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Episode 1: A Reason to Die (1/3)

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⌏▫☆ Hwang EunHa◆▫. ¸

⁛ Origin Year 138, 14th of Hana. 8.22 am.

The combination of steel concrete and glass created one of humanity’s most renowned strongholds. Military airships small and large gathered around the wharves. Porters and ship crew busily ran around the expansive platforms.

As the ship decelerated, I felt the wind hammer against my body. I tugged on my cloak, pulling it tighter over myself.

“Ms. Hwang, we’ve arrived.”

As I looked at the chains that loosely bound my hands and feet, a sense of dread filled my chest.

These emotions should just die.

We disembarked the airship, I lifted my gaze.

As if to boast its regal presence in this expanse of sky, the highest point of the stronghold towered above even the clouds. At once I fell in awe of the scale of this colossal fortress.

Humanity’s last bastion.

Fortress 13.

Such was the name given to this magnificent weapon.

My last stop.

I lowered my gaze and followed the officer.

‘Who’s that?’

‘The prisoner…’

‘So that’s the girl that killed half the army?’

‘I heard she ruined her wedding.’

‘She looks so young though.’

‘No way we’re going to die because of her right?’

I hated it.

The stares, these voices.

Passing the grand entrance, we took the stairs to our right. Pacing down the hall, I looked in the direction of the passing windows.

The sky was beautiful today.

The chains that bound me jingled. Staff Sergeant Chu stopped.

“We’re here.”

“Here? What is this?”

“To decide your executioner.”

I can decide my executioner?

She knocked on the door. I heard a voice, permission was granted and we entered.

There were five people seated around the table.

I knew one of them, the one XiaoLe suggested would best serve as my executioner.

First Sergeant Hai Aki.

He sat at the furthest seat from the entrance where I stood. With his fingers interlaced, he stared at me with his steely eyes.

“Sergeant Hwang EunHa, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s an honour likewise, First Sergeant Hai.”

It was a brief greeting. Staff Sergeant Chu ushered me to take a seat.

“I have been notified of the order. But I can’t help but be curious about your decision.”

“It should’ve been summarised sufficiently inside the reports.”

My lifelong dream and ambition. Everything I suffered up till this point led to this.

My execution.

How ironic.

It wasn’t more of my blood, sweat and tears. It wasn’t even becoming the commander and leading the army with all I had.

It was my death.

If I die, the world would become a brighter place.

I was the cause of the war and plight of humanity.

“The report alone didn’t mention anything about why this is a good decision.”

XiaoLe must have put in a word. That’s why they were so lenient. I can’t help but find it a tad annoying.

“Care to explain yourself?”

“No.”

I shook my head.

Just as there were people who were born with the destiny of heroism, there were those who were born with a destiny of destruction.

“If I don’t die within this one week. You must kill me.”

I had already resolved myself for this.

If it would make the world a better place, I was prepared to die for it. Otherwise, there was no purpose to my existence.

“Can I become her executioner instead of First Sergeant?”

A bonny voice chided with a raised hand.

I hadn’t noticed this earlier but why was there a kid in this room? She looks so young, who the hell?

“It’s up to her to decide.”

First Sergeant Hai shook his head.

“Really? Then EunHa, can I be your executioner?”

The child looked right at me and asked.

What the hell? The kid wants to be my executioner?

“Please, please! I’ll make sure you have a painless death… or maybe a painful death, if that’s what you want. I’m a pro at this, trust me, I have a lot of experience in torturing—geh.”

“Don’t be insensitive.”

Staff Sergeant Chu slammed her head with a book. I was dumbfounded.

“I’m not being insensitive! I’m serious!”

Serious? If you’re serious then what’s up with your goofy attitude?

“Ahem. Let me try this again. Ms. EunHa, I, Rize Tatsuki wish to become your executioner. You have no right to choose whoever else to become your executioner because if you do, I’ll kill you first.”

Rize Tatsuki? I’ve never heard of her.

