Well … now I’m in a whole lot of trouble. My first thought was that of ‘’what in the holy tenon happened?’’. My second thought was: ‘’IT HURTS!’’ as I was uprooted and unceremoniously eaten by the stupid bird which had decided I looked quite tasty for its morning meal. Tough luck champ, I think, you ate the wrong plant.

Quickly thinking I circled my ki and … wait, where is my Ki? WHERE IS MY KI? Oh shit, my body has no meridians or dantian. It has NOTHING except for a suspicious blue stem streaked with a starry sheen and leaves void of any colour. It has no Prana or Ki, not even that weird thing which spirits use, what's it called, Qi? Yes Qi. That’s the one. I have absolutely nothing except for this strange thick and viscous substance which I am unfamiliar with but because of my extremely advanced mind I can feel and understand rather well. Hmm I think I shall call this thing ‘Mana’.

But I have no time to think on this new concept as I am currently being pushed down the oesophagus of this bird. I can do nothing with my k- no, Mana and so I must resort to a soul attack. I exit from the physical plane and retreat deep into my soul where my soul world exists (this is impossible for anyone below the soul cultivation level of ‘soul understanding’) until I stand by my fountain. The universe tried to destroy this - I can see deep cracks filled with a new energy I have never seen before, which I am assuming is here because of the universe, in the defences I have set up. All in vain however, as my fountain is still stretching to the sky and imbued with the 6 elements and my concept. One day, I will get back at the universe for the loss of my body which I had spent too many years to count perfecting. One day. Yet, right now I am more worried about my poor body that is slowly being turned into protein and glucose by the digestive acids in this birds stomach.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I reach into my fountain and withdraw some of the energy, before reaching out to the soul I feel close to me. Then I TWIST and appear directly before the bird’s soul fountain which is at the very beginning of the soul finding level - surprised at the lack of defences before I remember that this is probably the first day of the universe, and so no-one has a soul anywhere near close to the peak of soul transformation - let alone soul understanding. Easy prey then. Reaching out with the ethereal soul tentacles I envision I viscously attack the birds soul fountain and drain it out of energy. In the real world, the bird convulses before all its muscles spasm and it drops from the sky. It is dead before it splatters across the ground in a mess of guts and blood.

Returning to my partially digested and slightly gooey body I take stock of my current situation: No body or mind cultivation, but my soul is unharmed. No sign of Aevum - wait I can feel his soul somewhere close to me. Good, he survived - perhaps he and I can work out this funny new ‘Mana’ together. No idea of where I am, except for this world seems to have an abundance of this ‘Mana’ and absolutely no elements except for the physical earth I am standing on and the roiling battle between ice and fire I feel beneath my … feet? Leaves? Roots? I do not know - after all, this IS my first time being a plant