"Hey, hey, watch the toes! I know I can regrow 'em, but this is hardly a smoo-" Aaaaaaaand they threw me in a cell.
After a bonk on the head and a brief roll across the floor, I take a moment to situate myself and rub the comically large bump forming on my noggin'.
Granted, the ability Funny Wounds was sooooo worth the slight itchy feeling, but sometimes it was just a little to much. Sighing, I instantly begin plotting my escape as Guard One and Guard Forty-seven begin listing off my 'petty crimes' of the day.
"Juggling old ladies, no damages to personel."(My Inappropriate Jester skill had finally reached level nine for that bit.)
"Theft of people's socks, ninety counts, dropped due to return of the items." (Most of them stank, but I secretely kept a pair since I lost mine.)
"Four charges of...sigh...lollygagging." (Actually quite hard to do, though I'm nearing the kingdom record of seven-hundred charges in a year.)
"Finally, one charge of high nekomancy." (Look, I know that cats have nine lives, but imagine a thousand cats put together! At most that's like twelve lives! I...I'm not good at multiplication...)
Oh, look, Guard one is still talking. "Jules, as I'm sure you know, this is your fourteenth time in the city jail. If you come back again, it'll be a life....Jules, why are you doing the dragon dance?"
I take a moment to stop flapping my arms and put a foot back on the ground, staring at the Guard before me as though he had insulted my mother's goat. Granted, I was levelling up my Inappropriate Timing skill, but he didn't need to know that. "Dear sir!" I say, "That was the pigeon dance! This is the dragon dance!" To which I immediately crouched low, began flapping my arms much slower and began releasing gravelly roar-chirps.
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However, I stop after just a moment and straighten myself out, scratching the slowly shrinking bump on my head. "Don't want to do that too long though, might attract Louis. She's been after me since I levelled my Dragon Baby Imitation skill to sixty."
By this point the guards just sigh, shake their heads, lock my cell door, and leave.
Perfect.
As soon as I hear the door to the guard post creak closed, I immediately walk over to the aforementioned door and check it's brand of aforementioned lock. Simple two-tumbler system, a model from about five years ago, moderate wear-and-tear, slightly moldy.
Again, perfect.
Beginning a slight tune in the form of a Whistle (level three hundred and six), I dig a finger into my bellybutton and activate my level twelve skill Tummy Tuck, pulling out a simple lockpicking set. Then, using one hand to activate my One Hand Show (while it is what you think, it has other uses, mainly increasing the dexterity and skill of any action done by a single hand. Writing, wanking, magic, etc.) I take my time picking the lock before slowly pushing the slightly creaky door out.
Once that's done, I walk over to the window on the end of the hall, making a point to ignore the rest of the riffraff, and peek out. Four stories up, eh? Eaaaasy. First though, I need to take off these pants...
A few minutes, a few knots, and a level on my Squishy Bones skill later, and I'm sitting on the ledge outside of the jail. Gripping my tied-on-the-legs pants, I take a deep breathe, let it out, take another larger breathe, and jump.
The moment the wind begins to pick up and catches into the waistline of my leg-garment, the skill Parachute Pantaloons activates and begins lifting me into the sky as I wish to go up. Once I'm over the wall to the jail, I decide to maintain altitude and take a brief tour of the city.
Since I can't get arrested here anymore, I might as well take a final little lookey-loo before heading off.
Huh..those people seem to be pointing up to me. I'd wave but my hands ar-
Title: Indecent Exposure Fanatic has levelled up!
Oh...oooooooh...I sold my underwear to that witch this morning....huh....yep, time to go. Goodbyyyyeeeee town I forgot the name of but kinda smells like cheese, goooooooodbbbbyyyyeeeee!