She had straight black hair that curled at the fringes and ethereal eyes that naturally drew one’s interest. But… something about her just felt off.

“PFft.”

Someone in the room cracked a laugh.

“Mr. Chen.”

“Ah, sorry. Don’t mind me… I was just…”

“Boo—”

“Rize-chan, shut up, you talk too much.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking too much! It’s too stiff here. I’m just trying to lighten up the mood!”

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First Sergeant Hai’s raid squad was known as the greatest contributor to Operation Sink. So for a young girl to be among them was ridiculous. Who even is this Rize Tatsuki? First Sergeant Hai’s daughter? Some kind of mascot?

“I don’t know if you would be able to kill me when it counts…”

I expressed my doubts.

A kid like her couldn’t possibly withstand the psychological trauma of personally ending one’s life, right?

“To be honest, I think she’s your best option for a happy death. A late induction, I’m Shun Kato, a Gunnery Sergeant.”

“Happy death…?”

You can’t be serious.

“I will have to agree with him on that.”

“Rize-chan may look like this, but she’s easily the scariest person in the room.”

Both Staff Sergeant Chu and Vice Admiral Chen raised their agreements.

“Me? Scary? No way. Why would I be scary?”

“Don’t trust the shit she says.”

“W-What?! How dare you all!”

Everyone in the room shared the same opinion.

This girl? Scary? Perfect fit as my executioner? Happy death?

“See, everyone agrees. So pick me already!”

“Rize-chan, enough.”

“Shut up papa. I’m trying to market myself to this woman here.”

“The fuck did you call me?”

“Ah! Ms. Lili, papa is at it again! He cursed me! He cursed me!”

“You damn prick. You’ll be hearing from me tonight!”

“Ahhh!! Save me!”

The room erupted in chaos, laughter and screams spread everywhere. I felt like the only one who didn’t understand what was going on.

I was told a lot of consideration had been given before assigning this specific squad to me.

But… why did it feel like they overlooked something major? Did they not audit things properly? Am I crazy, or were they crazy?

Papa? So the child is the First Sergeant’s daughter? They don’t resemble each other though? Maybe she took after her mother?

“I’ll make sure to take care of everything for you, so pick me as your executioner okay? You’ll regret it very very much if you don’t. I’m not joking.”

In a daze, I turned towards her, who held my hand in hers.

Her eyes were…

Sparkling.

…What is this?

…Scary.

-☆▫.-▫.。.:* ▫⌎.☆\*: .。 ▫.-

Coincidence or otherwise, Ms. Tatsuki was chosen as my lead executioner. Of course, it wasn’t to say the others couldn’t end my life. Simply, they just need someone who would take charge.

The fact that a whole squad of elites was put in charge of ending a single person’s life spoke of how critical the issue was.

“Call me Rize-chan. I’m your junior.”

My junior…?

She was about one head shorter than I was, yet had a backbone that seemed stronger than my own.

I looked at her stiffly.

“How old are you?”

“Twelve. And you?”

Twelve… fifteen was the age when military cadets enrol in training. Sixteen is when they graduate and officially begin service in the military.

To become a full-fledged private, they need to complete this strict one-year practicum before they can officially join the ranks. This girl… wasn’t even at an age eligible for recruitment.

Is she really twelve? She must be lying.

“How old are you?”

In my silence, she repeated my question back to me.

“…Eighteen”

“What?! So young?”

Young?! You should look at yourself in the mirror!

No, no, no. This is crazy.

I’m not supposed to be thinking like this when I’m going to die.

“Call me Rize-chan.”

I ignored her and forced myself to walk ahead.

“Hey! Walk slower!”

She’s the most qualified for the job? Really? This brat?

The soldiers on guard lowered their heads at my presence. Showing such respect when they talked behind my back, what a disgusting way to be treated.

But I deserved it. Who else otherwise?

“Your room is not there! It’s up here!”

She pointed towards the stairs 20 paces behind me.

