Sticky Situation

Ever had your head slammed repeatedly into a concrete wall? Neither have I, but the sensation would probably be similar to the one I was suffering when I woke up. My head ached something fierce, with the painful throbbing originating on the side of my head where that armored asshole had kicked me.

I reminded myself that when I got the chance, I would pay him in kind.

As the pain lessened and my consciousness returned to me, I became aware of several things. First of all, I was still trussed up in the spider web Mordia had spat at me. I was also lying down on a flat surface, and from the gritty feel of it, I surmised that it was made out of wood. What’s more, if I were to factor in the all rocking and bumping that was happening, then I was most likely laying on something moving.

I cracked open my eyes, blinking at the waning light of late afternoon. I lifted my head up, causing another surge of pain to wrack my skull. I forced myself to ignore it and looked around.

I was in a cart being dragged by a large man, whom I recognized to be one of the archers I saw earlier. The cart was a ramshackle affair, built out of spare wood, most likely constructed quickly after my capture. Frankly, it was more of a stretcher on two wheels than a cart.

To the right side of me walked the other archer, looking smug as hell while wearing my hat. He most likely stole it the moment I fell unconscious. It made him look utterly ridiculous since it was two sizes too big for his grimy head. He was carrying two sets of bows and quivers, the second set most likely from his partner who had the unenviable job of pulling the cart.

The archer in my hat (a soon to be a dead man if I had anything to say about it) noticed me glaring and met my stare. “Hey, boss. The lizard’s awake.”

From my left, the big, armored galoot who had kicked me earlier stepped into my field of vision. He had his helmet on, though I could see parts of his scarred face through the slits in the visor. He held his massive mace in one hand, the heavy head of the weapon laying across his shoulder.

“Who are you?” I asked, my voice raspier than usual thanks to my dry throat.

I saw him smile behind his helmet. “Gordon Gaddows. Maybe you’ve heard of me?”

I sneered. “Not even one bit.”

He shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t matter whether you have or not. Once I get you to Garret, we won’t see each other ever again.” The large man looked down at my trussed-up form and chuckled. “I gotta say, you made it very easy for us to catch you. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“You should thank the shpider,” I told him.

“That nasty thing? I suppose you’re right. Too bad I had to kill it.” He shrugged again then turned his attention away from me. “Teddy,” he addressed the man pulling my cart. “You good? Need a rest?”

“No, sir, I’m good,” Teddy said as he continued to drag the cart forwards.

I looked around and silently sighed in relief when I saw the familiar swamp trees all around me. They were the same type that grew around the ruin. That meant that I was only unconscious for a few hours, maybe even less. If Lee and Marrienne were still in the area, maybe they’d be able to spring a rescue.

Even if they didn’t, I’d soon be free from this trap. I grinned; in my left hand I held the handle of my knife. Slowly, so as not to be seen, I began cutting the strands of the web.

Time passed as we chugged along. From what I could tell, they were headed towards the same river that we had used to get here. They probably have a boat or something that they stowed away nearby.

“So, Teddy,” spoke up the archer wearing my hat. “What’re you gonna do with your cut once you get it?”

The bigger man shrugged as he continued to pull my cart. “I dunno. Probably buy some land somewhere, build a house. Get me and the kids outta the slums and get them into a good school.”

I almost rolled my eyes at his answer. How full of sap can one man be? Whatever. It looked like I was about to make orphans of some brats soon.

“What about you?” Teddy asked the shorter man.

He grinned under my hat’s brim. “Oh, you know me. I’d probably go to Malmont, find me the most expensive whore in the city, then go to town on the bitch! Hell, with how much money we’re getting, I could probably afford two!”

The two men laughed.

I shook my head in irritation as I increased the speed of my cutting. The faster I get out of these bonds the quicker I could kill these two morons and get them to shut up.

We continued on our way, the two archers making idle talk while Gaddows lead them forwards silently. I had managed to cut enough of the webbing to enable me to move my arms slightly. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to enable me to slide the knife over and begin freeing my right arm.

I was busy sawing at the tough webbing when Gaddows suddenly stopped. He held a hand up and the other two men ceased their movement. As soon as the cart stopped moving, I stilled my hand lest my captors notice anything awry. The armored man tilted his head to the side, seemingly listening to the air around him.

