Chapter Four:
I’ve Been Around This Block Before
Hayden
Rachel convinced me to get into the car, and before I knew it, I was sitting under the too bright fluorescent lights of the local hospital. Doctors were rushing back and forth from patient rooms and the nurse's station, busy beyond belief on a Monday night. Their long coats kept catching on random corners occasionally, which made a few swear and beg the nurses to move carts that were blocking the path. Many of the patients that came in were half conscious, as if they had been doped up on their way here, but luckily none seemed to be dropping anytime soon.
Paige was still shaken up by what she saw back at the restaurant, but instead of being repulsed by me, she refused to do anything but sit at my side and soothingly run her hand in circles on my back. I didn’t really notice or feel the gesture after a while, and though I was trembling at the thought of exposing my secrets, I was still trying to let Paige console me even slightly. She was careful with touching me after finding out about my injuries, but I assured her she wasn’t bothering me, and I was comforted by the gentle caresses she kept in a constant loop.
Through the windows of the room, I could see Rachel arguing with a nurse in the hallway, fed up with how long it had been since someone stopped in, and was gesturing wildly with a fury like none other in her eyes. Finally, a doctor whisked up and set a hand on Rachel’s arm, giving her the attention she’d been fighting for. She exchanged desperate words with him, and at first he nodded over and over, but eventually worry overcame his expression. He scolded the nurse for not calling him sooner, then motioned for Rachel to show him to my room. Paige tensed up slightly when the two entered, and protectively scooted closer to fully wrap her arm around me.
“I am so, so sorry about the wait everyone. Nicole should have told me much sooner about your situation, but you have my undivided attention,” he turned to close the curtains to the room and make sure the door was shut tightly before pulling up a rolling seat. “I heard you’re a bit banged up, kid. Is it alright if I check you over?”
“I don’t want anyone in the room.” I breathed from underneath my hair.
Paige went to contest, but the doctor turned to her with a flat expression. “If you want him to trust us, do as he asks. It’ll only take a moment, I promise. You can stand right outside the door.” He sternly instructed, though he tried to be compassionate as he understood her intentions.
I gently raised my eyes to stare emptily at Rachel, and when she saw the desperation in mine, she took Paige’s arm to nudge her off the bed. I simply did not want them to see more than they had, for their sanity and mine. “Come on, it’ll be quick.” She gently cooed to Paige, who whipped around to frown at me. I squeezed her hand reassuringly, which made her finally nod and follow her mother with a deep-set frown.
The doctor shut the door, then moved to stand before me. He flashed a handsome, caring smile as he held his hands out. “My name is Jesse, and I promise, I am here to help and not judge in any way. Everything is at your pace, but please, let me examine all your injuries. This is a safe space, Hayden. I simply want to help you feel better, ok?”
I swallowed loudly, enough for him to hear, before sliding my shaking hands into his. When my left hand fell onto his palm his eyes grew as wide as saucers, and he was slightly taken aback by my mutilated fingers. He snapped out of it and moved my sleeve up, revealing my deeply bruised arm alongside it, before guiding my sweatshirt and then t-shirt off. We worked my pants off as well until I was just in underwear, but at this point, I lost the ability to be modest. When he saw the depth of how battered I was under all those clothes, his expression turned to stone, as he realized this was going to be a much more serious case than he was expecting. “I’m going to ask you some basic questions while I examine you. Please answer to the best of your ability. How did you break your hand like this?” He asked starkly, robotically, as he was now in full doctor mode.
I refused to look up at him as I spoke, “My stepdad smashed it with a hammer.” I managed to stutter out cohesively.
Jesse was too stunned to speak. He was busy trailing his gloved hands over the sickeningly black splotches over my body, pressing them gently to see how old they were as he tried to count them off. My ankle was still purple, swollen beyond belief, and when he turned it, it cracked loud enough that we both winced, even though I stopped feeling it hours ago. “On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?”
“Eight… nine…” I mumbled through my teeth, as I hid been biting my lip when he turned my ankle. He tilted my chin up and brought his hand towards my neck, not to touch it, but to measure his hand against the imprint. When he found that the giant bruise I’d been hiding from everyone was in fact from another’s hand, he had to step back and exhaled deeply to ease himself.
“Are these injures all from your stepdad? Has he been hurting you like this for a while?”
I nodded with a loud sniffle, and brushed my eyes clear with the palm of my hand, “F-For years…” I still had my head down, but managed to cover my face with my functioning hand. “Please… don’t call them. Don’t tell my mother I’m here… Don’t call them… I don’t want to go back…?” I plead through trembling lips.
