Chapter 2

Remington

“So she knows about it now,” Evan wheezes, as he swings another fifty pound sack of corn into the back of the idling truck.

“Yeah, she knows now,” I grunt, swinging one of my own.

The pile is growing and we have twenty more to go. Mr. Leechman comes every Saturday like clockwork and buys thirty, fifty pound sacks of corn for his cattle. Any minute now a big red Dodge is going to round the building and back up, Mr. Price waiting for his own load of corn. Then another, and another.

Titan Grain and Feed should really invest in forklifts and building a raised dock but since it’s existed since the 1920’s it’s all on the ground level and Mr. Wade doesn’t believe in skirting real work. I can’t complain. He pays me ten bucks an hour to haul around heavy things. I work here for about six hours on Saturday mornings and a few hours every day after school. It helps me save money for college and has the added benefit of being a stellar workout.

I can feel the burn in my arms and shoulders as I grab another bag, the leather gloves on my hand slap on the plastic weave of the sack, corn dust plumes into the morning humidity.

“And how did that freak out go?”

“She took it pretty well actually.”

Maddie had taken the news about ‘The Game’ way better than I’d anticipated. I expected her to be pissed, to yell at me and storm out of the room. But the longer I thought about it this morning I realized, that wasn’t Maddie at all. Maddie was pretty self contained. She thought about things before she let her emotions loose. And really, I wanted her to be angry. I wanted her to yell at me because I felt like I’d deserved it.

I’d kept the knowledge of that disgusting game from her. I’d ignored the feelings of every other girl in the school with the single minded thought that as long as Maddie was safe from it, none of the other girls really mattered.

I can still hear my mother’s voice talking to me about respecting women and their bodies. How even the meanest girl deserves to be spoken to gently because on the inside everyone has feelings.

Sure, I kept tabs on Heather. She’s a good person and Maddie loves her to death but I didn’t feel an ounce of the same loyalty toward her that I felt for Mads. Which probably makes me a dick since we’ve been friends since Freshman year and I do feel like without her Maddie would not be as happy if she only had me around.

The events of the last two days beg for examination. I know this. I know at some point, I’ll need to sit down and pick it all apart. The way I felt standing in the hallway outside the library when Heather mentioned Mitch taking Maddie out. The searing nausea that fell into my stomach like an oversized stone. How I’d started to sweat and tremor when Maddie’s flushed face squared off against mine.

I’d felt sick. So sick and afraid. For too long I was the only boy in Maddie’s life. Heather was her girlfriend. They had girls only sleep overs and talked about girls only topics like periods and waxing and makeup. But I received the lion’s share of Maddie’s time, listening to music, talking about movies, debating ridiculous topics that had no point other than to give me a little more of her. Her words, her thoughts, a view inside that tangled mind.

There had never in ten years been a time when I had to share her with another guy. Never. Not even her dad, that sad man who tinkered in his garage all night rather than be alone in the house his wife wasn’t in anymore. Sometimes I hated how neglected Maddie seemed but others I was grateful for the absent single parent because it meant I got to step in. I got to be her protector and her solid ground. It made me feel important. A weird kind of high when she would ask what we should do and look at me as if my answer was the most important thing in the world.

So my feelings on Mitch taking Maddie out went past the stupid Game. It went to a place I didn’t like to go. It went deep. To my feelings that I kept locked away under thousand pound chains.

“Fucking hell, when are these cows getting slaughtered?”

A breathless laugh huffs out of me just as I’m lifting another sack of corn.

“Not soon enough, man. Not nearly soon enough.”

Everett isn’t a small town but it’s surrounded by agricultural land and livestock. We have a small movie theater, a big chain grocery store, and several shops and businesses. It’s not terrible like some of the other much smaller places twenty miles in any direction from here, but it’s no metropolitan.

Once upon a time Everett was a big deal though when the meat packing plant was still operational. The place still sat in all its faded white glory, red streaks of rust now bleeding from every orifice. They had stock pens in the back that have now grown into a field of tall grass. We go out there from time to time and have a bonfire, drink beer, and dare each other to go inside the factory.

In the daytime it’s not so bad when you can see what’s around you but the hanging meat hook conveyor belt along with the rusting track below them is enough to give anyone nightmares. Take out the fact that the place still smells like rotting meat in the summertime and yeah, that dare is looking pretty shitty right about then.

“Alright Mr. Leechman! You’re good!”

I slam up the tailgate and pat it twice, waving back at him through the side mirror. The truck pulls out and the red Dodge backs in place.

“I got fifty today, boys!”

I sigh before walking up to his window and looking at the handwritten ticket. He sure as fuck did get fifty bags.

“You got straps?”

“Right here.”

I take the ratchet straps and toss two over to Evan who hooks them down into the bed, leaving them dangling over the sides of the pickup.

I’m getting tired now but that’s okay. I felt like I had a year's worth of pent up energy to burn off this morning. Rolling my shoulders, I walk over to the dwindling pallet of corn and start hefting the bags over my shoulder.

Last night, I wasn’t thinking about what it would be like to wake up with Maddie in my bed this morning. I was thinking that I really wanted to be close to her after all that fuckery over Mitch. How it had always made me feel happy to wake up and talk to her in the morning, sleepy voices drifting in and out of sleep, hands clasped together over the comforter. She was so soft and silly in the mornings, her eyes lazy, no lines on her forehead, no indecisive pucker of her lips.

