A shriek like the sound of a bird being popped shredded through the air, reverberating throughout the room.

Liu Haoyu stood staring in the basin, gaping at the reflection that most definitely wasn’t his own in front of him.

No, no, no. Nononononono! It couldn’t be his own, because he was a man, and the person staring back at him was unmistakably female! A real-life woman!

What’s more, she radiated an overwhelming feminine beauty that practically smelled of peach blossoms. His—not his face, whoever’s freaking face this was!—was pale and smooth as jade, like it had been bathed in milk and honey. His eyes—whatever, whatever! We’ll just call them his eyes for now, he was the one staring in the mirror, wasn’t he?—sparkled and shone like two dark crystal pools strewn with stars. A petite, slender nose, demure shaped eyebrows, blushing cheeks and soft cherry-pink lips shaped like rose petals shone out at him.

Liu Haoyu’s head was spinning even worse than it had last time his friends had decided to watch a horror movie together. What was a horror movie compared to this?!?! This was the real horror movie!

Liu Haoyu, the manliest and coolest of bros, had kissed a mirror, gotten his soul sucked out, and ended up in some sort of isekai time-travel situation…in the body of the most feminine woman there ever was in the whole freaking world!!!

Fuck me!!!

“Ah…” Liu Haoyu made an involuntary sound that was like a sob. Suddenly, he froze.

When he sobbed, he’d subconsciously put his hands on his chest to feel his heartbeat. And when he did so, he felt…

He looked down to see the soft rise of his own chest, blocking the view of his feet.

At that moment, his heart stopped.

This had to be the climax of the horror movie. He, Liu Haoyu…had those now?!

Liu Haoyu’s eyes rolled up into his head, and he fainted.

Seconds later, he was awoken by the freezing sensation of the whole basin of water being dumped over his face. What a cold way to wake up a fainted maiden! Standing over him again was that pretty, rosy-faced maid with orange ribbons in her hair, tears streaming down her face like rain.

“My lady! Oh, my lady! Has the attack truly shaken you so much? Oh, my lady, my lady, you are making me weep!”

On the ground soaking wet and freezing, Liu Haoyu glared up at Yinuo as she shed tears all over his face.

“Oh, My Lady,” Yinuo wept, kneeling down to help Liu Haoyu up. “First they found you in the pond covered in blood and half-drowned, and now you’re so shaken you can’t even recognize yourself! It’s too terrible! Ah!” She sniffed violently, tears dripping down her face in giant globs. “It’s all this incompetent maid’s fault! If only I had been there when you went for a walk through the gardens, you would never be in this state! Yinuo is a terrible maid!” At this point, she was wailing into Liu Haoyu’s elaborately embroidered, surprisingly comfortable silken robe like it was a tissue.

Disgruntled and red in the face, Liu Haoyu pushed her away. His mind was racing.

At this point, he was sure of three things.

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1. That mirror had eaten his soul (fuck that Zhao Ling and his ideas!)

2. He had somehow transmigrated into an ancient time period.

3. He had taken over the body of a very beautiful and refined woman with a totally useless maid who didn’t know how to do anything except cry.

Liu Haoyu wasn’t stupid. Even though he’d made sure to keep it on the down-low, he’d been a bit of an otaku in his past life—hold on, was that his past life now?! What had happened to his old body when his oil was sucked away?! Was he dead in the modern world?! That was going to have to be a question for another time…The important thing was, this was a familiar situation to him. It resembled the transmigration stories he’d been addicted to in middle school, before he became obsessed with putting on a cool and manly face.

In particular, the setting, the clothing, the beautiful white sword on a stand nearby, and the various talismans on the walls in this room meant this had to be a cultivation setting. A xianxia novel, or universe, or whatever. He had to be in one of those.

As everyone knows, the first rule of transmigration is:

Don’t talk about transmigration.

Which meant that first, Liu Haoyu needed to find out who the hell’s body he’d taken over, so he didn’t seem like a madman. Or woman. Whatever!

Very gruffly, he cleared his throat, then cringed. That sounded more like a melodic sigh than a throat clear! What the hell? Had he taken over a freaking goddess’s body or something? Then he looked Yinuo in the eyes and said:

“Who am I and what am I doing here?”

No, just kidding. Liu Haoyu wasn’t stupid.

He said, “Yinuo, I want you to use my full name to address me from now on.”

Yinuo’s eyes widened. “M-my lady? B-but…how can this maid disrespect you like that? I cannot! Ah, my lady, you have been too shaken by the attack and now you act like a different person! Ah…” And she began to wail again. Liu Haoyu winced internally. How big were this girl’s tear glands?

“Yinuo, that’s an order. I want you to address me by my full name. Let me hear it once.”

Yinuo sniffed, rubbing at her red nose with her orange sleeve. “O-okay…if my lady says so. I will address you as Lady Haoyi from this moment on.”

“No, my full name. My family name as well.”

“But…” Yinuo frowned, still hiccuping. “What a strange way to address someone! My lady, do you want me to call you ‘Lady Liu Haoyi’?”

Liu Haoyi. So that was his name. Or, her name. Or, this body’s name. Whatever!

Wait a minute—why was it so similar to his own?!

Liu Haoyu—or was he Liu Haoyi now?! No, no, he was going to keep calling himself Liu Haoyu, not a woman’s name!—waved his hand grumpily. “No, don’t call me that anymore. Go back to—um, ‘My Lady’ or…whatever.”

“Yes, My Lady!”

Yinuo helped him back onto the bed, then ran out of the room and came back with a tray piled with food and a fine tea set.

“My Lady, it’s your favorite! Spicy herbal soup, and a sichuan pepper baozi.”

Liu Haoyi stared at the tray of food. Spicy herbal soup? Sichuan pepper baozi? Right after almost dying?! And why did those noodles look so red-hot that they seemed to be bleeding?!

Yinuo took his intense staring as a sign of hunger. She smiled sweetly and set the tray down on the bedside table. “The physician said you shouldn’t have anything too spicy after waking up, so it’s not as spicy as you look. I had to beg the chef for this much.”

Liu Haoyi’s eyes bulged. He felt like he was going to be sick suddenly.

This was less spice than normal?

Just how spicy did this person—Liu Haoyi, or whatever—like her food?! Was she a walking spice absorber?

Of course, he couldn’t really say out loud that he’d prefer to not burn off his mouth, thank you very much. So, hands shaking slightly, Liu Haoyi ate the noodles.