I barely slept the last two nights. It came for me every night not long after my head hit the pillow and held me prisoner until it was full. There was nothing I could do about it. I had to sleep at some point. I felt like I had willingly given myself up to it every time I laid down.
Each night it tried to either get me to kill Janice and the boys. It urged me to smother the twins and cut into Janice’s flesh. My thoughts would run wild as it spoke. I would picture myself standing with one of the boy’s pillows between their beds, playing eenie-meenie-miney-mo to figure out who to snuff out first.
I could feel my arms tensing like they were trying to fight off the meager strength of an eight-year-old, and I began to cry. I didn’t like the sensations, or the fact that the monster chuckled and said something about ‘a good meal awaits’.
Even the thought of harming Janice made me feel sick. Sure she could be an outright cunt—but she was better this week, and I felt if I kept in line, she would stay that way. I wanted the opportunity to have a good relationship with my foster mom, not ‘peel her like the orange she is’ like the creature suggested.
Of course, I always denied it what it wanted. I would never, ever hurt the boys or Janice. I knew I didn’t have it in me. I wasn’t a fighter. Whenever I’d been in fights, I always either went down quick, or didn’t last long.
The creature never seemed to get upset that I said ‘no’, it would just switch to feeding off me, and I wondered if asking me to kill was a tactic to work me up so its ‘food’ tasted better.
By the fourth night it visited I stopped screaming into my pillow after. I would just lie there and shake myself to sleep as I pressed my abused ear into the pillow, pressing it against the fluff to numb the pain.
When I woke up Friday morning I hopped out of bed and immediately sprayed my room with the rest of the can of Fabereeze that I’d stolen from Janice. She’d commented yesterday about my room, again, and I wasn’t going to give her reason to do it again today.
Thankfully I was up earlier than the others. Today was the day Janice decided it was time for me to go back to school, and though I welcomed the idea of getting to leave the house, after checking with the others, only Samuel would be there.
Birdie was insistent that Kerrie keep her Christian therapy appointment for the day, even though they had her in hour long sessions every day since we found Matty. Kerrie joked that Birdie had the poor therapist booked solid for her. She said it was helping, that she had a better grasp on her thoughts, now.
What she didn’t talk about was how her conversation with Samuel had gone. I had texted her later in the day but didn’t receive a reply until that night. She just said it went ‘okay’ but never anything more than that, no matter how much I prodded.
Some fucking best friend, huh?
Ray wasn’t coming because of Frank. The reporters had left me alone after forty-eight hours of not having left the house, and with no idea when I would come out? They dipped. The borders of the Vena’s lawn were crawling with journalists, gawkers and a few news stations that hadn’t given up, yet.
From what Ray told me, Frank had nearly gotten into a fist fight as he tried to get out to pick up groceries. The news van blocking him in tried to extort an interview in exchange for moving. Luckily, Sheriff Doonan had been making the rounds between the four of us to check in and had arrived in enough time to keep Frank from doing something stupid.
The reporter had shouted something like: ‘we’ll get your son eventually’ as he was being escorted to his driver’s seat. Frank took that as a challenge. Ray was on lockdown until further notice.
I had put on my makeup that morning with the intention of not walking into Green Glen High looking like a zombie. At the rate I was going, I’d have to buy new concealer in a week and I’d just opened this one two weeks ago.
My plan was to try and act like everything was fine, and to stick as close to Samuel as possible.
People rarely fucked with Samuel because for our age he was tall and built like a brick house. I hoped his presence would be a deterrent in the two classes we had together.
Lunch was what I was most worried about. I was lucky that Samuel had it the same period I did, but our usual table was in the cafeteria. In the middle of everything. We hadn’t ironed out the details, but I planned on hiding in the little alcove outside the art rooms. Barely anyone sat there so I could avoid as many stares as possible.
My ten-minute warning for Hattie and Samuel’s arrival beeped. I had two more steps before I would feel comfortable enough to show my face. Eyebrows and eyes.
The eyebrows were as simple as brushing them through with a clean mascara wand, but my eyes were going to be the issue. I felt the need for the ‘look-at-me-I-have-my-shit-together’ness’ of winged liner, but I wasn’t sure I had the time. My application on Janice had taken ten minutes, but I wasn’t as sleep deprived and anxious as I was this morning.
It crossed my mind as I grabbed my liner pen that it was stupid of me to try and look put together. It would be safe to assume people would expect me to look like a fucking mess. Would they think I was weird because I showed up with a full face on? Would they think I didn’t care about Matty?
Fuck it.
The next few minutes were filled whispered cursing as I did my best to make my inky black wings even. I didn’t care what anyone said—winged liner was an art. I was pretty good at it, so I had time to add a layer of waterproof mascara and beat the clock.
The doorbell rang just as I finished up. It made me jump and almost stab myself in the eye.
Great start to the day.
Once everything was put away, and the heft of my backpack was secure on my shoulders I bounded downstairs to the door. Janice and the boys had left by now. The house was too quiet for them to be there, and the door would have been answered before Samuel could have rang the bell again.
