“Addie wake up.”
Addie groaned and turned over onto her side, ignoring the voice talking to her. Then, she hissed as her sore chest stung from the new position. The soreness wouldn’t go away, so she had to turn onto her back again. She was still exhausted and tried to stretch, but her chest also felt tight, and she stopped preemptively when it started hurting.
“Addie, can you open your eyes for me?”
“Ugg,” Addie groaned. She tried to pull the bed’s blankets up to cover her face from the room’s brightness, but her arms wouldn’t quite listen to her. Her arms themselves felt fine, and she could move her fingers. But, her chest muscles protested in soreness when she tried to push her arms past her chest. She had to give up halfway since her arms wouldn’t listen. Next, she tried to awkwardly scoot the blanket up by just moving her arms up against the soft fabric of the sheets near her waist, but it kind of just bunched the blankets there instead of pushing them anywhere higher than they already were.
“Addie, open your eyes, sweetie.”
Addie gave up and finally moved her head in the direction of the annoying voice. Finally, she opened her eyes. Binary light flooded into the room from the window on the far wall since the curtains were all drawn to the sides. Christena was standing over Addie’s bed with a cup in her hand.
“Let me sleep a little longer.” She protested with a hoarse voice. “I’m still sleepy.”
“Don’t you want some water?” Christena asked with a neutral expression.
Addie moved her swollen tongue around her dry mouth.
“Yes, please.” Addie tried to do a sit-up without using her arms, but she winced as a sharp spike of pain ran down her stomach muscles. “I can’t sit up.”
She couldn’t do much of anything if both her arms and her stomach were this sore.
“That’s ok,” Christena said. Then, Christena put her hand behind Addie’s back and gently eased her up into a sitting position.
Addie yawned and tried to push her arms out of the blankets to stretch up into the air. But, her arms met resistance as they tried to push the blanket aside, and her arms quickly collapsed back down into the mattress.
Huffing out a breath, “I hurt all over!” Addie complained.
“That’s ok,” Christena gently said again, “Here, try to drink some water.” She brought the cup up to Addie’s mouth and slowly tilted it just enough for Addie to wet her lips.
Then, Christena tilted the cup a bit more so Addie could drink a small gulp. The water went down stinging her dry throat, making Addie wince slightly and turn her head away from the cup— a bit of water dribbling down her cheek.
This was way worse than the time she broke her arm. Addie looked down at her chest expecting to see bandages or something wrapping around her torso. Instead, it looked like someone had put a soft pajama shirt on her.
She tried to move her arms up, but she couldn’t move them up at all using her shoulders. She flexed her hands a bit, and that worked fine. Gently, she bent her elbow so she could reach up to her chest without using her shoulders. That seemed to work just fine, as her lower arms weren’t sore.
Carefully, only using her lower arm, she pulled at the collar of her pajama shirt to look down at her body. Long jagged lines of charcoal ash skin crossed through her pale flesh. Though she couldn’t move her shoulders, she was able to bend her elbow just enough to touch her collar. Addie ran a finger across one of the dark lines near her neckline, expecting it to feel like old campfire coals, but somehow it felt like regular smooth skin. The lines especially seemed to concentrate around her heart and pulsed out in wavy jagged lines to the right and left side of her chest stretching to her shoulders. A few smaller lines even branched all the way down to her stomach. She watched the black lines move in accordance with her breathing.
Addie’s heart pounded as she stared at the thick jagged lines marring her once smooth skin. The sight of the jagged charcoal marks made her chest tighten. She felt a wave of fear and sadness wash over her. She didn't want to look different. The thought made her feel sick.
“What happened to me?” she whispered, her voice trembling. Her fingers traced one of the lines again, trying to understand how something so terrible could happen. Her skin felt sore on those lines, the source of all of her pains and aches. She glanced up at Christena, “Did the healer see it?”
She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever feel normal again— if she’d ever be able to run and play with those jagged marks across her skin. for a moment, she just wanted to disappear under the blankets and pretend her body hadn’t changed.
She looked away from it, and down at the blankets on her lap. Then, she fidgeted with the hem of her pajama shirt.
