Saturday June 10th

There is an old rusted tractor at the forest edge that sits on a small hill that almost a mile of flat land reveals. The sun is high in the late morning sky and the sky is a clear blue. Lieutenant Sprieg observes our target from his binoculars. "Load." orders the Lieutenant in his usual calm demeanor. I take a shell from Kurtz and slide it into the gun breech. The gun hatch slams close. "Aim." The Lieutenant orders. Obrenski peers through the delicate gun sights and cranks the hand wheels directing the weapon to the desired position. Obrenski chimes,"Locked." The Lieutenant orders "Fire." I clamp down on the firing leaver and the gun booms forth, in blinding light, a projectile at high speed. The ground shakes as the weapon recoils. We watch as the yellow shell races across the field of yellow and white flowers. The projectile slams into the field just before our target of the desolate, abandoned tractor churning up a puff of earth in the process.

Our training round falls short, today we are sighting the gun. The Lieutenant looks to Obrenski and says,"Adjust up five and left three." Obrenski replies frustrated,"Yeah yeah I'm working on it." as he attempts to calibrate the weapon's optics. The Lieutenant orders again,"Load." Kurtz keeps tripping over his baggy pants legs as he carries the blue tipped training "Dummy" shells. The projectiles contain no explosives but a small amount of paint to mark our target. I take the brass shell from Kurtz and load it into the cannon breech. The hatch slams close and the weapon is ready to fire. "Aim." orders the Lieutenant. Obrenski cranks the hand wheels until the guns crosshairs line on target. "Fire." orders the Lieutenant. I pull the firing lever and the gun lobs the training round in a blinding flash. The earth quakes as the gun violently recoils. Yellow streaks across the fields before ending in a cloud of earth far to the left of our target vehicle. The Lieutenant utters,"Adjust windage, keep range." "I got it Sprieg." says a frustrated Obrenski peering through the gun sight.

We have been at this most of the morning and this is our seventh attempt. It is hot and we all sweat profusely. I worry about my dinner with Irina's mother but a new emotion has formed in the back of my consciousness over these last couple of days. That new emotion is guilt. I feel guilty for not telling Irina that for all those planes I have shot down has probably killed someone. How would she feel about dating a killer? Would it end us? I can't remain silent any longer for it eats at me like an ache in my soul. I pray she will forgive me. I pray that I can forgive myself but this war is not over and I am afraid I will have to take more lives. I don't like having to do that.

My thoughts are interrupted by Lieutenant Sprieg ordering,"Load." I grabbed another training shell for the impatient Kurtz and loaded it into the gun breech. The hatch slams close and Obrenski fidgets with the sights. “Fire when ready.” commands Lieutenant Sprieg. Obrenski finishes his tinkering and barks, “Franz, send it.” I clamp down on the firing lever and the gun blasts with a deafening boom. The ground quakes once more and I have to make myself firm to keep from wobbling. The shell streaks at high speed until it impacts dead on target slamming into the defenseless tractor punching straight through it and exiting the other side in a cloud of dirt.

“About time dammit.” utters a still frustrated Obrenski.” The Lieutenant says, “Excellent work gentlemen.” Kurtz looks at me excitedly and asks while cradling a new shell, “ That was cool! Can we shoot it again?” Obrenski stretches and grunts, “ I’m not shooting any more shit today.” The Lieutenant writes today's progress on a report sheet before folding it and placing it in an envelope. The Lieutenant ushers,” No Kurtz, we just needed to adjust the gun sights and that is all.” “Awww.” Kurtz sulks as he replaces the training shell back in its wooden box.

Obrenski asks,” So loverboy, when are you going to get your ass chewed by mama bear?” Huh? Oh I forgot I told Obrenski about the dinner with Irina’s mother in which I am expected to attend. “ I believe it was at seven, if I remember what she told me.” “Good.” he says, “I’m going to the bar and I need you to pick me up when you are finished.” “Ok fine.” I say grumply. ”Spreig can we leave yet?” asks Obrenski impatiently. The Lieutenant listens intently into the headphones before saying, “Yes Obrenski you can leave. Franz what is this I am hearing about Irina’s mother?” I never told the Lieutenant, I didn't think he would care. ”Irina’s mother invited me over to dinner.” I reply. he sets the headphones down and looks at me saying,” Is that so? Well I expect you to be on your best behavior.” Obrenski butts in,” Forget that! Do her right on the table in front of her mother.” The Lieutenant looks at him with a blank expression that tells me that that was the most horrible thing he has ever heard. Obrenski grins as the Lieutenant recomposes himself to look at me before saying, “ Franz, you represent the entire army when you wear that uniform, I expect you to behave and no more shenanigans. Do you understand?” "Uh uh yes sir.” I reply nervously.