She wasn’t thinking of writing in her notebook or studying for a test. She was relaxed and pliant.

This morning was no exception to that but it was…more. Borderline awkward.

I’d woken up with her on top of me. Literally, knees around my hips, head on my shoulder, little hands balled up against her chest. I could feel her digging her feet into my thighs since at some point the comforter had slid off the side of the bed and my mother always sets the thermostat down to like sixty degrees at night. Before I knew what I was doing, my hands had started to rub firmly over her back, then down over her ass and to her thighs. Long strokes that had my dick throbbing and her face nuzzling into my neck. The damp heat of her breath was like lightning to my balls.

“Mads?”

“Hmm?”

“Roll off, baby.”

“No. Cold. So cold.”

My arm had blindly flailed over the side of the bed until I’d connected with the comforter, whipping it over us and rubbing her back, like a friend, until she relaxed and went limp on me, which didn’t help anything I had happening below my waist.

When she let out a soft snore, I rolled her onto her back, arranging the blankets around her and fled to the bathroom.

I was two seconds away from stepping under a frigid shower when I said ‘fuck it’ and cranked the water to hot and jerked off like a fucking asshole.

Normally, I’m not so squeamish about self care but not this morning. This morning it was like pulling my teeth through my ears. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about Maddie. Her soft sighs, her even softer skin, the way she fit fucking perfectly on my chest. How she trusted me to keep her safe and warm in my bed. And that had done it. I’d spurted all over the fucking wall, breathing like a bull.

By the time I’d dried off and made it into my closet Maddie had rolled herself up in the blankets like a little burrito. I left her there, heading here to work. She’ll know where I am since I’m always here on Saturday mornings.

If I’m lucky she’ll still be in my room when I get back, probably laying in bed listening to music and asking me some ridiculous question about some ridiculous topic and I can forget that this morning ever happened. Forget the soft space between her legs that felt like a fucking furnace against my stomach.

“You know Ted and Warner are going to be pissed that she knows about it. Once Heather finds out-”

“Heather isn’t going to find out. I talked to Maddie. She’s not going to tell anyone. As long as those assholes stay away from her I won’t snitch. But Mitch did it to himself. I was very clear that she was blacklisted.”

Evan grunts and I’m not sure if it’s in agreement or exhaustion.

“No shit. That’s like four right? Damn. Scary stuff right there. Hope that asshole don’t come to Everett, though I suppose he did, he’d get full of buckshot!”

Mr. Wade is currently standing at Mr. Price’s rolled down window, a newspaper being passed back out to him.

“Serial killer! Can you imagine! Here in Everett!”

It’s usually really quiet out back since Mr. Wade doesn’t allow us a radio so I have nothing better to do than eavesdrop on their conversation. Sometimes it’s one of the best places to learn town gossip. Mr. Wade knows all the big rich cattle owners and they all love to talk about each other when they think no one is listening.

“Says here he takes ‘em for a week, does things to ‘em and then murders them. Drops them off in a wooded area and moves on. He’s hit four small towns across two states. They can’t figure it out, there’s no pattern. Terrible thing. Terrible, terrible thing to happen to those girls.”

“I saw on the news the other night, they were all really young. High school. Guy has some sickness for kids or something. Man, I hope they catch him and throw him in the fucking chair. Creeps like that turn my stomach.”

“God’s honest truth, that is. And Holly Mercer over at the paper said it’s a cryin’ shame cause each time he done took one of those girls he stayed local with ‘em. Can you imagine findin’ out later she was in town the whole time and no one could find her? That he managed to do all that right under them policemen's noses? Just shame on them for that.”

The pallet is empty so I use the rusted old pallet jack to move another closer to the back of Mr. Price’s truck and Evan hops up onto the tailgate. We’ll need to stack them better now so that the straps will hold as he’s driving.

It takes us another twenty minutes to finish the job and get him strapped in. The rest of my shift goes by in a similar fashion. Seems talk of a possible serial killer being in the area has everyone excited. Two more people bring it up while we’re loading corn and then Mrs. Auderbach mentions it while I’m loading her trunk full of mulch.

“You be safe now, young man. Make sure you walk your sweetheart home from school!”

Her head lowers down into the driver seat of the ancient Lincoln, her helmet of white curls disappearing when the door shuts.

“You’re good for the day, Remington!”

I turn toward the open door that his voice came from.

“But I got another hour, Mr. Wade,” I mumble when I come back inside the dim lit feed store. It seems that way anyway after being in the blazing sun.

“I’ll pay you for the six hours, son but I got no more pickups scheduled until Monday afternoon. Oh, and I might need you to work a few extra hours on Wednesday after school. Brent Tollsboro ordered a pallet of corn and a pallet of premium feed. Guess he’s going for broke on those extra cows. I hope it pays off for him. Evan already left about ten minutes ago, ask him if he’ll come help on Wednesday, would ya?”

I nod and pull off the rawhide gloves, tucking them under the front counter.

“Will do, Mr. Wade. See you Monday!”

My truck is like an oven when I get inside and it’s barely ten in the morning.

I roll the windows down and keep my music low. When I get home, I’m sweaty, itchy from all the dust stuck to my skin, and thirsty. So fucking thirsty.

In the kitchen I fill a glass at the sink and drain it twice before heading up to my room. My mom is probably still asleep, since she stays up late painting almost every night.

