‘I am soooooooo fucking bored’
Sitting on a swivel chair in the product design room I watch everyone shuffle around the large wooden workstations in uncertainty. Trying to figure out what's going on is proving to be a fruitless endeavour so the class of 17-18 year olds stand around awkwardly waiting for something to happen.
The large room with its lime green walls was used to seeing bustling activity with students using tools, machines and computers for their projects but we were currently meant to be studying for our final year exam.
An exam that was in one week's time and nobody knew what was going on. Our teacher, Mr Smith, is out somewhere doing something instead of his job. Which I'm pretty sure is illegal considering the heavy machinery in the room and the fact that not everyone in this class has turned 18 yet.
Potential safety lawsuit aside, I spin around on the swivel chair waiting for the laser cutter to finish cutting out the parts I need. I, like a few others, was working on the coursework aspect instead of waiting for a good old Smithy boy to do his job. Spinning around and pulling random leavers on the reclining chair, I get lost in my mind. ‘I wonder why nobody wears a mask in zombie shows? I mean the undead must smell terrible plus it would stop blood splatter from getting into your mouth…’
“Yo, Jacob you done on the laser cutter?” Hearing my name I lazily tilt my head back over the backrest to see a mildly heavy young man with blond hair calling my name.
“Oh heyyy Ashley, how are you doing?” I tilt my head again to look at the laser cutter I was using to cut out pieces of plywood for my 1:100 housing model. “Looks like it's about halfway so I should be done in about 10 to 15 minutes?”
“Ah, I'm going to go smoke, tell Smithy I've gone for a shit or something?” He responds while pulling long white earphones out of his pocket.
“Yeah sure, will do, have a fun time on the toilet.” I reposition myself to be sitting properly and facing Ashley.
“Oh you know I will have a great time thinking of you.” He responds with a smirk as he finishes setting up his music and putting one earphone in.
“Ha, you better fucking not, kids use those toilets and they don't need to be hearing that shit.” I give a small smirk of amusement.
“I will have to save my fantasies for later then, see ya.” he finishes with a smile before heading out the door.
“Toodles.” I give a brief wave goodbye Before spinning on my chair to meet my friend Ella’s eyes before giving a thin-lipped and wide-eyed smile to express my exasperation at our “lesson”. She responds with an eye roll before continuing her conversation with Beth, one of the few 17-year-olds left in the class.
Ella was a tall young woman with blonde hair and glasses who had a cheerful if slightly nervous personality. She was one of the five delightful individuals that make up my current friendship group. The last group and I drifted apart due to me being “weird” and “boring”. Although I would prefer to phrase it as “creative” and “not interested in the mundane march to death” which others may call depression, but each to their own.
It properly didn’t help that I was severely uncoordinated and lacking in the academic department. But I have been trying to remedy this more recently with copious amounts of organisation, planning, home workouts and climbing so I suppose I'm not a total lost cause.
‘Although this boredom makes me want to go back to old habits’ I internally grumble.
Glancing at the laser cutter and noticing its slow progress my mind begins to wander again. ‘Why do people never put any armour on? Surely even wrapping a magazine around your forearm is better than nothing? I can't bite through it so it should at least be an idea. unless the undead become stronger?’
Giving a quick glance around the room I notice that nothing has changed.
‘I swear I would make a better survivor than most of the idiots shown in media. Actually, I’d die after I ran out of meds or because I forgot something stupid. Unless I plan out loads of stuff because I have no life.’
Looking around the room again I take note of the unproductivity and general annoyance in the atmosphere. ‘Well I got nothing else to do, and it would make it look like I'm actually doing shit.’
Whipping out my notepad and taking out a pen I keep in the sleeve of my jumper I write down a very basic rendition of the first things I would do if an apocalypse started while I was at school.