“We had a healer from town come and take a look, but she didn’t know what to do about it since the lines are magical in nature.” Christena said hesitantly. She looked down away from Addie at the floor, as if sharing the news made her feel guilty.
Addie’s heart dropped. She didn’t want to have these marks at all. She followed the blanket’s pattern with her eyes over to the foot of the bed, expecting to see Squishy’s comforting presence. He still looked to be asleep. A couple of similar markings swirled around on his chest area too, but they were so small and so few that no one else would notice them standing out against his black scales.
“But we had Nettal and Lotty take a look at them.”
Addie turned back to look at Christena’s gently reassuring smile. Surely, that meant she had some good news, right?
“Nettal has already healed you a bit, and based on her current progress, she thinks most of it will heal eventually. Particularly she is confident about healing all of the muscle soreness.” Christena smiled brightly, putting the entire room into a better mood.
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Addie let out a breath of relief. So they would heal after all.
“But she does think you’ll still have some scars left over, even if they are only on the skin. Addie, more importantly,” Christena’s face turned grim, and small tears began to pool in her eyes. She continued in a whisper, “You cascaded Addie.”
“Oh,” Addie said. She didn’t know what to think. Her mind felt like a jumbled swirl of thoughts and emotions.
Christena had to pause for a moment and take a deep breath. “Your soul was really badly damaged, Addie. It’s a miracle you didn’t fully cascade. Despite that, your soul still has a lot of burn scars and cracks, just like the ones on your body.” Christena sounded choked up, “But it’s ok, we’ll heal you as much as we can, ok?”
Christena put the glass of water down on the nightstand by Addie’s bed, then she sat on the bed right next to Addie. She put her hand on top of Addie’s hand over the blanket, and she looked into her eyes.
“Addie, even if you and Squishy somehow stopped the process halfway, the fact is that your soul did experience a cascade. You’ll be changed by that forever.”
“Forever?” That couldn’t be right. Addie had stopped the cascade from completing. She had beaten the bird during the soul battle. She wasn’t sure if she really understood why she’d be hurt forever, or what forever even meant. Anytime she got hurt in the past, it always got better after some time. She scrunched up her eyebrows in thought. A dark weight settled across her chest, a heavy feeling that almost made it hard to breathe. Regret flooded throughout her body. She should have been smarter. It was stupid to be so close to Black Cloak after she beat him. She should have stayed away.
“Am I damaged? Will my body hurt like this forever?” Addie asked.
Christena pulled Addie up into a tight hug. Addie just kept her sore arms limp at her sides— not even able to return a simple hug. She tried not to wince in pain as Christena’s hug was just a bit too strong for Addie’s sore body.
“You’re just different now, sweetie. It’s ok.” Christena whispered into Addie’s ear. Christena’s voice hitched, “You’ll still be able to run and play, and the pain will go away soon.”
“I’ll just have black lines over my body?” Addie asked.
“They may fade with time.” She let go of the hug and held Addie at arm’s length. Christena’s eyes looked red and puffy. “Do you want any food or more water?” Christena wiped at her face and sniffed.
“No,” Addie said. “What about Squishy?”
“He’s doing better. He woke up a bit earlier, but I think he’s trying to get some rest now. Nettal says his soul only had some minor burns.” Christena explained with her hand still holding Addie’s.
Hearing his name, Squishy’s ears seemed to perk up a bit, but his eyes remained closed.
“I want to be by myself,” Addie said.
Christena’s hand tightened around Addie’s. “Are you sure you don’t want any food, Addie? It will help you heal.”
“I wanna be alone,” Addie repeated. She felt ugly saying those words. She felt ugly having those black marks on her chest. The thought of everyone seeing the marks, of seeing her as a Cascade made her want to hide.
Christena stayed in the room for a little bit longer, opening and closing her mouth a few times. Then, she sighed and turned around. “It’s ok to be sad, Addie. I’ll be back to check on you soon.” Then, she left the room.
Addie collapsed backward against the bed frame’s backboard and looked up at the ceiling.