“Coming!” I called out from the bottom of the stairs.
I heard a very loud ‘heh heh heh’ through the glass pane in the door and rolled my eyes. Of course Samuel would make what I said into a dirty joke.
My keys jingled as I grabbed them off the hook. The boys had a play-date at a friend’s after school so I would be home alone until Janice got off work. I was filled with both excitement and dread. The smell had started to move around the house as of yesterday, which meant the creature was exploring. I didn’t want to spend the afternoon de-scenting the entire house.
I opened the door to Samuel leaned against the porch pillar. His hands were jammed deep within the pockets of his favorite deep purple sweater. It made the white cactus patterned dress shirt he had underneath pop.
“Sup, prick? Interesting outfit.”
“Fuck off, Soph.” Samuel laughed and jerked his head for me to follow him to Hattie’s waiting convertible. I locked up and jogged to catch up on the way to the car and waved at Hattie as soon as she could see me. Her emphatic return wave made me smile. It had been a while since I’d been greeted so excitedly by someone over the age of eight.
“Get in front,” Hattie ordered and leaned to pop open the door and move the seat forward so Samuel could squish into the back. He grumbled about the arrangement but didn’t argue.
“How’re you, darling?” Hattie asked as I pushed the seat back. The leather of the interior squeaked when I put my weight on it. I dropped my backpack on the floor by my feet and shut the door behind me, eager to get away from the house.
“Been better. Having trouble sleeping.”
“Oh dear, have you talked to anyone?”
“No, not really…I’ve been on house arrest.”
“You really should find someone to talk to, it helps. Trust me, I’m old,” Hattie cackled.
My lips parted into a grin. I loved Hattie’s laugh. It was borderline contagious. Even Samuel chuckled from the backseat.
Once out of the driveway, Hattie toe down the road to the highway. She blew through stop signs as she went and earned a few angry looks from people as they walked their dogs. Hattie paid them no mind and kept her speed all the way to the exit gate.
“So it’s just you two today, huh?” Hattie questioned.
“Yeah, Ker and Ray have stuff,” Samuel mumbled.
“You two look after each other, then. Keep together when you can and check in often. It’s not going to be a fun day.”
“That was the plan,” I replied. “We were going to walk to classes together and eat lunch somewhere more out of the way.”
“Where you thinkin’?” Samuel asked.
“Art alcove.”
“Deal. You head there, and I’ll grab food.”
“Works for me.”
“Well look at you two getting along and making plans,” Hattie removed her hands from the wheel to clap lightly. She used her knee to keep the car straight.
It was out of the norm for Samuel to be so accommodating. He usually spent his time between classes chasing down another girl or two, and lunch was reserved for making out in an empty practice room. I thought I would have to beg him to take a break from his routine to keep me company.
I wanted to ask him what was up, but not with Hattie within ear shot. She didn’t know about his girl chasing, and I wasn’t going to be the one to ‘out’ him.
“Well, I am traumatized,” Samuel snorted.
“Speaking of, how was your cry?” I turned in my seat to get a read on his expression.
“Non-existent.” He pursed his lips and folded his thick arms across his chest.
“Your pants are on fire, Sammy!” Hattie crowed.
“Oh shit, she got you!” I turned around as I giggled and caught a twinkle in Hattie’s eyes in the rear-view mirror.
“Shut up.”
“You going to quit being a baby? We’re almost there,” Hattie nodded to the sign we were about to pass on the right side of the road: Green Glen High, Next Right.
My stomach flipped at the thought of leaving the safety of Hattie’s convertible. I didn’t do well with attention unless I was on the stage. That was different, though. I asked for that—welcomed it even. This, however, was not anything close to that. This was akin to being a fish in a glass bowl.
Hattie turned down the paved road that lead to the front of the school. The road was lined with students who lived close enough to walk. They were all headed to a massive two-story building. I looked at the open-air walkways between the two halves of the main building as groups of my peers gathered to gossip.
It crossed my mind that Matty was very likely still the topic of discussion in a few of these groups. The papers had been running with the story. They followed the investigation as close as they could while the Sheriff ran interference. The news station out of Salem also had updates every evening that put a spotlight on our little town.
The car rolled to a stop in front of one of the ramps that lead from the parking lot to the school. A hand on my knee brought my attention back to Hattie, who gave me a hopeful smile.
“Have a good day, dear.”
“Thanks, Hattie. You, too.” I got out of the car so Samuel could follow. The chill of the slight breeze made me shiver and pull today’s flannel closer around me as I waited for Samuel to say his goodbyes to his grandmother.
“Move it,” Samuel grunted and poked my back to get me out of his way. I heeded his request and stepped closer to the waist high brick wall that surrounded the parking lot.
Samuel stepped out of the car as gracefully as someone of his size could and stepped up next to me. thus far I hadn’t drawn any real attention. I blended in relatively easily. Samuel, however, due to his height and clothing choices drew eyes.
People had noticed both of us as we walked up the ramp to the main level of the school. Hushed whispers, outright gawking and not-so-subtle points rippled from group to group as we made our way to the ground level breezeway to find our lockers.
