The roar of the machine echoed through the empty hall. The air lay heavy on my shoulders and with each turn of the giant metal gear, my chest tightened. If a grenade went off next to me I don't think I would notice. Still, the same thought kept creeping across my mind. What if?

It was years ago, but I can remember her on that day. She was smiling, she always smiled, or at least, she used to. I was spending another boring day with her. It was shortly after we'd been on our third date. She was young, vibrant, and so free. I knew her future was going to be amazing. With eyes full of trust, she told me all about how happy she was that we were finally dating. I thought this was silly and adorable. I couldn't comprehend why anyone would want to be with me. Who was I? Just some person. I wasn't really good at anything, nor was I completely terrible. I was exceptionally average. Maybe that's all she expected, maybe that's all she desired.

I could remember that day because it was the day I told a lie. The only lie I've ever told on purpose. She was smart and was going to a good school, in just a short few months. This relationship couldn't last. She was too good for me, and I knew it, she had to be as well. I sometimes wonder if she was just toying with me, or pulling a prank on me. It was unlikely, her kindness knew no bounds, and I was so fortunate to be someone she wanted to give her soul to.

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I didn't understand. In the beginning, I didn't want to, this kind of love was something I knew I would never feel again. Warm, welcoming, and unconditional, well almost. Love is fickle, being a near mirrored reflection of trust. The problem with a lie is once it's said it's known as the truth. Lies dismantle trust in the same fashion as atoms being split and truths create chemical bonds made of silly string. Which did I expect to hold? I knew the consequences, but I said it anyway.

It was one simple sentence, one simple lie. But, she no longer smiled.

Why did I say it? Because she did not deserve to be dragged down by me, she did not deserve a boring life where I constantly felt like I would need to keep up.

I wonder all the time if my reasoning is even the truth. Could I have not tried harder? Grown to be better? For her? I don't know. That is why I have wondered my whole life, what if. Today I finally get the chance to know. I stepped close to the machine and grabbed a small handle situated on the side. This is when I noticed the whole ground was shaking, vibrating. Others would notice this sensation soon. It was time to go. I stepped in and suddenly the world spun around me and I felt myself die. Almost instantaneously, I was brought back lying in a field next to her again. She was smiling.