Josh walked down the winding path that led out of the park with much more purpose than when he had arrived. He crossed over the manicured Saint Augustine grass and exited under the shady lady, sycamore, and cypress trees, heading to the fifty-story building that housed the FSU satellite campus. On his way, Josh joined dozens of summer students who walked and laughed with each other. Much like Josh, each of them was oblivious to the grander events occurring.
The Sun’s increasing heat beat down, and Josh moved with quick strides to save his shirt from the summer’s ardor. He led a pack of students and faculty on the sidewalk’s edge as he sprinted across the street with the light change. Gratefully, Josh entered the skyrise’s air-conditioned lobby, where a quick check of his pits revealed a passable situation. He swept past the security desk mostly unnoticed. The overweight but friendly guard had his nose buried in one of his duty logs and only absently returned Josh’s wave.
Josh caught the elevator at the last second as its doors were closing. He slid into the last open spot near the front right-facing buttons and pushed the forty-sixth floor. Then he lowered his briefcase to keep it out of the way in the nearly full elevator.
Glancing around, Josh smiled warmly to Sadie on his right. She was the late sixty-something-year-old satellite school’s head receptionist and had always been polite to him. Nodding to him with her silently administrative Mona Lisa smile, Sadie closed her eyes for the ride up to her floor.
As the elevator started to rise, Josh began organizing his thoughts on Palsgraf v Long Island Railroad, Chief Judge Ben Cardozo’s seminal case —
—White light exploded across Josh’s vision. What felt like ice picks stabbing through his eyes from inside his skull stunned all his thoughts into submission. A young male voice, speaking at a nearly literal mind-blowing eruption of volume in his cranium!
“Techno-Lord piece of crap... Damni, you know how much longer this has taken than we anticipated. Without question, my inferiors will move to challenge me for failing to stop the chaos agent—”
“Sen... honey! You’re live.”
“Wha-what? Of course I’m alive... Is there a mortal alternative I’m missing?”
Josh could practically feel the female voice's eyes roll, as she enunciated as you would with someone who had no idea what was going on. “You are now communicating with the mortal anomaly, Joshua Elias Tanner.”
“Oh... Oh! Hello, Human With The Case Of Briefs. Can you hear me? Joshua Elias Tanner, I am speaking to you!”
The incredible volume again split through Josh’s consciousness, leaving him dumbfounded in the agony of a cluster headache piled on top of a migraine, all wrapped up in what felt like a claw hammer smashing the back of his skull in. Josh blinked slowly and braced himself against the front elevator wall with his right hand. Absently, he felt what must have been blood slowly dripping down from his left ear.
Then, gratefully, the female spoke again. Much more quietly and with a voice Josh would describe as kind.
“Yes, Sen, it’s working. You need to back up from the transmitter and adjust your psychic output... Or you will most likely rupture his cortex, sweetie.”
A momentary pixilated mental image flashed through Josh’s mind. It was composed of black dots on a white field, showing a thin hand with several fingers bearing a few too many joints reaching over to pat–ostensibly, Sen’s shoulder with approval and stayed there reassuringly.
Sen was, apparently, the male voice. His image also consisted of black pixilated dots on a white field. From what Josh could tell, Sen was a mostly bald young male with a long topknot that swung wildly with his energetic movements. Seeming to relax at the touch of the female voice’s hand, Sen turned forward, smiling. The move gave Josh a momentarily pixilated full view of a face with Asian features.
“Oh... Oh! Right! Sorry!”
Still speaking with a brain-crushing volume that was no less than the first time, Sen’s words made pain do a slam dance inside Josh’s head again. With eyes freely watering, Josh rubbed his temples with both hands, absently letting his briefcase slide to his feet. He also accidentally leaned against the elevator’s buttons, causing several additional low-level floors to light up.
Sadie’s eyes narrowed and were briefly concerned as she looked at Josh’s crumpling form. Seeing he wasn’t immediately going to fall over, however, she looked away and started muttering about law professors with too much time on their hands.
Another pixilated flash showed a strong hand, with the standard four fingers, one thumb, and three finger joints adjusting two knobs and a toggle.
Sen then spoke again. Still in a loud voice, but much less than the previous mind-splitting air horn range.
