The sun was about to set on the horizon. Far away from the city, on a cliff, Milo sat, looking out over the scenery of mountains with a sunset resting beside them.

He looked down below his dangling feet and began to almost second-guess his decision to come out here. If he wanted to he could just have gone to a steeper cliff but this one even dough it was not that high upp had the best view.

Even if the fall isn’t that steep, if he make sure to land on his head or neck, that would probably do the trick.

Milo could feel his heart pounding as he gazed down.

… its probably just about steep enough.

Suddenly, he could hear footsteps approaching from behind.

As Milo looked over his shoulder, he saw the figure of a woman.

To his surprise, it was Vega, a goth chick who had rejected him some years back.

Even though she had turned him down, they had somehow become somewhat close to each other.

After noticing her, he looked away and returned to gazing at the inevitable doom beneath him.

“You gonna jump?”

Vegas voice felt numb and cold.

“Leave me alone… I didn’t ask you to be here for this.”

Vega stood quiet for a bit, looking down at Milo as he sat hunched over on the side of the steep hill.

“Milo… these last couple of days, something’s been off with you. And I don’t get it…”

She paused for a quick moment before she asked.

“Why are you so mad?”

Milo glanced back at her, then his eyes turned back toward the sunset.

“I can’t take this anymore…”

Milo let out a big sigh.

“Listen, I get it—why would I want to kill myself? My life isn’t even that bad to begin with. A lot of people have it worse than me, but you don’t see them complain about it.”

“But listen, I get it… I really do.”

“If I just hold on a little longer, things will probably get better, and I’ll think back at this moment and laugh about how stupid I was…”

Milo paused and looked back at Vega, his eyes unable of meeting her quiet stare.

“But I won’t let that happen. I’ll make sure that this body is cold before then.”

Vega let out a quiet sigh and sat down beside him, as he continued.

“I hate my life, every part of it.”

“I hate going to work and making small talk. Pretending to be a charming, bright guy. Talking and making conversation only for the sake of not having to sit in silence.”

“I hate talking with the people I work with because we always talk… We talk so much about nothing, and we do it all the time.”

“But if I wouldn’t be talking, I’d feel like I was left out, and I’d feel even shittier. I pretend to be a social butterfly only for the sake of making others believe I’m that kind of person. And I’m tired of it.”

“I know I’m fake, but it’s okay because I bet a lot of people are like me. Actors for the sake of other people’s acceptance.”

Milo tilted his head slightly and paused for a moment, thinking through what he had just said.

“Actually, I think I just hate people overall. Like the kids hanging out after school, being loud and arrogant.

But truthfully, I hate them only because they make me feel jealous…”

“Who wouldn’t want to go back to being a stupid brat? They don’t get it yet, and that’s a blessing. Life doesn’t hit you until it does… and when it do, it hurts.

I feel bad for them because they don’t know what’s about to come, but still… I hate kids.”

Milo leaned back and looked up at the orange clouds.

“I hate all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons.”

”And when I think about it, all my hate originates from myself.

Like how I hate nice people because they try too hard with their facade, but really, they just make me feel like a dick because I’m not as bright as them.”

Milo looked to his right where Vega sat quietly observing.

And suddenly, it hit him.

“Oh, that’s right. You’re probably still wondering why I want to kill myself.”

He sat back up, slightly hunched over, and thought for a bit.

“Well, I don’t have a specific reason. I just want to do it because…”

Milo felt a cold sweat running down his spine.

“If I don’t do it now, I might never do it.”

Milo turned his face toward Vega, still unable to meet her eyes.

“It’s simple…”

“I hate myself, I hate my life, and I want to kill myself.”

“My worst fear is that I never find the courage to commit suicide and have to live the rest of my life like I do now.”

His voice suddenly started to shift tone into something slightly more intense.

“I could decide not to do it, but what would happen then?”

His eyes turned back down into the darkness beneath him.

Even tough it was obvious, he gave out a forced smile.

“No matter how much I scream, cry, and fight, the world would still be the same.”