I stop to look at the new canvas she has propped up near the sliding glass porch doors. It’s vibrant and blurry, only the background of what she’s doing right now but it’s the colors that seem happy which eases some of the weight off my chest.

There was a period where all her paintings were dark and shadowed. Where she never smiled unless Maddie was here and she didn’t take care of herself like she should. I’m glad if those days are behind us because I’m not sure I could handle them again. I’m not sure I could pick her up off the bathroom floor and put her to bed after a bad crying episode or ignore the way she smelled like weed and vodka.

Shaking my head, I lumber up the stairs, pushing my door open to see Maddie sitting at my desk, her notebook open, her bookbag on the floor beside her. I guess she went home before coming back.

And why does that make me so happy? That she left and came back? That she brought more of her things to my space so she could stay longer?

“How's Mr. Wade?”

“A hundred years old and still lookin’ like the Marlboro man.”

Her eyes crinkle when she snorts and a weird stabbing feeling shoots through my chest.

Huh.

The notebook slaps shut and she spins around and around in my chair.

“So what are we doing today?”

“Some people are going to the lake. Wanna go?”

Her mouth puckers into an exaggerated duck face as she ponders the question.

“I don’t know. I kinda don’t think I could face Mitch right now. I might try to punch him in his dick. He’ll probably be there, right?”

Come to think of it, yeah he probably will be. Half the senior class will be there.

“You’ll have to see him eventually. You know, like Monday… in homeroom?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. The rest of this year is going to be so fucking awkward.”

“Nah, it’ll be fine. Just ignore him.”

The loud vibration of her phone going off throws our attention back to the desk.

She picks it up, fingers pressing the buttons.

“I’m gonna shower.”

Again. But at least this time I won’t be jacking off. Maybe. She’s still wearing her shorts and tank top from last night. The tank stop and sports bra that don’t do anything to hide the generous amount of side boob she has when she leans forward.

I scrub up quickly and go for a cold shower this time. It helps take some of the heat off me and I feel pretty refreshed. Back in my room, Maddie doesn’t even look up when I walk by her in my towel and into my closet.

Terrible for my pride but also a godsend because if she does look I might get a chub from the visual contact.

“Heather says she’s back with Michael. They’re going to see a movie tonight, wanna go?”

“What movie?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Let me ask.”

And that’s how the rest of our weekend goes. We go to the movies with Heather and Michael which starts out fine but by the end feels a little like a double date. I pay for Maddie’s ticket and popcorn, then I pay for our dinner.

I don’t mind.

Maddie gets an allowance from her Dad and does babysitting gigs when she can but I definitely have more money than she does. And I won’t lie and say I don’t enjoy treating her. She doesn’t expect it, even though it’s how we’ve been doing things for the last two years. Maddie still pulls out her ratty wallet and I still just pay the bill without even looking.

It only gets awkward when Heather and Mike start making out against his car after we leave the diner.

Maddie makes a weird face when she climbs up into my truck. Her and Heather shout through the windows at each other about calling the other the next day which could have been accomplished through text and wasn’t that important to begin with.

There’s a tense exchange of staring during dinner when Mitch and Javier walk in. I know what it looks like, me sitting beside Mads, my arm stretched over the back of the booth, her body leaning into mine so she can talk to Heather. Mike is kind of a twerp for letting her sit on the outside but she had insisted so she didn’t feel trapped against the wall.

I think on that for a while as we eat, wondering if I ever make Maddie feel like I’ve trapped her places. She’s so small and I’m one of the biggest guys in school, all lumbering legs and clumsy arms. Do I make her uncomfortable when I smoosh her into a booth like this? Does my heavy handedness when it comes to opening doors and having her walk on the inside make her feel confined?

When my neck feels itchy and I’m to the point where I almost have to ask, she turns to me and smiles with a huge bite of cheeseburger in her mouth. I laugh and shake my head because nah, there’s no way. I’d know if she was uncomfortable. I gotta stop letting Heather psyche me out like that.

She doesn’t even mean to but sometimes I think Heather is a real breathing girl and Maddie is something else. Her brain just doesn’t work like normal girl’s brains do. When I think she should be mad about something she’s not. When something makes her sad, she doesn’t act quite like another girl would. There’s never any jealousy or loud freakout moments where she loses her shit. Maddie just turns inside herself, goes quiet and solemn.

So to hell with Heather and her claustrophobia, Maddie looks just fine tucked under my arm. She was practically a suction cup on my chest this morning anyway. That has to speak for something.

Mitch spends the last thirty minutes of our dinner glaring at me over Javier’s head and I know I’ll hear about this Monday afternoon at practice. But it can’t be helped. Maddie and I are best friends, and we’re going to stay that way.

Sunday passes lazily for me. I sleep in, unfortunately alone since I can’t convince Maddie to stay the night again. She goes grocery shopping with her Dad, if you can even call it that. Their freezer gets stuffed more than the fridge section. That girl eats more crap food than I do, and that’s saying a lot since I’m basically a garbage disposal. My mom makes chicken and rice casserole for dinner and I barely manage to not lick the pan when I’m finished. Barely.

Maddie and I chat on AIM until ten when she goes to bed and I follow right behind her.

Now it’s six thirty and my truck is idling outside her house, parked haphazardly in her driveway. The smile that stretches my cheeks feels like the most natural thing in the world when she comes bounding out of the house. I lean over and open the truck door, pushing it wide so she can hop in.

