Chapter 22 Mika’s PoW

The day had gone by much better than Mika had expected it to go. Admittedly the day had started as a disaster.

Not only she had missed her alarm, but she had also overslept by a good two hours. For once her parents had been content to let her sleep and normally she would be happy about it, but today was too important and nothing could go wrong.

So the little detail of her in the excitement not managing to fall asleep till almost morning and then oversleeping was not a good start. She had barely managed to be on time to her hairdresser, where she had spent the rest of her morning.

After returning back home it was time for another shower. All of the running around had made her sweaty and she could not have that on her first dat-, outing.

Luckily she had shaved her legs and bikini zone yesterday. Probably an unnecessary step, but the ‘what if’ haunted her mind. There was no way, it was impossible, but what if…? She had to be ready for any circumstances.

So, of course, when Mika started to dress she discovered that her lipstick was missing. It called for an organized search, so naturally, she started to scour every corner of her room, ignoring the mess she made on every step she took.

The tragedy was that the search had turned out to be useless. When her mother had checked on her to see what the noise was about she had also informed Mika of her appropriating the said lipstick. It was true, that she had other lipsticks that she could use, but this one was a perfect match for her blouse. It also made her lips look more alluring and the date could end with a kiss…

“Only it is not a date!” Mika declared as she looked in the mirror.

Mika had troubles of not thinking about this outing as a date. She was aware that Silva thought of it as girl day out, she even feared that Silva would arrive in her usual attire. Not that she would mind it, but it would be nice if her love interest showed at least some awareness.

Everything was already scheduled. She would arrive much earlier, wait for Silva and then go and see the movie which Steven had recommended. Afterwards, they would have a nice meal and she would use it as a chance to gather her courage. After the restaurant, she would tell Silva of her inclinations.

Mika wanted to have a day after which she would have no regrets, regardless of the result of her confession. Well, one of the confessions. The other one could wait. She was not ready for that one.

And to be fair everything had gone almost as planned. Almost being the keyword. Mika had arrived an hour early to get ready. The goal was to get a grip on her inner anxiousness while waiting. But Silva had a similar idea and had arrived even earlier putting her into a daze.

Somehow she had managed to collect herself despite Silva’s magnificent look. The girl had dressed up. It was the first time she had seen that. There was no doubt that Silva was the most beautiful being in the world. There was even make-up, thought Mika actually preferred Silva without it. It was also the first time she had seen her in a skirt. They were a bit too long for her taste, as it made it hard to catch a glimpse of Silva’s alluring legs, but she knew that it was too much to ask for.

The next hour she had spent listening to Silva talk. She was sure that she had stared at her friend an excessive amount, but it was a rare chance to hear Silva talk so much. Just watching her speak was so arrou-, engrossing.

It was trouble that came next. Somehow during the hectic preparation period, she had forgotten to check what exactly had Steven suggested for them to watch. He had only said it was a perfect movie to close the distance between two persons.

Mika had worried that Silva would bow out of the movie, but luckily she hadn’t. “Luckily! So lucky!” Even now Mika had troubles calming herself down every time she remembered the cinema.

At the start, she had been worried about her ability to handle the horror aspect of the movie, as she too was not very good with it…

But then Silva had grabbed her hand blowing all of her worries away. Just one glance at Silva’s face had made her courage skyrocket.

It was a blissful feeling to be relied on by your crush. Mika felt that she could die the next moment from the happiness and, to be fair, it almost had happened when the movie had reached midway.

There must have been something that the movie had done to make Silva so scared that she had hugged Mika in fright. The warmth from Silva’s body. Her face that rested in her nape, her breath tickling her skin…

Mika had felt hot, her heart beating in an erratic rhythm. Then the faint fragrance of Silva’s body reached her. Her friend’s hand had accidentally brushed past her breasts.

It was hard for Mika to recall what had happened next. All she remembered were the euphoric and entangling sensations. She was sure that this memory would bring many sleepless nights and fantasies to her.

When Mika finally had started to register what was happening around her she was already on her way to the restaurant. After arriving there she had followed the plan she had worked out before. For all the bliss that Silva had brought to her the least she could do was to treat a meal to her.