‘I have got to stop watching and reading things about apocalypses, it's starting to become obsessive.’ Hearing the door open I look up from my messy notes and see the arrival of Mr Smith. A tall muscular man in his 40s with dark hair and what would probably be an intimidating presence if I could take him or anyone else seriously.
Seeing him enter the room I stretch my back and pop my dysfunctional arm joints as I get ready to make notes on whatever last-minute bullshit, I mean lesson, Mr Smith decides to teach us.
‘Oh my god I can't be asked for such boring bullshit’ I sigh ‘But I won't go back on my promise now can I?.’
Turning my chair to face the front of the class I prepare to take notes to try and get something into my thick skull before the exam. But as I move my pen to the paper of my notebook I freeze. Not from sudden enlightenment or shock, I just simply couldn't move. Not even my eyes were spared from this new sensation.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
‘...Well, this is new…’
While I can't move my eyes I could see that in my field of vision that everything and everyone is also sharing this strange phenomenon.
‘Or maybe I'm just dying? Aaaand I still feel nothing from that prospect although that may change if this is the afterlife, cause this shit will get old fast.’
*Tap, tap* “Hello, is this thing on?” The silence of frozen time is suddenly broken by what sounds like a flamboyant man sucking on helium and the tapping of a microphone.
‘Hello?’
“Don't bother replying. I'm not listening to the whole of humanity, it would take too long and quite frankly I don't want to be inside your…. Unique minds.” Says the same flamboyant voice as before as it indirectly replies.
‘Riiiiight, so either this is happening across the globe or I am having a really lucid trip.’
“Oh crab buckets, I forgot the cameras. I apologise, I have a lot on my plate recently…”
‘This does not bode well for my future sanity.’
“…Buying earth and…”
‘Wait what.’
“...all the preparations for the events. Ah, there we go.”
My vision was abruptly filled with bright colours that merged into what looked like a set of a game show. It was a large room with an elevated platform in the middle that looks to be made from polished obsidian and giant screens covering the back wall, showing various locations around the world all frozen in time. Standing on the raised platform was a dapper young man in a tailored pink and white polka-dotted suit. While the fashion choice was odd it pales in comparison to the fact that the man's head was a large multi-coloured wheel, the type of which looks right at home on the game show set.
‘Ooooooookeyyyy???’
“Ok, let's try this again.” The dapper wheel headed man said as he lifted the microphone up to where the mouth should be.
‘Why is he…it? Using a microphone if it can freeze time and doesn't even have a mouth?’
“Hello, Humanity!!! Welcome to the hit tv show of the gods, The wheels of Jeremy! I am your buyer and host, Jeremy!” he says while waving his long lanky arms in grand gestures.
‘I'm not dreaming but maybe I've gone into a coma or something…’
“The past owner and creator of the Earth was dissatisfied with his creation and decided to sell it at auction to the highest bidder, me! Jeremy!” He brings his arms up as bright neon lights are projected onto his body while the wall of TVs flash with the words Jeremy all in different colours and fonts.
‘...Which is odd because I was healthy…relatively healthy… I was functional throughout the last few weeks and only now something odd is happening. Wow, this guy really loves his own name. I should properly start paying attention.’
“Now you all may be wondering what's going on and why…”
‘Nope, I clearly know why time is frozen and why I am being forced to watch a game show presenter talk about buying earth, no need to explain.’
“But have no fear because I, Jeremy! will explain everything!” He announces with more grand hand gestures and a quick spin on the balls of his feet.
‘This constant self-introduction is going to get annoying. Brain focus!’
“You see, Gods such as myself, Jeremy!, can't usually interfere directly with planets unless certain conditions are met. One such condition is irreversible pollution and climate change. Which the creatively named planet Earth, model 626, timeline B13 has fulfilled. So now I, Jeremy! Can interfere in this beautiful planet and add it to the hit Godley show ``The wheels of Jeremy!” The screens behind him show the vast quantity of pollution on the planet and the effects of climate change.