I have been so extremely nervous this evening that I have been biting off my nails. I never do that. I set aside the cleanist uniform I have and even borrowed some good smelling soap from Kurtz, who gets them from his grandmother. I swear I have brushed my hair seven times this morning. I even shaved to the point of cutting myself. I have brushed my teeth to the point of making my gums bleed. I am just such a nervous wreck. I just noticed that I am shaking at the thought. “Is something wrong Franz?” asks Lieutenant Spreig. I confess almost to the point of tears, “ I don’t know what to do, I am so nervous. What if I mess up?” The Lieutenant says like a father,"Well stand up straight and don't sulk and be polite…." Obrenski interrupts him," And no hanky panky under the table." The Lieutenant glares at him. Obrenski says,"What, I'm helping." The Lieutenant rolls his eyes and looks back at me. He says,"Anyway be kind and courteous, always answer with yes mam. You should do fine Franz."

The Lieutenant speaks like he had an just remembered something,"Hold on, I have something for you." He disappears inside his shack and returns. He returns to me holding a small case. He barks,"Detail, fall in." We all trudge to form a line. Obrenski to my right and Kurtz to my left. We all stand at attention with our hands firmly down by our sides with our heads held up high. Obrenski snaps even though he is stiff bodied," What the hell is this about Sprieg?" "Obrenski might I remind you that you are at attention and supposed to remain silent." The Lieutenant says. Lieutenant Sprieg barks,"Private Franz Henkel, step forward!" I break rank and step forward with uncertainty. He orders," Salute and stand at ease." I give a sharp salute in which the Lieutenant returns equally sharp. I spread my legs apart and fold my hands behind my back. The Lieutenant takes from the case a small rank patch and says to me, "On this day, June tenth, you are being promoted and now will be recognized as Private First Class Franz Henkel." He hands me the small gray circular patch with a white diamond in the center. My heart soars with excitement! My first promotion! I can't help but smile gayly. He also pulls a silver piece of metal from the case. I examine it as he presents it. It is a silver badge with a wreath and within it is a cut out of our Flak 88 cannon, above the wreath is an eagle who clutches, in its claws, a swastika. He begins to pin the badge to my left breast pocket. "This." He says," Is the Anti Aircraft Battle Badge awarded for combat against Allied bombers in defense of the fatherland. Since these are in short supply, I wasn't able to acquire enough for all of us. So Franz you have been selected to be this installation's representative." He finished pinning the badge to my uniform and I gleam with pride. "This is unfair! Where's my medal?" Obrenski bellows, still stiff. The Lieutenant glares at him with a silencing look. The Lieutenant recomposes himself and sticks out his hand for a handshake. I take it and he gives a firm grip on my hand. He retracts his arm and orders,"Atten-tion." I snap back to stiff attention. "Salute." I give a crisp salute while holding the patch tightly in my left hand. My body boasts a display of pride. He salutes sharply in return and orders dropping his salute,"Private First Class Franz Henkel, fall in."