“Anything wrong, boss?” asked the short archer.

“Quiet,” Gaddows hissed. “Something isn’t right here.”

All of us stayed quiet, listening to the wind blowing through the tree branches. But besides the wind, nothing else was heard. Not the rustle of leaves, nor the croaking of frogs in the swamp. Everything was dead still, and utterly silent.

“I know you’re there,” said Gaddows. He raised his mace up and pointed it towards the empty trees and bushes in front of him. “Stop playing these games and show yourself.”

We waited for one long moment for something to happen, but nothing did. I was about to conclude that all of this was just Gaddows’ deranged imagination acting up when a voice suddenly spoke up from in front of us.

“Impressive. Not everyone can see through my invisibility,” the voice said. It had the same air of culture and class that my mother always tried to imitate. In other words, it sounded snooty and condescending, obviously coming from a man who believed himself superior to everyone else in the room.

“I can see that your reputation is well earned, Gordon Gaddows.” The air in front of us wavered and shifted until we could see a tall, thin man in blue robes and a red cloak standing in front of us. He had a smooth, regal looking face; one could almost call him pretty. Sticking out from his long, blond hair were the thin tips of his pointed ears.

This guy was obviously a wizard of some sort.

“Argus Sittariaous,” said Gaddows, obviously knowing, or at least knowing of, the man in front of him. “What can I do for you?”

The man with the pointed ears smiled. “I’d very much like to take possession of your cargo.”

That probably meant me. I began sawing through the web with my knife again, this time not caring if anyone saw. Thankfully, the two idiots who were supposed to be watching me were instead watching their boss face off against the magician.

“That’s not gonna happen,” the armored man stated. “We got that beast first, and we are going to take him in.”

“How unfortunate,” said Argus. A gnarled wooden staff appeared out of nowhere next to the man, who then grasped the item in his right hand. “Looks like we’ll just have to fight for it, then.”

“Unfortunate, hah. Maybe for you.” Gaddows looked back to address his men. “You two, stay out of this. I can handle this on my own.”

“But, boss,” Teddy spoke up.

“I said stay out of it!” The armored brute turned back to face Argus. “Keep an eye on the lizard while I put this freak in his place.” He then began to trudge through the mud, headed towards the wizard. Despite his orders, the two archers continued to watch him and not me. All the better as I cut through more strands of webbing.

When Gaddows was half the distance to the wizard, Argus raised his staff and began chanting under his breath. At the end of his mutterings, he shouted “Fireball!” and a large ball of flame shot forth from the tip of his staff. I recognized it as the same spell Marrienne used to attack the archers. The ball of flame flew straight towards Gaddows where it hit him dead straight in the chest. Unlike Marrienne’s spell though, this one did not explode and scatter chunks of the man across the swamp. It merely fizzled out into nothing as soon as it touched his armor.

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Argus frowned when he saw his spell do nothing. “Magical immunity?”

“That’s right, friend,” Gaddows said, still continuing to plod slowly towards the magician. “This armor’s special. It was forged by the Dark Dwarves of Inguuld out of pure dead iron. Nothing magical can harm it!”

If Argus was affected in any way by this new information, he didn’t show it. Instead, he reached into one of the pouches on his belt and took out a small black bottle. He undid the cork, then threw the bottle at Gaddows.

The bottle shattered against his hard armor and bubbling, green liquid splattered everywhere. Where it had landed on the leaves and grass the effect was impressive: whole swathes of vegetation suddenly sizzled black and died. But Gaddows was miraculously unaffected.

“Alchemy won’t work on this armor, either,” he said. “Neither will Thaumaturgy. Nothing magical can get to me!”

He was near enough to Argus to strike, which he did, winding up his mace for a deadly swing. Only it didn’t connect as in a blink of an eye, Argus suddenly wasn’t there as he reappeared several feet behind the armored man.

I swear, these magicians are a tricky bunch.

“Wind Spike!” Argus shouted, causing a condensed knife of air to stab directly into Gaddows’ back. The tip of the knife shattered as soon as it hit the armor.

