As I heard my parents speak about an arranged marriage, I knew it was time to talk to them, but when I did, it was the worst mistake of my life. Finding out I shouldn't have been alive and my father abusing me just made things even worse for me. I had no feelings. I knew this feeling well; my mother had explained it to me once Before, but as for me feeling this pain, I didn't know what to do, so I found a sharp object just to look at it. I knew what I wanted to do, but I did not know how it would feel, so as I took the glass to my hurting wrist, I made a slight slash, which barely hurt and made me feel better just a little. I did it again before a maid knocked on my door, and I had to hide it.

I've been thinking of the cutting for a while, but I didn't know how good it felt when I found out something and knew I deserved it. I began at eleven and haven't stopped since my first time. I'm thirteen now, and it has gotten worse, but every time my father hit me, and his sickness got worse because of that, I felt heartbroken that all his energy was being used to hurt me. My mother mainly had gotten yelled at unless she was in his way of hitting me. My father regrets having me and making the decision to keep me instead of killing me, which hurts a lot more than anything.

My mother had come to talk to me one day about my father, but I only used to listen to what she said once she mentioned my wife.

“ Hey, Ovtavius, I wanted to tell you about your father alone. I know you have no relationship with him, but he is slowly dying, and now he can barely get up. Maybe you can make amends with him before the inevitable. I know this is hard to take in, but today we are meeting with Fautina and her parents to explain the wedding, and I would like you to dress presentable”.

As I rolled my eyes, I knew I would have to see my father and the woman I would marry; not knowing of her made this a perfect day. As I finally got up, I realized that all my nice suits were short sleeves with no way to cover my arms. My mother would hate me, but I can't show them these cuts; it would make me look pitiful. I picked my clothes in one of the closets I wasn't allowed to touch, and it had a lot of longer sleeves inside for more excellent wear. As I walked through the kitchen, I saw her Fautina; she was the most beautiful person in the world. She looked at me and smiled, and my stomach fluttered. I am still determining what I did and how my parents had this arranged marriage, but I knew if I got to know her, maybe I would be lucky to have her as my queen. As I sat down, I realized my father and King Theodoric were just glaring at each other like this wasn't the plan, but all I could focus on was her; she mesmerized me. I hoped she would like me, but I didn't know if I was good enough for her; she would just tell her father not to pick me, another man. As dinner had ended, I was hoping to get a few minutes to get to know her, but they left immediately after, and I never said goodbye, so I sent her a letter, but maybe just give it to her for our wedding.

Dear Fautina,

Today was amazing. I met you and realized how beautiful you are. I know that's rather weird from a person you just met, but it's true. I'm glad you're going to be my wife. I wish we had some time to talk to each other, but everyone left fast. I hope we see each other one day, have a conversation, and begin to know each other.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

On the other hand, I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's all good. I'll try to find you out one day, speak to you, and see what you think.

Octavius

As I wrote that letter, I began to cry as this was the only good moment of my life and I just couldn't believe it was from a girl I thought I would hate because of my father. I realized what I needed to do, so I pulled it from under my bed and opened it to see my shining little object that helped with the pain. As I think of why I deserved it, I mostly think of my father and how long he used to hit me or just scream at me, and the one time I was told I shouldn't have been alive, and now my father is dying because of me. As I look at my bleeding wrist, I smile just a little but realize if my mother saw me like this, she would become sad and make it her fault, and my father would slap and beat me for it, so I bandage my wrist and looked into the mirror when I realized how I ugly I looked.

It was around midnight, and I heard the last maid finally go to sleep, but I stayed restless. It's been hard falling asleep as it's a perfect time for peace, but for me, it's a time where I think and cry about all the times I was beaten and why I deserved it, which caused a lot of sleepless nights. As I fell asleep, I heard a voice from my window and looked to see her just standing there waiting. “ I wanted to speak to you during dinner, but my father dared me not to say anything to you; my father is fond of your family nor you,” Fautina began saying as she climbed inside his room. I stood there just shocked as she sat on my bed, waiting for me to say something, but all I got out was, “How?”. She laughed as she saw how I looked and started to reassure me I wouldn't be in trouble with her father.

“ Look, Everything okay? I just wanted to talk to you to get to know you more since you will be my husband soon, and if I can't talk to you, then what's the point of getting married, you know? Anyways, How have you been? You look kind of beat up and tired. Do you want to sleep, or am I just a bother to you?”. As Fautina began to look concerned and upset, I knew I needed her here. I chuckled at first. I realized she was a lot of talkative. Still, it was also adorable to see her rambling.

“ Wow, that's a lot. Still, no, you are okay to be here. I was falling asleep, but I think I'm awake now, and I'm good. I understand what you mean. I hoped to talk to you after dinner, but your father rushed out. I hope to see you again soon, but you aren't a bother; having some company is nice,”. I told her with a smile on my face. I could see a little smile forming.

She had to begin to giggle. “ Sorry, I talk a lot when I'm nervous. It sorta just turn into rambling,” She started saying, but as I heard she was nervous, I smirked. “ Oh, so you're nervous, I see.” I don't know where that bit of confidence was, but I just knew it was there.

“ Oh, I’m not that nervous; just when I meet my new husband, I'm going to be nervous talking to you.” She began to stutter. I started to laugh as I didn't know this would make her nervous, but I don't think it was just meeting her husband for the first time. I decided to be more confident and pull her upright until her face met mine. I pulled her to the wall to get a good look, and I noticed she had started to blush, making me chuckle. “ I didn't know I had such an impact on turning you into a rose, but maybe I can make some things more rosey,” I had told her with my voice a little deeper than before.

She was giggling the whole time, which made me feel a little bit better about having her as my wife, but sadly, she had to leave and said she would be back another day. As I sat up in my bed just thinking of what life would be like when I finally married her, I knew my life would be better even with the curse I had. As I began to fall into a deep sleep, I had hoped I would wake up wishing to see her again the next morning.