I step back in line and Kurtz asks childishly,"Lieutenant can I get a promotion?" The Lieutenant replies fatherly,"No Kurtz, it's not your time yet. And you are supposed to be quiet." Kurtz pouts,"Awww." Obrenski blurts,"When do I get a promotion Sprieg?" "Obrenski, I would never have you promoted." The Lieutenant replies,"Why not?" Obrenski pleads. "Bad conduct." The Lieutenant says shortly. "Obrenski returns," Well thank God it's not up to you Spreig. " The Lieutenant replies snappily," It is up to me." Obrenski utters simply "Oh……I'm still not going to change." The Lieutenant snaps agitated,"Gentleman, might I remind you that you are at attention and are to remain silent!" After a while the Lieutenant orders ,"Detail, you are dismissed." We step out of line and the Lieutenant says to me,"This should make you more presentable. Now hurry and go get that sewn on. I have a few more for your other uniforms." "Now wait just a minute Sprieg." Obrenski says,"Why does lover boy get promoted?" The Lieutenant replies," It was about time that Franz got promoted anyway and I didn't think it was fair that he and Kurtz share the same rank." We look at Kurtz as we all realize that he is a private as well. Kurtz stands there obliviously picking his nose as he stares up at the clear blue sky. His baggy gray sleeves have rolled down his arms on a uniform that is far too large for him. "Well lover boy, you'll look really nice when she takes your clothes off you." Obrenski says with sly intent. The Lieutenant glares again at Obrenski before saying, "Franz, you should be looking very nice for tonight." Kurtz tugs on the Lieutenants sleeve and asks innocently,"Can I get a medal?" Lieutenant Sprieg looks to him and says,"Maybe one day Kurtz." Kurtz pouts," Awww, I don't like waiting." I, very proudly, rush to sew on my patch to my uniform. I have something to show off and Irina will be so proud of me. I bet she would love to see me like this. More importantly, I hope this will impress her mother.

6:00 pm.

The sun hangs high over the western horizon in the clear blue sky. The air is still hot as me and Obrenski prepare to disembark for our trip into town. Kurtz has decided to stay with the Lieutenant. I feel more nervousness overcome me. I have looked at my watch more times than I can count today as I painfully count the minutes until my judgment. I wear the cleanest uniform I have, the Private First Class patch white diamond sew into my left sleeve. The silvery badge shines upon my left breast pocket. I painstakingly try to keep my uniform from getting wrinkled. I polished my black jack boots until they almost shone. I had finished brushing my teeth again in the barracks for good measure. I sit on my cot and examine myself with a hand mirror. Obrenski shouts,"Come on lover boy, you are going to be late! As much as you have prissed yourself up, you look like you are going to marry her mother." I step outside and make my way to the kubelwagen. Obrenski has already started the vehicle and sits in the driver's seat. I clamor into the passenger's seat. Kurtz and the Lieutenant see us off. The Lieutenant stands legs apart and hands folded behind his back. Kurtz waves at us, shouting,"Bye Franz, bye Obrenski!" as we depart.

As we travel down the dirt road to the city, Obrenski says,"Quit shaking lover boy, you'll be fine." I didn't realize it but I am shaking. "I've only met her mother a few times and she didn't like me very well." I say. "Well boy, that's how mothers are, they know you are going to try to screw their daughters. I don't blame her for be defensive." "But I am so nervous, I have never been this nervous with Irina." "Well thats because you are comfortable with her….very comfortable indeed." He clears his throat intentionally. "I'm just worried I will mess up and she won't let me see her again." I say. " Who cares what she thinks, you can see her any time you like…. Just not when her mother is around." "Huh?" I am confused. "Sneaking out Franz. I am talking about sneaking out. God kids these days don't know shit." "Well I don't know." I say perturbed. "Franz." he says sternly,"You really like this girl right?" "Well yeah." I reply,"Then you will find a way to be with this girl. So quit worrying, everything turns out eventually." I think that he is probably right.

As we approach the market square, the cathedral's bell tower rises high above the city. We park on the side of the road and Obrenski steps out saying to me,"If you forget about me, I'll beat your ass." I get out and sit in the driver's seat. As I drive off to Irina's home, I pass the multitude of people as we make their way to their destinations on this fine hot late afternoon. I find some shade among the many tall buildings that line the road. The cool wind is the only means of quenching the heat. I sweat profusely and worry I will sweat off the soap I washed with. The closer I venture to Irina's house, the worse my anxiety becomes. I ran through all the scenarios of how to present myself in front of her mother. I know what Obrenski said but that doesn't stop my nervousness.