“Do we have time for the bakery?”

Her face is flushed and she sounds breathless.

“Need a little sugar fortification for this morning?”

“I want coffee and a donut. Or two. Or three.”

Chuckling, I put the truck in reverse and head toward the bakery. It has a convenient drive through that I know is going to be ten cars deep at this time. If I’d known she wanted to stop there I’d have picked her up half an hour ago but meh, we’re seniors and homeroom isn’t terribly important. In fact, I wonder if that’s her plan. To be so late she misses homeroom altogether and goes right into second period without having to see Mitch at all. As plans go it has merit.

Maddie changes her mind twice in the ten minutes to the bakery. Ping ponging back and forth between donuts and a breakfast sandwich and then finally settling on a sausage croissant and two glazed donuts with a chocolate milk.

I wasn’t sure I was hungry until the smell hit me so I ordered a few of the small sandwiches myself. In the school parking lot we devour our breakfast in the truck, watching stragglers head into the building before doing so ourselves. I let out a loud belch and Maddie makes a fake crowd cheer before scoring it at an eight. She explains if I’d had more depth it could have been a perfect ten. Weirdo.

I leave her at the door to her homeroom a niggling feeling in my stomach that something is wrong and I shouldn’t. I should stay and grab her hand and take her to the library where we can hide until the second period bell but I don’t. I just give her a mocking salute and head toward my own room.

My knee bounces all through the second half of homeroom and second period. In fact, there’s some weird frenetic energy I can’t dispel all the way until lunch. I know what it is the minute my eyes land on Maddie’s face. She’s upset. I know it’s not crazy obvious and to every other person in this room, she looks absolutely fine but there’s a tension around her eyes, a set quality to her mouth that screams out at me.

I cut about fifteen people in line to stand beside her. One freshmen kid actually raises his voice to me over it until I turn around.

“You got three more years to stand in this line, bud. Don’t push me or you’ll need crutches for part of that.”

That settles him down.

I drape my arm over her shoulder and… she pushes it off.

She pushes it off.

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“What’s wrong? What the hell?”

But Maddie won’t look at me. She won’t even glance in my general direction. Her face stays toward the food, her tray sliding along the metal bars as it fills up with salisbury steak and mashed potatoes.

I follow along, not paying any attention to the food going on the tray or the automatic motion to grab two milk cartons.

“Mads, talk to me. What the fuck happened?”

“Watch your mouth!” the lunch lady barks and I roll my eyes.

“Maddie, stop. Talk to me.”

I hold my tray in one hand and use the other to grab her shirt sleeve. Her face turns just slightly but I see the tears welling in her eyes and it throws my whole body into panic mode.

Steering us toward the back of the lunch room, I commandeer a table we don’t usually sit at but it’s ours now because at this point if anyone even looks at me, my eyes might burn their faces off. I’m too big for anyone to really get upset about it.

Angling her so she sits with her back to the lunch room, I sit down beside her and push my tray away so I have room to reach my hands over to her.

Her head shakes and she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Did you tell Mitch and Javier that I- that you-”

“What? What did they say?”

She yanks her backpack around and jerks out a crumpled paper, practically tossing it at me.

Heard we need to add Remington’s name to the Game sheet. Bagging a virgin is extra points you know.

Rem and I didn’t have sex. You’re disgusting.

Not what I heard. Heard you stayed the night at his house on Saturday and didn’t go home until after he left for work. Did a little walk of shame back home. Now that you’re all worked in, can I get a go? It’ll feel so much better the second time around.

My hands are shaking. Seriously shaking.

“I didn’t tell them anything. Fucking Christ, is that what you think? That I told them we- No. No Mads, I’d never fucking do anything like that!”

“Then how did they know I spent the night?!”

My mind races. Anyone could have seen her leave my house that early but it would have been a guess that she’d spent the night. Maddie hated waking up early, she’d sleep til noon if you let her. So someone had to have seen her go inside my house Friday night and not leave until Saturday morning and the only person who would have seen that and talked to Mitch was Sarah fucking Huxom.

She lives two houses down across the street and her room faces the driveway. She’d have a front row seat to my house and anyone who went in or out. It didn’t help she was fucking pissed that I’d bailed on the party Friday night. I bet she stayed home and watched my house like a fucking stalker.

“Someone saw you come over and then saw you leave and assumed. Probably Sarah she’s mentioned being able to see my house from her window before. I swear to God, Mad, I didn’t say that to anyone. You know me. You know I’d never do something shitty like that.”

“So are you guys like, together now?”

Sarah’s obnoxious voice comes from right behind me. I lean back, turning to glare at her. My mouth opens to tell her to fuck right off when I notice her smirk and those sharp eyes looking behind me. That’s when I realize Maddie has bolted. She’s already at the lunch room doors by the time I untangle myself from the stupid table bench and go after her.

She’s not in the library or the computer lab so the only other place she could be is in one of the bathrooms. I text her but get no answer.

The bell rings ending lunch and I’m forced to abandon my search for her. She’ll turn up, I just have to patient.

But patience is not my strong suit. I’m almost bleeding through my eyeballs by the time the clock hits three. Fuck practice today, I gotta find Maddie.

Her bike isn’t in the back of my truck when I get to the parking lot and my heart pounds harder at that revelation.