Though he had longer legs, and could out-pace me easily, Samuel kept in step with me as he did his best to make sure I wasn’t left out in the cold. He was used to the attention—in fact, he welcomed it. He was always bouncing from group to group meeting new people and maintaining older connections.
It would probably be easier for him to get through the day if I weren’t around. As I looked up at him to check his status, he seemed confident. I felt like I looked downright guilty—like I had been the one to put Matty in the bag.
“Calm down, dude,” Samuel whispered. “Your face is all red.”
“Shit,” I took a deep breath and let it ‘woosh’ out slowly as I tried to even my breathing out.
“Keep doing that, we gotta stop for a sec.”
Samuel veered left to his locker and put in his combination. I stood in the empty spot next to him, looked at the floor and pretended I didn’t exist. I could head the loud whispering of people around us:
“Wow, they’re finally here.”
“Where are the other two?”
“Maybe they’re still being questioned?”
“You think they had something to do with it?”
“I hear she and the dead kid had a thing.”
I froze at the last whisper. That was something I had been afraid of. Several of the kids in my grade lived down my street. On a few occasions they had seen Matty and I outside my house talking. It bothered me that just because Matty and I were close that it instantly meant something was going on.
Samuel nudged me with his elbow. I looked up, frown still on my face.
“Don’t listen. Ignore it.” His voice was slightly chastising. “You’re just going to drive yourself crazy.
Too late.
Samuel slammed the locker shut. The noise was loud enough to make the group next to us jump and stop their hushed conversation. Samuel smirked down at me and nodded for us to continue to my locker across the breezeway.
I lead the was past the stairs and onto the small patch of grass that separated the two wide sidewalks. We were about half-way across when a high-pitched bubbly voice called out over the mindless chatter of the rest of the school.
“Samuel! Wait up!” He groaned and put a hand on my shoulder for me to stop, and from the look on his face when I turned, it was my job to be supportive.
The fire red hair of Jacklyn Forbes appeared as a crowd of kids in our grade parted like the seas for her. I nearly groaned out loud as well, knowing I’d have to spend more than the usual dance class with her today. There wasn’t anything wrong with Jacklyn, she was just an intensely competitive person and being around her drained me.
Attached to her hip, as always, was her best friend, Clare Hewett. She seemed as excited about the idea of spending her morning and Samuel and I as we were of dealing with Jacklyn.
She had been close with Samuel and Ray two years before, during her and Ray’s brief relationship. That was until she cheated on Ray and was ousted from the group by Samuel and Kerrie. I think she saw me as ‘the replacement’.
“Hey, Jackie,” Samuel mumbled.
“Oh my god. Are you okay?”
“It sucks, but I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Maybe we could hang out at lunch and talk?”
“Nah, I’m eating lunch with Sophia today.”
“Where’s Ray?” Clare asked.
None of your fucking business.
“Frank kept him home,” I answered.
“Gotcha…well, I hope he’s okay. I know it’s weird coming from me, but could you tell him that?”
No.
“Sure.”
I did my best to give Clare a friendly smile, but I just couldn’t do it. I really didn’t want to be the bitchy girlfriend, but just having her around made me irrationally irritated. On one hand, if she hadn’t cheated on Ray, who knows if we’d be together. On the other, I felt it was my duty to hate her on Ray’s behalf.
“Can I ask…how bad was it?” Jacklyn’s cautious voice brought me back to the conversation.
“Bad. That’s all I’m going to say.” Samuel left no room for discussion.
“Sophia?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t going to give them a single syllable on the subject. It wasn’t any of their business and I wasn’t going to give into their information mongering.
“Come on,” Clare prodded, “everyone’s dying to know.”
“No! None of you cared about Matty when he was alive, so you have no rights to his death!” I snapped and took a threatening step toward Clare.
She had sixty pounds on me easy and could probably beat my ass—but part of me thought that if I made an example out of her and won, that everyone else would leave me alone.
Samuel was quick on the draw, however, and grabbed a fist full of the back of my shirt, including my bra, to keep me in place. There wasn’t any way for me to move forward now.
Still, she got the point and took a big step back behind Jacklyn who seemed rather upset at the lack of attention she was getting from Samuel her overly plucked eyebrows knitted together as she watched him hold me back instead of continuing their conversation.
“We could eat lunch together. I’m sure Sophia wouldn’t mind.”
“Sophia would—” I get jerked back again to shut me up.
“Actually, we were planning on staying low key today,” he released me once I relaxed the tension in my body and half turned back to Jacklyn. “Still processing, ya know?”
“Of course,” I wanted to wince at the saccharin quality to her voice as she reached out and put a hand on Samuel’s forearm to rub the soft material there. “Just know I’m here for you if you need to talk. I miss hanging out.”
You miss his tongue down your throat.
“Right,” the unease in his voice was clear as day, but Jacklyn didn’t seem to care or notice. She was still caught up in the false promises and fumbling hand of her time with Samuel two weeks ago—before this all started.