Damn it.

She.

She’s going to be the end of me.

¸☆▫.-⌎.- ▫☆\*: .。 _ ▫.。.:*

“Call me Rize-chan.”

“You are aware that… you shouldn’t try to get too close to a prisoner on death row, right?”

“Then EunHa, why were you sent for execution?”

She just skipped the honorifics, did she now?

“There’s no need for you to know. Just… leave me alone can you?”

She had already done her part to lead me to my room. Any more would be excessive.

“Okay. But you better tell me why you’re going to be executed. I’ll wake you up for breakfast sharp 6am, don’t you wake up late. As for dinner, I’ll bring it over to you later at 6pm, so keep an eye out for that. If you need anything, you can press the bell here…”

At her lengthy dizzy explanation of do’s and don’ts, I scrutinised the room.

It looked similar to any luxury guest room built for visiting dignitaries. Not something normal soldiers could enjoy.

It had everything from a bed to a grand view of the skies outside. Of course, the windows and doors have been modified to prevent my escape. It was out of the question to think about leaving now.

Even if I did have a change of heart, I was stuck on this fortress floating in the middle of nowhere. So there’s no way to return to the city.

“Got that?”

“Y-Yes…”

“Good. There are things I need to do, so be a good girl and stay put.”

“…Okay.”

She’s crazy.

“There.”

“What…”

Out of nowhere, she decided to unlock the cuffs that bound my wrist.

“It’s uncomfortable to wear those for so long. And since you can’t escape anyways, it would be better to enjoy what little you have left.”

Ms. Tatsuki then left, locking the door from the outside to ensure my confinement.

I remained seated on the ground dumbstruck. It wasn’t for a while when I regained myself that I realised the heavy reality of my situation.

I should’ve stuck with First Sergeant Hai. Not her.

I made a big mistake.

A happy death? No. She was planning to make me regret every last shred of my life.

Inject me with joy, and reverse my determination. Then, have me beg for mercy before finally killing me off.

She said it herself. She was good with torture.

The others also agreed that she was the most insidious.

Ms. Tatsuki-chan may not be who she appears to be. She can act kind on the outside but her true identity is still unknown.

I shuddered at the thought of her blood-stained smile.

Shit.

Before she toys with me, I had to act first.

I searched the room for something I could use to kill myself. In the end, the only sharp object I could find was that single glass cup.

I had to first shatter it into shards before it could become useful.

So I threw it.

And realised that it was made from reinforced glass.

It didn’t break.

What the hell was this situation?

.- ▫☆\*: .。 _ ▫.。.:*☆▫.-⌎

Staring and watching as the afternoon sky settled into the evening hue.

“Here’s your dinner.”

Unabashed, my crazy executioner entered without knocking on the door.

As promised, she brought me my food. Did she have to come with a cart though?

She pulled up the metal cover and revealed the grilled salmon. However, I found myself drawn instead to the sharp knife that sat beside the spoon.

“I can’t believe they even hired a chef to cook for you. Crazy. Who are you exactly?”

“…Someone who deserves to die.”

I muttered an answer to her sickening question.

No. Hold on.

Was she playing me for a fool?

Where did she get this food from? There’s no way they arranged a chef to cook something for me unless…

I met her slow, concerned gaze. I was taken aback.

“Do you want me to accompany you?”

She asked.

“No. I can eat it myself.”

…That expression.

“Be careful alright. I couldn’t find a butter knife in the kitchen so I can only give you this one.”

She could’ve just not brought the knife and left me the spoon. Why the hell did she have to make something painfully wrong so obvious?

I feel like I’m going to get another PTSD attack before I die.

I want to change executioners.

Really, someone please save me from this girl.

Such was my prayer before my meal.

And when I opened my eyes, she was gone.

What? She actually left already?

Feeling suspicious, I tested the doorknob to find that it was locked.

She had actually left.

Left me with a knife.

Was she testing me?

