On the eve of my twenty-fifth birthday, an inky darkness began to seep from the very depths of my soul, sapping the magic from both my veins and the land where I lived.

            It happened to each of the women in my family. Sometimes it would develop in their earliest years, other times they were far into middle age – but no matter how long it took, the darkness relentlessly found a way to creep into our homes, latching itself to the woman who lived inside. 

            It would spread through the land on which we lived, sinking its claws into the already-sparse farmland on which we grew our crops and raised our animals. There was no way to escape it - no prayers or arcane sigils could force it to retreat. It was a curse, tethered to the soul of each woman who dared to be born into the Donellson family lineage.

            No matter where we moved - between houses or villages or continents - it followed us steadily. We were scorned and shamed, even though we knew not what had brought this blight upon our family. It terrified the others who lived near us - they feared to draw near, lest the darkness sink its teeth into them and trail them to their own home. Centuries spun by in which we could not rely on anyone outside of our own family - there was no community and no magic in which we could place our trust. 

            Even in the months that the darkness would fade, scurrying into tight corners where it could not be seen, we stayed lonely. It was said that a woman haunted by the darkness was not to be trusted to keep the creeping blackness to herself - she would as quickly thrust it upon another to gain solidarity in her solitude. So we learned to rely on ourselves - we couldn’t trust our neighbors and we couldn’t trust the land, but we could fall back on those who had come before us and those who were living through it alongside us.

            The darkness was our greatest fear and our worst nightmare, and we lived it all the same. 

            I once thought that I could run away from the curse. I was young and silly, swept into frivolous dreams of normalcy. I let the seas carry me far away from the lands where I was born, hoping that the far distances that I had placed between myself and my clan would keep me from falling prey to the darkness lying in wait and its inevitable wrath. 

            It came all the same. There was no distance that could keep it from finding me. 

            Even as I dreamt of lightness and the good deeds that I could achieve if only I were released from the curse’s grasp, nothing could stand between me and my fate. I was tainted and I always would be, no matter where I ran. 

            The morning that I came of age, I woke up and first felt the darkness - it nipped at my ankles, alerting me to my failure. I packed my bags that evening, preparing to sail back to the distant shores that I had once called home. I didn’t leave a note to alert those whom I had grown close with of my departure - how could I let the people who had so readily opened their arms to me know me as anything other than the unhaunted woman that they had once loved? 

            There was no option but to leave. 

            I stole away in the darkest hours of the night, never looking back as I shut the door on what I had once hoped would be the life that would save me from destiny. Only a single piece of parchment - a worn map that traced the pathways that I had once so freely roamed - came back with me; it served as a reminder of all that I had lost, all that the curse had stolen away.

            It was here, on a small vessel that felt helpless against the roaring waves, that I first understood the immensity of forever. This curse would follow me – would become me – until the day that I departed the world again. There was no hope of escape.

            The boat rocked gently beneath me, its frantic sway churning to the beat of the chaos that stirred inside of my body. The salt-tinged wind stung my cheeks as I clutched the frayed edges of the map in my trembling hands. It had been years since I last traversed these waters, years since I had allowed my thoughts to drift towards the lands I once had called home. The closer we drew to my homeland the louder it sang to me - had it been calling out to me in all the hours that I had been gone? Had the song continued for the last seven years? 

            The sea stretched endlessly before me, vast and indifferent, a mirror to the isolation that I carried with me. As the crew moved through their tasks, I remained an island amidst them - silent, solitary, and haunted by the knowledge that no distance, no ocean, could sever the tether that bound me to my inheritance. I was thankful that they didn’t ask any questions. The pittance I had passed them was not nearly enough to secure the cost of the journey and their silence, but my desperation was tangible - how could they deny someone who so clearly needed to leave?

            I had haunted the shadowed corners of the docks until the sun began to cut through the dark evening sky, slivers of buttery yellow melting away the harshness of night. My heart thrummed against my chest in heavy beats as I waited for the chance to make my move.

            I had set my eyes on a weathered ship with a small crew. The sailors bustled between the decks, securing cargo, inspecting sails, and ensuring that they were ready to set off onto the rough waters. My palms felt slick as I recounted the plan again – I would hide within my own shadows until they were ready to take off and stow away amongst the cargo, blending into the darkness until we had reached Drakenslyle. The plan was not foolproof, but what else was there to do? I crouched in silence, waiting for the moment that I could make my move.

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            Finally, no one wandered the upper deck. I sprang from my crouched position, ignoring the moans of my aching joints as I dashed towards the ship. Between the wooden crates there was an empty space just big enough for a frail girl to slip into. 

