The orphanage had been a bleak place, all cold walls and harsher rules, but it was nothing compared to what came after. My thoughts drifted unbidden to the night the fire tore through its brittle frame, thick smoke choking the air as chaos unfolded. The nonhuman kids—kids like us—had been rounded up like cattle by figures in black armor.
“They didn’t even try to hide what they wanted us for,” I muttered, the memory as sharp as broken glass.
Vivi’s grip on the joint tightened momentarily before they took another drag, the ember flaring bright red. Their expression darkened, shadows playing across their features in the low light. “No. They didn’t.”
The tests. The chains. The sterile, antiseptic scent of the labs. The buzzing of fluorescent lights that seemed to mock our confinement. It all surged back with the weight of a nightmare that never quite faded, clawing at the edges of my thoughts like a relentless tide.
“I used to count the seconds,” I said softly, the words pulling from a part of me I rarely touched. “From when they opened the door to when they dragged the first kid out. Five. Ten. Never more than fifteen.”
My friend didn’t respond right away. Their free hand brushed against my arm beneath the blanket—a gesture so small it might have gone unnoticed under different circumstances.
“You know, that one day I thought they’d broken you,” Vivi said finally, their voice barely above a whisper. “That one day they brought you back to the cell, and you just... sat there. Didn’t say a word. You stared at the floor like you weren’t even there anymore. I thought I’d lost you.”
I closed my eyes, the memory jagged and unrelenting, fighting to return from a corner I'd buried it in years ago. “I think a part of me did break that day,” I admitted. “They weren’t just testing anymore. They wanted to see how far they could push. How much pain I could take before I stopped fighting... before I stopped regenerating.”
Their hand tightened on my arm, grounding me. “But you didn’t stop. Even when you should have. You kept going. You always did.”
“It wasn’t strength,” I said, my voice rough with the weight of it. “It was you. Knowing you were there, that you’d fight like hell to pull me back if I slipped too far. That’s what kept me going.” At least that's what I've been telling myself all this time. Vivi let out a shaky laugh, their lips twitching as they attempted to put our childhood horrors into words. “You were my reason, too. Every time they came for one of us, I told myself, ‘If they can survive this, so can I.’”
The knot in my chest tightened further. “We shouldn’t have had to survive it, Vivi. We were just kids.”
“Yeah,” they said quietly, their gaze dropping to the city below. “But we did. And now, here we are.”
We sat in silence for a long moment, the weight of our shared history pressing down like a leaden fog. The city hummed softly around us, its indifferent pulse strangely comforting in the stillness.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” they said eventually, their tone lighter but edged with something raw. “How much of who we are now came from that hellhole?”
I snorted faintly, shaking my head. “We wouldn’t have made it without each other. That’s the only part I don’t regret.”
“Damn right,” Viv said, their faint grin curling into something sharper as they passed me the joint. “You and me against the world. Always has been.”
“Always will be,” I murmured, taking a slow drag. The smoke warmed my lungs, its haze dulling the sharper edges of memory.
They leaned back against the wall, their gaze lifting to the faint outline of stars beyond the city lights. “You know,” Vi said softly, “when we were younger, I thought we’d end up running off somewhere. Just the two of us. Some quiet place where no one gave a damn about what we were.”
I laughed quietly, the sound tinged with old longing. “Yeah, me too. Fairly sure we talked about it at some point, you know? I figured we’d find a cabin in the middle of nowhere, live off the land like some old story. Maybe get a couple goats or something.”
They chuckled, the sound dry but genuine. “Goats, huh? That would’ve been your pick. I’d want a bird. Something scrappy, like a crow.”
“Because you’re predictable,” I teased, the corner of my mouth twitching upward. “Still, I think I’d take that over this.” I gestured vaguely to the city skyline, its glittering expanse sprawling endlessly. “Even if we lasted about a week before losing our minds.”
“Three days, tops,” they countered, their grin widening.
The conversation lulled again, each of us thinking about what could have been. My mind drifted back to the present—to Jin, asleep inside, and the way everything had shifted in the span of just a few days.
“She reminds me of you,” I said suddenly, the words escaping before I could stop them.
Viv arched an eyebrow, their lips twitching into a smirk. “The succubus? I’m flattered, but you might want to unpack that one for me. Unless this is about goat herding again.”
I rolled my eyes, though the faint smile lingered. “Not like that, you ass. I mean... the way she fights to survive. The way she clings to the scraps of trust she can find. It’s like looking at us, back when everything was falling apart, again and again.”
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Their smirk softened, something thoughtful settling in its place. “She’s lucky you found her, then. You’ve always been good at pulling people out of the dark.”
I let out a quiet laugh, the sound tinged with disbelief. “I don’t know about that. Half the time, I feel like I’m just winging it.”
“You are,” Vivi said with a grin. “But you’ve got good instincts, Rak’. You always have. She’s better off with you than she’d be anywhere else.”
Their words settled over me like a warm weight, comforting but not quite dissolving my doubts.
“You think it’s too fast?” I asked quietly.
They tilted their head. “What is?”
“This. Everything with her.” I gestured vaguely toward the apartment. “It’s been five days, Vivi. Five days, and of course I already care about her. A lot. But... is that me? Or is it the bond messing with my head?”
Vi hummed thoughtfully, their gaze distant. “Maybe it’s both. Maybe the bond’s amplifying what’s already there. But that doesn’t mean it’s not real. You wouldn’t feel this way if there wasn’t something worth feeling.”
