The random, charging, murder-goat lowered his head and rammed the side of my coffee van so hard that the whole thing shook. Even though I saw it coming, I was thrown off my feet onto the hard floor of the van, knocking over spare napkins. I almost screamed when a big, gray helmeted head appeared looking over the counter at me on the floor. Was there a motorcycle rider in the game?

I stood, only to see a second helmeted figure leading the rogue goat away. It was really putting up a fight, bucking and squirming and kicking air. The helmeted face spoke in a flat, AI voice and I finally worked out what was going on: they were NPC’s here to help the game run smoothly. While they were actively making the game run smoothly, the users were all frozen in place.

“Are you ready for the game, Player Tina?” (I’ve heard that voice somewhere, weird.)

“Yes thank you, I’m fine now.”

Then it moved away and I looked around for the other vans. This simulated farmers market was very large, I could barely see Marcus’ stylish black van in the distance but it was a long walk away. Beyond that, there was no sign of Sue’s van. Suddenly the game unfroze and users began to circulate properly. They moved between the different stalls, testing produce, talking and shopping. I could tell this round would take longer than the others so I wanted to be prepared.

I ran through the mental checklist: warm cups, clean and dry basket, no old residue, and the perfect grind. There were a lot of small steps you couldn’t ignore, coffee making has more chemistry in it than people realise. My cookies were ready to go, the milk varieties were cooling and I had the ingredients for all the drinks. I didn’t have the classic style of Marcus or Sue’s speed, but I was good at flavour and quality.

It took a full ten minutes for the first two customers to come in. They studied the menu for a while before agreeing to get two almond milk lattes and a chocolate chip cookie to share, then they settled at my stools and barrels surrounded by their shopping. I was ready to call them over when out of nowhere, the lady squealed. Another goat was out of the pen and sniffing around their shopping! That would have been fine, if the goat hadn’t decided to steal their lettuce.

I watched helplessly, holding the two flawless lattes, while the game froze and the NPC appeared to herd the goat away. (Why didn’t they just freeze the goats as well? Who coded these goats?) Out of nowhere, I had an idea. I ran out of the tiny side door as the game was frozen and walked the latte and cookie over. The NPC’s didn’t stop me, so it wasn’t against the rules, and when the game unfroze, I was right there with their drinks!

“Oooh! Where’d the goat go? Wasn’t there a goat here?” The lady-user asked.

“It must have left. They’re busy, you know, things to do, places to goat,” I joked. (Terrible pun, terrible pun, terrible! )

But the users loved it, they laughed and thanked me as I jogged back to the van where another user was studying my menu. I can’t believe that worked! Way to goat! Ok stop, come on T.

As I made the users extra strong mocha with soy milk, I noticed the NPC’s didn’t disappear like they had before. They walked around the background as if doing laps, so when a goat appeared and rammed the back of my van, it was led away quickly. The user didn’t even notice. What is going on?

Out of nowhere, the theme music to KSK played and the game froze for a moment.

PLAYERS, STAND BY, GAME IS RE-LOADING

PLAYERS, STAND BY, GAME IS RE-LOADING

The game remained frozen but all over the arena the rendered objects and users were glitching and their levels of code were visible. Near me, the entire field of goats were stripped of texture and detail, then they were just geometric shapes, then they were gone altogether. The space they were standing in was reduced to a flat backdrop where it was obvious nothing would generate. They were gone.

PLAYERS, STAND BY, GAME WILL RESUME IN 3

Things looked fine, except the goats were gone. It was confusing but also reassuring that nothing would be charging at me for no reason. The game unfroze and users began to circulate again. I double-checked my equipment and smiled as a user approached the counter. She pointed and said:

Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

“MAAAAH MEEH MAA MEER?” (What? WHAT?! Why does she sound like a goat?!)

I watched in horror as her head glitched and was replaced by a goat head. A HUGE, goat head, with big brown curved horns at eye level with me. Its eyes went white and it began to ram, like the others, but it was ramming the counter at the level of my hands!

The entire coffee van shook so much harder when the impact was at a different height. The goat woman customer kept MAAAING at different tones, ramming hard. I ducked behind the counter and stayed there, screaming as my supplies fell around my head. I crawled to the door of the van and as I reached for the handle I heard another MAAAA and something rammed it so hard, there was a new, goat-sized dent in it!

The game suddenly froze, objects and all, just as one of the jugs was knocked over. It hung, frozen in the simulation in mid-air. The KSK theme played again and this time, a new message played.

