“You found her?” Arwen briefly jogged towards Owen in some loud street in the midst of the port city. Bright candlelight flooded the street from the surrounding buildings, washing the three in a soft glow. A constant droning noise of partying citizens and drunken conversations weaved its way around their ears, bathing the street in a busy tone.

“I did,” Owen seemed indifferent. “It wasn’t hard. At all.”

“Who are you?” the woman asked her.

The Princess tried for a disarming smile, but it seemed to have little effect on the wary woman, who was way older than she had expected. It seemed that Gareth had married someone far older than he. “I’m Arwen, pleased to make your acquaintance. Your husband has been looking all over for you.”

Ava seemed taken aback. “You mean Princess Arwen?”

Arwen’s smile turned sheepish. “I’m just Arwen.”

“T-this has to be some sort of strange prank,” Ava mumbled to herself. Oddly to the Princess, instead of establishing credibility, her presence only seemed to further confuse the older woman. “It cannot be.”

“What’s… wrong?” Arwen glanced at Owen, who returned a bemused expression.

Ava’s eyes turned intense. “You say Gareth has been looking for me? As in, right now? Today?”

“Yes…?” the Princess was unsure why she was receiving such a strange reaction.

“That is impossible.”

“Impossible?” Arwen cocked her head, a flash of doubt crawling up her spine. “How so?”

Ava shook her head in disbelief at her supposed ignorance. “Gareth died nearly twenty years ago.”

The words hit Arwen like a physical blow. She stepped back, an expression of surprise crossing her pale face as the shock raced up her body like a wave of cold water. “Huh? W-what?”

Owen sighed deeply. “Gods, Arwen. What on earth is going on? What have you done?”

“See the issue?” Ava crossed her arms around her chest.

“No,” Arwen took another step back. “It cannot be. I- I saw him! He was at the beach. He spoke to me!”

“I don’t know what’s going on here,” Ava inhaled an exasperated breath while shaking her head. “But I think this is some sort of cruel joke, so well done. Now, can I go home? Or are you to tell me that my long-dead mother is also looking for me?”

“No, wait!” Arwen raised a hand at her. “You- your name is Ava Idle… you used to be called Ava Williams. You have some sort of, um, illness he was worried about. I- I swear to you that’s what he told me! It’s true! I did see him!”

Ava’s brow creased into a deep frown. “How do you know all that? Have you been spying on me?!”

“Arwen,” Owen stepped in, speaking in a soothing tone. “You’ve not been yourself lately. I think it’s time we let this lady go.”

That was quite possibly one of the worst things he could’ve ever said. Now, Ava looked downright pissed. “Is there something wrong with her?” she demanded the archer. “Is she ill?”

“I’m not!” Arwen nearly screeched, her voice shrill. “Owen, you dimwit! Why would you say that?!”

“I’m going to go home now,” Ava sighed. “Goodnight.”

“No,” Arwen grabbed the lady’s arm. “Come with me, to the beach. He’s there, waiting. I swear it on my father’s life.”

Ava looked into her eyes. “I don’t know if you’re really the Princess or not, but I hope you get the help you need.”

She tried to pull away, but Arwen wouldn’t let go. “Let me show you, please! Just please believe me!”

“Get off of me!”

“Arwen!” Owen grabbed at the Princess’s shoulders. “Too much! You need to just let her go.”

“Remember Alaru?” Arwen turned her attention to her archer. “Remember the man I saw in the woods? The one no one believed I saw, because you didn’t see him yourself? It’s the same thing! I swear to you!”

Yet another failure to add to the list… Arwen should’ve possibility thought about saying that, before loudly admitting to seeing a man in the woods that no one else saw. All it did was renew Ava’s opinion of her crazed mind, and she started to scream now. “Help! Help me! I’m being attacked!”

“Arwen, for fuck’s sake! Get off of her!” she had never heard Owen roar as loudly as he did, and he all but shoved her off of the woman, who immediately ran over to a group of men that had emerged from the nearby bar to investigate. “What have you done?!”

“What’s going on?” one of the utterly perplexed men asked Ava.

Ava appealed to them. “She’s crazy! That man claims she’s the Princess, but she’s talking about my dead husband trying to find me! Says she’s spoken to him, and wouldn’t let go of me!”

“I was trying to help!” Arwen pleaded her case, but she could see that she wasn’t doing herself any favours. Why do I always fuck it up?! How am I so worthless?! How?! How?!

“Go away, Arwen!” Owen commanded her. “Leave! I’ll clean up this mess you’ve made.”