“Okay, okay, okay! Listen! We only have a little time, mortal. I’m going to speed up your perception and reaction speeds while I explain things. I don’t want to run into the same problems I did in the previous iterations, where everyone died—the delicate hand on his shoulder visibly squeezed, causing Sen to wince briefly. Um, I mean...Where we... failed, I mean. You will feel a little lightheaded, and your heart rate will increase. Don’t worry. We will be done long before your internal organs lose molecular cohesion from the strain.”
Josh had an idle thought as to just how much damage could be caused to his body before his internal organs ‘lost molecular cohesion,’ but fortunately, the excruciating pain in his skull only allowed the thought briefly before it was washed away by continuing events.
His vision suddenly swam as he felt what he could only describe as the center of his brain releasing. He also experienced two sharp, but not quite painful, feelings from his flanks above the kidneys.
“There. Now, your metabolic and sex hormones, catecholamines, and the endocrine proteins from your pituitary, thyroid, testes, adrenal glands, and pancreas are all maximized. We have also increased your cells’ endocrine receptors with an organic stasis field limited to within the space of your physical body. I had to manipulate a portion of your mitochondria to produce the necessary result. The stasis will prevent the reabsorption of these biologics for the next few minutes. You should notice you are moving and thinking faster, while everyone around you will be acting much more slowly to your perception.” Sen’s pixilated image seemed distracted, and he mumbled a final sentence out of the corner of his mouth. “... The post-acceleration side effects of the various adjustments will wear off… Probably.”
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“What?! What side effects–” But whatever Josh was going to complain about was forgotten as he realized that Sen was certainly correct about his perception being accelerated. As Josh turned his head, he saw that everyone in the elevator’s body movements were much slower and far more deliberate than just a few seconds ago. The lights indicating the elevator’s floor change were now taking much longer between switching as the car climbed. Even the scowling Sadie seemed to mutter in slow motion as her lips puckered and frowned in distaste. She even seemed to recoil belatedly to what must have looked like the very disjointed and rapid movement of Josh’s head as it turned to her.
I must look like a crack tweaker in a mosh pit to her. Josh realized.
Sen’s voice continued. “There is a young female origin motivator with curly dark hair wearing a yellow dress in that vertically ascending metal car–Elevator... Yes, Damni... Elevator... I am sorry! I’m just a little bit excited here! She has been targeted for expungement—er… death in your common parlance. In twelve seconds, an evil Chaotic will purge the soul tether…” Damni leaned down, her lips moving against Sen’s ear. “What? They don’t know about soul tethers? I knew this was a backwater, but this is… Fine… yes Damni. No Damni, I do want to stop him… Possession? But that has nothing… no Damni, possession works just fine…” Sen turned toward Josh once more. “Human. The agent of chaos will, ah... possess the mind of the old lady next to you. He will then use her body as a vessel for his physical intervention. This actor will most likely use the shears the old woman is carrying to attack you... Is that the correct terminology, Damni, old woman?”
Another pixilated flash. Damni nodded affirmatively to Sen.
“Yes. The old woman to your left will use the desk shears to cut her way through you all to get to the girl and expunge—kill her. This will result in the death of billions upon billions of mortals in your iteration and will be compounded within the twenty-six associated iterations of this cuboid cluster. The effects may even extend further out three to four clusters deep. You need to stop her! Your portable shield is the reason we have chosen you... Your case of briefs... Is that the right word, Damni?”
A pixelated flash of Damni’s confirming nod. “It’s called a briefs case, but it’s fine dear.” Josh noted at least three pigtails were shaking as her head moved on a long, thin, telescoping neck. She patted him encouragingly. “You’re doing great honey, keep going.”
“Yes, your case of briefs... Which you have bafflingly dropped… Damni, you’re sure this is–” Damni whispered more words into Sen’s ear as the man nodded. “I understand that. It’s just that he doesn’t understand the importance of his case of briefs!”
Damni straightened, a small smile growing on her face. “I think you should try and explain that to him, honey.”
Sen nodded, straightening his shoulders. “Listen to me very carefully, Joshua Elias Tanner. The next few moments will determine whether you, along with billions of others, will live or die. Your case of briefs! Pick it up right now!”
Despite the surrealism of the situation, for some reason, Josh did lean down and pick up his briefcase. Holding the thick, worn leather brought him a sense of security. He hugged it to his chest while praying that the voices and visions in his head would go away...
Sadly, there was no such luck.