Something is wrong. So, so wrong. There’s a clenching in my stomach, an unnatural sweat clinging to my body. It feels a lot like panic which is crazy because she just went home. She’s fine.

But it’s not fine. Something is wrong. Something is terribly, terribly, wrong.

I fire up my truck and peel out of the parking lot, driving over a few of the cement parking chocks to cut the line of vehicles. I get tons of honks and shouts but ignore them. Maddie is in trouble. I don’t know how I know. I just fucking do and until I have her warm skin under my hands, I won’t believe otherwise.

It’s probably an overreaction. A culmination of emotions from the last few days just making me feel sick to my stomach but I’m not so sure. I’ve never felt this terrified before.

I’m so distracted that by the time I notice something else that isn’t right- I’ve driven right past it.

A block before our section of neighborhood there’s a bike laying on the sidewalk. My old bike. Maddie’s bike.

I back the truck up and get out, my body moving on reflex. There are tire skid marks on the asphalt beside it. Papers are blowing into the lawn beside her bike, a black notebook fluttering in the breeze. Maddie’s notebook. Red dots on the cement.

Blood.

Fuck.

Fuck!

I run back to the cab and grab my cell dialing 911. I explain it to the operator who seems to think I’ve lost my mind calling them over an abandoned bike and some paper. I’m too keyed up to deal with this monotone woman though so I hang up on her and dial 411, getting the number for the local sheriff's office. Drew Edwards will not think I’m crazy. I’ve known him since I was a toddler. He’ll believe me. He will.

“Everett Sheriff’s Office, how may I direct your call?”

“I need to report a kidnapping! It just happened! Please! You have to believe me! I need to talk to Sheriff Edwards!”

The woman sucks in a sharp breath and then there’s shouting on the line. Shuffling sounds and voices conflicting with each other in the background before I hear him take the phone.

“Who is this?”

“Remington Clark! Someone took Maddie. Her bike is on the sidewalk on Terrace Avenue. Her notebook is on the ground, she’d never leave this on the ground. Never. There are tire marks. I don’t know when she left school but she was upset today and now she’s fucking gone. You need to do something. Do something!”

My hand squeezes a tight fist into my hair as my eyes bounce between the bike and notebook and the papers blowing toward this random house's bushes. I should get those papers back for her. I should grab them all. But this is a crime scene right? I shouldn’t be touching anything. But she’ll want those papers. What if they blow away and we never find them again?

Oh fuck what if we never find them again?

I’m moving before I can think of another reason not to and start snagging them, the phone still pressed to my ear so hard it almost hurts.

“Calm down Remmy. I’m coming okay? Five minutes. I’ll be there in five minutes. Stay put.”

I nod but he can’t see me so I just hang up the phone and shove it into my jean pocket. It takes me a minute but I have all the papers, holding them gently and then I trot back to her notebook. I want so badly to grab it and stuff the loose sheets back inside but I can’t. I know I can’t.

My eyes dart around the empty street, up and down, like she’ll come walking up to me at any moment. She’ll bust me for having her pages in my hand. But she doesn’t.

The cruiser shows up just a few minutes later along with four others that block the street off on both sides.

Sheriff Edwards jackknifes from the driver seat of the closest car and jogs over to me. His eyes bounce all over the place taking in my truck that’s still idling, the driver door wide open, the bike on the ground, the notebook, the papers in my hand, the house with the for sale sign in the yard and then he halts when he notices the bloody drips on the ground.

“She’s gone. She’s gone.”

Drew’s hands ease out and grip my shoulders tightly, pulling me into his torso. I drop my hands down from my chest to my sides. My body is going numb. My head is filled with bees that won’t stop buzzing.

“-okay. Alright? We’re going to find Maddie. Now tell me what happened.”

I don’t know if I’m making any sense. I tell him about her getting upset after talking to Mitch, I think I even just call it bullshit drama but then tell him how she bailed at lunch, how I didn’t even see her in the hallways after that. How when I came out I saw her bike was gone from my truck bed. How I felt like something was horribly wrong. How I found her bike and had to back up because I didn’t recognize it right away.

My phone rings and I look down to see Heather’s name flash. She’s talking before I can open my mouth.

“Hey, is Maddie with you? She’s not answering her phone.”

A choked sob breaks out of my chest and I heave, my body bending in half, hand braced on my knee, those papers crinkling in my fist.

“When did you see her last, Heather? When? You have last period together. Was she in it?” My voice is garbled, grief soaked, and desperate.

“Oh my God, what happened? Where is Maddie, Rem?! Um, no she wasn’t in last period but she was there before class started. She left and went to the bathroom right before class started! Oh my God, is Maddie missing?!”

I hang up and dial her father’s number.

“Trent.”

“Mr. Miller, it’s Remington, are you at home?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Is Maddie there?”

“No, hey are you okay, son? What’s going on?”

“I-”

Drew takes the phone from my hands, a dark look on his face.

“Hey Trent, it’s Sheriff Edwards. I’m sending a deputy over to you right now okay? Sit tight. Trent- no just sit tight okay? They’ll be there in less than a minute. I’ll be there when I can.”

He ends the call and holds my phone in his big fist.

“That was stupid, Rem. There's a procedure that needs to be followed here. Now Trent’s worrying and we don’t even have all the facts yet.”

“Then get them! Better yet, get Maddie back! Why aren’t you looking for her?! Why are you just standing here?!”

