almost feels strange. I guess I've already gotten used to the idea that nothing in my life will be normal. I mean look at use, having a completely normal date and taking things one step at a time. Yet it's hard not to think of the hypothetical, the natural what ifs of this continuing to one of its natural conclusions. Not to mention the fact I don't even feel like a real person sometimes. Like my very existence is a lie.”

Kathryn looked to Pitch. “I mean… you only are able to walk among others while basically wearing a mask, and I can only introduce you to people using what is effectively a dead name.” Pitch chuckled at that phrasing. “Ah yes, Pitch Black and his not-so-willing transition from human to Cryptid.” Kathryn also got a chuckle out of this. “I noticed you didn't use the word monster there. I know it's probably hard not to think of yourself as one but you're far from malicious.”

Pitch suddenly stopped walking and started looking around. Kathryn also stopped walking. “Is something wrong?” Pitch continued to scope out the area. “I felt something just a bit ago. I think there's a Cryptid nearby. We should probably check it out just in case.” Kathryn nods. “If you insist.” Pitch followed his instincts down a thin alleyway to a spot that looked like a fire exit from the basement of the building coming up in stairs. The building itself was easily over a hundred years old and the door to the basement was metal and had one of these eye sliders for peeking out of. Pitch chuckled. “This building used to be a speakeasy. I wonder if it's still active.” He goes down the steps to the door.

Pitch lifts a fist up to knock. “Whatever I felt went in here somehow, so be ready.” He then knocked on the door. Someone slid the slider and looked out. “Password.” Pitch thought about what to say, but quickly realized the so-called man who looked out of the door was himself a Cryptid. Pitch then whispers “I'm guessing it's something along the lines of “Doppelganger”?” The man sighed. “Not exactly but you can pass.” He opens the door and lets the two in. “Welcome to “Imposter Syndrome.” The two look around the bar, an otherwise normal bar with a pool table, a foosball table, and an air hockey table. There was an old jukebox and several stools at the bar. The place was doing really well for the middle of the day. The bar also had a grill as food was served.

The bouncer grumbles. “Are you two with Black Eagle or Black Flag or whatever they call it?” Pitch dies a so-so gesture. “I've worked with them, but as you can probably tell I am a Cryptid just like all of you.” Pitch took a second look around the bar. “Out of all the things to find in New Arkham, a Doppelganger speakeasy wasn't one of them.” The bouncer let out a low growl. “We also get the occasional succubi. Basically, this place is a haven for the non-human citizens where they can be themselves without fear.” Pitch chuckles. “Like one of those old secret gay bars back in the day. Neat.”

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Pitch shrugged. “Well we are already here and it's clear there's no danger. Might as well buy something before heading back out.” He sat at the bar and raised his hand to get the bartender’s attention. “I'll take a thing of the spiciest, sloppiest wings you have, with a side of fries, and a glass of mead.” Kathryn looked at Pitch. “Didn't you just eat?” Pitch sighs. “You know how little eating regular food does for me.” After a short wait the food was placed and Pitch started using the sauce as a dip for his fries. “So… a Cryptid speakeasy. How exactly did that come about? What's the history of this place?”

The bartender being between orders and doing some light cleaning looked over to Pitch. “Well like any speakeasy it started in prohibition. The entire point was to provide a place for people to drink in peace. This was also around the time of a Doppelganger movement. Not something in the normal history books but before the twenties there wasn't exactly a Doppelganger community. We operated in family units and tribes with the only indication of other Dopples being the feeling we get when we draw close to another Cryptid. An instinct that tells us they are also not human.’

Pitch nods as he continues on his fries. The bartender sighed. “With the industrial revolution and the invention of the camera as well as improvements on tracking births and population it was clear that things were going to get difficult for Dopples unless they made a change. So, a sort of government was formed. Similar to a tribal counsel for the indigenous peoples. They established the rules that Dopples and now Succubi live by and also insure those rules are followed in the interest of survival. If our existence is ever discovered and made public…” Pitch finishes the thought. “You fear the worst. A Doppelganger Holocaust.”

The bartender offers a nod. “I couldn't help but notice your use of Dopple and Doppelganger, you're not one of us, are you?” Pitch shook his head. “No, I'm not a Doppelganger. Why don't you tell me about these rules that were set.” The bartender sighs. “They're fairly simple. One is not to replace a human outside special circumstances. If one does so they are to report it to the counsel. If one switches to a new identity they are not to benefit from their old one or use their old connections unless the new life would also have access to similar resources. One is advised against but not prohibited from entering the public eye, gaining fame and being watched and scrutinized by the public is too much of a risk to the community.”

Pitch nods. “Makes sense. Basically boils down to don't expose us and don't abuse your abilities. I'm going to guess you also prohibit active violence against humans and crime in general since ending up in the prison system could be problematic.” The bartender nods. “So if I may ask, if you're not a Dopple, what are you? I doubt you're a succubus considering how… average you look. No offense.” Pitch shook his head lightly and waved his hand with the last fry in it. “None taken, but if you don't mind I'd rather not disclose that information.” Pitch then grabs a wing and shoves the entire thing in his mouth before crunching on it.