ERROR: OPERATION NOT PERMITTED

ERROR: OPERATION NOT PERMITTED

ERROR: OPERATION NOT PERMITTED

Then the neural link was abruptly broken and my vision turned completely black. I felt nothing at the back of my head, so I tentatively felt for the helmet and removed it. We were back in the lobby, all of us, and something was wrong. Mr Stand was standing next to Katie Bee, looking at a screen which was normally not on display. They could see the game as it was but from a different view. They were re-watching my green van getting attacked by the two goat-headed people. I could hear my own screams coming from the audio track.

Katie looked up and noticed Speedy Sue, then she went over to check on her, because I was clearly invisible. Typical, I get attacked but let's all check on Sue.

I went over to the purple couch I was starting to think of as “my” seat and waited. Marcus headed my way and sat across from me. He was wiping his hands on his trousers, as if still thinking about something in the game. “What happened?” I asked.

“No idea. I was cutting an apricot danish into pieces for a pair of twins when the game froze,” he said. He tossed his (beautiful!) hair as he sat and said, “That was a great setting, but so large. Your van was really far from mine.”

“I know, I couldn’t even SEE Speedy Sue’s van, it might have been on the other side of the field. Did you have a lot of customers?” I asked.

“Heaps. I was almost finished. It was pretty much non-stop until it froze.” (Wow, that changes things, I was just getting started.)

“Yeah, but when it’s busy, it’s stressful. I’m fairly sure I didn’t get all the residue once or twice, that definitely affected the flavour.” (He didn’t get rid of all the residue? That’s a rookie error!)

“But you were busy the whole time, that’s great for you!”

“I don’t… I don’t actually like…” he started.

Then Speedy Sue was sitting next to us, pouting hard. She crossed her long, booted legs and her arms, closing herself to us both. But the silence didn’t last, when we didn’t speak, she (of course) had to talk.

“What’s up, losers? Which one of you broke my round?”

“Can you not, Sue, please?” Marcus said. Something in his tone hit me differently, like I’d never heard him speak before.

“So it wasn’t you, Markie. How’d you wreck the game, Third Place?” (Markie? What the duck is Markie? Since when is she allowed to call Marcus MARKIE?) Sometimes it took a LOT of effort to be nice to Sue. I pressed my lips together and stayed calm.

“My van was near some goats and they went a bit glitchy, that’s all. Did anything happen near you?” (Keep the tone nice, don’t go to her level.)

“Nothing, except that I was winning. Now we’re here because of you two losers, so good job. Do we get to see our fans or what? I mean, I know you two don’t have any…. I guess no one likes you.”

For some reason, this made Marcus snap and he abruptly stood up and left us sitting there, and Sue planted herself right next to me.

“Hey Third Place, look I just want to talk to you,” she hissed. (Is the camera on?) I looked for the broadcast light and saw it was off. (What is going on? Since when do we NOT broadcast from the lobby? Was this because of the glitch?)

“You’re out of your depth and you need to quit and get gone, ok, honey?” I didn’t answer, I just looked at her and did my best to look calm and unaffected.

“Not saying anything? Ok. Just listen. This game is BIG, so much bigger than you realise. You aren’t stupid but I’m telling you to leave. Quit. Do it however you want but stop getting in my way. I need to win this and YOU are IN. MY.WAY.”

“I’m not…” There was a sharp jab at my thigh and I noticed she hadn’t moved her hand from the tiny space between us. (Was that a blade?)

“No talking. You can just nod. When I ask you if you’re going to leave, (She jabbed me!) you nod to confirm that you’re going to leave. Ok? (JAB! I think she’s cut through my overalls!)

“Don’t move. Just nod your stupid head when I ask you this question, got it? (JAB. I feel blood!)

There was definitely something stabbing my thigh, it hurt, but what if she cut me more? My breathing was turning funny and tight, and I wanted to scream. (Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t even move, try to breathe!)

She was making words, but I couldn’t hear them properly. My mind was racing with situations I had been in long ago, like they were happening here and now.

When Francis pushed me over at the playground chanting, “You don’t have a daddy, you don’t have a daddy!”

When I couldn’t afford to go to the school camp and Sabrina told the whole school I was too poor.

When we moved to the townhouse and finally had a backyard, until the dog next door attacked Kitser and I found her with her face covered in blood.

It was horrible and not real, but my brain told me it WAS, and out of nowhere, my arm reacted on its own.

I punched Speedy Sue right in the mouth.