Today’s Earth date: September 28? 1991

Getting out of here was always the priority, and we made the right call when we decided to go up instead of down. Horcus was correct, the exit was most likely to be on a higher floor, and we finally found it.

Unfortunately, we covered more vertical ground than any of us realized. The exit is high in the Breaker Mountains. There’s no road or path down, and it’s cold as balls. None of us are outfitted for winter or for mountain climbing, so we’ve been debating whether to risk it or to search the dungeon for another way out.

I think we all know we don’t have a choice, and our food supply is going to make that even more obvious in a day or so.

-The Journal of Laszlo the Paladin

***

Wayne had not gone on a date in some time, a literal lifetime ago, actually.

On Earth, he spent the leadup to a night out imagining every possible scenario with equal emphasis on what life would be like if it went phenomenally well or if he screwed it up in the worst way possible. That might sound like optimism to some, but for Wayne, thinking of the best outcomes was a secret backdoor for making the bad outcomes seem that much scarier.

How did anyone date without being nervous?

Fergus recommended a fancy restaurant with an outdoor patio. Built at the top of a hill, the view captured nearly all of Teagaisg and felt especially romantic with a watercolor sunset in the sky. Wayne met Kryss there, and with the mention of Fergus’ name, they were escorted to a two-person table at the very edge of the patio, leaving only a wrought iron railing between them and the spectacular backdrop.

Wayne ordered the wine Fergus told him he should, and they shared a warm loaf of bread with hot oil while they waited for their meals.

“Men your age hit on me, but it’s usually pretty immature,” Kryss said. “Not often you meet someone so young with class and manners.”

“Thank you, but you should know I’m not as young as I look. I was forty one in my previous life. My body might not look it, but my mind is forty five.”

“I thought the Heroes were always eighteen?”

“That’s just it,” Wayne said, “I’m not a Hero. My system even confirms that.”

“System?”

“Sorry, ‘system’ is how my world would describe the Diary of the Gods.”

“How interesting,” Kryss said, sincerely. “You must do really well. I’m surprised you’d hit on me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“There are plenty of young and beautiful women in this world. I’d guess that at least a few of them would be smitten by the Zero Hero.”

Wayne chuckled nervously. “I prefer a partner closer to my age.”

Kryss tilted her head. “Really? Why is that?”

“I want to be with an adult, someone who can communicate and has some life experience. In my world, dating someone younger felt… weird. Like I couldn’t relate to them.”

“But they’re attractive, yes?”

Wayne shrugged. “Sure, young women can be attractive, but I bet if twenty-year-old Kryss was standing right next to you, I’d pick the one I’m having dinner with.”

Kryss seemed unconvinced.

“I’m serious. You’re hot.”

“Hot?”

“Attractive.”

For the first time, Kryss blushed. She took a drink from her wine.

“Do you date younger men?”

She shook her head emphatically. “It’s like you said, at a certain point someone younger is a boy to me instead of a man.”

“Yeah, you get it.”

She smiled at him, her eyes seeming to sparkle.

Wayne felt a breadcrumb go down the wrong tube. “Sorry,” he said when his coughing finished. “I’m nervous.”

Kryss told him not to be and they continued their conversation. She asked him many of the usual questions about Earth, and Wayne asked her about how she got into business and what drew her to opening the Museum of Wonders and Oddities.

Her parents got sick relatively early in life, so Kryss took over the family business when she was barely eighteen.

From watching her parents all her life, she developed a knack for imports and exports. Her instincts on what to purchase and when quickly took the business to record profits, and her sales skills helped as well. She could negotiate with anyone and often got the terms she wanted. Wayne knew that much firsthand.

“As for the Museum… I really wanted to be a historian or an archaeologist. That’s what I would have studied if my parents didn’t fall ill.”

“What attracted you to those fields?”

She thought for a moment, “I think it’s the way stories attach to objects. Like that page you want, it came from another world entirely and was in the hands of a Chosen Hero for many years. I can’t describe it, but I like how it feels to hold something like that, to be that close to a story.”

“That’s very poetic.”

Kryss shrugged. “It makes the boring work more worthwhile, and strangely, I probably get to do more with history now than I would have otherwise.”

Wayne asked what she meant.

“Everything is easier with money.”