As I pull up to Irina's home and my teeth begin to chatter. As the sun begins to descend, it paints the sky in deep pinks. I try to keep my nerves steady but I find it difficult. I pull the keys from the vehicle and begin my start toward steps. The house is a large two story white building with two large windows on the first floor and three small windows that jut out of the angled roof. A red door is my means of entry. I straighten my uniform and remember the badge that gleams from my left breast. I reach the door and my teeth still chatter. I comb my hair with my fingers. Like Daniel in the lion's den, I pray to God that this goes well. This meeting with her mother could spell out whether I will see Irina again. I knock on the door and brace myself. To my surprise, Irina answers. She wears a light blue dress with silver spirals. She notices my badge,"Well look at you. And to think I had to do all this convincing this afternoon." She steps forward and closes the door. She takes my face and passionately kisses me. She steps back and says,"Mother is in a good mood and I have buttered her up real well. She thinks you are something real special. Though you won't need much convincing now. What's that on your sleeve?" She noticed my new rank and I say proudly, "The Lieutenant gave me a promotion." " Really that is great, look at you my soldier." Suddenly Irina's mother opens the door and says,"Well hello Franz, I am glad you made it on time." My nervousness returns and I try to hide it by saying,"Hello, Ms.Gänseblümchen." I stand trying to display my rank and badge. "Please call me Hiedi. Irina, go finish dinner. Come, come inside." Here I go, into the lion's den. Irina's mother opens the door and Irina rushes to the kitchen.

I walk past her into the home foyer. It is a large room with an open doorway in the walls to my left and right. To the far in front is a large staircase that leads to the second floor. On the second floor, one can see a walkway, with dark oak railings, leading in both directions. The walls are painted a dark green. Behind the staircase is a wall and a doorway that must lead into the living room for I can see a brown couch. A modest grandfather clock ticks across from the stairs and several photographs decorate the walls. The lights are a bright white. The floors are of a light maple hardwood.

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She leads me to the left and we enter the dining room. A long and dark mahogany table takes up most of the room. It seats eight people, four on each side with matching mahogany chairs. The table is engraved in the center with a large elegant daisy and stem that has been lacquered over. There are eight white plates, with golden trim and embroidered patterns, and silverware set out at each chair. "Go ahead and take a seat Franz." She says as she leaves me, presumably to help Irina in the kitchen. I take my seat next to the window with the curtain closed. I, awkwardly, sit on the inner left side of the table. I examine elegant golden weaves on the plates, and wonder if it could possibly be real gold. My nerves are still high but her mother doesn't seem to be nearly as terrifying as I remember.

Suddenly Irina walks in carrying, with oven mitts, a large black pot and sets it in the center of the table. Her mother follows behind her with three ceramic bowls and a tray of rolls. Her mother hands Irina a bowl and Irina takes a ladle and scoops some of the brown soupy substance into my bowl before handing it to me. As I observe the mystery soup in front of me, Irina says,"Mother made pot roast, it is simply the best." as she scoops another ladle full into another bowl. Irina makes a bowl for herself before her mother sets the tray of rolls near the pot and urges for me to take one, so I do. Irina comes around the table to take her seat beside me. Her mother takes her seat across from us and I am about to eat before Irina juts me in the side with her elbow. I grunt and look at her, she puts her arms together as in prayer, I quickly catch on and do the same. I place my hands together and bow my head with my eyes closed. Ms.Gänseblümchen starts us in prayer," Dear our most heavenly father, we ask that you bless us and this meal that you have allowed to be prepared for us. In your holy name we pray Amen." "Amen." Me and Irina chant. I examine the meal before me and discover my bowl to be full of tender chunks of beef, cut potatoes, carrots, corn, and peas. It looks delicious, so I take my roll and dunk it into the soup. I allow the roll to soak up the juices before I place it in my mouth. It's flavor is of a beefy salty taste and it is very delicious. I smile with flavorful pleasure.