His face goes from pissed to sad so fast I actually wretch. It’s his condolences face. Like she’s already-

No. No. Not Maddie. Not my Maddie. No.

“We’re going to start a canvas of the neighborhood okay? Maybe she fell and ditched the bike, went for help at someone’s house. She could have just scraped her knee-”

“She’s been riding that fucking bike for three years, Drew! She rides this route every fucking day from school! She left her most prized fucking possession on the ground beside it! She’s not okay! She didn’t just bail and leave the bike! Someone took her!”

And then Mr. Wade’s conversation claws its way up out of my memory banks.

“Serial killer! Can you imagine! Here in Everett!”

“Says here he takes ‘em for a week, does things to ‘em and then murders them. Drops them off in a wooded area…”

No. No, no, no.

I grab my phone from Drew’s hand and bolt for my truck, ignoring his shouts to come back. I have to drive up on the sidewalk and partially in someone’s yard to get around the cruiser blocking the road but then I’m dialing.

“Yo,” Evan drawls.

“Get in your car, call Thomas and Wade. Call everyone. Someone kidnapped Maddie. Someone took her. We need to find out where they’re hiding her.”

“What the fuck, are you serious right now?”

“Get in your fucking car, Evan and start looking!”

I make a dozen calls as my eyes scan the neighborhood when I realize that’s stupid. They’d never stay in the neighborhood. Too many people. Too many houses. Noplace for some out of town serial killer to take her. Hotels, motels, abandoned buildings. I need to search those places.

My truck roars down the main drag of town as I look desperately from one parking lot to the next. I search all night. I pull into parking lots and knock on every fucking motel room door. I scream at the lobby attendant asking her if she’s seen anyone suspicious, a girl being drug into a room, a man who looks like a rapist and murderer.

I’m shocked it takes until three AM for Drew to get a hold of me. I thought someone would have reeled me back in before now but no, I’m climbing the chain link fence around a storage facility when the red and blue lights flare up behind me.

“She’s not in there, Rem. Get down from there.”

“How the fuck do you know?”

“Because I called Linda McCall an hour after we got to you and she said no one has used a gate code since Saturday. There’s no way to get a girl over that fence without going through it.

“C’mon. We’re looking okay? You were right, someone took her but they can’t have gotten too far and we’ll find her. C’mon, son.”

“I’m not your fucking son.”

My hand is on the door handle of my truck when Drew’s hand lands on the window.

“Don’t make me arrest you, Rem. C’mon. Let me drive you home. You shouldn’t be out in this condition.”

“I can’t. I can’t go home if she’s not there.”

He takes a deep breath and leans against the truck.

“We have four teams out canvassing businesses and houses right now. The whole town knows she’s missing. Practically everyone is looking, Rem. But you need sleep. You need to rest. When we find her she’s gonna need you and not some strung out zombie. C’mon let's get you home. Alex can drive your truck back.”

The drive is tense. My eyes still linger on parking lots, dark buildings, and alleyways. She’s here somewhere I just fucking know it.

When we pull up to my house, I don’t move. I just sit in the passenger seat of his cruiser, staring at the back of my pickup truck. Alex gets out and leans against the tailgate, his black uniform soaking up the darkness.

“We’re going to find her, Rem. I promise.”

“But what if it’s too late when we do? What if she’s-”

“Don’t borrow trouble. We don’t know anything for sure. Until we know for sure. She’s still alive. She’ll be okay.”

I nod but it’s an empty gesture. Something vital is missing from me. Something necessary for me to live is gone. My limbs don’t work right, too heavy, too leaden. Has Maddie always been so important? Of course she has. Of course. But this- now- God, I don’t know if I want to live without her. I don’t know if I can. No more smiles, no more banter, no more sarcastic comments or cheesy dad jokes. No more sparkling brown eyes and messy hair on my pillow. No more tickles or pizza dinners. No more whispered words in the darkness. That’s my line, my breaking point. Her soft voice whispering about how much it hurt when her mother died. Her reassuring words that my Dad would be proud of me, even if he wasn’t here. How she thinks I’m strong and funny and worthy.

I drag myself into the house, my mother’s frantic hands coming to my face, my shoulders. And then I fall apart. I drop down to my knees right there in front of the stairs and grab my Mom’s legs, crying so hard I think I’ll break apart from the tears coming out of me. My chest burns from lack of oxygen, my face cramps from how badly it’s warped in grief.

“Shhh, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

But it’s not because Maddie is not here. Maddie, my Maddie is gone. Someone took her. To hurt her. Someone is going to hurt her and then probably kill her and I wasn’t there. I wasn’t there to keep her safe.

My Maddie.

My Maddie is gone.

Gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

When I wake up, there’s bright sunshine seeping into the windows. That seems wrong for it to be so bright and cheery. It should be pouring rain. Everything should be drowning or burning or crumbling.

I’m sprawled on my bed, still dressed in the clothes from yesterday, boots still on my feet. My mom is wrapped in a blanket, sitting in the recliner beside my bed.

I grab my keys and phone, quietly slipping from the room. My stomach growls but I ignore it, grabbing four bottles of water from the pack on the back porch and guzzling one before I even reach my truck.

I throw the rest into the passenger seat and crank the engine. By the time I reach the gas station and fill up, I’ve drank all the water and feel slightly better but the tension headache that’s gripped me is still going strong. My eyes are puffy and my face swollen but it doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters. Just finding Maddie. That’s it. I have to find her.

