What is it that he did wrong? Was he too clingy for you? Was he not someone you expected him to be? Well that’s surprising because of everything he had done for you? He was your most amazing boy, now he's just a part of your past

I woke up at 7:04 am today. I know it's an odd time but it ain't odd to me. I always wake up between 7-7:10 am without an alarm. This is when I know my day is gonna be normal.

But waking up a minute before 7 it a minute after 7:10, that's when I know the day is gonna be unusual. And according to me, unusual isn't a pretty word. 

I didn't know a minute would make a difference. It was until that day, the day she left me. I woke up at 7:11, not expecting anything unusual. I did my stuff and went to school but little did I know, one of the most tragic incidents of my life just happened.

It's been 6 months since this happened. Ever since then, I kept waking up at my normal time. I keep alarms now, I don't wanna go through another desolation. 

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I'm getting ready for another NORMAL day of school. I put on my sweatshirt and pant and left.

30 mins later,

Oh yeah, I'm not surprised. The first thing I see while coming to school every day, Elanie Mertens making out with Ezro. I'm so used to seeing this, I mean that's what I always think.

We still talk but it doesn't feel the same anymore. Well, it seems like my body clock considers this the new normal. I just need to get through this for 2 more years and I'm good.

“Yo Ariz you good?”, Earl comes to me, patting my back.

“Oh yeah, you know, the usual”.

“Oh damn, and you said you got over her”

“I did get over it, it's just......, you will never understand”.

“Yeah, your right, I won't understand, you're too hot you can get people easily, why would I bother trying, the way they look at me is more than enough to warn me not to try.”

I don't know what to say. Earl has a huge mark on his face. A mark caused by a bus crash that took place 4 years ago. The same crash where my mum died. That day I woke up at 6:46 am, knowing something bad was gonna happen.

When it came to women, I gave priority to my mom and second to Elanie, but after her death, it was all Elanie. But now Elanie left me as well. I don't think I have any women to support me.

To be honest I don't want any woman at this point. I'm scared to go for another one. Scared to talk to another girl. I legit lost all confidence in myself.

My mindset is like this, I'm fine without anyone but when it comes to Elanie, I'm desperate. I still love her and I would forgive her if she ever comes back to me. I would be there for her if she still needs me. 

All the moments we had for almost 5 years of our lives and she went for someone who she met days before she broke up with me. I was stupid to believe this will all last. I mean why am I surprised, in the end, it’s me who I am talking about. 

I and Earl walked to class together. Today is the last day of school as it's summer break for the next 3 months. I won't be seeing Elanie and Ezro for a while and I need this. But this is also my first summer break without her. This is gonna feel different.