‘Huh’
“But with this condition, the ones responsible for the irreversible condition of the planet need to be punished while the innocent are allowed to walk free. So first of all humanity can no longer reproduce! Secondly those aged 0-17 are to be removed from this world into a false paradise reality.” He snaps his fingers and I feel a wave of what can only be described as cosmic power wash over me.
‘Guess I don't have to go to that baby shower anymore.’
“Those aged 18 - 38 are left in the new world to experience and participate in the wheels of Jeremy as they are neither guilty nor innocent. Lastly, those over the age of 38 will die instantly with their corpses left behind to reflect their sins” He snaps his fingers again and another wave washes over me.
‘Ok…ok, this makes perfect sense, no need for confusion and panic at all…
…
…we are 100% going to die in a game show run by a God with a wheel for a head. Oh for fuck sake brain focus, something about corpses? Stereotypically that would mean undead monsters or something right? And the game show has something to do with wheels? So chaos?
Now let's see, fewer people means supply lines and governments will be greatly disrupted while wheels suggest things will be left purely up to chance? That along with potential corpse monsters leaves us with the high likelihood of an apocalyptic scenario.
…
At least it won't be boring?’
“Now away from the boring conditions and whatnot, and onto the exciting stuff! The wheels of Jeremy! Firstly all humans have a highly adaptive body that allows them to become stronger, faster and breakthrough human limits given enough time. How great is that!?! You guys get to become super strong!” He flexes his biceps and they grow to an unnatural size. While the screens changed to show people training at a gym. “Plus all existing physical medical conditions are cured!!!” Confetti explodes onto the stage as Jeremy holds his arms out wide.
‘So people can become faster and stronger with greater ease but mental conditions are left in a potentially hostile environment. Basically asking for conflict.’
“And as a slight side bonus humans no longer produce waste! Because most gods, such as me Jeremy! Don't want to watch that.” The screens show people using the toilets with a big red cross over them.
‘That was an image I could have lived without but at least IBS is gone.’
“Now you may all be wondering where the wheels come into the equation but worry not I Jeremy! Will explain it all. This is where the fun begins after all! The first wheel is the wheel of power that all humans get to spin at least once which grants them a random ability!” Humans wielding superpowers pop up on the screens.
‘Oh?’
“The second wheel is my, Jeremy’s! personal favourite, the wheel of events! This wheel will decide the weekly random events that humanity must pass to survive.”
‘Oooooh, we are so fucked.’
“Many of you will die but that is a sacrifice that I, Jeremy! am willing to make for the sake of humanity's growth and Godly entertainment! But worry not I, Jeremy! Have prepared a few things to try and reduce the risk of the extinction of humanity. Firstly 7 humans, one from each continent, will be chosen at random to get 3 more spins on the wheel of power!” His wheel-shaped head spins rapidly as if to emphasise his point.
“Secondly, at the end of each week humanity will be given access to an interdimensional shop where they can spend the points they earned in the weekly event and challenges.”
‘Challenges?’
“Thirdly you will all have an inventory space like in one of your video games things you are all so fond of. This allows you to carry around all kinds of exciting things!”
‘Useful.’
“Lastly there will be no spinning of the event wheel in the first week. Only four set events will happen throughout the week. The first is the reduction of the population and the spinning of the wheel of power for those that are left. The rest will be a surprise that will help alter the world into our little playground.``He says the last part like he's whispering a naughty little secret only we know as he lifts his hand to where his mouth should be.
‘That's not super ominous at all. Properly has something to do with the sins of the corpses he mentioned early. If there is no wheel spinning does that mean we can't use the shop in the first week?’
“Oh and before I forget you all will experience excruciating pain for ten seconds before you are allowed to spin the wheel because we all know there will be someone out there saying “it's all a dream” He says in an overly dramatic hysterical voice and makes quotation marks with his fingers.
“Now without further ado, let the fun begin and let the wheels spin!”