My small, battery powered radio crackled with static. I thought it might be nice to bring it along on my picnic so I could listen to music, but I guess the radio tower is too far away? (it’s not like I know how radios work).
Anyways I was far enough from the road now that the car sounds were drowned out by the river, so it was time to find somewhere to sit. Luckily there was a nice grassy clearing nearby with mushrooms circling its edges that caught just the right amount of sun. I rolled out my blanket, put down my basket and started to eat a sandwich. It was a real good sandwich, avocado and turkey with the fancy bread I bought from the bakery near my work. I took big fast bites and soon it was nothing but crumbs for the ants.
At this point I turned my attention to my radio, in my hurry to eat I had forgotten to turn it off and it had slowly been getting louder. Honestly at this point its noise was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even hear my own thought-
Ladies and gentlemen! Creatures of all genders and ages! WELCOME TO THE SHOW! I am your host, and this is, say it with me now, WHO. DIES. LAST!!!! That is right folks, we have made it to the 53rd season if you can believe it. All of our contestants are almost here so don’t close this tab, turn off your orb, or take your eyes off your magic mirror because this season is gonna be a doozy.
-then I put the radio back in my basket and lay down so I could watch the clouds go by. It was nice in the woods, peaceful. Sometimes I thought it would be good to just stay out here, you know? I guess I wish I had more time in my schedule to be somewhere far from my home.
There was one cloud I was looking at that seemed pretty weird, its edges seemed too sharp, and it almost seemed like it was getting bigger (or maybe closer?).
It’s not like I could do anything about weird clouds, so I rolled over and started to run my fingers through the grass. There was a lot of moss growing underneath. It felt very soothing to just push my face into it (probably very unsanitary though. I wonder when some animal peed here last).
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My throat was dry. I sat up and dug through my basket, pulling out a bottle of lemonade and some cookies. The lemonade was delicious and there was no one to share it with so I chugged straight from the bottle, I felt powerful. The cookies would make my throat drier, but they looked so good so I ate them as fast as I could then I downed the rest of the lemonade and let out a satisfied sigh.
Then something weird happened. It started to rain.
Rain usually doesn’t start that fast here, but it was basically pouring right away. The clouds had been white a few minutes ago, right? The rain was crashing down into the canopy and mixed with the sound of the river it was almost deafen-
Please meet our final contestant; a human from 21st century earth! The timeline without cyborg dinosaurs sadly but at least he’s got spirit and ingenuity! Will the culture clash of no toasters send him over the edge or will this camping enthusiast feel right at home? Let’s find out after the commercial break.
-The cloud was definitely getting closer. The big stormy mass was reaching down towards me like a giant finger trying to squish me (isn’t this how tornados form?). Obviously, I tried to run.
“FUCK. Shit, shit, no, nope goodbye, fuck this. NO”
My feet dug into the mud and the rain hammered against my face, then after a few fast strides to the edge of the clearing I slammed into a wall. I couldn’t see the wall, but it was there, I pushed against the wall and ran along the edge, but the stupid force field followed the mushroom line perfectly. I dropped down and dug into the dirt ripping the mushrooms out of the earth, but I wasn’t fast enough.
Everything turned grey.
A man stepped out of the fog. He wore a long white coat with gold buttons and a towering white top hat. That hat’s band was made of film reel and many rings covered his gloved hands.
“CONGRATULATIONS! You have been selected to be a contestant on our wonderful show. Wow you really are lucky isn’t this amazing. You could win 10 whole days of good luck for a person of your choosing, and we will pay your family members two thousand dollars just to thank you for entering the competition this is just great, right?”
I stared up at him.
“Wh- what’s where. Where’s your face.” I finally managed to say.
“Ok listen kid I don’t have time to put on a show for you, this is a kidnapping. Come with me or I spontaneous combustion one of your loved ones.”
Underneath the man’s hat there was no skin or hair or even shadow. Instead, a vortex of smooth velvet fabric floated in the wind. It looked like a rose or maybe someone’s guts spilling out. When he talked it felt like he was right in my ear.
“Oh- Ok um, sir”
I wanted to run but I couldn’t, I was frozen in place.
He reached out with his long, gloved hand. I reached my own hand out and he shook it.
“Welcome to the show.”