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Mabry was out of breath when she and Aiva finally skidded to a halt outside the ivy covered gates. Of course her condition was nothing compared to Aiva’s when they stopped the younger girl doubled over, fumbling with her inhaler before it slipped from her hands. Mabry audibly scrambled to come up with a believable cover story, muttering to herself with half formed ideas.
The bushy haired girl couldn’t focus on much else besides the harsh harmony of their gasps, for her chest felt as if it were on fire, her vision darkening along the edges.
Aiva saw the figure beyond the gate only a quickened heartbeat before Mabry. “Mom!” Her friend stared out of shock. Had she noticed the large suitcases arranged at Miss Juliet’s feet?
Aiva had.
“Look mom, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t cancel plans with my friends again—”
Where are you going Miss. Juliet?” Aiva knew her voice hadn’t been strong enough. She opened her mouth to gulp in more air when a Richard came up to her. His grip on her arm was painful as he began to lead her away. For a moment she couldn’t see what was going on behind his bulk.
Silence like a heavy blanket surrounded Miss Juliet as she rolled one of the suitcases over to Mabry and placed her daughter’s hand over it. She then picked up the overstuffed duffel and began to walk away.
“Mom?” Mabry whispered. She received no reply. She looked back at Aiva who was still being pulled by the Richard. After an indecisive second she ran after Miss Juliet. The noise of the plastic wheels over the gravel was a rough sound that reverberated through Aiva’s mind as her world lost its outlines.
“Miss Juliet,” she wheezed, but they were already beyond her reach.
***
Aiva walked down a dirty street in a body that didn’t feel like her own. Her leg muscles were strong and carried her with confident strides. Long arms hung down casually in pockets to jeans that seemed too large and rested low on her hips. A loose sweater settled over her shoulders with the hood up. Her perspective was higher off the ground than her wheel chair or stature provided.
There were no stars to see in the night sky; the city too bright to share. Only a full moon illuminated what little there was too see. The lights flickered and the smell of urine rose up from the gutter. Few cars parked along the street but the ones that were had windows broken and tires slashed. She knew that this was a dangerous place even without the numerous tells. Yet she was there. She also knew that anyone that could do her harm were not able to see her. If anyone happened to glance her way they would see Nothing in her stead.
She couldn’t say how she knew these things.
Despite this a feeling crept upon Aiva. Instinct pushed her to run. She tried to turn, to leave this unfamiliar and threatening area, but the body would not respond.
It was then that her back grew rigid with the surety that someone’s eyes were on her.
Impossible.
Across the street there was a small group of people with their hoods up and pants sagged as hers were. Their teeth shone white in contrast as they smiled in what could have been her direction. They spoke in whispered tones.
The body turned down an alley, apprehensive of any shadows that could block the yellow glow of the street lamp.
It was then she felt the Knife as it entered her back.
***
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Aiva woke with a strangled gasp. Sweat made the sheets stick to her body. The nightmare mingled around her, clung to her like a real memory. It was as if she had been there, as if she had lived it. Her spine was still chilled from the steel that had severed it. She looked around her room, rubbing at her eyes in an attempt to break apart the blurriness that remained whenever her glasses were not rested on her nose.
It must have been very early in the morning. A deeper silence that usual settled over the house. Aiva stared at the ceiling without seeing it and contemplated the dream. She’d never had one before. She would simply drift into sleep with barely a worry and then wake with nothing in between.
If that had been a dream, she wasn’t sure how much she liked them. It felt as if she hadn’t gotten any rest at all. Whatever had happened didn’t strike Aiva as one however, based upon the descriptions she’d gotten from Mabry.
As the room grew brighter by increments, Aiva rolled around, tossing and turning in an attempt to get back to sleep. Finally she was able to drop off as the birds began to sing a chorus to welcome the new day.
She did not dream and woke to her mother pulling the curtains back. The sun was high in the sky.
“What time is it?” Aiva yawned as she groped for her glasses.