“The sun would still rise every morning, and the world would still be moving forward. I’d still just be stumbling around, trying to figure out myself, the people around me, and try to get a grasp of what’s going on…”

Milo stopped for a second. His stare had turned dark as the sun disappeared behind the mountains.

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“Continuing to live… that would be the worst ever.”

As he was starting to sound more desperate he let out a short cough as of pretending to clear his throat.

“They say that you get wiser and learn to understand life more the older you get. If I were to be alive for 50 more years, I’d feel ten times worse than I do now.

I’d wake up one day and like the rest, be completely numb… I don’t want to live like that.

Even now, I can barely stand.”

A sudden burst of anger hit him as he sat quiet for just a second.

“I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired.”

He turned his gaze, and for the first time, met Vega’s eyes as she still looked right at him.

His voice grew even louder.

“And I know what you’re thinking!”

“Everyone is tired, and I’m just bitching about it compared to the rest of you.”

Milo’s loud voice now practically yelling.

“I’m not weak! And I wouldn’t care if I was.”

“The truth is that all of you have accepted life for what it is and are okay with it being terrible! That doesn’t make you strong! Everyone wants to kill themselves, but you’re all too fucking scared to actually commit!

You’re the ones who are weak!”

Milo stopped his rant, as though suddenly aware of how loud he was. To his right, Vega still sat with her arms around her legs, looking at Milo, seemingly unaffected by his speech. She lets out a short breath and suddenly stood back up.

She brushed the dirt off her clothes, and with a slight irritation in her tone, she once again asked him,

“Why are you so mad?”

Milo looked up at her with a glimpse of anger in his eyes because she had seemingly ignored everything he just said.

Vega looked away, shifting her eyes to the clouds that slowly lost more and more color as the sun’s light faded away behind the horizon.

Finally, she spoke up in the same monotone tone she usually have.

“Life doesn’t have to be terrible, you know.”

“Your life could be great if you just tried to shape it that way… you don’t have to learn how to like it at the bottom.”

Milo felt a slight pulse of anger go through him.

“Huh?”

“Of course I want to be happy, who wouldn’t want to?”

judgmentally she looked back down at him.

”Then what’s the problem? If you want to be happy then try to do something about it.”

“Well it’s just that I… I can’t be happy without facing a consequence.”

His voice was once again sounding slightly desperate.

”…hm?”

Vega became a little intrigued by his answer; she hadn’t expected him to say that.

"...What consequence?"

He glanced down at his hands and began too fidget.

“Most times when I feel happy, it’s just a chance to fill up one of the holes leaking out of me.”

“Nicotine, cannabis, alcohol, or simply sex and jerking off… In the moment, I feel a rush of happiness, but afterward, I just feel even shittier.”

“All the things that make me happy always get taken away by the same source. But it doesn’t have to be anything addictive. It could simply be hanging out with someone, only to later feel like I wasted my time.”

With the sun now completely set and darkness slowly glooming over them, he continued in a lower, softer voice.

“If I were to find a woman that I’d actually love, get kids, find a job I didn’t hate, and just live a financially stable life, I’d probably be happy.”

“Even if I messed up and watched as that life slipped through my fingers, I’d still be happy that I got to experience it because… I know someone like me don’t deserve it anyway.”

Milo’s voice returned to normal as he faced forward.

“I’m a fucking piece of shit, but at least I’m self-aware of it.”

“A lot of bad people live way too happy lives and are too ignorant to even notice others suffering… I wou—”

“What are you even talking about?” Vega yelled out, her voice sharp with irritation as she glared down at him.

“You’re so full of all this sad ideas about yourself you believe are real, and act like your truth is final.

But you just sound dumb.”

With a cold, hard voice, she continued speaking, standing right next to him in a towering position.

“First of all, there are no good or bad people; the ones you think are bad are just people you're jealous of.

Second, you don’t need to fill up any of your so-called holes because they’re just made up by your stupid brain that thinks your body needs those things.”

“And having the perfect life isn’t the only way to find real happiness, you idiot. No one has the perfect life, and the ones who do are probably just as miserable as you are. Being happy doesn’t have to be as damn complicated as you make it out to be.”