Their answer was frustratingly simple, yet something about it rang true. “I just don’t want to hurt her,” I said, my voice quieter. “She’s been through enough.”
Their gaze softened, their confidence in me unwavering. “You won’t. You’ve got a good heart, Rak'. She sees it, even if you don’t always. And I'll bring this argument full-circle for a third time if you need me to.”
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Vivi leaned forward, resting their elbows on their knees as the joint burned low between their fingers. Their gaze turned back toward the skyline, the sounds of the city filling beat after beat of silence between us. “You know,” they said, their voice melancholy, “when I first saw how Jin clung to you in HQ, I got jealous.”
The confession startled me, and I turned to look at them. Jealousy wasn’t something I associated with them. All the relationships we'd been through had never been an issue for either of us. They always had this effortless self-assurance, an unshakable belief in their place in my life.
“Jealous?” I echoed, raising an eyebrow. “Of Jin?”
Vi nodded, their jaw working briefly. “Yeah. And it pissed me off. Me? Jealous? Over someone who was clinging to you because she was terrified out of her mind? Egregious." They laughed mirthlessly. "But seeing you hold her like that... seeing the way she looked at you, like you were her entire world...”, they trailed off, their fingers idly fidgeting with the remains of the joint.
“It wasn’t logical,” they admitted after a pause, their voice quieter. “But it hit me anyway. I wasn’t used to truly sharing you.”
“Sharing me?” I asked gently, trying to piece together what they meant. “Viv, you’ve never had to share me. You’re part of me. Always have been.”
They gave a small, self-deprecating chuckle, their gaze dropping to their lap. “Yeah. But for the first time, it felt like there was this... space between us. Something I couldn’t touch. And it scared the hell out of me, Rak'.”
Their vulnerability hit me hard. My best friend—the strongest person I knew—was laying bare something fragile and raw. I shifted slightly, angling myself toward them. “You’ll always have a place with me,” I said firmly. “Always, Vi. Nothing about that has changed.”
Their eyes lifted to meet mine, searching for something I hoped they found. “Hasn’t it, though?” they asked softly. “You’re different now. Everything’s different.”
I hesitated, their words cutting close to the doubts I hadn’t let myself fully acknowledge. “Things are different,” I admitted, “but that doesn’t mean you’re any less important to me. You’ve been with me through everything, Vivi. I don’t know who I’d be without you.”
Their laugh was quiet, almost bitter. “I don’t know who I’d be without you either. That’s what scares me.”
I reached out, my hand finding theirs again under the blanket. Their fingers twitched briefly before curling around mine, shaking. “You don’t have to be scared,” I said softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Vi held onto my hand like it was an anchor, their grip firm but not crushing. “It’s not just about that,” they said, their voice barely audible. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been honest with myself about... what I feel for you. We always said it was casual, just fun. Siblings, almost. But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it never was.”
The admission lingered between us, delicate and heavy at the same time. I didn’t look away, didn’t let the moment slip past us. Didn't dare to.
“Vi,” I started carefully, my voice steady despite the ache in my chest. “What we have—it’s big. It’s always been big, in whatever form it’s taken. But if you’re asking if it could be more than that... I don’t know. I’ve never let myself truly think about it that way. Even if there’ve been moments I wished for it, I don't have an answer for you right now.”
Their lips pressed into a thin line, and they nodded slowly. “Yeah,” they murmured. “I guess I didn’t either. Not until now.”
We sat in oppressive silence for a moment, neither of us daring to speak up. Then, Vivi shifted slightly, their hand brushing against mine again.
“Hey, Rak’,” they said softly, their voice unusually tentative.
“Yeah?” I replied, my full attention on them.
“Can I... can I kiss you?” they asked, their eyes flicking up to meet mine. “Not like all the other times. Just once, something real. Just for me.”
The vulnerability in their voice, in their eyes, stole the breath from my lungs. I didn’t hesitate.
“Yeah,” I said softly. “Of course.”
They leaned in slowly, giving me every chance to pull away. But I didn’t. Their lips met mine gently, a whisper of a kiss that carried none of their usual teasing or bravado. It was raw and unguarded, achingly sincere.
When they pulled back, their eyes stayed locked on mine, searching for something I hoped they found. “Thank you,” they murmured, their voice barely audible.
I smiled faintly, brushing a strand of hair from their face. “Anytime, Vi.”
For a while, we sat there in silence, the weight of the moment softening into something gentler, as the half-devil's face showed nothing but relief. Eventually, Vivi stretched, their movements languid and unhurried.
“Alright,” they said, their voice returning to its usual playful tone. “We should probably get inside before I say something cheesy and ruin this whole vibe.”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want that.”
They grinned, standing and holding the door open for me. “Come on, Rak'. Time to get back to your clingy succubus.”
I rolled my eyes, but the fondness in my voice was impossible to hide. “Goodnight, Vi.”
“Night,” they replied, heading toward the couch.
I watched them settle before walking over, pressing a soft kiss to their forehead and then heading back to the bedroom before they could speak up. Jin stirred as I slipped under the blanket, her warmth pulling me in. Her tail curled around my leg as per usual, her head nestling against my chest.
“Sorry I was gone,” I murmured, brushing a hand through her hair. “Needed to think.”
She hummed sleepily, falling back asleep in the middle of kissing my skin. Smiling, I closed my eyes, the weight of the day finally pulling me under. I didn't know if tonight would truly change anything, didn't know if I'd allow myself to truly think about my feelings for Vivi anytime soon.
Maybe tomorrow.