"So Franz, where are you from?" Irina's mother asks. Oh no, the interrogation begins. I swallow my bite of the chunky but soft beef and say," Frankfurt, I am from Frankfurt." "And your parents?" she asks. "My mother died when I was young and my father is a logistics officer." She replies," I am sorry to hear that. What did your father do before the war?" "My father was an accountant but when the depression hit he had a hard time finding work." I say. Irina looks at me surprised and asks,"Is that why you moved so much?" I nod. Her mother says," I remember the depression, Albert managed to keep his clinic open, but he had his patients pay us in unusual ways. At one point we had more eggs than we knew what to do with." Irina and her mother chuckle in reminiscence. Her mother then says to me,"Well Franz, I had my doubts about you but you seem quite like a nice young man and I know Irina is very fond of you." "Well thank you mam." Suddenly chills go up my spine as I feel something brush against my leg. I look under the table and see Irina's hand caressing my thigh. I try to keep my composure and more importantly keep myself from blushing. What has gotten into her, here in front of her mother of all places and especially when I am trying to make a good impression. "Well Franz I see that you have received some new decorations since the last time I saw you." I, trying to brush Irina away, stammer,"Well I er uh… got a promotion this morning." Suddenly I feel another brush against my leg and I discover that Irina has wrapped her leg around mine. Why here, why now? "And how do you feel the war is going?" her mother asks. I wrestle Irina's leg off mine. "Well uh I think it's going well." I stutter. What? Why did I say that? I know the war isn't going well. Her mother gives me a suspicious look. "Is that so? You know the Allies have landed in Normandy and the Russians are moving in the east." I swallow hard, I messed up. "Uh yes mam." "Franz." Her mother says,"What do you plan to do after the war?" After the war? I never thought of it. Maybe me and Irina could get an apartment here! Maybe I could work here as well, though I don't really have any skills but I could learn. Irina looks at me with an excited face like the same thought entered her mind. I reply,"Well maybe I would like to live here in the city." Irina gives such a gleeful look.

Then it hits me, the soul shattering guilt returns. My breath shallows and I begin to sweat. My heart feels like it will sink, my stomach in knots. This is a far worse feeling than my nervousness. I clutch my thighs in emotional torment. How can I have this happy life with Irina if she finds out I am a killer? How would she feel about me then? How many men have I killed? Would she break up with me if she knew? I am fearful of the answer I may receive. I need to tell her but I like our relationship, I don't want it to end because she thinks I am a monster. Irina notices my stress and tugs at my arm with a worried look. Her mother asks concerned,"Franz, are you alright?"

"Uh uh yes mam, may I be excused to the bathroom?"

"Well certainly. It's past the living room to the right."

I excused myself from the table and make my way out of the dining room. I turn left out of the doorway and pass the stairs and enter the dimly lit living room. There I find two brown leather couches that sit across each other and in the middle is a dark black wood coffee table. The room is about medium sized. There is a tall radio that sits at the wall at the far end of the coffee table. There are two large windows that have the thick blackout curtains that are closed. Potted ferns decorate the corners of the room and pictures of Irina's family adorn the walls. To the left of the room are several book cases with a variety of books that line the shelves, many of which I notice are medical related. A single black comfortable chair sits beside them and beside that is an end table with a small lamp. That corner of the room must have been her father's study.

I take a right and open the wooden door that leads to the bathroom. My nausea is no longer containable and I retch and vomit in the commode. I wipe the bile from my mouth and go to rinse my hands in the sink. I gaze into the mirror and see myself. My brown eyes are bloodshot, my brown hair though well combed still has frizzy ends. My face is pale, clammy and has spots of acne, and there are noticeable cuts where I shaved. I didn't realize that I looked like such a mess. I still feel so sick, my nausea has returned. I am about to retch and vomit again when there is a knock on the door.

Irina's voice whispers through,"Franz, are you ok?" I quickly try to tidy myself up and open the door. She stands there with concern about her face. "I'm fine." I reply definitely not fine. "Was it the pot roast? I thought you would like it." she says. She obviously heard me vomit. I try to lie to reassure her," No, I must have eaten something bad today." The lying only makes me feel worse. She replies," You don't have to eat if you don't want to." "No, it's fine," I respond.

We finish our meal at the table and my nerves are still frayed. I attempted to eat but my nausea is still ever present. Between my soul consuming guilt and her mother's judgment, I struggle with stress. Her mother takes our bowls to deposit them in the kitchen but before she leaves, Irina asks,"Mother can I show him my room." Ms.Gänseblümchen responds,"That will be fine." as she gives me a menacing glare. Irina takes my hand and virtually drags me up the stairs, to the left and into her room. In this significantly smaller room, on the right side, sits a bed in the corner of the room. Behind the foot end of the bed is the window that is open to let in some of the fading light's rays. Beside it is a small desk with a chair and a lamp. To our right side are several book cases. On top of the bed is a purple comforter with several stuffed bears. Upon the desk is some stationary and a pen. I notice that she has my letters pinned to the walls.