The bartender makes a bit of a disgusted and concerned face. “Those… weren't boneless.” Kathryn glares at Pitch who works through and swallows his food. “What!? He said it's a safe haven to be myself and since the bones won't hurt me and eating bones isn't exactly strange to me I felt like eating around them was just a wasted effort.” Kathryn sighs. “It's still kinda gross, Pitch. Even if the splintering bones can't damage you.” Pitch looked down at his food, slightly disappointed. “Sorry. Although, this ghost pepper sauce is fire. I always did like spicy food and now I can take that even farther since I don't have to worry about heartburn or other health concerns.”

Kathryn sighs and gestures to the bowl. “Go ahead and eat it as you wish. I'll just have to get used to the unusual.” Pitch grabs a second wing and starts crunching it down, bones and all. Kathryn groans in displeasure. “It's definitely not sexy though.” The bartender also makes a face of disgust. “You can say that again.” Pitch finishes a third wing before licking off his fingers. “So if a group of Dopples formed a biker gang, would they then be… bikergangers?” This makes the person next to pitch nearly spit out their drink as they hold in laughter from the stupid joke. The bartender simply rolls his eyes.

Pitch makes quick work of the rest of the wings before cleaning his fingers off and drinking his drink. “Too bad I can't get drunk, now I'll never know what it feels like.” He shrugged. “Oh well, I'm ready to move on now I guess. This was an interesting experience and the snacks were good.” Pitch pays for his meal and gets up to leave. Pitch almost expects something to go wrong, for someone to find a reason to pick a fight and for this to turn into a bar brawl like something out of a movie.

However, nothing like that happened, and the two were able to leave peacefully. Pitch let out a sigh of relief. “I think all this high octane action is getting to me. I'm starting to expect conflict at every turn.” Kathryn puts a hand on his shoulder. “Then it's a good thing we're using this day to relax and reset.” Pitch nods as the two start walking to the park. “I know it's too early to think of talking about this since we said we'd take things one step at a time but… I'm still not sure how physical intimacy is going to work. I can taste foods and feel touch in this form but this shape is just a mask. My bits are just for show.”

Kathryn sighs. “We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I mean… I want you to be able to enjoy our relationship in the same ways I do. It's just… there's so many things that aren't normal about this arrangement. When we are talking or hanging out everything just clicks but who's to say other steps will be that easy. There are hurdles but thinking about them before we even reach them isn't productive or helpful. Take things slow, one step at a time, and I'm sure it'll just come naturally. As long as we don't try to force it. There's no time limit, neither of us is going anywhere.”

Pitch nods and hums, grabbing Kathryn's hand as they walk into the park and find a nice place to sit in the grass. The two watch as the sun starts to set, simply enjoying each other's company. Holding hands they lean shoulders on one another as the sky darkens and the stars and moon come into view. The two lay down in the grass looking at the night sky in silence for several moments, shoulder to shoulder. Kathryn leans even farther into Pitch, pressing her body into his before turning her head and giving him a simple and humble peck on the cheek. “This is nice, taking a moment to just slow down and let the world move around us.”

Pitch lifts and kisses Kathryn’s hand. “It's the simple things, the small things, that are often the most precious. The small moments, taken between seconds, stretched into a small eternity. Where it is just us, and the universe. Where everything else just seems to melt away, if only for a fleeting moment. These are the times when life is best lived, when life is most worth living. Treasures, sentimental and intangible, that no one can ever hoard.” Kathryn blinks a few times. “That was… oddly profound.”

The two returned to the simple silence for a moment before Pitch finally sat back up. “It's starting to get late, I should probably walk you home.” Kathryn sits up and gets to her feet, brushing herself off a bit. “Yeah…” Pitch stands and together the two start walking. Hand and hand they take the long journey walking to Kathryn’s house in the moonlit night. Pitch walks her to her door, Kathryn shifting back and forth outside it. “Today was nice, I had a really good time.” Pitch smiled at her. “Till the next one I guess.”

The two both stand outside the door for a moment, Kathryn hesitated to open the door and Pitch hesitated to leave till he saw her enter it. He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on the lip. “Goodnight.” Kathryn blushed as she opened her door. “Goodnight.” Pitch then proceeded to walk the long walk to his own house. A smile on his face and a spring in his step, he hummed the entire way. Nothing could ruin this feeling, nothing could crash this high. When he finally made it home he laid in his bed on his belly kicking his feet in the air for a while before finally settling himself down.

Pitch hadn't felt this giddy about something since he was a child, it was odd that in spite of everything it was only now after a near literal death and rebirth that he had finally found something that genuinely made him happy. “I don't think I realized just how alone and lonely I've felt all these years, since I pushed people away after the incident in first grade. I only got more guarded after losing my parents. But now I feel like I'm finally moving forward rather than just trending water or walking on a treadmill. I didn't realize how stuck and trapped I felt. Only now, after my original body has been destroyed and I've effectively died, have I actually found a meaning to my life. Something to chase, a goal to pursue. I feel… motivated.”

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