Two months after birth

It had been nearly two months since I had been reborn, or at least that's what I'm assuming based on the day/night cycle I've been keeping track of through the balcony window I could see from my crib. I wasn't even sure if they used the same method of tracking time, for all I knew their version of weeks could have been nine days long instead of seven. This was a completely different world, after all, I couldn't really base their planetary movements off of Earth's. But I had seen the sun rise sixty times, and I had seen it fall sixty times, so until someone corrected me I was going with two months.

Two months of being fed what I had come to realize was some type of baby formula by Robo-nanny.

Two months of staring at the same ceiling.

Two months of shitting and pissing myself.

Two months of having zero motor control.

Two months of volatile mood swings due to all the hormones and chemicals running rampant in my freshly born body.

Being a baby sucked.

It sucked hard.

But the worst thing so far was-

"Kara?"

Speak of the devil and it shall appear. I thought as I turned my head to the person approaching my crib. My mother looked down on me with an expression full of so much love it hurt. And I didn't mean that as some sappy metaphor, I meant, it literally hurt to see it on her face.

How could it not? After all, how could I face either of them knowing what heinous crime I had committed? Every time either of them smiled at me, I would get this surge of joy, but then it would immediately turn into a crushing sense of guilt and self-loathing as I remembered what I was.

A murderer.

They smiled at me. Their child's corpse and murderer rolled into one. And it hurt. So damn much. To know that their love for me was based on a lie. That if they knew the truth, the love in their eyes would have turned into a burning hatred.

The negative thoughts seemed to be too much for my baby brain as I suddenly started to cry uncontrollably. My mother quickly gathered me in her arms and started rocking me in the hopes of soothing me, unfortunately, the caring act actually made it worse, as I screamed all the louder. Through blurry eyes I watched her face fill with worry as I continued to bawl my eyes out.

I felt something wet on my cheek, and at first, I thought it was just my tears. But then I felt it again and my crying wound down to just the occasional sniffle as I was distracted by the unfamiliar sensation. As my vision cleared I was able to figure out what the liquid was.

It was tears. Just as I had originally thought, though they weren't mine. They were my mother's. My eyes widened as I came to the realization as I watched her put me down and walk out of the room. I was the cause of her tears.

'What was I doing? ' What was done was done. The only thing I was achieving by wallowing in my own self-hatred was making them sad. In fact, it just made the whole situation that much worse, I not only killed her but I was making her parents miserable too? What kind of scum am I? For the past two months, I had done nothing but cry whenever they entered the room. What must they have thought when their own daughter seemingly couldn't stand the mere sight of them? The least I could do was make her loved ones happy.

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'No.' I thought suddenly as I considered my last few thoughts. It didn't matter if it was the least I could do for her, she didn't matter, but I did.

Kara Zor-El was dead, but I wasn't. There was nothing I could do about it. I never chose to die, and I most certainly never would have chosen to take her place. The guilt I had been drowning in for weeks was vaporized by the sudden righteous anger that blazed to life at the realization.

This was my body now.

I am Kara Zor-El now.

This is my life now.

They are my parents, not hers.

This is my life to live, not hers.

This is my world now, not hers.

Just as suddenly as it appeared, the fiery anger was extinguished, but not by guilt, no this time it was overwhelming fear.

It was almost ironic in a way, I finally decided that I wanted to live this new life I had been given, only to remember that this whole planet including my new parents, were apparently destined to die a fiery death soon. I stamped down my panic as best I could, so I could think properly, panicking wouldn't help anyone.

'What did I know?' The fear quickly surged back into place as I realized I really didn't know much. Between the fact that almost the entirety of my comic book knowledge stemmed from random youtube clips of shows and movies, and the fact that as a teenager I was mainly interested in marvel thanks to all the live-action films. It all led to a disturbing lack of relevant information on my current situation. A rather large chunk of my DC knowledge came from watching the Justice League Unlimited show and Smallville as a young child, but it wasn't all that helpful considering Supergirl had only been relevant in a handful of episodes in both shows.

Taking a deep breath I reorganized my panicked thoughts and focused on what I did know about Kara from Before. With a more calm mind, I delved back into my memories. I was shocked to realize that I was able to remember things in much greater clarity than I had ever been able to in the Before. It was by no means a photographic memory, but I was certain that it was much more detailed than it should have been. I wasn't quite sure if it was a reincarnated thing or a Kryptonian thing, but regardless, it helped me compile everything about Kara much faster and easier, which sadly wasn't much even with my improved memory.

Okay, so I knew for a fact Kara left the planet as it was exploding just like her cousin. And I knew she left before she was an adult since I couldn't remember a single time in any media where she was an adult on arrival, there was a reason she had “girl” in her name, after all. Other than that, I really didn't know much about Kara and even less about her life in regards to Krypton. Ironically considering my situation, she had never really appealed to me as a character. Great. This is just fucking fantastic. I thought sarcastically.

So all I knew for certain was that the planet was going to blow up somewhere between my ninth and sixteenth birthday. That...really wasn't that helpful, but it was better than nothing I supposed.

I wasn't even sure what I should or even could do to change Krypton's fate. I mean I was a kid, what could I possibly do to help when Clark's father, a supposed super genius even by Krypton's standards was brushed off? Yeah, I could totally imagine that going well, a little girl screaming about the planet blowing up. Yup, that sounds like a great plan. I would either be sent to a therapist, end up discrediting Jor-El even further, or worse, through some bullshit butterfly effect make it so that Jor-El never uncovered Krypton's doom in the first place. No. I couldn’t afford to take such a gamble. I couldn't save Krypton…..but perhaps my family? Yes. That was something I could do...maybe...hopefully?

Any course of action would have to wait unfortunately, being two months old meant it would be quite a while before I could even attempt to start planning.

Such emotionally draining realizations and thoughts really tuckered out my baby body it seemed, as I quickly started to nod off. So with a tentative goal for the future in mind, I went to sleep. It may not have been a plan just yet, but it was certainly better than drowning in self-loathing.