Irina closes the door and begins to kiss upon my cheek. My guilty conscience is eating me alive. I brush her off of me. She takes notice and asks with concern," What's wrong?" I sit on her bed as the guilt consumes my soul. I don't want to tell her because I fear it would end our relationship. How would she feel about me? Would she believe I am a monster? I have to tell her or else I will never be able to continue living with myself. I must confess. She sits beside me and takes my hand. She speaks softly and with deep reassuring concern,"Franz, what's wrong?" I try to keep my composure but my voice trembles and quivers,"Irina….. I….I'm so sorry." Like a dam bursting, I can no longer contain my emotions. Tears trickles down my face as I confess,"Irina, I have killed people." The crushing weight has been released off of my soul and I sink my head into my hands with shame and weep softly. The tears flow steady as I cry. I fear what she will say but it is out now. I am too vulnerable to brace myself for her response. "Franz." she says comfortingly soft as she rubs her hand across my back,"Its ok." I look at her with tears still in my eyes and snot dripping from my nose. I ask in a quiver,"You're not upset?" She speaks softly as she lays her head upon my shoulder, "No Franz, you were only doing what you had to do." "Will God forgive me?" I whimper. "I'm sure he will Franz." I attempt to dry my tears, my soul feels now redeemed and my relationship seems untarnished. "Franz." she says,"You are a good person and I know you don't want any of this." "Really?" I quiver. "I will always care about you Franz. One day this war will end." she says. I wipe my eyes and say with new found hope,"I was thinking of living here." "Yeah you said." she replies softly. I decide to ask what I think in my vulnerable state, "Maybe we could live together when the war ends?" She smiles a pure and honest smile and says softly,"I think that would be nice Franz." My heart soars with a renewed excitement. I feel a bond with her like she will accept me no matter what I have to do in this war. I feel as though she is someone I can be honest with. I am glad I am with her, I am glad I found her.

"Irina!" her mother hollers from downstairs. "We should see what she needs." Irina says. We file our way down stairs and meet her mother in the dining room. "Irina dear, would you please tidy up the kitchen." she says. "Yes mother." Irina responds as she leaves us for the kitchen.

After a while of awkward silence,her mother speaks,"Franz, I need to talk to you." in a stern tone. I don't like how this sounds. "Uh yes…yes mam." I stammer. She says to me a brutal tone,"I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore." My heart sinks, I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. "Wh…what?" I stutter with a lump in my throat. She continues,"She has already lost so much. All you will do is bring heartache to her when they send you to the front." I feel so awful, my worst fears have come to fruition. "But, but mam." I say almost to the point of tears.

Irina returns and says,"Mother, you already cleaned the kitchen." Her mother replies,"Oh I must have forgotten. Anyway, Franz was just leaving." She looks at me, I feel so distraught. Irina looks at me surprised. I sink with heart ache, as her mother escorts me to the door. I look at Irina for what feels like the last time. I exit and close the door, my heart is sunken. I hear Irina's voice through the door," Mother, what happened?.......You did what?!" I begin to head back to the kubelwagen my mind filled with immeasurable depression. Suddenly the door open from behind me, I turn to see Irina rush to me. She comes with tears that stream down her face as she hugs my neck tightly. She cries as she says,"We will find a way to be together." Her mother looks down upon me in the doorway, I sense her disgust in our desperate display of affection. Her mother snaps,"Irina, enough of this nonsense!" Irina looks me in the eyes and says," There has to be a way." I comfort her by saying,"We will make one." "Irina, come inside now." Her mother commands. Irina releases me and sorrowfully rejoins her mother. I return to the kubelwagen and think of the ways that I can see her without her mother's knowledge. My heart is sunk, I have to see her again

The night is dark and the only form of light is from a half moon that beams overhead in the clear night sky. The black out has commenced and the entire city is dark. Very few people walk about, stragglers of the day's events. I make my way back to the town square in the blackened city. My only means of vision are the blackout lights on the Kubelwagen. My mind is distressed at my new found situation and I struggle to navigate the streets. The city has an eerie feeling about it, since how few people are out.