“Hayden… You are an adult. No one has any right to send you anywhere you don’t want to be, especially a place where you have been hurt this severely.” Jesse snapped over me, serious enough that I flinched. He bent down to lightly grasp both my shoulders and peer at me from under my hair. Tears were actively spewing down my cheeks again, simply because I could not force them down any longer. “You have been incredibly strong to make it this far, and you have nothing to fear anymore. We absolutely need to address the serious issues, but you are safer than you can imagine. You have complete control over your body and your decisions. Please understand this.”
“Thank you…” was all I could say back.
Jesse went to work scribbling down numerous things into my chart, though the more he wrote, the more he examined, the angrier he got. His pencil could have burst into flames had he not been careful, and that same fire illuminated his pale eyes wildly. He tsked each time he found a new bruise, a new mark, a new spot that made me flinch; my reactions were not helping. He finally sat on his rolling stool and set the clipboard on his knees, “Besides your physical injuries, is there anything else that hurts? Anything I can’t see?”
“Not really. My back is pretty fucked up, but that’s from the floor.”
“The floor?” He pressed worriedly.
I brought an arm over my bare chest to conceal myself even slightly, “He kept me down in the basement, when he was mad. I’d been down there for a week before I left. The cement floor isn’t exactly a comfy bed.”
Jesse leaned in carefully, choosing his words very discreetly, “Hayden, how long has this been happening? Has he ever sexually assaulted you? Have you told anyone what’s going on?”
I scoffed a breathy, sarcastic sound, “No, he’s never sexually assaulted me, but it’s been like this for years, as long as I can remember. I tried to get help in high school, but… no one ever believed me. I just… Jesse, I just couldn’t take it anymore…?” My voice faded into a desperation I simply could not convey with words alone, but Jesse recognized this immediately.
“No, no, don’t get upset… I completely understand…” he rubbed my shoulder gently to try and console me, “You really should consider filing a police report, getting some kind of authority involved. That man needs to be punished, Hayden.”
“Maybe. Right now…” I inhaled and exhaled slowly, my eyes shut tightly, “I want to breathe air I don’t have to share with him.”
Jesse nodded sincerely, and took a deep breath before he cleared his throat, “I understand. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, but… had you not come with Rachel, I would have absolutely contacted another organization for you. This is a serious problem, Hayden. You really need to report this as soon as you can.” His eyes were wide with undeniable worry, and his voice stern, but for my benefit.
I shrugged my shoulders stiffly, “I will, I promise. Just… not today. But I will. I know I have to. I don’t want him to get away with it, I just… not today.”
Jesse decided to change the subject, and crossed his legs casually as he leaned back on the stool, “I have to ask, for your safety; do you trust the people out there? Are you comfortable going home with them? I know you’ve barely met, but in this state… I want to make sure you’re ok.”
“I… I don’t have reason not to trust them.” I casted my eyes away carefully, “Unless you have a recommendation for me? Maybe you know somewhere else that would be better. I don’t want to be a burden to Rachel, but…?”
Jesse smirked half-heartedly, “To be honest, I’d say she’s a wonderful match for your situation. If it helps, I have worked with Rachel quite a few times in the past, so I know she will take good care of you, but I want to make sure you feel completely safe. If you’d rather go somewhere else, I can arrange that for you. You don’t know her, and I would expect you to be cautious, so I want to eliminate your concerns as best I can and offer you any and all tools I have to make things right while you sort this out.”
I sighed wearily, lifelessly, and shrugged. “She’s been kinder to me in two days than anyone has been my entire life. I don’t see reason not to trust her, especially if you do.”
Jesse chuckled to break the agonizing tension, “She’s a wonderful person who has helped many people, but she usually doesn’t get this attached. You must be pretty special, kid; she almost took my kidney out for making her wait, and she’s not typically a violent person.”
I had to giggle at his comment, which made his eyes glow with relief. “I’ll take your word for it,” I offered with another shrug.
“For now, I want to run some x-rays on your hand and ankle, then work on the rest. We’ll get you some pain medication too so that you can relax in the meantime.” He hesitated slightly, “I do have to take photos to document everything, especially if you file a police report. You don’t have to if you feel that’s for the best, but for hospital records, they need us to document visuals for domestic abuse cases. Is that something you’re comfortable with?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I brought my arms close to my chest and exhaled, “Rachel… I guess she should know how bad it is, huh?”