The bell rang and cut through the spell that Samuel’s arm seemed to have on Jacklyn. She flipped a strand of her box-dyed hair over her shoulder and gave us both the widest fake smile I’d ever seen.
“Shit, well, guess we’d better go. C’mon Clare. See you later, Samuel!”
“Bye,” he mumbled.
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“Regretting your life choices, yet?” I asked as soon as the two were far enough away that my question wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass.
“Shut up. Let’s go to class.”
I snickered and followed him down the walkway to one of the open doorways that funneled the students of Green Glen High indoors. I could grab my books from my locker after class. There was a decent bubble of space between the two of us and everyone else, as if touching us would make them the next victim.
It was nice not having to knock into anyone on my way to English, but at the same time it gave me that distinct ‘fish-in-a-bowl’ feeling I’d been worried about on my way here.
Samuel stopped at the entrance to my classroom and bit me a silent farewell. Unfortunately, this was one of the classes we didn’t have together, so I would have to conjugate verbs on my own.
The room was half full when I entered. It left plenty of seats for me to choose from. One was a prime spot in the back by the windows. I made a beeline to it while I tried to ignore the aura of silence I seemed to exude.
I dropped into the wooden seat and grabbed my phone from my bag. I hadn’t checked my messages since before I did my makeup, and had no idea if Ray or Kerrie checking in like they’d promised the night before.
I had two from Ray. Both asking how things were going and one from Kerrie who wished me ‘good luck’.
I tapped out a ‘thanks’ to Kerrie before I answered Ray.
Message Sent: Ray
Feeling drained. Need cuddles. Meet at our spot after dance?
It would be hard to meet in that clearing again, but it was honestly the only place I could think of for all of us to get together. It would be a bit of a walk for him, and he’d have to slip past Frank, but I knew he was dying to get out of the house.
Class started before I got my response. Mr. Russ welcomed me back in front of everyone. Heat rose in my cheeks as the class turned to stare at me like I was going to randomly start spurting facts about the crime scene. When that didn’t happen, they all seemed to give up and go back to ignoring me, which was preferable.
The rest of the morning went on as more of the same. Only one or two kids had the balls to come up and ask questions. They were met with a clenched jaw and blank stare on my part. Everyone got the point, though, and by fourth period, no one approached me anymore.
The lunch bell rang. My classmates flew out the door to the cafeteria leaving Samuel and I in the back of the class as we waited for it to be quiet enough to not be jostled on our way out.
Samuel headed off to get food while I took the short walk to the little hexagonal grass patch that was the art alcove. I got there before any of the art kids showed up so I could grab one of the coveted doorway spots.
I sat, tented my legs and pulled out my phone. I hadn’t had the chance to check since I’d messaged Ray before first period.
There was the response I was looking for. Ray said he would be there come hell or high water.
This week was the longest we had gone without seeing each other since we started dating. I knew from all the extra texts and late-night phone calls that he wasn’t faring any better than I was.
In the middle of replying to Ray, I heard the scuffle of sneakers on concrete. I didn’t bother to look up because I thought it was one of the art kids migrating back to their mothership, but when a shadow fell over me and blocked what little sun there was, I paused.
Thomas Guzman was standing above me with a cautious smile. I didn’t know how he found where I was. The only person I told was Samuel and I knew he wouldn’t out our plan. He knew how anxious I was about today.
“May I sit?” Thomas asked.
“I’m waiting for someone.”
“Samuel Peppard?”
“Yeah.”
“The lines are long; he’ll be a bit. Here, I’ll keep you company.”
Thomas planted his ass right where he was standing and brought his bag onto his lap to use as an armrest. I rolled my eyes back to my phone and continued with my text to Ray.
“How’s it being back?” He asked.
“Shitty.”
“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad.”
“Everyone’s been staring at me all day,” I mumble. “It’s shitty.”
“I guess that would suck. Sorry about that. How’re Ray and Kerrie? They’re not here today.”
“What do you want, Thomas?” I dropped my phone into my lap, already exasperated with the inane questions. Thomas had never spoken to me before and I knew the only reason he was here now was because I was an easy target.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay. Everyone knows what happened to Matthew. I heard you were there.”
“And you want a candid interview for the paper?”
Thomas beamed what I guess was supposed to be an endearing smile.
“It would help me out a lot. I’m the one writing the ‘in memoriam’ piece for Matthew.”
“If I wouldn’t talk to an actual journalist, what makes you think I’d talk with you?
“Seriously, where do you get off asking me for anything when you’ve never said ‘hi’ to me before?”
“I thought you’d like to talk about Matthew and let us know what he was like as a person. People are really shaken up about this.”
“People are just worried they’re next,” I snorted. “No one really cares about Matty. They just want to be able to say they knew something about him so when they go off to college they can tell their new friends about the kid they ‘knew’ from back home that was murdered.”
“That’s a dour way to look at it,” Thomas’ exaggerated blink did little to conceal the surprise at my words.
“It’s true. Where was the outcry when Matty would show up covered in bruises? No one cared then—no one really cares now. I’m tired of the fake sympathy on his behalf.”