Unfortunately, Silva had brought her back to the ground. Just one innocent sentence. It was all it took. Mika was sure that Silva had not meant anything by it, and that was why it hurt so badly.

Mika already knew it but… Silva did not saw her as anything else but a friend. Despite her best attempts at making a good impression and flirting the end result was that Silva thought that the restaurant she had been brought to was well suited for dates.

It was true that they were not a couple, but there did not seem to be any semiconscious reactions from Silva, just a wishful sentence that longed for the future. Mika was not sure where she belonged in that future, nor, at that moment she wanted to...

Now it was a late evening and as per Mika’s suggestion, they were now walking to Silva’s place. The usual autumn coldness chilled their skin and the overcast sky hid the moon and stars. The weather had turned worse as had Mika’s thoughts.

At one point Silva had made a feeble suggestion that it would be safer for her to walk Mika home. It was true, Silva was good at hiding, but she was even better at finding trouble, so Mika had not allowed it. If the worst comes to a pass, she would rather have time to cry, before returning back home.

Mika was admonishing herself because currently, Silva was clearly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because of her. And Silva was waiting, waiting for her to talk.

And Mika would, she had made her memories. Steven had assured her that Silva would not think of her any less than before, but you could never know. Maybe Silva would be done with her. Maybe she would be angry, disappointed or worse. Humans were complicated, she knew that. She was complicated too.

As they crossed another crossroads Mika looked at her friend. She was afraid to lose even that small bond, but if she wanted more she had to tell her.

“So, um, I said that we have something to talk about. No, what I meant, I have something to say. You can just listen. You may have noticed that there are not many people I call friends.”

“Besides Steven?”

“Besides Steven.”

“I have not heard of anyone else,” Silva observed.

“Yeah, you may have thought that it’s because of my personality…” Mika started but was interrupted.

“What do you mean?” Silva was looking at her as if she had said something strange.

“You know, I can be violent and sometimes mean to a point of being, you know, a bit of a bitch. I like to be in control and I am not happy if others disagree with me. I can be a bit obsessive and-.” “I think that you are a very sweet girl.” Silva interrupted her again. “You always are ready to defend me, to spoil me and listen to me. You help me when I am lost and give me the company when I am lonely. It is true that sometimes you are too cautious and keep a tight rein on me and Steven, well more on Steven… But it clearly shows that you care.”

Mika looked at her friend who was giving her a smile. She was sure that Silva thought of it as a big and comforting one, even if her lips were stiff and barely bent upwards. It was a very charming smile.

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“Thank you… It-, it means a lot coming from you, but we went on a bit of a tangent.” Mika looked around. There were still cars passing them, but barely any pedestrian remained on the streets. It was already getting late and most everyone had already retreated to their own homes.

This was not the place where she had wanted to explain herself, but it would have to do. Mika’s courage would run out before they found a better one.

“As I was saying...” Mika started to speak. “I… It is hard for me to make new friends. You know, I don’t think I look bad.” That elected a small chuckle from Silva. “But that is a problem in itself. Boys come with expectations of becoming something more than friends and girls…”

There it was, there was no more avoiding. To this day only Steven knew, and this was an important step to take. Mika took another breath and hoped that her voice would not crack at this moment. At some point, they had stopped walking. She looked in Silva’s eyes. She like Silva’s eyes, they were dusky blue and reminded her of the sky. Though it was hard to see the colour in the evening’s shade.

“I am attracted to them. The girls I mean.” Mika managed to finish. She waited for Silva’s reaction. It was hard to tell what the girl was thinking most of the time, but she thought of herself as an expert of deciphering the many meaning of Silva’s facial expressions.

At first, Silva looked her as if she did not understand. Then an understanding dawned on her, then an incomprehension, then bewilderment. Maybe there was more, hidden even deeper. But at least Silva did not run, she was not angry.

“Maybe she did not understand after all.” Mika sadly tried to guess to herself and hurried to explain.

“I-, it’s not like I did not want to tell you, it’s just… I thought you would be scared of me, that you would be repulsed of me. Please don’t think I was just using our friendship. I really like you… You truly are my friend.” Mika wiped her tears away. She did not want to ruin her make-up. Not now, at least she had to keep looking pretty, she could cry afterwards. “And, and… Somehow I have become a mess.” Mika tried to find a handkerchief in her purse as she kept talking.