“It’s not her business, even if she’s helping you, and she understands that. If you want to see her, I can call her back. If you don’t, she can wait outside until we’re done with your tests.” Jesse moved to the closet and pulled out a big white blanket, which he gently set around my shoulders. I snuggled into it gratefully, exhausted beyond belief at this point, while he went to work photographing everything. I paid no attention to what he was doing; he made sure to be incredibly gentle and move slowly so that I felt safe. It was hard not to with how kind he was, and when he was finished, I forced a smile so that he would relax a little.
I watched him shuffle through the photos, making sure they were to his liking, before clearing my throat to get his attention. “Uh, Jesse? You… You can let them in, I guess.”
“This isn’t an I guess situation, Hayden. Would you like Rachel and Paige to come into your room and be part of the process?” Jesse sternly asked.
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I was slightly taken aback by his words. I had never been able to make decisions for myself, never been respected as an adult, let alone as a person. I had power over my body and situation more than I ever realized, and for a single moment, I let that wash over me before replying. “Yes, I would like them to be with me. I trust them to be present. Thank you, for letting me make these decisions on my own. If you know Rachel can handle it, then she has a right to know what she’s gotten herself into.” I whispered with a smile of relief.
He laughed and carefully ruffled my hair, “You underestimate her. I’ll go get her, and knock twice before we come back, ok? Make yourself comfortable for now; it’s gonna be a bit before the x-ray machine is open again.”
╪
Jesse was gone for around fifteen minutes, though I could hear him conversing with the Cromwells in the hallway, as he left the door slightly cracked. He promised that he would only tell Rachel what we agreed on, which was that he was positive I had some major broken bones, but he would keep how I broke them between us until so I could tell her on my own. The only other thing he told her was that I was certainly a case fit for her organization, and I appreciated his anonymity highly. Rachel did not push him for further information, and instead, only repeated that she would do her best to make me happy, and she appreciated Jesse’s help.
By the time Jesse opened the door I was scrunched in a ball under the covers, barely able to keep myself awake. The room was quiet beyond the oxygen machine beeping and the slight hum coming from the bedside remote. I’d turned on a cartoon to distract myself, but wasn’t nearly interested in the show. Jesse sighed to see me tucked away like this, and switched one of the lights off to help if I did decide to sleep.
Rachel shuffled into the room hesitantly and set her coat on the chair nearest the door. She then sat Paige in the same spot before coming over to lay a hand on the bed rail gently. Jesse stayed in the doorway with his arms crossed, watching for signs of distress from me, but grateful I didn’t flinch away from her. “How are you feeling, honey?” She breathed carefully, trying to move slowly, though she didn’t want to take her hand away from the railing.
“Numb,” was all I could offer at first. She looked to Jesse for permission, and when he nodded, she knelt into the chair behind me so she could move her fingers through my hair. “Did Jesse tell you what he found?” I whispered brokenly into the blanket, which I had wrapped around my good hand and pressed against my mouth.
She let out a somber sigh, “Roughly. We’re going to get you fixed up, though, I promise…”
“He’s going to find me, you know…” I said over her, “He always does, no matter how far I go. He’s going to come after me, and he’ll hurt anyone in his way. Your family is going to be in danger if I stay.”
Rachel was silent for a full minute, which felt like an hour. I couldn’t bear to hear her shallow breaths, so I nuzzled my face into the pillows to try and drown the world out. “I know it feels that way right now, but I promise, we can handle ourselves around here. I’m a tough cookie, Hayden, and I chose to help people… because no one was there to help me.” I looked over my shoulder at her curiously; her voice fell an octave, and her eyes grew distant as she began to slip into an unspoken memory, “I grew up with a dad just like yours, a worthless piece of shit who liked drugs more than protecting his kid. The man I ran off with was just another version of him, but that one gave me Paige.”
Paige nodded to confirm her mother’s story, “We’ve been through our fair share of tough times, so if anyone understands your worries, it’s us.”
I peeked over the edge of the blanket briefly at Rachel, “You… What happened to… you?”
She slid her chin into her palm and stared up at the fluorescent hospital light, watching it flicker softly as the bulb seemed to be dying. “I spent years running from men who treated my body like a toy, who brutally and maliciously attacked me for even existing, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone else live that way while I’m still breathing. I’ve walked more than a mile in your shoes, and I’ve dealt with people just like the man your mother married. I know it’s hard to believe, but you are going to be incredibly safe with us, I promise.”