Did she put me in a dilemma on purpose?

Is this how a pro does her work?

I grabbed the plate and spoon, turning away from the two sharp objects as soon as I did.

In small bites, I brought the salmon pieces to my mouth.

Delicious.

Damn it.

Why…

I don’t want to die…

-☆▫.-▫.。.:* ▫⌎.☆\*: .。 ▫.-

Do you know of anyone who achieved everything easily? Someone who only needed to wish, and it would by some miracle present themselves before them?

Do you know of anyone who, just being by their side, could make you feel their warm presence as soothing as the sun?

Do you know of anyone who was carefree as the wind, someone who moved with the flow of life, a person who wasn’t bound by the rules of this world?

I didn’t realise it in the beginning when I met her.

But blinded by my obsession, my fears, it was only much later that I learnt the very person who I met was…

◜\⌝▫◆▫.

Many people have died because of me. Many more families were harmed even though I did everything I could to prevent their deaths.

Harbouring the will of fate, any mission I touch falls into ruins, and any efforts to help someone only leads to more resentment.

When everything looks like it’s going well, some unexplainable force would tilt the fate of favour and kill everyone.

I could choose to continue to rise in fame and rank, but what was the purpose of reaching it if the outcome only led to more bloodshed?

Blessed was the ignorant person born who didn’t have to overthink their life. Cursed was the person who knew of the misfortune that came by simply existing.

Effort and grit distinguish failure from success. But it did not distinguish between a negative or positive outcome.

I was such a person. Someone who, no matter how hard I tried, would only create more problems for the people around me.

Ah, someone, please…

I can’t stop thinking.

Stop thinking…

Stop…

“What do you think you’re doing?”

It was midnight. The room was dark.

My hand which held a knife was restrained.

On the knife was my blood.

“How long have you been doing this?”

I have been doing this for as long as I can remember. During nights when I couldn’t sleep, and quiet afternoons when I was locked inside my room.

There were many self-inflicted scars on my arms and legs, the many times I couldn’t help but indulge in its pain.

“Do you have no dignity? Where is your self-love?”

Self love, dignity?

I was destined to die, why did it matter anymore?

She stole the knife from my hand, the blade glimmered in the moonlight.

I squinted.

Expecting my life to end there.

But instead.

She had used that knife to cut her own wrist.

“I’ll cut myself wherever you cut yourself. Think through it wisely the next time you try to perform self-harm.”

The wound she inflicted on herself was deeper than my own.

What is wrong with her? She was my executioner, so why would she take this bullshit so far?

She left the knife in my room on purpose, why was she blaming me for my self-harm tendencies now?

From the cut on her wrist and my own, blood pooled onto the bed sheets.

The scent of it made me dizzy.

“EunHa, be a good girl and just enjoy the last few days of your life okay?”

She knew I would stop hurting myself if it hurt another person in the process.

She understood me, I couldn’t understand her.

I only had one week left, why couldn’t she just leave me alone?

“Why…”

When my thoughts become too intrusive, self-harm was a good way to get me out of my head.

The pain felt good. It brought me solace from the darkness within my own mind.

The pain was also good for my guilt. All the bad things I’ve done, it was my own way of punishing myself.

I didn’t know when she prepared a first aid kit. She began fixing up my wound before her own.

I stared at the joint which she bandaged.

“…When can I die?”

I croaked.

“On your last day.”

I could’ve opted for an earlier death. Much earlier.

But.

I came to the fortress in the first place because I wanted to witness the Last Bastion of humanity with my very two eyes before I left for the afterlife.

And.

I wanted to die somewhere far away from him.

I didn’t want him to see my body.

I didn’t want him to mourn.

I didn’t want him to blame himself.

Now my executioner wouldn’t even let me die of my own volition.

Maybe I should’ve just jumped off the ship. It was a mistake to come here.

Either that or, fate wanted to make me suffer again.

Just as it always does.

Kill me quickly.

Please, kill me before I change my mind.

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