Gaddows turned around and rushed towards the wizard, intent on smashing him with his mace. As soon as he was within striking distance, Argus vanished again, this time reappearing twenty feet away.

This song and dance continued for a while, with Gaddows slowly closing in on the wizard before said wizard would vanish away and try some new spell on the armored man which always failed. Meanwhile, the two idiots who were supposed to be watching me were struck in awe watching their boss fight. Which was good news for me, since it allowed me to finally cut both arms free. With that done, I moved down to cutting free my legs.

Back to the two fighting, Argus cast some sort of spell on the plants around Gaddows. They each grew long and began to entwine around him, much like the spider webs that were currently trapping me. They didn’t last long though since as soon as the enchanted plants touched the armor, they began to break. But it did slow Gaddows down, long enough to give the wizard some breathing room.

I was halfway done to cutting my legs free when the shorter archer took that exact moment to become suddenly diligent and check up on me. He turned around and looked down, his eyes widening when he saw that I had almost freed myself. He opened his mouth to shout when a small, slim knife suddenly embedded itself into his left eye socket. He collapsed to the mud, dead, and I turned around to see where the knife had come from. A few feet behind the cart, I saw Lee emerging from the swamp grass, knives in both hands held at the ready.

Teddy, possibly alerted by his friend dying, whirled around to face me. He and I met each other’s eyes for one brief instance before he opened his mouth to yell. I drew my gun and aimed it at him, causing him to stop. I put my index finger across my lips, miming for him to be quiet. Teddy seemed as if he was thinking about it for a moment, before coming to a decision.

He opened his mouth and screamed.

“Boss! The liz-” I pulled the trigger and put a bullet in his skull.

If Teddy’s bellowing didn’t alert the two combatants as to my escape, then the loud retort of my firearm did. Argus and Gaddows stopped fighting, turning their attention to me.

I did my best to quickly saw through the last of the webbing binding me. Lee arrived at that moment and began to help me with his knife.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said with a grin. “Got caught up in something.”

“Save it!” I told him as both of us began to cut through the final strand. Just as my legs were freed, I heard someone shout “Fireball!” I quickly pushed Lee away while I scrambled out of the cart.

The explosion was loud, catching me in the back and tossing me across several bushes. I landed face-first in the mud, my ears ringing and vision blurry.

“Idiot! You might have killed him!” I heard Gaddows shout out.

“I don’t care. The thousand gold for bringing him in dead is still a fortune.” Oh, hell. That wizard was definitely going to die first.

I shook my head to clear it, and through the ringing in my ears, I heard the two start fighting again. I looked around and found Lee a few feet from the burning wreckage of the cart. He was on his knees looking wounded but alright; at least that’s what his smirk told me.

Beyond the wreckage, I saw the armored man and wizard still in the heat of battle. Argus would cast a spell at Gaddows, which of course was useless because of his armor. Gaddows would then run up and take a swipe at Argus, which was useless as well since the magician would just vanish and reappear somewhere else. Despite the two still going strong, I could see that Gaddows was tiring, since his movements were slowing down. And if the slight cringe in Argus’s face was to be believed, then his whole vanishing act thing was taking a toll on him as well. Eventually, one of the combatants would lose the fight, not through prowess or skill but to fatigue. That was all well and good, but I didn’t have the time to wait for one of these clowns to drop dead.

Deciding to hurry things up a bit, I stood up and drew my gun. I aimed my sights down at Argus and just as he was about to vanish, I pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through his right arm, causing the wizard to scream and drop his staff. Gaddows used the opportunity to lunge forwards and bring his mace forwards in a wide, horizontal swing. The blow caught Argus in the side, folding him in half and tossing his now useless corpse across the area, where it landed in a tangle of limbs in the mud.

Gaddows was huffing and puffing, trying to catch his breath as he looked down at the heap that was once his opponent. He then turned his attention to us.

“I don’t think my knives can get through that armor of his,” Lee said as the armored man started to move towards us.

“Don’t worry about it,” I told him as I aimed my gun at the brute. I squeezed the trigger, sending another .50 caliber bullet screaming through the air. Just as it hit the armor, the bullet suddenly vanished in a flash of light.