My lips were trembling violently against the starchy pillows, “You don’t even know why he hurts me…?” I choked out, my mouth barely allowing me to force the words into the air.
Rachel slid a lock of my hair behind my ear, “Well, why don’t you tell me?”
I clutched the blanket so that my voice was incredibly muffled, “He found out I was gay...” I was barely able to breathe as I said the words out loud. The room turned so blurry that I was sure the bed was riding an ocean wave, and if Rachel hadn’t been holding the bed rail, I’d be hanging off the side vomiting into the salmon pink bucket.
She let out a surprised laugh, so sarcastic and carefree that I jumped, “Hey, me too! Well, I’m bisexual, but that partner I told you about? She is worried sick about you, and is out in the hall with the rest of that wonderful dinner Paige ordered you guys. Being gay is the least of our concerns in this family!”
“What…?” I snapped up and whipped around to stare at her, which made the blanket around me slip off and pool in my lap. Sitting like this my entire upper body was exposed, so that Rachel and Paige could take in each and every mark Liam had left on me.
Rachel was too stunned to respond at first, but finally reanimated so she could stand up and take my shoulders. She made sure we were eye to eye as she spoke, “My home is a safe space for everyone, especially anyone who has been mistreated this badly for something they simply cannot control. We will help you gain all the tools necessary to pave your own future, the way you want it to be. It’ll be worth it, in the end, to trust us?” Her hands were the first loving touch I’d felt in so long. She was being so incredibly careful, but didn’t realize that I appreciated, and desperately needed, someone who touched me affectionately, who did not use their hands as weapons against me. I brought my good one up to clutch the one she had on my shoulder, and squeezed it with a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of my lips.
A full smirk finally reached my lips, and I leaned my face into her hand. “I think I’d like to try?” I cooed back.
Rachel’s eyes were shimmering now, with a thin line of tears creeping over her lash line. I watched as they finally broke over the brim and danced in little pirouettes down her sharp cheeks to hit the blanket wrapped around my legs. It hurt me so much to see such a wonderful person cry, enough that I blinked back my own. “I’m really glad, honey. It’s gonna be ok, I swear.” She whispered, poking my nose to make me giggle softly.
╪
Rachel exchanged a few words with someone in the hall while Paige bounded across the room to jump on the bed and squish my cheeks in the palms of her hands, “You mush! I’m so glad you’re staying with us! I love you already!”
“Ow…?” I giggled playfully, as she wasn’t actually hurting me of course, while she massaged my cheeks into a forced smile.
“Paige, he’s literally in a hospital bed! Could you not be so clingy!?” Rachel barked as she returned, holding the door open for another woman who was struggling with a set of tinfoil wrapped plates. Her gold skin was drenched by the downpour that had erupted outside, and her strawberry blonde locks were shoved under a tan beanie that was falling over her eyes. Rachel rolled her eyes at the woman and nodded to Paige, “Tell your mother to let me help, please?!”
“I am more than capable of carrying a few plates, yeesh…!” The tiny bundle of a woman smacked the plates down before shooting her crisp ember eyes towards me, “It’s so wonderful to meet you, Hayden, even if it’s not on the most fun terms?”
“Uh, likewise. I’m… sorry for the trouble I caused?”
“Trouble, ha! This is hardly what I call trouble my lovely little Potato.”
“Potato?” I laughed, tilting my head at her curiously.
Paige rolled her eyes heavily, “Yeah, Mom likes to give people food based nicknames. It’s a rite of passage. Apparently, you’ve been christened as a tuber,” she snorted sarcastically.
The woman sniffed at Paige childishly, “I should have named you my rotten beetroot!”
“I’ll take that over being your Pumpkin Pie,” Paige sneered with a maniacal laugh.
“Ha, ha, very funny…” The woman whipped her scarf and hat off and flung them onto the chair like she owned the place, shaking her hair out wildly before forcing it into a bun at the nape of her neck, “Be lucky Pumpkin Pie isn’t here, or we’d have two people in the hospital!”
“What did he do now?” Paige whined, shaking her head with a disappointed frown.
“Someone fell asleep in the library and forgot to text his mothers, that’s what. He is going to work himself to death, that kid, and he’s lucky I’m a bit preoccupied. He’d be grounded for an eternity otherwise,” she raced across the room and shoved her sleeves back to take my good hand in both of hers, though she pulled back her intense energy to do so, “My name is Emily; I’m Rachel’s wife. I wanted to join you for dinner earlier, but I got caught up at the clinic!”