“Can I quote you on that?” Thomas asked.
“No! Get the fuck outta here, Thomas,” Samuel snapped. His hands were loaded up with food for the both of us. Thomas glared up as Samuel but didn’t argue and left without further word.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as Samuel handed me a peach tea and a chocolate chip muffin—two of my favorite comfort foods.
“No problem,” he sat across from me against the other side of the door frame and began to munch on a basket of fries.
“Ray and Kerrie are meeting us at the clearing after I get out of dance,” I popped open the metal lid of my tea and took a long drink.
“Cool. I’ll let Gran know I’m walking you home.”
“Thanks for everything today, dude. I know you probably have things you’d rather be doing than making sure I don’t flip out and jump off the breezeway.”
“Nah,” he shrugged. “I mean, I did promise Ray I’d look after you and all, but I would be around even if I hadn’t. I know I don’t say it much but you guys are my best friend and I…fuck. I care, you know?”
I giggled at that last part. I couldn’t help it. It was rare for Samuel to express anything other than sarcasm or humor in general when he was around us. The idea of Samuel trying to open-up and share real human feelings was a foreign concept.
“Nice delivery.”
“Oh, fuck off,” he threw a fry at me.
“That’s better,” I picked the fry off my shirt and threw it back at him.
We sat in silence for a few minutes while I dissected my muffin, and Samuel shoved fries into his mouth. I occasionally tapped out a text to Ray or Kerrie, solidified plans, and made sure Janice knew I was to walk home today. No response from her other than ‘no reporters’.
I was almost done with the top of the muffin when the familiar flash of Samuel’s camera went off. My eyes shot up to see him stare down at the screen as he lined up his next shot.
“What are you doing?”
“It’s good lighting right now. Makes your shirt look nice.”
“Oh, and before?” I tilted my head.
“Total trash, but that’s what you get when you thrift everything.” He snorted.
“Not all of us have a parental figure that’s cool with sending you to the mall with three hundred dollars for school clothes, Mr. Couture.”
“True, but you could at least try a bit. They gotta have something that’ll work with your figure for a buck ninety-nine.”
The camera went off again, blinding me.
“God you’re an asshole. I like the way I dress, and anyway, what do you care?” I set my muffin to the ground. I didn’t want him to get a shot of me with my face stuffed.
“Because you’re a pretty girl, and you hide it. I don’t understand. Usually women let themselves go after they’re married and you’re starting at what—sixteen?”
Samuel got the point and put the camera down. I saw him hit the little power button, so I knew it was safe to continue to eat. I scooted back so I was more upright and considered his statement.
“I haven’t let myself go, Sam, I just don’t like my figure okay? I feel like a twig covered in skin, and I’d rather not show that off.”
The frown on Samuel’s face deepened as my sentence went on. By the end of it he looked borderline pissed off. The dimple in his chin was out in full force and his bushy unkempt brows nearly touched.
“Goddammit.”
“What’s your problem?”
“I’m going to get real with you, here, and this stays between us alright?” He looked around the alcove and when he saw no one was paying us a bit of attention, he turned back to me.
“…Okay.”
What the fuck is he about to say?
Samuel straightened the collar of his cactus patterned shirt and took a deep breath before he began:
“It fucking kills me that you feel like that. I hate hearing when girls have such low opinions of their bodies, or their face, or any of it. It sucks.”
My mouth opened slightly as I took in his opening statement. That was not what I was expecting. I was thinking it was going to be some serious personal admission.
“Well, I’m not going to apologize for how I feel, Sam. It’s just how it is.”
“But it shouldn’t be. You should be proud of the body you have. You’re athletic—you dance, it’s a byproduct of your hard work and your dreams and shit!”
His hands flailed as he talked and made grand gestures. The only other time I saw him talk like this was when he was really into some stupid TV show and had to explain the entire plot to us.
“That’s a nice way to look at it, I guess,” I shrugged.
“Tell me…what’s your biggest insecurity?”
“What? No!”
“Fucking humor me, okay?”
My shoulders sagged and I peeked up at his expectant face through a curtain of my hair.
“My boobs.”
“Why?”
“’Cause they’re small,” I groaned.
“Fuckin’…so what—they’re still boobs! Trust me, I’m a dude and a small boob is just as amazing as a big one. Any guy is just fuckin’ elated to see them!”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Size doesn’t matter, and if any dude gets down on you for having small tits—fuck ‘em. Well, no, actually don’t fuck them—but you know what I mean.”
“Thank’s, Sam.” I folded my arms across my chest feeling increasingly weird about the conversation.
“You know why I get with so many girls?”
“Because you’re a man-whore?”
“Call it what you want,” he sighed, “but I do it because ever girl has those insecurities about something. Their stomach, their legs, their boobs—whatever. They all deserve to know their insecurities don’t mean a damn thing in the long run because someone will appreciate it even if they can’t.”
“Oh, and that someone is you?”
“Damn right,” he shook a lock of hair from his face and smiled. “ You know Lisa in sophomore year?”