“Fool! Magic will not work on me!” He shouted, holding up his mace and charging.

This was bullshit! My gun wasn’t magic! Was it?

No way, it wasn’t.

I shot at the charging armored bull again, and just like before the bullet fizzled into light.

“I don’t think that’s working,” Lee spoke up.

No kidding. Whatever. If I can’t shoot through his armor, then I’ll just have to shoot somewhere that wasn’t covered in armor.

I aimed my revolver once more, this time laying my shooting hand across my left arm for more stability. I only had two more rounds in the cylinder. Better make it count.

I aligned the sights with one of the slits in his helmet. I held my breath and pulled the trigger. The shot whizzed forwards, then banged against the helmet’s grill, vanishing in light.

Gaddows was close now, his mace heaved up in the air ready to smash me to pieces. I clicked the hammer back once more, then held steady as I aligned my sights. Gaddows was only five feet away when I pulled the trigger. The bullet sailed straight through the air and into the gap in the helmet’s visor, hitting Gaddows in the right eye. The lumbering armored giant toppled forwards and fell into the mud, his momentum carrying him across the rest of the way to stop right at my feet.

Lee let out a loud whistle. “Wow. That sure was something.”

I let out a loud breath as I holstered my gun. That shot was a definite lifesaver.

After patching Lee up, we went over the bodies to see if there was anything of value on them. The two archers had nothing, well, except for my hat which I promptly took back. Argus had a lot of weird shit in his pouches, much of which I was sure Marrienne would like. Speaking of which…

“Hey,” I called out to Lee. “Did you shee Marrienne anywhere?”

The lanky man shook his head. “Nope. Haven’t seen her.” He then grinned. “Maybe the trogs got her.”

I grunted at the joke. After searching through all the junk, I decided to just grab Argus’s whole belt. I’d give it to Marrienne if she were still alive. If not, well, I’m sure I could sell it back in town.

Next to loot was Gaddows. Lee and I carefully removed each piece of his red armor, knowing how valuable it was. I made sure to wash out all the blood and brain matter from the helmet. Once we had all of it in a neat pile, we searched through Gaddows’ pockets. The big man had nothing but a few gold and a locket, inside of which was a small painting of a young woman. I pocketed it, thinking that maybe I could get a few coins out of it.

I then brought my attention to Gaddows’ armor. Originally, I was planning on selling it. But now that I thought about it, magical immunity was something that would definitely come in handy. I removed my coat, which still had strings of spider silk stuck to it, folded it nicely, then placed it on a relatively dry piece of ground. I then picked up the armor’s cuirass and began to put it on.

“You gonna wear all that?” Lee asked.

“Well, whichever ones fit,” I said as I fastened the bindings on the cuirass. I then began moving my torso about, testing the range of each motion.

Hmm, it fits. It was a little snug around the shoulders, but other than that it was passable. I began to try on the other parts of Gaddows’ armor, but sadly much of it did not fit the contours of my lizard body. The only other pieces that I could use were the bracers, which fit tightly over my wrists.

You have found the armor set called

Gaddows’ Scarlet Dead Iron Armor (3/10)

When worn, provides limited

Magical Immunity.

Wearing the full set awards Full Magical Immunity.

Huh. So it looks like I wouldn’t get the full effect. Oh well, partial magical immunity was better than no magical immunity.

I looked over at Lee. “What about you? Do you want any of thish?” I pointed to the remaining pieces of armor.

He shook his head. “No thanks. Not really the armor type.”

I nodded. I guess we were going to sell the rest then.

I reached down for my coat, then pulled it on. It was a bit snug now thanks to the cuirass I was wearing, but thankfully the coat was baggy enough to allow me enough room to move around if need be.

We began packing up everything, with me carrying the remaining red armor as well as Ardus’s belt. Lee carried the bag of archeological instruments, the items that brought us all here to begin with, which he says he found in the ruins. Oh well, at least the clients will be happy.

“We headed back to the river?” Lee asked.

I shook my head. “No, we’ll head back to the ruinsh and make camp. We’ll wait the night for Marrienne to show up. If she doesn’t by morning, we’ll head back.”

“Sounds good,” Lee said.

And so, we headed out.