“So I wanted to spend some time with you, just in case...” Mika winced when a cold hand touched her cheek, then another started to wipe away her tears.

“Don’t cry, it’s okay, I am not going anywhere.” Silva gently comforted. “There is no way something so small would make me dislike you. After all…”

Mika perked up waiting for Silva to finish. She felt awkward and ashamed, but hopeful.

“You are my best friend,” Silva finished.

It was not quite what Mika had hoped to hear, but it was close. Silva would not leave her and for now, it was all that mattered. But there still was a question she dreaded Silva would ask.

Mika let herself to be lead by Silva who found a nearby bench where they both sat down. It took a while for Mika to calm down enough to be able to take a deep breath and even then she felt that she could tear up at any moment.

“S-, so, there you have it,” Mika said almost spitefully. She hated herself for doing that and hoped that Silva would not ask why had she asked her out today. She hoped Silva would not ask what she thought of her…

Because if she did she would not be able to lie. Again a tear run down her cheek that was quickly collected by Silva.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think any lesser of you. Sorry I did not notice it sooner.” Silva apologized and her apology froze Mika’s heart.

All she could think about was that Silva knew. She knew her greatest secret, but her tone… It was not heartening and Mika knew that she would be let down.

After all, no matter how dense Silva was, there was no way to not piece together Mika’s actions with her sexual orientation. She had been positively fawning over Silva for weeks now.

Mika clenched her hands into fists and hoped that the rejection would pass over soon. Then she would go home and cry. Tomorrow she would not go to school and after that… She would pretend that this day had never happened. She would smile and act as usual.

Slowly Silva continued talking. “I did not notice that I made you feel uncomfortable, how could I not? I am sorry I was clinging to you too much, it must have been awkward. I-.”

“No, you are wrong!” Mika found herself speaking against her will. “You are wrong, it was not uncomfortable! It was nice! You did nothing wrong! Don’t change anything, please!”

At that moment Silva hugged her and started to whisper in her ear.

“Nothing will change! I assure you that I’ll keep being your friend and I’ll even help you. I am happy that you told me and that is the truth.”

Mika wanted to tell Silva that she was wrong. That everything had changed. That being just friends was not enough, but instead, she nodded. Instead of getting rejected it felt that she had gotten an extension to their friendship.

There was a bad taste in her mouth and it did not vanish. She was a liar. In the end, she did not tell the most important thing and resigned herself to return to the previous state. It was not the worst conclusion by definition, but it felt the worst.

They sat in quiet for a while, both with their own thoughts, but Silva never let Mika go. There was a misunderstanding in the air, but Mika did not know how to fix it or what the exact misunderstanding was.

“Um, Silva did you really understand?” Mika tried to ask but got back only a warm gaze. The same eyes that had captured her and Mika knew that she would never be free of them.

“Of course! Now, let’s get going, it is cold and we don’t want you to get sick, do we?”

Mika was still trying to understand what was going on. It seemed that Silva did not know that she like her? “But how? How could she not?” Mika did not understand. Was there no limit to the denseness of her friend? “I even tricked her to go on a date on the day I thought she would start to distance herself from me!”

They had walked a good distance before Mika regained the ability to speak.

“Silva, I don’t think you quite understood what I was trying to say.” Inside she cursed herself for being such a coward. She still hoped that Silva would realize herself and she would not have to say it aloud.

They were about to arrive at Silva’s place and there was not much time to talk about this topic. Mika was sure that she would chicken out of speaking about it later.

“You said that you can fall in love only with girls. That you thought of me as your best friend. That you don’t want for things to change.”

Mika’s mind froze again.

“I understand. You don’t think I am crush-worthy, but that’s fine. It will be easier for you that way. I’ll see you tomorrow? And don’t be afraid to talk to me. Remember, we are friends. See you!

Silva waved and entered the building.

In a stupor, Mika watched her friend head up. She wanted to ask what exactly had she understood. Where had she gotten the idea that she was not crush-worthy? But her mouth betrayed her and stayed closed.

And there was something else too.

“It seems that I still have the chance?” Mika murmured as she started to look for a taxi. Silva had not rejected her.