Arwen wanted to stay. Wanted to convince Ava of her honesty, but she could tell her time was up. She wasn’t convincing anyone. Not even her own retainer seemed to believe her. Before any of the men could try and grab her, she turned and ran, leaving Owen to deal with the woman calling the Princess of Cyfoeth crazy.

-cut-

It was almost midnight in the City of Stupor, which glowed in activity as the night-life continued in full-force.

But no one was at the beach. No one was listening to the waves sloshing against the sand, listlessly trying to consume the background noise of the city. No one was watching the docked boats rock gently in the wind. And no one was there to witness the lone Princes sat with her knees drawn to her chest on the sand, staring catatonically at the sea.

Arwen Blayney had inevitably fucked up. Again. It was part of her to do this. It was her curse.

She’d let the Dark Orb get into her head, let her own emotions and fears toy with her and change her behaviour, leading to her own retainers doubting her sanity. The lack of sleep, the long days, the energy-leaching heat, all of it had stacked up on her mind. And when she needed her own protector to trust her the most, he instead pushed her away like she was some sort of crazy tramp in the middle of a dirt-poor street.

Arwen wasn’t used to feelings. She always tried to bottle up her emotions- had gotten so good at it that she had grown used to the numbness. But when did that change? When did she start letting herself feel? The Princess wanted to say she preferred her emotions, but all it caused was problems. “What good am I?” she muttered into her own knees. “When all I do is make trouble…”

And now, she was even doubting herself. Was Gareth even real? Or was it some sort of vivid dream where she thought herself awake? Could she have imagined the whole thing, and was she truly talking to the sand the whole time? It couldn’t be… she had gotten facts right. There was an Ava Idle in Cyfoeth Port, who had a husband called Gareth, but could that just be a coincidence? Could she be going crazy, somehow?

She pulled the Light Gem from her pocket and stared into its viridescent depths. Of course, when Arwen had returned to the beach, there was no sign of Gareth. It had to be the Light Gem’s doing, right? Perhaps, when she failed to convince Ava to come with her, he was left wondering some unseen plain, forever unable to move on from lingering memories? Had Arwen just ruined a soul? Had she dredged up a poor old woman’s past for no reason, leaving her with the grief of her husband as she fled? Or was she just trying to rationalise her own mistakes?

“Who am I?” Arwen stared into the Light Gem. After Alaru, after Elain, she had begun to grow warmer to having it. But now? Her negative feelings resurfaced. Was it teasing her? Had it constructed this scenario solely to make the Princess seem crazy?

No, that was ridiculous.

For a miniscule moment, Arwen was sorely tempted to hurl the artifact into the sea, but she didn’t. The Gods only knew where it could end up, and with Arwen’s current streak, it would probably find its way into the hands of someone malicious. Also, her father would likely have her head if she admitted to losing it. Better to just keep it and stuff it in her bedside drawer to forget. She was done with the military. She wasn’t even doing anything… army-like. It was all errands, made worse by the fact that she had tied up three talented soldiers to protect her while the country was stretched to its limit. It was only her fatigue that dragged the Princess up to Hameau Inn, where she hoped someone was around to show her where her room was. She just prayed she wouldn’t have to share.

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Cai had greeted her wordlessly, and slipped a key into her hand when she told him she wanted rest.

“Did you go to the beach again?” the radiant knight asked her. Based off of his mannerisms around her, and the question, Arwen suspected Owen had told him of her apparent crazed ravings about reuniting Ava with her dead husband.

Arwen didn’t meet his eyes. “Yes.”

“Was he there?”

She slipped past him and took a step to the hallway, where her room for the night awaited. But she stopped and stared ahead of her, feeling the weight of Cai’s gaze behind her. “No.” She strode away and entered her room without ever looking back.

-cut-

The next morning, they set off north of Cyfoeth Port and up Pedr’s Path towards the Kingdom. The road was paved the entirety of the day-long journey, and offered a clear view of Loel’s Wrath to the east past the barren land rich with volcanic ash, whilst the west was filled with mountainous terrain, all covered in tall, long trees. Arwen had read that the trunks of said trees were so upright, that they could be directly inserted into ships and be used as a mast, but she couldn’t bring herself to care to look at the otherwise stunning display of Cyfoeth’s natural beauty. Instead, she walked silently behind her retainers, who conversed in a false lightness ahead of her. They were afraid she’d lash out at them, or say something else ‘crazy’, or perhaps they were mad at her for causing a scene the night before.