“Yeah?”
“Hates her stomach. Thinks it’s not flat enough. She thought I’d thing it was grous and wouldn’t let me near it while we were hooking up. By the end of the week I was loving on that tummy and she asked for more.”
“That’s way too much info…but nice, I guess?”
“What I’m trying to say is,” he rocks back and forth in place as he straightened up, “I want the girls here to know that no matter what they think of themselves, that someone out there will love that the most. For most of them I’m their first step to that realization.”
“So, you’re doing them a service?”
“I like to think of it as I’m helping them see their true beauty…if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it.”
“Why? I mean yeah it’s a God-complex thing to take it upon yourself to show ‘self-love’ to the entire female population of Green Glen, but from how you’re speaking…God, I can’t believe I’m going to say this: it’s sincere.”
“Because it doesn’t work if everyone knows what I’m about. Gotta sneak in the good vibes when they’re least expecting it.”
“So that’s what you’re calling it?” I giggle. “’Good vibes’?”
“Oh, shut up, I’m trying to be serious, here.”
“Sorry, sorry. I mean I get it, but I dunno, it can’t be that easy, can it?”
“What?” Samuel leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. He looked fully invested in our conversation.
“Just doing…stuff and then accepting that part of your body?”
“For some, no. Others, yes. If your main issue is if Ray will like your boobs or not—trust me on this one thing: he would literally die just to see them.”
My cheeks grew hot, and I knew I was at least pink in the face.
“What?”
“Guys talk, that’s all I’m saying.”
“No! You can’t just stop there!” I leaned forward and tried to smack his chest like Hattie did to hopefully knock some sense into him, but he caught my hand and swatted it before I could connect.
“Yes, I can. If you want to hear more, talk to Ray.”
“What? No!”
There was no way I was going to go up to ray and ask him what was covered in ‘guy talk’. It was weird enough knowing he talked to Samuel about wanting to see my boobs, but if there was anything more explicit, I would probably die of embarrassment.
The bell rang.
Oh, thank God.
I gathered my forgotten muffin and shoved my half-drunk tea bottle along with my phone into my bag and stood. No more of this ridiculously awkward conversation.
“Thanks for the pep-talk, Sam. It…helped?”
“No problem, slugger.”
“God you suck,” I laughed as we exited the alcove to our next class.
Samuel was stood outside the locker room when I stepped out, still dressed in my dance pants and leotard. I had to take them home to wash, so I didn’t want to waste time changing out and just threw my flannel on to thwart the cold.
I felt exposed as I stepped out. Echoes of our conversation at lunch came back to haunt me. I didn’t want Samuel to think the lack of a baggy shirt was some sort of win on his part.
I was nearly always wearing something two sizes too big, except for when I was dancing. My instructor demanded clean lines and quickly nixed my comfier dancewear.
If he noticed, Samuel said nothing. He just offered me his elbow to take, which was unusual but nice. Knowing he would have stuck by me on his own accord? I accepted the chivalrous gesture happily.
“How goes the dancing?” He questioned as we walked off campus to the highway.
“Eh, not bad. Jacklyn pulled a muscle trying to kick higher than me, so that was fun to see.”
“She really that bad?”
“She’s not bad, but as soon as I got the solo for the showcase, she turned her showboating up to eleven.”
“Wow. Didn’t know dance was so competitive…” Samuel let out a low whistle.
“It’s stupid competitive, if you let it be. I just try to out-do myself and leave it at that.”
“Good plan, dude. It’ll keep someone from attacking your knee with a pipe before the show.” He mimed swinging something at an invisible person in front of us.
“That has yet to be seen.”
We chatted our way down the drive to the highway among the groups of fellow students that had stayed after school for various activities. I think Samuel was the only one that just stayed to hang out. Everyone else I could spot was on some sort of team, or in a program.
“What’d you do while I was in class?”
“Made out with Suzy Keller in the alcove.”
“Ahhh…what were we teaching her to love about herself?”
“Her neck. She thinks its too long. I covered every inch of that beautiful giraffe’s neck.” He smirked and made kissy nosies.
“You’re disgusting,” I laughed.
“Fun fact: she’s a biter,” he pulled down the collar of his shirt to reveal a deep purple and blue hickey. My eyes widened at the sheer size of it. it was at least the size of a ping pong ball.
“What the fuck? Seriously? Did you get in a fight with a lamprey?”
“Pretty much,” he let go of his collar and the bruise disappeared.
“So gross,” I shivered. I’d gotten a small hickey on my collar bone from Ray once. Janice saw it and flipped. She said it was a disrespectful and dirty practice. Thus, began he half-hearted Ray ban. It left a bit of an impression, and ever since when he traveled to my neck while making out, I got paranoid.
We crossed the highway with a group of other students and went South to our clearing. It was a bit of a walk. We had to go past Main Street and a couple neighborhoods, but nothing we couldn’t traverse in a half an hour if we didn’t make any stops.
My pocket buzzed. Ray was in the clearing and amazingly enough, so was Kerrie. I didn’t ask how they got there—I was just happy they both managed to get out. I was aching to kiss my boyfriend and hug my bestie.