I park outside of the market square and make my way through the alleyway to the market square bar that sits across from the cathedral. The square is dark and many of the shops are closed, this place almost seems void of life. The bar has a few dim lights that flicker within it. As I open the bar door, the smell of alcohol is overwhelming, setting my already heartbroken stomach into nausea. The bar is empty and no patrons can be seen, no sign of Obrenski. The chairs have been flipped upside down on the tables. And a man sweeps under the tables. Another man behind the bar counter scrubs the counter top with a rag. Behind him are several glasses and shelves that hold a variety of liquor. The bartender notices my presence and stops and asks,"Hey kid, you looking for Obrenski?" I guess it was that obvious."Yeah,where is he?" I ask in reply. "He left with a girl, here he told me to give this to you." he says. I approach him and retrieve a slip of paper with an address on it. As I read it, I silently fume. Obrenski was suppose to be here and now I got to go find him. I leave the bar, embark in the Kubelwagen and head out to find him on this moonlit night with my mind in emotional turmoil.

I pull up to the address which is a tall two story house nestled between two other houses. I park out front and make it up the dark steps. I can't see inside the home because the blackout shades. I knock aggressively on the door and stand, arms crossed, aggravated. Suddenly the door is cracked open and a woman answers,"Oh honey, I wasn't expecting you so soon!" Then she realizes and asks,"Wait, who are you?" I huff and say,"I'm here for Obrenski." "Uh I don't know who you are talking about." Suddenly I hear something fall to the floor. She looks back and accidently opens the door enough for me to see, in between the couch and the coffee table, Obrenski struggling to get up from the floor. He is half dressed and in briefs. He struggles to put his trousers on. As he rises and puts on his boots. He notices me staring,"Franz!" he exclaims. He comes to the door and snaps,"Dammit Franz! What are you doing here?! You couldn't have waited a few minutes?!" I, even angrier now, snap back," You left the bar you ass!" I didn't realize it but tears were trickling down my cheeks. I shocked myself because this is the first time I have ever called him out of name. He is stunned, he obviously sees that I am in an emotional state. She asks," Who is this?" "My ride." Obrenski replies. Obrenski says to her, "I need to go." "But… but, you just got here." she says. "And I need to go." Obrenski says sterner. "Fine." she snaps,"But don't you ever come back." she huffs angrily. "I don't plan on ever coming back." he rebuttals. She pushes him out and slams the door. Obrenski shrugs," She wasn't that great anyway."

We enter the kubelwagen and Obrenski sits in the driver's seat. He asks,"What happened?" as he begins to drive. I'm on the verge of tears with anger and despair. "Her mother forbid us from seeing each other again." I say as new tears trickle down my cheeks. Obrenski is obviously concerned. He asks in a semi fatherly voice,"Well Franz, what are you going to do about it?" I am determined to see Irina again but I'm not sure how. I break,"I…I don't know." "That's not good enough Franz." he says. But her mother sai…." He interrupts me,"Fuck with her mother said, you should have slapped that whore in the mouth." "I don't know what to do." I say as my voice breaks. "You will find a way." He says reassuringly. "How?" I ask as my voice trembles. "Dammit Franz!" he snaps," You are a smart fucking kid and I know you like her. And God damn, she is mad for you. So use your head and figure it out." "I just don't know what to do." I say. "I'll tell you what you need to do." He continues his tirade,"Sneak, lie, do whatever you have to do. One day this world is going to end Franz. So you better make the most of it with this girl." I dry the tears from my eyes. He's right, I need to do whatever it takes." "And one more thing." He says," If you ever call me an ass again, I'll beat yours." He chuckles a little to tell me he is joking. "Everything will turn out fine Franz." he says. "You think so?" I ask. "I know so." he replies in a calm matter of fact..

We arrive at our post this late evening, the Lieutenant has already retired into his shack for the night and Kurtz is nowhere to be seen. We park the vehicle and make our way into the dark barracks. The moon light is our only means of illumination. Kurtz lays bundled up on his cot and Otto the cat lays at his feet. The felines piercing yellow eyes follow us as we retire to our cots. Obrenski removes his boots as he sits on his bed and says,"Franz,I wouldn't tell Sprieg about this if I were you. You know he has a tendency to overreact." I nod in agreement also removing my boots. "Good night Franz." He says as he rolls over in his cot. "Good night Obrenski." I say as I lay in mine. I, emotionally drained from today's events, can only think of a plot to keep my relationship alive. I must find a way, I will find a way.

Three days later a letter arrives from an address I am not familiar with. I open it to discover Irina's penmanship that gives me instructions on how to send my letters to her friends home. My heart wells with hope, we will send secret letters to one another using her friend's address. I smile briefly for we will continue our romance with whatever it takes.