            Still, my heart pounded. Even though I had made it onto the ship, I suddenly wondered how I was going to make it through the weeks spent on the water. In my haste to leave, I hadn’t accounted for the details of my master plan. My sack contained a small amount of food – hard cheeses, stale bread, an apple I had grabbed from a low-hanging branch on my way here – but it was not nearly enough to sustain me through the treacherous journey.

            It was then that a rough hand yanked me up from where I hid.

            “What do you think you’re doing, girl?” The voice was as harsh as the hand that grabbed me. My spine shuttered as flashes of my potential future flooded my vision – would he thrust me back onto the docks where I came? Bring me out to sea and make me walk the plank? Or was there an even worse fate awaiting me?

            “Speak, girl!” The voice clanged through the cargo boxes, echoing around me. I dragged my eyes from the uniform wooden planks of the deck, willing myself to stop finding patterns in the grain and to find my voice.

            The sailor before me was an imposing figure, carved from the depths of the ocean. The tang of salt wafted off him, flooding my senses. Even in the fading darkness of dawn, he seemed to have emerged from the darkest portions of the sea – every piece of his face was coated in rich, dark colors. Only his eyes were touched with lightness, mirroring the misty green of the tide pools that surrounded the shores of my homeland.

            “Please sir – I can pay you. Just don’t make me go back. I just need to get back to my home.” Desperation coated my voice – this was my only chance to return to the island without showing those who lived around me who I had become. If this didn’t work, I wasn’t sure what I would do.

            His eyes softened for a moment. I took that as my chance and procured a small, velvet bag from my sack. I had little to my name – a few gold coins and trinkets that I had held onto since my initial sail to these distant shores – but I tossed it to him without thought. There was little need for money where I was going. If nothing had changed in my village, it wouldn’t be accepted there anyways.

            The coins dropped into his hands, and he counted through them, muttering to himself as he sorted through my life’s work. The darkness seemed to grow deeper around me as I waited for him to break the silence between us. I would do anything – give anything – to go back to Merryn and Mammie, to spend the rest of my days plagued by this darkness with the comfort of knowing that they would be by my side.

            “You can stay,” he said, “But you’ll be expected to earn your keep to make up the rest of what you owe. Can you cook?”

            I nodded vigorously. “Yes, sir. Whatever you need, I will do.”

            He led me then to a small room in the depths of the ship, far away from the cabins where the other crew members slept. The room was tiny, but far more comfortable than the space between the cargo that I had carved out for myself.

            “You will be safe here. Rest for a few hours, then come to find me on the upper dock. I will introduce you to the rest of the crew then.” He turned on his heels to leave, and without any thought my hand snaked out to latch onto his large arm.

            “Thank you. I appreciate your kindness.” His head nodded slightly, a small smile playing at the edges of his mouth.

            “You are welcome. Now rest – we will see the to rest later.”

            The weeks passed by swiftly, days blending into one another as I drifted through my duties. Without notice, the end of our journey had arrived.

            As the shores of my homeland crept into view, a heavy ache settled in my chest. I longed to glimpse some sign of change, some proof that time had softened the edges of the place I had once fled. I was returning as a different woman than the one who had left many moons ago - perhaps the world had changed in that time, too.

            I had run away from Drakenslyle as I had run from my new home - in the depth of the night, with no warning to anyone who had ever loved me. It was laughable now, to think back on what had spurred my departure. My younger sister Merryn - who then was only a girl at the ripe age of fifteen - had begun to seep out her own darkness. It writhed from her as she kicked and screamed, pleading with the Gods to keep her from the misery of bearing the weight of our curse early.

            I knew better than anyone that the curse didn’t transfer from person to person, but still I ran. I feared that her own darkness would latch on to me and I would meet my own early demise - because truly, it felt like she had died and was now a living ghost - if I stayed any longer. 

            The weight of the memory pressed down harder with each passing moment, reminding me that the darkness was already here, just as it always had been and would continue to be.

            A soft tap to the shoulder startled my thoughts away.

           “Miss,” the captain spoke, barely audible against the roar of the waves. “We’ve just about reached the docks.”

             My eyes narrowed, aching for a glimpse of the lands from where I came. A fine mist had begun to settle upon the shore, obscuring my view of the village that I knew lay behind. I closed my eyes and began to trace the pathways I had once known by heart - the cobbled road that lay between our house and nana’s, the wooden bridge that lead to the pond where I shared my first kiss with Seamus, the dirt road that lead out of the outskirts where we had taken up residence over the last centuries. 

                 Once it had all been so familiar. My heart ached for the young girl who had stolen away in the night, afraid of a fate that would always come chasing after her. Who would she have become if she had stayed?

                 Her life played out before me as I closed my eyes, leaning into the restless waves that were carrying me back to the hills where I belonged.