“Ah.”

This was going well, right? Kryss seemed engaged. She made eye contact. She smiled. She asked questions. She played with her hair. She blushed when he complimented her. Dating wasn’t like filling out a Bingo card, but yet, it felt like all of the right factors were lining up.

As the waiter cleared their dinner away, Kryss dabbed her mouth with a napkin. “I have to ask,” she began, “did you really kill the gargoyle you gave me?”

“Is that so hard to imagine?”

“That’s not what I mean. I was led to believe the Zero Hero didn’t get any boons, so you must have been training really hard since you arrived.”

“All of that’s true but the training hard from the start part,” Wayne replied. “I didn’t get what the Chosen Heroes got, but I’ve found a few ways to put the system–I mean Diary–to use.”

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“How so?”

“Watch this.”

Skycat F-14XX.

The model fighter jet buzzed through the air and paused next to Wayne.

“You’re doing that?”

Wayne smiled and nodded. Skycat shot out into the open air, adding a small airshow to the scenic view as it turned and rolled swooped. Kryss couldn’t help but giggle at the spectacle, though she tried not to.

“What do you use it for?” she asked.

“This is it, actually. It’s a toy, nothing more.”

“That’s odd.”

“Yeah, most of what I’ve gotten from my Diary is pretty unusual. Fergus is having the time of his life tracking his observations.”

She asked what else he could do.

“Not a lot here in town,” he answered, deciding not to share Storage in the middle of a restaurant. Wayne looked around and then leaned over the railing. “See that patch of dirt, just off the road and to the left of the stairs?”

“I think so.”

Nee.

A shrubbery grew from nothing.

Kryss perked up even more, her smile wide and her giggle more joyful than before.

“This is not how I pictured the night going,” Kryss said. “I didn’t expect this to be so fun.”

“Want to get out of here?” Wayne asked.

“Sure.”

They purchased tea from a small café and walked to one of Teagaisg’s many parks.

The sun was down and the moon was up, a spray-paint spread of yellow, white, and blue stars flickering overhead. The night air had a faint chill, not enough to warrant a sweater but enough to notice the difference with daylight gone.

As they walked down cobblestone paths, surrounded by well-tended greenery and lush flowers, their conversation meandered. They talked about their childhoods, about their families, about their thoughts on life and growing up. Wayne didn’t initiate the topic, but they also talked about previous relationships.

Kryss had been married once, but she caught him cheating. Prior to that, things weren’t great. He didn’t like how busy she was with her work and that she made more money than he did. Wayne, on the other hand, had never been married. He had a few long-term relationships in his lifetime but none made it to wedding vows, usually because of poor emotional intelligence or outright immaturity on his part.

“A lot of things about life I thought I understood, but I really didn’t,” he said. “I let the little things turn into big things until it was miserable being around me.” Hearing his own words, he laughed. “I’m giving you a pretty good pitch, huh?”

Kryss laughed too. “Children make mistakes. Adults learn from them. I’ve had to learn a lot too.”

Her body brushed against his often enough that Wayne believed it to be intentional. That must be a signal. Had to be.

Eventually, Wayne walked her home. She lived in the same neighborhood as Lord Blackwell. He followed her up a wide set of marble stairs and stopped in front of two double doors inlaid with intricate patterns of stained glass.

“I had a good time,” she said.

“Me too.” He went for it. He leaned in and put his lips against hers. She kissed him back.

The moment was electric, a culmination of a connection that blossomed between them in just the few hours they spent together. She was the complete package–funny, smart, beautiful–and she made it all feel so easy. Like they could talk forever. Would this become love as they spent more nights like this together?

Kryss put a hand on Wayne’s chest and gently pushed his mouth away from hers. “I wasn’t lying. I did have a good time, but I don’t think I can take this any farther.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to make you feel rushed.”

“It’s not that…” She seemed to debate if she should complete her thought. “You don’t date younger women. I don’t date younger men.”

“Okay, sure.”

“That’s why I need to thank you for the lovely evening and say goodnight.”

“I’m not a younger man, though.”

Kryss looked at him with a sad, pitying smile. “I know that, but that’s not what I see when I’m with you. I can’t stop seeing you as a boy, and I’ve tried.”

No.

No!

Not like this. How is it falling apart now?