I call the Sheriff's office and they patch me through to him.

“Anything?”

“You know I can’t-”

“Drew.”

His sigh is all defeat.

“We found her bookbag and phone in a trash can outside the drugstore but I don’t think she’s close to that area. I think that’s why it was dumped there. Harriet works the front counter and thinks she saw a blue panel van pull up outside around the time frame we’ve got for her abduction so we’ve got a bulletin out for that style of vehicle. No hits yet but it hasn’t been out long. Stay home Remington. We’ll call you when we have her, okay?”

I just hang up. I’m not fucking staying home.

I drive all day. All fucking day. I drive and drive and drive. Then I sleep for a few hours and get back up and do it all again the next day, and the next. The sense of urgency is only increasing. A week is what Mr. Wade said he read in the paper. He keeps them for a week. Like five days? Or like a full seven? Why the fuck don’t I read the goddamn paper? It’s been three days. Three fucking days and I’m running out of time. Maddie is running out of time.

That night when I’m exhausted and seeing double, I finally turn home. Instead of going to bed though, I just sit at my computer and google the serial killer I know is responsible for this. It has to be. Nothing even remotely like this has ever happened in Everett.

It has to be him. It has to. There’s some gut feeling telling me this is right. I’m right.

But God I hope I'm wrong because what he did to those girls…

So if I were some sick fuck who abducted a seventeen year old girl and wanted to do heinous things to her in private where would I go?

My phone rings.

“What?”

Evan’s voice is spooked, a harsh whisper in my ear.

“We’ve been looking, man and Daryl and Ollie said they saw a big dark colored van go past them on route ten. So I headed out this way thinking they’re full of shit and just wanted to sound like they knew something but fucking hell, they’re right. There’s a van that just pulled up to the old meat packing plant. They pulled it under the old feed shed and shut it off. I didn’t see anyone get out but I can’t see anything besides the back of it now and barely. It’s fucking dark.”

My heart thunders. Adrenaline erases every bit of exhaustion from my body in seconds.

“Did you call the cops?!”

“Not yet! I called you. I should have called the cops though. I gotta get out of here man, this is freaking me the fuck out!”

“No. No! Don’t move. Are you in your car? Stay in your car. Don’t make any sounds, you might spook him! Just stay there, I’m on my way!”

I sprint for my truck, my heart in my throat. He’s there. She’s there. I know it. I fucking know it.

I’m two minutes out from the other side of the old cattle pens. There’s a warped, rutted road that we use to get back here and not many people know about it. I shut the truck off and my phone rings, Drew’s name flashing on the screen.

“Don’t go in there. We’re on our way! We’re ten minutes out. Do not fucking go in there, Remington!”

I hang up. I’m going in there. Fuck this. Once cop cars start showing up, he could freak out and kill her. Fuck that.

I have no weapon. I have no knife or gun or anything I can use as a fucking weapon. Reaching into the back seat I dig until I feel the tire iron. It’ll have to do. If I’d been thinking in my room, I’d of grabbed my big buck knife but I wasn’t thinking.

I ease the truck door open and close it gently before walking as quickly and quietly as I can down the dirt path. When the wooden gate comes into view, I slip between the slats and hustle through the waist high grass. It’s dark. So fucking dark, I can barely see the outline of the grain silo but I’ve been coming here for almost six years now in the dark so I know where I’m going. I know exactly where everything is inside. I know there are two offices on the ground level and one larger one upstairs. I know there’s an employee locker room in the back that smells like shit and sewage still with grimey tile walls filmed in green mold and red rust.

The only entrance I know I can use to get inside that won’t make noise is the back dock door. It’s gone. Completely gone. So that’s where I go, gripping the tire iron in my right hand. My phone is on silent in my back pocket.

As I creep down the long hallways toward the main work area, I hear muffled sobs and the sharp whack of something hitting flesh.

I can feel my blood surging inside me. I’ll fucking kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him. He will die for touching her. I swear on my life, I will fucking end him tonight.

“Because you know that was wrong! You know! Just do it like I want you to!”

The voice makes me pause because it’s not what I was expecting. It’s male but higher pitched.

“You think you deserve better than this? You’re a fucking whore! You’re all fucking whores! Do it right. Do it right. Do it right. Yessss, like that. Just like that. No! No! Fucking bitch!”

The wet thumping sound comes again and again and again. My feet move, my body shakes so hard my teeth rattle. I’m amped up a thousand times more than I have ever been in my life.

When I get closer, I know they’re in the next room. The second office that has the busted out observation windows facing the packing plant work floor.

Whimpers follow each fleshy slap. I’m boiling alive but I can’t just rush in. I have to assess how close he is to her. I have to assess what the situation is. What if he has a gun to her head? What if he just shoots her?

“Again. Now. Open. That’s right. Open and let me see. Fuck, so good. That’s right. Stick it out. Fuck yes. Dirty fucking slut.”

Nausea roils in my belly as I clear the last foot and press myself against the wall. Leaning forward I peek into the glowing room, taking in as much as I can in a single glance.

There’s a short stocky man with his back to me, wearing a dark plaid shirt and jeans. A gas camp lantern sits in the corner throwing the room in deep shadows. On the grimy floor is Maddie, her wrists tied with green cables, her ankles wrapped in leather cuffs that are tethered together.

I whip back around the corner again, trying not to breathe too loudly and then look again.