“Because of your case of briefs, our Ethos Combi predicts that you have a fourteen percent probabi... er... a much better chance than anyone in this, not to mention all previous iterations of stopping the chaos agent’s first selection for his Ka dominion. You are an outlier existence and only have a manifested physical presence in less than 0.04 percent of all iterations at this point in your local timeline.
“Also, please note that the chaos agent, while not a combat specialist, is a very clever Immortal. His choice of Ka dominion will not be limited to their usual mortal physical abilities. The dominion will be significantly faster than is typical for her age and normal capabilities. She will also benefit from the chaos agent’s knowledge and understanding. To stop this old woman, you must dig deep and carry it... err... I mean... send it!... Is that the right choice of terms, Damni?”
There was another pixelated flash, Damni again nodding affirmatively.
“Ahem. Indeed. Now listen. Are you ready? We have less than eight of your seconds in local physical time before the chaos agent forms his Ka dominion. From there, he will likely attempt to penetrate your jugular veins and carotid arteries with the ten-inch desk shears the old woman carries. If you have any questions or comments, now is your chance. If not, and you are ready, please acknowledge that you are! — I think we have done it this time, Damni!”
Josh tried to speak, but only a tiny choking sound escaped his constricted throat. Only one thought made it through his hormone-accelerated consciousness.
I’ve gone insane! It was bound to happen, I suppose. My separation finally cracked my mind and trapped me in a cheap James Cameron-John Daly rip-off delusion.
“Whoa! Whoa! No, Joshua Elias Tanner, you are not insane. You are moderately sane for your species, I assure you–”
Damni swatted him hard on the arm.
“Ow!” Sen exclaimed. “What? Well, he is!”
“That’s rude, dear.” Damni turned toward Josh. “What my simple-minded husband means is that–yes, while you are currently exhibiting signs of emotional distress to a degree which has been known to mentally compromise your species, our data indicates that you are coping admirably.” Damni gave him a bright smile and a thumbs up with a digit that had far too many knuckles. “Well done, Josh!”
“As I was saying,” Sen continued. “You are sane… enough.” Damni glared warningly at the strange man. “That is–you are certainly not insane.” Sen conceded to Damni with raised shoulders, then turned back to face Josh. “...You are, however, our last chance to stop this loss of mortal life throughout your local iterational cuboid. If the origin motivator—the young woman, is expunged in one more iteration... The changes that prevent local multiversal genetic cleansing that I mentioned—” There was a bright pixelated flash of Sen leaning over to the side and stage whispering to Damni. “... I did mention those, didn’t I, Damni…” She simply gave him a look. He waved it off, turning back to Josh. “Never mind!
“If the origin motivator gets expunged in that metal contraption, her origin intention will never reach the critical metaphysical weight necessary for overflow to the adjacent iterations. This is true even if we succeed in all the remaining iterations. Humanity will suffer the loss of billions, maybe trillions, from genocide!
“I have failed to stop this chaos agent for the last five hundred of your solar rotations... Years... Yes, years. This is my last chance... You are my last chance!”
Joshua’s eyes glazed over at the ridiculous explanation. He only understood the part about not being insane. As for the rest... He could understand the words... but they had no contextual meaning.
One thing Josh knew for sure... He wasn’t going to stop anyone with his briefcase, that was for damn sure. Not even Sadie. Genocide? What did that even mean? Death of trillions? If he remembered his facts right, there were only about eight billion people on Earth!
There was another pixelated flash to Sen’s scrunched-up face with tense shoulders.
“Damni, I think I broke him. Did I break him?” He raised his pixilated hands palm-up in apparent disbelief. “Why is it like this every time? I’ve been clear and succinct. I’ve incorporated all of the relevant information– Aren’t lawyers supposed to be intelligent members of their species? I got clearer replies from the origin motivator who called me a pervert ... whatever that is?” Sen shot a look to the side, “... Is it possible that no one in this species has adequate instincts to survive?”
A moment passed and Sen rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “How can I fix this… ‘lawyer?” Another accelerated moment went by. Sen then cleared his throat and started speaking slowly, carefully enunciating each word as you would to a particularly slow child about to jump into a tank filled with hungry sharks.
“Listen to me, Joshua Elias Tanner! Unless you stop her in four Earth seconds, the lady to your left will take her scissors out and start killing everyone in your elevator... And she will likely start with you! She is a highly skilled and deadly martial arts expert. She will slaughter you all if you don’t act now! When she takes out her scissors, smash her skull with your case of briefs! Got it?”