Emily’s refreshing aura truly broke up the seriousness of the situation, and I could tell all of us were grateful that she was being so normal and down to earth. I shook her hand, “Emily; nice to meet you. I’m Hayden, as you know. What kind of clinic do you run?” I pressed as she gleamed from ear to ear over me, seemingly oblivious to the state I was in.
“I run a low-cost clinic for queer patients, and some days we get three appointments, and some we get over a hundred. Today happened to be one of those days, but I’m not one to turn away a smile!” Emily plopped into a spare chair beside me, and patted my knee twice to keep me engaged in the conversation, “Luckily my intern finished up for me so I could meet you guys here!”
“You two are the ultimate couple, huh? One saves lives and one saves displaced delinquents?” I joked, which made the couple laugh hysterically.
Emily shrugged with a lopsided grin; she wrenched Paige onto the arm of her chair so she could run her nails through Paige’s hair and fix some tangled curls, “Something like that. We’ve been preparing to convert that piece of crud hotel into a resource center for queer youth, especially victims of abuse. We function as a normal hotel to save money, but starting this fall, we’re going full time construction! I work on the medical aspect of things, while Rachel does intake and creates a safe, constructive environment for those healing to flourish in.” Emily nodded to Rachel, who flashed me a thumbs up and a wink, “Whatever I can’t handle at the clinic, Jesse takes care of here for us. We’re still a big work in progress, but things have been moving steady, especially since we opened the clinic!”
“I really stumbled into quite the place…” I brought my knee up so that I could rest my chin on it, “I never thought I’d ever meet anyone like me… Let alone so accepting…?”
Jesse came back with a thick chart, a cup of various pills, and a deep smile. “Being gay is not a disease, Hayden, and whatever was drilled into your head about your sexuality is going to be reversed. You’re in a state that not only accepts it, but a home that is surrounded by it. You couldn’t be in better hands.” He handed me the cup and a can of ginger soda before pulling back the top sheet of his clipboard, “Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we are going to have to work on that ankle a bit. Your fracture is a lot more severe than we thought, but nothing I’m overtly worried about.”
“Surgery…?!” I croaked in horror.
Jesse gave me a small smile to try and ease my nerves, “Minor, yes, but necessary. If you agree to it, we can get you in tomorrow morning, and have you home within a day or two. We’ll give you crutches and such to help you move around after the surgery, but I want you on some serious bed rest for the next two weeks to promote the process. Any more weight on that ankle and you’ll be in big trouble.”
I frowned heavily and stuffed my mouth into the blanket I still had tucked around me, “I’ve never had surgery before… are you sure I need it?”
“I’m afraid so. I know it’s scary, but I’ll personally be helping, and promise to get you in and out as soon as possible. Your ankle just isn’t going to heal right without it.”
I eyed the Cromwells wearily, “Um… Would any of you, like, stay with me…?”
Emily’s eyes bugged in astonishment, “Stay with you? Honey, of course we will! Your surgery is simple, I promise, and we’ll be right here when you wake up.”
I groaned in defeat and let my head flop down, “Fine, ok, you win. If I die, though, I’m haunting this hospital for all eternity.” I snapped with a scowl.
Jesse let out a cheerful laugh and shook his head, “I’ll hold you to it.” He handed me a packet of information on the type of injury I had, “It’ll take around three to four months for your ankle to be fully healed, but I have high hopes for a smooth recovery, and you to be back in action by the end of August. Your fingers aren’t as bad as they look, but you’ll be mummified for some time; eight weeks tops. We’ll set you up with some physical therapy once you’re healed nicely.”
“What about the bruising? How long until that’s healed? Should I treat it as usual procedure?” Emily asked seriously, her carefree attitude changing to that of a worried mother.
Jesse smirked slyly to the couple, “He’ll start looking more himself within a few weeks, hopefully less. The major bruising will probably be upwards a month, but if you ice the worse ones and keep them elevated it should help. He’ll be much more presentable by the time we free his hand, so you can spoil him to your hearts content.”
“Hey!” The two bawled in unison, but Paige and I only laughed lightly at their blushes.
Jesse tapped my temple with the end of his pen, “You are going to be a problem for these two, I can tell. You’ve already snatched their hearts up.”
I flushed tomato red and played with the ends of the blanket shyly, “It’s kind of nice, having someone care about me this much. I don’t mind, really.”