His arm is working in front of him and I know what he’s doing. Sick fuck. The wet slapping sound increases its pace.

Maddie kneels in front of him, her mouth open, eyes screwed shut, tongue hanging out. Blood leaks from her scalp and the corner of her mouth. Her face is so bruised I can’t tell where one hit happened and another ended. The line of her jaw is so swollen it looks like she has the mumps.

“Keep it out.”

But when he grunts lewdly she closes her mouth, her body jerking back already expecting the blow.

“No! Fucking dumb bitch. You don’t fucking move unless I tell you. You keep that slut mouth open! Do it! Do it now!”

He reaches forward, grabbing her roughly by her jaw and yanking her forward. She grunts and collapses down on her chest, a pained cry shearing out of her when she lands.

That’s when I notice what his other hand is holding. A leather strap. Not a belt. A strap. It’s studded with random brass bits. He raises it over his head and it cracks down on her back.

She screams, squirming and trying to move away but she can’t, her ankles keep her tethered and she’s curled into herself like a baby in a crib.

And that’s the moment my body and mind disconnect from reality. I turn, rounding the corner and raise the tire iron, smashing it down over the back of his head.

I hit and hit and hit.

He doesn’t go down though. I think three hits to his head should be enough to daze him but it doesn’t. He just turns and knocks me back, arms surprisingly hard and corded with muscle. We crash to the ground and Maddie screams. My wrist hits something hard and I can’t help it when my fingers release the tire iron. It falls clanging on the floor a few times before there’s just the sound of our heavy breathing and fists thumping.

Both of his hands grip into my hair and start smashing my head back into the tile floor. I reach up and jam my thumbs into his eye sockets, earning an ear splitting shriek. He rolls away from me but he’s wild, desperate, terrified.

He punches, kicks, and tries to bite me. Then at one point I think he just tries to run but I grab him by the back of his shirt and swing him into the door frame. Rearing back, he shoves me down and my left hand sparks in pain. A shard of glass slices over the back. I don’t think- I just grab it, feel the sharp edges cut into my palm as he falls toward me, fist already cocked back to strike.

The glass slides in and I feel every scrape against bone, every thick muscle ripping, the gush of hot blood flowing over my wrecked fingers. I feel when he realizes what’s happened. The shift in his body, the lax way he drops and then the snap of the glass as it breaks, leaving a jagged rectangular chunk in my hand. I roll his body off, throwing the shard across the room and crawl quickly to Maddie, my palms slipping and sliding in the blood. And they are bloody, my whole chest is coated in the sticky hot fluid but I can’t care.

“Over here! There’s a light over here!”

And then flashlights are bouncing all over the room, people are yelling and I know Drew is behind me. My fingers slip over the green cable on her wrists, her sobs tearing through my heart as I struggle to get her loose, to get her free, to hold her, and never, ever let her go.

“Rem, Rem, back up man. I got some snippers. C’mon let me cut them off.”

My hands drop and suddenly I’m being pulled back by several people. A female officer crouches down in front of Maddie, holding her hands as Drew cuts through layers and layers of green wrapped wire. She cries out when it’s loose, her hands dropping limply to her lap. They cut her out of the leather ankle cuffs too but it takes longer since there were fucking padlocks on the straps. Brass fucking padlocks that kept her tethered.

“Ambulance is outside, they’re bringing in a stretcher for her-”

She’s standing and leaning on Drew and the woman but her eyes are on me. Those warm brown eyes that look stark fucking terrified are on me and she’s pushing, she’s struggling and I can’t stop it. I jerk out of the arm hold I’m in and we connect. Her sobs soak into my chest, her fast breathing and quaking are like a fire in my veins chanting, ‘alive, alive, alive, alive.’

I wrap her up, rocking her side to side, a sense of relief I’ve never felt in my life flooding through my body.

Alive, alive, alive, alive.

Arms are pulling and prying at us, trying to separate us but I just tighten my hold. Maddie just burrows deeper and I’ll be damned if I let anyone take her away from me again.

“She needs a hospital, Remington. She’s hurt pretty bad, Bud. C’mon now, let’s get her on the stretcher.”

I grasp Maddie’s head in my hands and pull her back. Blood smears over her temple and into her hair.

“I’m not leaving you. I’m right here. We’ll go together, okay?”

She searches my face for what seems like eons but finally nods. I lift her up on the stretcher and hold her hand while they lay her back and strap her down but then she panics. She thrashes and jerks, screaming and screaming so I unclasp the thick black bands and she shoots off the thin mattress, right at my chest.

“I’ll carry her. I’ll carry her to the ambulance. Don’t tie her down again. Don’t.”

And everyone seems to agree. Everyone seems to agree that making this girl follow procedure is not so important right now.

I carry Maddie out of the building, like a child that’s fallen asleep and step up into the ambulance. It’s bright in here and I’m able to see her face well for the first time since lunch at school.

Until the day I die, I’ll never forget the way she looked in that moment. Drained. Defeated. And so fucking scared. All that joy and life that usually laid right behind her smile was gone.

My fingers flex on her back and her sharp whimper jolts me so hard I almost slide off the bench.

I remember the strap- the studs- and then ease my hands to her sides.

“It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re so safe, baby. I’m never letting anything bad happen to you again.”

And when they shut the ambulance doors, I know it’s a promise. A vow.

I’ll never let anything hurt her ever again.