I relayed the information to Samuel who nodded and grabbed his camera from the pocket of his sweater. I was surprised I had only seen it once at lunch. Ever since he’d gotten the damn thing it’d been in someone’s face. Now, it was pointed into the forest to Samuel’s right as he took snapshots of the woods.
“You think photography is going to be your thing?”
“That’s what I’m planning on. Then I can make out with models.”
“One track mind, huh?”
“I’m just fuckin’ with ya. But seriously, though. It’s what I want to go to college for. I have some candid shots I took of you, Ker and Ray a while back that turned out pretty good, and they got me thinking.”
“Really? Can I see them?”
“Sure, I’ll bring them Monday.”
An increasingly familiar rotten smell hit my nostrils as we strolled. We continued walking in silence while I internally pleaded with the creature to go away and leave me alone. It remained silent from wherever it was hiding in plain sight, but I had this nagging feeling it could hear me.
All the while, Samuel was taking shot after shot of the woods. He barely cast a glance at the small screen on the back of the camera to check his work. I clutched his arm a little harder in my fear and hoped that my proximity to someone that hadn’t seen it would keep the monster at bay.
“Dude, did you eat eggs this morning?”
“No,” my frown deepened. “Why?”
“Because something fuckin’ reeks.”
“Not me, probably roadkill or something,” I lied, hoping he’d buy it.
“I’ve smelled roadkill before and this ain’t that,” Samuel paused and checked the bottom of his pristine sneakers to find nothing.
“Well I don’t know then. That’s the best I got.” I hoped he wouldn’t hear the slight tremor in my voice. There was no way I would willingly divulge what had turned into my greatest secret.
Samuel looked around for a moment more as he tried to sus out the source of the stench before he gave up and continued. This time he kept his eyes down at his camera to check the shots he’d gotten.
We made it past the first stretch of woods and onto the edge of Main Street. It was mostly empty except a few groups of senior classmates outside the coffee shop. They gossiped about the day’s events while some older pedestrians passed.
We were at the crosswalk. As we waited for the light, I heard Samuel mutter something unintelligible under his breath. I didn’t think anything of it. I was to focused on the fact that the smell was still strong, and we had left the woods a few shops behind.
“What the fuck?” This time his words were clearer.
“Sup?” I questioned as I looked off down the other side of the street to check if any cars were headed our way.
He flipped quickly though various pictures of the Oregon forest. The tees were in different spots in each shot. The one constant in the photos, however, was a large light gray form in the background. Its head and shoulders peeked from nowhere. The rest of its body just disappeared into a few muddled pixels on the screen.
“Shit,” I muttered while Samuel took one of the clearer shots of the figure and used the buttons on the camera to zoom in on the form. Giant egg-like head, vertical moth sporting a head full of jagged teeth…yup. I knew it.
“What is that?” Samuel squinted down at the screen and lifted my arm that still held onto him in the process. He looked between the screen and I, and even went as far as to tilt the camera so I could see better.
“Ummmm…no idea.” It wasn’t a total lie. I still had no idea what the monster was.
The light finally changed, and I had to nudge Samuel to get him moving since he was locked onto the camera’s screen as he stared at the creature he accidently caught on film.
“Thirty pictures of this thing,” he marveled.
“Hmmm,” I nodded in response and looked around the intersection for anywhere it could be hidden. I couldn’t see anywhere it could go except for doorways for stores---and if it was there, I couldn’t tell.
There was a growing anxiety about the last half of our journey. It was a good fifteen-minute walk from where the buildings of Main Street ended and our clearing…with a whole lot of woods in the middle.
I glanced between the shoulder of the road ahead and the camera and breathed a sigh of relief as Samuel deleted the pictures of the creature. Hope filled me as he turned the camera in his hands.
Maybe he’ll put it away?
No such luck. He began to snap away at the woods again, but this time he checked the screen between shots. I sighed and kept my sight straight ahead. I didn’t want to bait the monster in the woods with my attention.
The smell was still rather strong, so I had no illusions that it wasn’t nearby. I just hoped that it would give up its stalking and go back wherever it hid when it wasn’t stinking up my life.
An occasional car zoomed by, but other than that, the highway was dead. Adults would be getting out of work, soon, and that meant more cover in a sense. We just had to wait it out.
We trudged along, still arm-in-arm while Samuel continuously checked the woods via his camera. It had been a while without a word from him. I was beginning to think we were in the clear when he gasped and stopped us in our tracks.
“What?” My heart sunk. Samuel wasn’t a ‘gasp’y person.
“Watch,” he lowered the camera a bit for my ease of view and snapped another photo of the forest to his right. The quick preview popped up instantly and showed the monster had kept pace with us, its giant head faced out direction while the profile of its body showed off its swollen belly.
“It just appeared again,” he whispered conspiratorially. “I think it’s been following us this entire time.”
Well no shit.
He took another shot, and when the preview popped up the creature was closer. It now directly faced us with its entire gangly body. One leg in front of the other headed our way.