It took the full day to reach the Kingdom, to which Arwen was relieved to finally be able to slip away and get some privacy in her sorely missed bedroom. But even as Gwyn and Owen bid her a farewell and left, Cai remained behind. “Are you okay?”

Arwen met his concerned eyes. “What do you care?”

“I’m worried, is all.” Cai assured her in a soothing voice, though it did not go unnoticed by the Princess that he kept his distance. “I think you’ve had it rough lately. We all have.”

Arwen clenched her fists. “You just think I’m crazy.”

“No!” Cai protested her immediately. “What are you even saying?”

Her shoulders tensed up. “You don’t believe me.”

Cai shook his head a little too fast. “I do believe you, Arwen. I do! But you’ve been through a rough patch, is all. I’d be besides myself if I wasn’t sleeping well enough, personally, and while I don’t know what the Dark Orb showed you, I definitely know it wasn’t good. And that’s okay! It was an approximation, the voice said, not any sort of prediction or anything. It can’t be real, can’t hurt you. And I think you’ve been taking the whole insomnia thing well, all things considered. In fact, I-”

“Shut up!” Arwen snarled. “Shut. Up!”

Cai froze mid-sentence, his hand hovering mid-gesture. “… what?”

“Shut up! Just shut up! Leave me alone! Leave! Just leave me alone!” Arwen flung herself past her companion and made her way towards the castle.

“Arwen!” Cai called out to her. “Wait! I’m trying to help you! Please, I’m worried for you!”

The Princess grounded herself to a halt, but she didn’t turn to face him. When she spoke, it was in a low and brooding tone. “Don’t even say that, Cai. Just… don’t.”

She turned and left for home, leaving her friend behind in a stunned silence.

-cut-

Arwen had hoped being back in her room would help her sleep, but while her night had been a great improvement, she was still struggling. But she couldn’t delay her meeting with her father, who she had rudely failed to inform of her own arrival yesterday, instead opting to lock herself in her room and yelling at the servants to go away. There would be no excuse if she just stayed in bed, like she wanted to.

The audience chamber was as grandiose as ever, and was as filled with a warming light as any other day, but something had changed. Arwen couldn’t place a finger on it at first, but she soon realised that her father was the root of her instinct. The way he sat, the expression on his face, the tension in his muscles. She could see he had changed.

“Princess Arwen,” her father forewent any warm greetings, shattering Arwen’s hopes of a simple fatherly reunion. “Why do I hear about your return from my servants, instead of from you? Why was I informed you were shouting at one of your retainers, yesterday? Why did you refuse to see anyone upon your arrival?”

Arwen’s face twitched. Her father should be concerned about her, but instead he was accusatory and unforgiving. “I needed to be alone, was all.”

“Well, get over whatever it is that’s on your mind,” King Blayney all but snarled, eliciting a surprised look from his daughter before she managed to smooth her expression. “I am facing war with Helvetia, and all I hear are about are the… maniacal ramblings of my supposedly crazy daughter! Who, I don’t know, just so happens to be the heir to the damned throne! Just what were you thinking?!”

This wasn’t her father. Something had changed inside King Blayney, something too insidious to notice until it was too late. The war had been wearing on Arwen’s father more than maybe either of them had realised, and the Princess could only guess that Helvetia’s eerie inaction has only added to his paranoia. But what truly hurt Arwen was the fact that one of her retainers had told her father she was supposedly acting crazy in Cyfoeth Port. “Wh- who told you that?” she asked him quietly.

“Owen Voyle did.” King Blayney replied, leaning back in his throne. “He told me you were behaving erratically and completely out of character in the lead up to your embarrassment at the port. Along with some other unflattering comments about how he thinks you’re too risky to be comfortable working with anyone.”

“Owen just doesn’t like me,” Arwen protested. “None of them do! You surely believe me over him?”

“Oh?” her father arched a brow. “Owen Voyle is a liar? Then, why did Knight Cai and Sentinel Gwyn corroborate his story?”

The betrayal ran even deeper than she had expected. Arwen wasn’t sure why she was surprised. After all, she knew them all to think lowly of her. They were probably laughing at her right now, imagining the Princess getting told off by the King. They were enjoying this.

“Alright!” Arwen snapped, unexpectedly even to her. “I messed up! I’m sorry. But the pirates ended up having an artifice! And I got exposed to it, I had no choice!”

King Blayney’s face immediately softened. “I am aware… your retainers informed me in their verbal report this morning. But they also tell me you were behaving strangely before the artifice ever became a factor, and this doesn’t look good on you, dear daughter. You know what the rumours are like, what if all of Cyfoeth starts to believe the next-in-line is mad? We can’t afford that in a war.”