She prodded at her new three-way soul-bond. Addie could feel her connection to the bird, but the bird didn’t seem to be anywhere in the room. Probably for the best, since Addie didn’t want to see her right now.
Her depressed feelings flickered down across the bond. She couldn’t control it. Those strong feelings seemed to wake Squishy up, and he turned his head over to look at Addie. Then, he padded his way across the bed closer to her.
“What’s wrong, my lady?”
Instead of using words, Addie carefully lifted the hem of her pajama shirt just enough to show her stomach and the black lines etched into her skin. Then, she let it fall back down onto the bed.
“A warrior’s scars. Bear them with dignity and remember how they represent a battle won.”
“I don’t care about that at all!” Addie flailed her limp arm into the bed with a soft ‘thwump’.
Even though she was angry at the scars, and frustrated with Squishy’s response, somehow she couldn’t get angry at the bird. They were soul bonded, now. That meant something, even if Addie was angry.
“I’m going to be ugly now, Squishy,” Addie spoke quietly, her tone just above a whisper. “And even worse— Christena says I’m cascaded. And your soul is hurt, too."
Squishy sat as he listened patiently.
“What if we could just go back in time a bit? I’d never stand around Black Cloak like that again. Why did I have to stand there?” Addie put her face in her hands.
“When Sen revealed that I am but a created existence, ‘some experiment’, I thought long and deep about what that meant.” Squishy began. He padded forward a bit more and rested his chin down on Addie’s leg.
“So what? You’re still a person,” Addie said. “Auntie has to hunt cascades down since they’re dangerous. Maybe they aren’t even people.”
She tried to move her arms over to lift Squishy into the air, but once again her arms failed her. Frustration began to boil up inside of her chest at the reminder of how sore and useless they were, but it quickly became exasperation, “I can’t even move my arms right!” She complained aloud.
Despite her frustrations, Squishy felt her desires through their bond and took a couple of steps forward to fully place himself in Addie’s crossed lap. He curled up into a ball like a cat, with his front paws splayed out sideways over her legs.
“Do you want to go around hurting kids?” Squishy asked.
Why would he ask her that? “Obviously no!” Addie denied as she shook her head.
“Do you want to one-sidedly steal all the magic we create and consume my soul as fuel?”
“No!” Addie shouted and slightly shoved at Squishy’s stomach— the motion making it depress for a moment. “Don’t ask me that. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
Squishy huffed out a breath, and she could feel his cool slick scales rub against her leg as his body deflated.
“Then you have not cascaded.” Squishy declared confidently. “When I found out I was nothing more than an experiment, I had to think deeply. Did my origins make me lesser?”
“I don’t think you’re lesser,” Addie grumbled at Squishy.
“I had to figure that out myself. Do you know how I decided?” Squishy asked.
“How?”
“It is my thoughts, words, and deeds that make up my character. It is those that decide if I am a person or not.”
“What does that mean?” Addie asked. Something about that idea made Addie sit up more and pay attention.
Squishy pointed his starry eyes up at Addie. “I am a person, an honorable person. Regardless of my origins, I wish to do good in this world, Addie. I want to protect you, learn magic, and go on adventures with you, yes. But I also want to help those we come across, like Nettal and the hurt fawn. Those moments made me feel special.”
“They made me feel special, too.” Addie decided. Maybe Squishy was right about all of this.
“So, do not destroy yourself with thoughts about lacking personhood. We will do good deeds together, Addie. Your soul is hurt, yes. But your soul is good.”
Maybe being cascaded didn’t matter as long as her intentions were good. She wanted to help people. Being partly cascaded didn’t change that.
“Addie, there is something else about this new soul bond. I can feel it, deep within us. Yes, we may be hurt and scarred, for now, but I can feel a deep power within us. Shared with us from the bird. It will not be all bad. I believe this experience will make us stronger than ever.”
“What about the black marks?”
Squishy sat up on his haunches and looked down pointedly at his own chest. “Then our scars will match.” She could feel his pride over their bond. He seemed to like his own scars for some silly reason.
Addie giggled, “Only you would think our scars are cool, you silly cat."