Another photo.
Closer still. It was nearly out of the forest, now. A tentacle appendage was wrapped around a nearby tree like it was pulling itself out of the trees.
Samuel tensed and shook off my arm. I could hear a slight wheeze as his breathing increased. I didn’t open my mouth to try and calm him. I was glad in some perverse way that I wasn’t the only one that could see this thing.
He flicked the slider on the camera that switched the mode from picture to video and hit the record button.
The camera clicked over and the screen lit up with a view of the creature as it shambled out of the trees. Its giant taloned feet dug into the pine needles that covered the ground not five feet from us.
“Fuck,” Samuel backed up into me as he tried to get further away, and I went with him. I had a few feet of wiggle room before I would hit the pavement of the highway.
The monster kept coming, though, one shaky step at a time as it drew closer. It wasn’t until it opened its vertical lips and blasted us full on with its rotten breath that we ran.
It wasn’t even an agreed upon decision. There wasn’t a shared glance or cue to run. We both just booked it down the highway to the clearing full tilt, slipping on a carpet of slick pine needles as we went.
Scream caught in my throat, I couldn’t do anything more than take heavy breaths as I struggled to keep up with Samuel and his longer stride. The only advantage I had was that my dance pants allowed me more movement than his tighter ones did, but he was still a good few feet ahead of me.
“Fuck!” I looked up from Samuel’s heels to see the monster as it stood in our path just a few yards ahead of us. Its arms were open like it wanted to give us a giant hug. This time there was no camera to filter though. It was just there, head tilted at an unnatural angle as it dared us to keep going.
Fuck that.
“Woods!” I screamed.
Samuel veered right on a dime and burst into the forest, barely having stayed out of the monster’s reach. The woods came at us fast and harsh. Low hanging branches and thorns on bushes tore into us as we whipped past them.
I could hear a high stream of curses from Samuel while he forged a path. He had an arm raised in front of his face to stop the whip like branches from cutting into him.
My legs got the worst of it. the then stretchy fabric of my dance wear did nothing to stop brambles and pokey ends from tearing into my legs.
The woods got worse the deeper we went. With no path to guide us we were on our own, going solely in the general direction of the clearing. The noise of our mad dash through the forest was loud in my ears—but that wasn’t all I heard.
Off to the right, deeper into the woods, something was moving with us. I couldn’t tell with the cacophony if it was keeping pace or not, but we weren’t alone out here. Be it a scared deer, or the monster watching our progress, I wasn’t sure. I wanted to warn Samuel that we had company but thought better of it. I didn’t want whatever it was to fall off my radar and start being quiet.
Samuel with camera still in hand motored on ahead of me. He had gained distance because the bushes that caught my pants every step I took had slowed me down. He was still at an adrenaline-fueled sprint, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t thinking about anything but how to get the fuck away from the creature. That’s why when he went down a moment later, I wasn’t too surprised.
One second he was at full tilt, the next I saw him spring forward and hit the hard earth. His camera flew a few feet ahead of him.
I was just close enough that I both saw and heard his ankle break. The glistening white bone poked out through his dark denim skinny jeans in jagged pieces. Samuel screamed and curled into a ball as he clutched his leg just above the break.
As I barreled down on Samuel, I slowed my speed in increments so I wouldn’t end up on the ground next to him. The sounds I had heard in the woods drew closer. I didn’t dare look to see who or what it was. My only priority was to see if I could get Samuel up.
I wasn’t fast enough. The mysterious noise was ahead of me and was sure to get there before I was. It occurred to me right then that if it were anything scared by our rampage through the woods that it would be moving the opposite direction, not toward my prone friend.
Samuel had been screaming since he’d gone down, but this time it was words:
“Sophie! Go! Go! Leave me!”
I hesitated until the snaps of leaves and twigs that weren’t coming from under my feet reminded me that whatever was coming wasn’t good. As much as I hoped there would be a bit more time for me to at least argue with him, I didn’t have that.
I picked up my pace.
My feet throbbed as I passed Samuel on my way to the clearing. My moto boots weren’t made for the kind of wear I was putting them through, and it didn’t help that the inside of the sole was slippery.
As I tore my way through the forest, my chest heaved. I did my best to split my attention between the ground so I wouldn’t trip or watching the trees.
I hadn’t made it too far past Samuel when a new round of screams began, but these weren’t screams of pain. These brimmed with terror. My eyes watered from a combination of cold and fear. I felt like shit for having left him there for whatever had him now.
There was a break in the trees ahead and I knew I was about to hit the path to Old Green Glen High. It would only be a few short seconds until I was at the clearing where Ray and Kerrie would be.
Samuel’s screams echoed through the trees as they chased me out onto the loose dirt of the path that I crossed in three giant leaps.
I could hear Ray and Kerrie before I could see them through the maze of trees. There was an air of panic about their voices as the cries trailed behind me. I didn’t have the lung capacity to warn them of my incoming, all of that was focused on making sure I moved as fast as possible.
I just hoped I didn’t run into Betty.