“Whatever,” the Princess pouted. Not even her own father was on her side anymore. “I’ll behave from now on. Doesn’t matter, anyways, because I’m done.”

Her father’s head shifted. “Done?”

Arwen stared into her father’s eyes. “I wish to resign from my position in the army. I will bear no more of it.”

Her father held her gaze for a few, tense, moments. She could see some sort of thought process behind his eyes at the resignation, but when he spoke, it was only a simple question. “What did that artifice do to you?”

“You’ll never understand…” no one ever would.

But her father wouldn’t let it go. “Try me.”

“It… it showed me… me.” Arwen hugged herself and averted her eyes.

“Whatever it was, wasn’t real,” King Blayney made a chopping motion with his hand. She knew it. She knew he wouldn’t care. “Cut it from your mind and don’t let that Lontaine Princess get into your head.”

When Arwen didn’t answer, the King opted for another approach. “You did well, Arwen dear, considering the situation. Involving the Church was something I particularly… disagree with, but it worked out well in the end, and I am not one to chastise for good results. Sending the Lontaine crew back to their country while detaining the Princess was also a good move, one I applaud you for. I had initially wanted their death, but that was before I knew their identities. You displayed good judgement in sparing them, therefore. I have spoken to Lontaine’s King and have received satisfactory apology, and so she will be transported to Cyfoeth Port and will be granted passage back to her country. While their use of an artifice was unexpected, you displayed good leadership by rallying together a plan to draw them out, and the removal of an artifice from hands who would dare abuse it is a positive outcome no matter what. I am glad to be able to put this inconvenience behind me.”

Arwen was utterly perplexed at why Cai and Gwyn would assign credit to her for their decisions on the Lontaine pirates, but she figured they were maybe just toying with her. It was a message, to tell her she needed their handouts to get by. But she remained neutral in the face of the King. “Thank you, father.”

“The truth is, I need you, Arwen,” King Blayney sighed and rose from his seat. “I would like you to stay in the military, but no more will you be sent to deal with domestic affairs. Instead, I need you on border patrol, where the sight of the future Queen guarding her country should help smooth over any damage to your reputation. Helvetia has been silent since their declaration of war, likely due to their fixation on the Keep, and there has been no activity from our enemies… for now. My spies are constantly relaying information and I can pull you back from the border the moment any large amounts of enemy forces are mobilised.”

Demoted to guard duties, Arwen tried not to sigh. She had hoped her father would simply let her get back to her life before the military, but it seemed he still had use of her. “Can I refuse?”

King Blayney must have noticed her despondent mood. “Come now, Arwen. Border patrol is a routine task that most, if not all, members of the military have to endure. It will likely be the perfect rest for you- just a boring, mindless job to get yourself out of whatever drama you are in, while contributing to the country you are set to lead in the future- like a royal should.”

Arwen just accepted her fate. King Blayney just wanted her away while the rumours settled. He cared more for his reputation about her, she now saw. “Where would we go?”

“You will be stationed on the western side of Coed’s Forest, just south-east of Ffin. It is an unfortunate hole in our defences, and our forces are stretched thin already. My hope is that your presence, however unlikely that this may come to pass, will help to reinforce this weak point. I highly doubt Helvetia would ever come close there, for it would be difficult to traverse that section of the forest with a large military force, but even if you catch a single spy trying to sneak in or out, then your positioning will be worth it.”

“Alright, father.”

King Blayney raised a brow. “You will do what I ask of you?”

Arwen faced her father head on. “I will.”

A bright smile. “Good. I’m proud of you, daughter. I truly am.”

-

I tried to change who I was. Truly, I did… but I simply cannot see how I could’ve altered the events of the past. I failed to see how deep the betrayal ran, and how could I? I was only sixteen…

But the unfortunate events near Coed’s and the beautiful Liliau ponds were inevitable, and I never even saw it coming…

Are you ready? This is how I, Arwen Blayney… became me.

-

After his daughter left, King Sion Blayney immediately gave some orders, and mere minutes later, the men he had wanted to see arrived.

“You two,” King Blayney nodded respectfully to the two soldiers who had come to him at his behest. They were kneeling in respect, but gazing up at him all the same. “Shadow the Princess and ensure no harm befalls her. Take the upmost care that neither she, nor her retainers see you, but do not be afraid to reveal yourself should they be attacked. Follow at a distance, but never more than a few minutes away. Try to listen in on what she says, and report to me her state of mind. Understand?”

“Yes, sir!”