“It’s half past eleven, I let you sleep in.” Her mother said, spinning around with a Smile on her face. “After last night I thought you might need a bit more rest. We almost had to call the doctor because of what that horrible girl did to you, taking you out into the filthy city to meet all her street friends. All just as rotten as her no doubt. What awful things could have happened to my poor baby girl.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as her hand hovered over her mouth.
“Well, never mind all that.” Despite her previous distress Susan’s voice was back to normal.
“Mother, where is Miss Juliet?”
“I had to let her go. No need for her or her horrible daughter to influence my only offspring.” The woman straightened her dress.
“But who’s going to teach me? And who’s going to watch me when you and dad aren’t home? And who will—"
“Darling! Sweetheart!” Susan interrupted.
The words ‘be my friend’ died on Aiva’s tongue.
“I told him this morning and it’s silly really. I suggested we hire someone else—somethong older and with no children of their own.”
Aiva knotted her fists in her sheets.
“But your dad absolutely insisted that we send you off to school.”
“I’ll be going to school?” Was her soft response. But Susan continued speaking.
“Not if you don’t want to honey! I swore to that man that you wouldn’t like the idea. He wouldn’t listen. I suppose if we both ask him he’ll have to back down.”
Aiva wondered if her mother had even heard her and so tried again. “I wouldn’t mind.”
“Your dad doesn’t understand like I do. School would be too scary for you. Too many people; children are so rude these days.”
“I would like to go.”
“And of course you would have so much trouble getting from place to place. He didn’t even think of that!”
Aiva sighed. “I still feel rather tired.”
“of course you do sweetie. I’ll have a Richard bring you up some tea and—”
“No thank you.”
“Oh.” Susan paused for the first time since rousing her daughter and looked Aiva over.
The girl tilted her head. She had seen something cruel flash behind her mother’s eyes. The Smile wavered for a moment and the quiet lasted a beat longer than to have been imagined.
“I’ll leave you to rest then lovely.”
The silence that pervaded Aiva’s room after her mother left contrasted with her own inner workings. She had never been filled with such a whirlpool of emotions: anger at her mother for sending away the only friend she’d ever had, sad she’d never see either of them again, guilt that it was her fault.
Amidst this turmoil a happiness rose. She was going to school! A real school with real kids! Guilty again because she shouldn’t be happy: Miss Juliet and Mabry were still gone and nothing would reverse that. Anger towards her mother would swell once more.
Aiva didn’t know what to do with all of it. She picked up the book she’d been reading that week, but couldn’t manage to focus on the words as they all strung together in one long unreadable line. So she tried not to focus on anything at all, but when she closed her eyes she found something strange and foreign and almost alive within her. It felt like a vast emptiness, a Nothing. It moved to surround her like a hunter closing in on its prey and before she could pull back, she was engulfed.
It felt as if she were falling, and as she did she forgot everything. The sensation began slowly. First went all those emotions. Then the faces she knew receded. It was as if her memories were being stripped away layer by layer, down to her bare nature. She suspended there for an untold amount of time. Alone with her true self. No illusions put forth by reality to shape her, no other eyes to project their perceptions, until that too fell away and she was no more.
She was Nothing.
Aiva woke. She wasn’t sure when, but for many moments she knew Nothing. Not who she was, not where she was, not why she was. She just was. It felt amazing simply to be. She did not care about the other questions. Just the one exclamation.
I AM!
Time passed and Aiva Ambyn Corelyn drifted back to the surface of herself. Everything that had fallen away tumbled back in, left ripples in their wake.
When this all was over, only then did she notice something amiss with her room. Everything looked askew as if viewed from a different angle. It took too long for her to realize that it was because she sat on the floor. A fact which puzzled the girl because she had never fallen out of the bed before. Perhaps it was that, before today she had never dreamt, but this was now twice in a row. Maybe it was her inexperience but neither of them seemed very much like dreams.
She reached behind her to grab her frame and hoist herself up, only to grasp a handful of air. Startled she looked all around her room from her sitting position and wondered where her bed had possibly gone.