Milo sat quietly, trying not to move, but a faint tremble was still visible.

Vega took a step closer as she raised her voice.

“But still, that has nothing to do with my question.”

She paused for a few seconds before asking Milo once again,

“Why are you so mad?”

With an irritated low tone, he answered her, his eyes glaring with angry yet eerie intensity.

“Tch, if you’re just going to be an annoying bitch, you could leave. I had a nice moment till you came and ruined the perfect moment to jump off this dumb hill.”

Vega once again totally ignored Milo's words and answered him with even more anger.

“Just answer me already! What are you so mad abou—”

“What the hell do you think!?”

Milo looked at Vega with rage in his eyes. His voice no longer weak but strong and overpowering.

“I’m mad at everything!

Everyone in this entire world! I’m mad at everyone!

Because everyone sucks!

No one even bothers with being decent anymore.

Most people don’t even try, and others just make it too obvious that they’re faking it.

I’m mad at myself for giving up so damn easily! Why else would I be sitting here?!

And I’m mad at everyone around me for not even bothering to check in on me when it’s fucking obvious that this world is making me go insane!”

“No! You’re just walking around my question again!” Vega screamed back at him.

“Be honest with me for once! If you’re just going to end it all now, why can’t you at least end it with how you truly feel?”

Milo stood up and faced Vega.

“Huh?! I just did! What more do you want?!”

“I just told you! I want you to be honest for once!”

Vega looked up at Milo and asked once again,

“Answer me! Why the hell are you so mad?!”

With terror and hate in his eyes, Milo screamed back.

“I’m mad, okay! I’m fucking mad all the time! Every time I’m with you or anyone else, I’m fucking mad, ALRIGHT?”

Milo felt like he was about to break.

“Do you think I’m only mad at this messed-up world and its rotten people?! No! I’m fucking mad at myself! I’m a failure—I’ve always been! No matter what I do, I always screw everything up!”

Milo took two steps back, his head tilting back, hands covering his face.

“I’m so mad that I could kill myself by smashing my head in with one of these stones on the ground! I could do it! I’m not fucking afraid to hurt myself or feel pain!”

He stumbled back and forth, his steps uneven and all over the place.

“I don’t care about dying! I don’t fucking care about any of that or how anyone I know would react to me passing away! I DON’T CARE!”

As he screamed, he began taking unhinged steps toward Vega. She noticed, yet stood still.

“I don’t care about being honest! I don’t care about being a good friend in my last minutes! Actually, I don’t care about any of that shit! I fucking hate all of you anyway!!”

“You know what?! After I’m gone, go ahead and tell Jean and Millie they should break up! It’s fucking obvious they don’t work together. And then tell Jean he’s a piece of shit and that I wanted to fuck his sister.

And tell Ren he didn’t lose his money at the mall—it wasn’t some random stranger. I took it to buy weed to impress Mai! Speaking of Mai, tell her last month when she was blacked out drunk I took advantage of her. or you could just make up a bunch of shit, it doesn’t matter.

Burn all the bridges. I couldn’t care less if they believe me or not, if they hate me or feel bad—I don’t care.”

“Actually, I don’t even care if they know or not! I just don’t care!! But you’re here anyway, so I might as well tell you! You’re a sad, sadistic bitch, and I hate you even more than the others!”

Milo got closer to Vega as he felt adrenaline pump through his body.

Vega, still not backing down, yelled back at him with rage in her voice.

“What’s wrong with you!? Are you an idiot!? Answer my fucking questions already! WHY ARE YOU SO MA—!?”

“SHUT UUUUP!

STOP ASKING ME THAT SHIT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVEER AND OOVVEERR!!!

AAAGGHH, ILL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“I’LL FUCKING DO IT RIGHT HERE ON THIS DAMN HILL!

I would pin you down and strangle you with my bare hands! You would scream, struggle, and try to reach for me, and then I would lift you up and repeatedly smash your head into the ground until your whole body starts shaking!

AND WHEN I’M DONE, I WOULD THROW YOUR LIFELESS BODY OFF THIS FUCKING CLIFF AND KILL MYSELF TOO!”