She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodnight.” A moment later, Wayne was alone on the porch, staring at the doors closed in front of him.

Eventually, he realized he was still standing in front of Kryss’ house, stupefied, looking dumbly ahead like he was freshly lobotomized. He hoped he hadn’t stood there long and left.

***

Fergus wasn’t in their suite when Wayne returned. That wasn’t surprising. Fergus enjoyed nightlife and typically made friends wherever he went.

Goods Storage.

Wayne selected what he hoped was a cheap bottle of wine from their interdimensional stash. When he couldn’t find a clean glass, he shrugged and used an old one, sticky red goo at the bottom be damned.

Though it had been an hour since the conclusion of his date, he still stopped stone-still when he replayed the moment on the porch. When he came back to the present, he cursed some more and reached for his glass.

At some point, Wayne fell asleep on one of the suite couches, waking when he heard keys fumbling at the door and Fergus talking outside. He sat up to greet his best friend, but then he heard a feminine voice laugh at one of Fergus’ jokes.

“You can’t be serious,” Wayne muttered to himself.

He laid back down, closed his eyes, and pretended to be asleep. As he feared, he heard two giddy whispers travel across the suite and then Fergus shut his bedroom door.

With that, Wayne’s night got a little bit worse.

***

The next morning, while still in his bed, Wayne heard Fergus’ door open, the same giggly whispers as the night before, and then the front door to the suite shut. He listened for a while longer to confirm Fergus’ lady friend had departed before venturing into the common area.

Fergus hummed a happy tune to himself as he sifted through a bag of pastries he purchased the previous morning. He seemed torn between a cherry tart and a blueberry tart, then with a little jig, he chose both. When he turned around, he was surprised to see Wayne standing there.

“Well, good morning, my friend,” Fergus said. “Still plenty to choose from.” He used his head to point to the bag. Wayne said thanks but no thanks.

The old scholar shrugged and flopped onto a loveseat, unconcerned about the crumbs spilling into his beard and down his chest.

“I had a good night,” Fergus said.

“I heard,” Wayne replied.

“Ha! I suppose you would have. I didn’t expect you to be back that early to be honest.”

“Me neither.”

Fergus started on the blueberry tart. “Her name’s Emelia, and she runs a bookstore here in town. I was in, enjoying the adventure of browsing through shelves full of strange books, and we started talking. I’m not sure how it happened, but we ended up getting dinner and were halfway through a vaudeville show when she suggested we go somewhere quiet.”

“That sounds like a nice night.”

“Doesn’t it? What a lovely twist of fate.” Fergus hadn’t stopped smiling. “She wants to meet up again tonight.”

The old scholar looked across the room at his friend.

“Here I am babbling all about myself and my night,” he said, brushing crumbs off his shirt. “How’d it go with Miss Kryss?”

Wayne told him the story of a wonderful evening ending abruptly with a door in his face.

“That’s quite unfortunate,” Fergus said. “Who’d have thought looking young, fit, and handsome would work against you?”

Wayne shrugged.

Fergus patted him on the back. “I am very sorry that happened to you. Perhaps you’ll meet someone on our vineyard trip this weekend?”

“That’s this weekend?”

Fergus said that it was.

“We need to finish exploring the tunnel dungeon to close the deal with Kryss.”

“Couldn’t we go after?”

“I don’t want to put it off that long.”

“It’s only four days,” Fergus retorted.

“That feels like a long time to me.”

The old scholar nodded, running a hand over his bald head. “I’ll see if I can have our reservations refunded.”

Seeing the disappointment on Fergus’ face, Wayne had a thought. “You should still go. I wouldn’t mind.”

“By myself?”

“Invite Emelia,” Wayne suggested.

Fergus liked that idea. “Are you sure about this? I have every intention of keeping my promises to you and will cancel the trip if that’s what we need to do.”

“Absolutely not. You’ve been excited for this. I’ll be fine.”

The old scholar studied his friend for signs of deception before thanking him for being so kind and understanding. “I do appreciate our friendship, but I have to admit wine and vineyards sound better with a lady.”

“Okay, Fergus, you don’t need to rub it in.”

He smiled. “Apologies, apologies. Then I shouldn’t tell you how sore my lower back is?”

“I’m leaving.”