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Where Are You?
The First Night

The First Night

My hand trembled as I rapped on the freezing solid metal door ‘God it’s cold’

I pulled my hands up to my face puffing out hot air to warm them. Shivers ran through my body, the cold seeping through my thick red coat hungrily licking at my bones. Snowflakes gently landed on my skin one gently tickled my nose before melting. I knocked again. Brownie’s barking cut the night’s silence as footsteps approached.

“Coming!” Alex yelled from inside.

The door flung open a burst of warm air exploding outward beckoning me in.

“I completely forgot you were coming” Alex said letting me in.

“You look like you’re freezing do you want some tea?” He asked heading straight to the kitchen.

“T-that’d be nice” I stuttered out, finding a seat in the living room by the coffee table.

“How long were you out there?”He questioned after poking his head out of the kitchen examining the melted snowflakes that wetted my hair and the flush in my cheeks.

“O-only like ten minutes, it’s just snowing a lot and is currently below zero” I stated trying to warm up in front of the heater.

“ Sorry I had my music playing and didn’t hear you until Brownie came and alerted me. Maybe I should loan you a key, I’ve got a spare hanging around from my ex, he was a total jerk by the way” He said with a sigh.

“ He?” I asked instantly relaxing.

‘Good now I don’t have to worry about him liking me, not that someone that attractive would’ I thought with relief.

“ Yeah I love people for who they are not their gender, trust me I’ve been around long enough to realize gender is merely a formality but boy did I make the wrong choice with the last one he was just horrific, a real crazy ex” I could hear the stress in his voice at the mention of his ex, I knew how that felt.

‘Oh great so I should still be worried, well again though he wouldn’t be interested in me’ a sigh escaped my lips.

‘Why am I sighing? None of this matters I should be thinking of something else that isn’t romantic, it never ends well when I do, something like, like…trees! Yep, trees with all their branches and their animals, how cute are they!’ My mind spiraled.

“ Here’s your tea” Alex set a steaming cup on the coffee table in front of me.

“Thanks” I said, appreciating the hot amber liquid and the warmth that the cup gave.

“I’m surprised you’re not more shocked that I’m bi” He said sitting across from me.

“Well honestly who am I to judge you know, it shouldn’t matter what you are just as long as you’re happy… wait unless you’re a pedophile or something then it does matter” I said after thinking about it for a few seconds.

He laughed a beautiful laugh “ you’re right, I was a little worried because I never know how people are going to react and I do want you to like me, but I find most things are better with honesty”

“ I agree with you there, I know it hurts to be lied to” I said thinking back on a boy with a charming smile and sweet as sugar talk. Part of me missed the image he had showed me, but I knew he wasn’t ever going to be my love not like he once had been.

“Sounds like you’ve had plenty of experience in that field” Alex said.

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“ I have with my last boyfriend, he was a liar and I loved him he’s actually one of the many reasons I moved here” I said, Jaycee of course being one of the other main reasons.

“ You moved here just to avoid one guy? Must’ve been some heartbreak” he said folding his arms and leaning back farther into the chair.

“ Well he wasn’t the only reason, I was looking for work and managed to find a job down here, plus my best friend lives here, there were actually a lot of reasons” I said with ire.

“ Look you don’t have to convince me” he put his hands up defensively.

“ You’re a very frustrating person you know that?” I asked rhetorically.

“ So I’ve been told once or twice; getting off topics of boyfriends why don’t you go wash up, you might catch a cold like that” he said.

“ Alright I suppose I should change into pajamas anyways” I was thankful we weren’t talking about exes anymore.

I found the bathroom and took out all of my showering supplies wondering if it would be okay to leave my shampoo and conditioner in the shower with his after I was done. Questions like this were why I hated staying over at people’s houses, I was always so unsure of myself.

The hot water felt good running down my skin, soaking up all of the stress I’d felt for the past day it was nice to be surrounded by the steam and just have a little time to wind down. I was reluctant to leave the water, but knew I’d have to at some point, so I turned off the water and exited the shower careful not to slip on my way out. I put on another pair of footie pajamas( I have many), they made me feel like a baby being swaddled in a blanket, then I headed out to the living room.

“ You must have a lot of footie pajamas” Alex said when he saw me.

“ They’re comfortable and warm, so of course I have multiple pairs” I responded.

“ I see maybe I should try them out some time, but for now you must be tired so I’ll let you get some sleep. I’ve brought out spare blankets and a pillow for you, the couch is available to be slept on and I also have a blow up mattress if you want me to get that out” he gestured to the blankets and pillow that rested on the couch.

“The couch is fine with me, I can pretty much sleep anywhere as long as I have a blanket” I said assuring him he didn’t have to get out the blow up mattress.

He smiled before saying “Alright then I think I should head to bed, I have to be up early to walk Brownie”

“ Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked.

He stopped in his tracks, turning back to face me “ Cassi this isn’t being nice”

“ What do you mean?” I was trying to understand him, I wanted to know what was driving him and why he was so concerned with me. I wasn’t anything special, so why? Did he want something? My mind raced filling with all sorts of reasons.

“ Cassi, the world is plagued with people, we hurt, we kill, we take. I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t think I can change the world, hell I don’t even think I can make a difference, but just maybe you’ll look back on me and remember that there are good people in this world” he gave a short laugh before continuing.

“ I want to treat everyone with kindness because I know how hopeless life can feel sometimes. Maybe I’m selfish, because I want to be the one to help you” he said sitting beside me.

“Why?” I whispered gazing into his icy eyes.

“ I’m fond of you Cassi, more so than I’d like to admit” His voice was low as he searched the depths of my teal eyes. He moved closer, my heart pounded my cheeks flushed, closer still. His hand moved up to cradle my head his fingers moving through my hair, he was an inch from my face his eyes focused on my lips. Gently his lips touched mine, moving slowly and softly. I felt like I was on fire and that was okay I’d be fine with turning to ashes, I moved more fervently letting the burning passion overtake me. As my lips grew hungry so did his, a deep groan escaped from his throat I wound my hands in his raven hair, feeling the silky curls I wanted more. Our kiss grew more urgent our lips clashing together like lightning and thunder striking the Earth, I fell back on the couch as his body pressed into mine. I could feel his muscles beneath his shirt, the warmth that emanated from his body on mine. I pulled away.

“W-we should stop, I mean I barely know you” I said breathing heavily.

“Mmm, I think you’re right, I don’t know you that well either” he said glancing towards my lips again.

“ Just one more kiss before we stop” he suggested.

‘One more couldn’t hurt right?... NO,no,no,no. I need to stop now before I can’t anymore’

“ No I think we should stop now, before…” I said hesitantly.

“ Before what?”He invited me to say it.

“ Before you know what” I said sitting up trying to put distance between us.

“Okay we’ll go to bed, good night Cassi” He kissed my cheek then moved getting up and heading to his bedroom.

‘Oh my gosh why did I let him do that??? Am I a loose woman?’ My thoughts spun out of control as I died of embarrassment, how was I gonna face him tomorrow?

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