Milo stopped screaming and breathed heavily, exhausted.

Vega stood silently, looking at him in disgust. For a moment, everything was silent.

It had gotten dark, but the moon was slowly rising on the opposite side of the horizon, bringing some light onto them both.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Milo…

You’re such a fucking piece of shit it makes me sick.”

Milo, hunched over, let out a short, raspy laugh at her comment.

“What the hell... Don’t you think I already know that?”

He paused and looked up.

“Is that all you have to say?! That shit was weak.

Every day, during the first five minutes after I wake up, I think hundreds of worse things about myself than that.”

Vega huffed, clearly annoyed by him.

“You’re so egotistic and narcissistic that it’s kinda hilarious…”

“Huh?” Milo stood up straight, clearly confused by her shift in tone.

”What the hell are you talking about!?”

Vega stood quietly, her eyes no longer on him.

“Oh, come on, say something! This is the problem with all of you—no one can speak anymore! Everyone’s too afraid to speak these days, too fucking scared to say what they really feel.”

He stared at her for a bit before he could feel al the anger once again bubble up inside of him.

”What’s wrong with you!? Say something! DON’T JUST LET ME GET AWAY WITH THIS!”

With a sudden, piercing stare, she looked back up at him.

“That’s exactly what I mean, you fucking narcissist. The only reason you want me to respond and be mean back is so you can feel less guilty about everything you’ve said.”

With a wide-eyed glare, he looked back at her, almost a little excited, waiting for what she had to say about him.

“For someone who claims to hate himself, you sure talk about yourself a lot.

Every conversation between us ends the same way—with you bringing it back to yourself.

It’s always about you. You hate this, that made you sad, and you’re never satisfied with who you are…”

Milo felt all the excitement drain from him as her response wasn’t what he had hoped for.

“You, you, you! YOU! It’s always about you, Milo!”

Vegas voice felt strong jet shaky.

“Sure, maybe you hate yourself, but at the same time, you’re the only one you like to talk about.”

Milo quietly stared at her, desperately wanting to respond and fight back, but he couldn’t find any words.

“Why the hell do you even think I’m out here with you?!

Obviously, because I care about you! But you’re too fucking blind and stupid to realize that!”

Vega looked at him with intense eyes as she could feel tears slowly pooling in the corners of her eyes.

“I would kill to have someone unconditionally care about me, but you! You just sweep it under the rug, only to cry later about how no one gets you!”

Vega’s voice began to shake, and her vision blurred with tears that she quickly wiped away.

“But I’m here! I’m right here, and I…”

Her eyes stared deep into Milo’s.

“I see you! I see you for who you are, and even if you sometimes are a disgusting piece of shit your also a coward, You talk a big game but I know that you only do it to push me away! even if you’re the worst ever…

I’m right here, and I see you, Milo.”

Milo stood still, frozen, unable to move a single muscle. He couldn’t move and had no idea what to respond with anymore.

The moon shone brighter, and the wind breezed through them in cold strokes.

“It’s freezing out here… Listen, I’ll give you one last chance to tell me before I go.

I’ll give you one last chance to be honest with me and yourself…”

All of a sudden, the wind stopped, and a heavy silence pressed down on them.

Vega stared at Milo.

“So... Just answer me already. After we can go back to my place and watch some indie movie on my tv”

Milo, standing almost paralyzed, with a terrified look on his face, struggled to look away from her. His breath fogged in the cold air.

He felt the strength in his legs give out, sending him down to his knees. Everything began to feel so heavy, as if gravity had suddenly become ten times stronger.

“I’m… I’m mad because I… just wish I could’ve…”

As the world seemed to stand still, Milo struggled to gather the resolve.

“I…”

Warm tears began streaming down his cheeks as he looked up at her, silently begging for comfort.

But she didn’t offer any—she wanted to hear him tell the truth.

”I…”

Milos eyes was no longer angry or desperate, they was simply… confused

And as if for the last time, with a soft and gentle tone, she asked him once again:

”Why are you mad?”

…

“I don’t know.”