Gerry squatted over the hole in the ground, carefully cleaning out his own. It was routine at this point, allowing him to think, performing the actions subconsciously. Why the hell was Sam coming over? 

 But even further. Why was Gerry cleaning out his hole? Sam hadn't hinted towards that at all. But Gerry practiced good hygiene, and it was his fate to have a clean cloaca every time he met someone new. Especially someone as cute as Sam. Gerry wasn't even a top, but he knew he'd have to take control of that awkward mess of a murderer. 

 He was practiced, sure. He'd been with hundreds of people. But Sam was still different. Gerry already knew some deep, dark shit about him. Gerry had already cried on his lap, showing a vulnerable side he usually kept hidden. It was difficult seeing Sam as the stranger he really was. 

They met through a mutual friend that recently passed, Lanada, but Sam hardly knew them when they were alive. Lanada was Gerry's best friend. Surely Sam didn't think that was the link that made them similar. His relationship with Lanada only reminded Gerry of Sam's role in STAR. 

 There was a knock at the door, a specific pattern that Gerry recognized quickly. It was Sam. Gerry had taken too long, just getting to the actual showering part. Of course he was early, not even just on time. Gerry would have to wait for next time to apply his hour's worth of makeup and skincare. He quickly dried up and threw on something slutty, not caring how much of his body Sam saw. 

 “Hiii Sam! You're early! I barely had time to get everything ready, sorry for the wait.”

 “Don't worry about it, I don't mean to rush you. Do you want to finish getting ready? Or…”

 “No Sam, that would ruin the magic next time you see me. This is fine for now. Get in here!” 

 Gerry had to force Sam to take more than a couple steps inside, finally shutting the door. 

 “Well I'm gonna smoke first. You want a bowl?” 

 “A whole bowl? You sure?” 

 “Yeah! What, are you a lightweight or are you concerned about my supply?” 

 “Both. But. Sure. I'll give it a shot.”

 “Hey I won't force you. But come on!” 

 Gerry finally bounced into the living room, leading Sam inside. It was very reminiscent of the first time they'd been there together. The feeling in the room was different though. A lot hornier. Gerry sure noticed Sam's expressions: jittery and flustered, he avoided eye contact in a way that implied he only wanted to stare. 

 Gerry found it cute. He only communicated that through a small smile. It was gone quickly so he could inhale from his bong. Sam watched intently; surely to learn Gerry's advanced smoking techniques. It was natural for him though, the act looking and feeling effortless after years of chronic smoking. It was a wonder Gerry had coped so well with it. 

 “Your turn!” 

 Gerry was quick in packing a new bowl for Sam. Watching his face though, he was clearly unprepared. He held Gerry's bong in front like it was some alien object. He waited a couple minutes, monitoring his breathing. 

 “Don't work yourself up too much. Just listen to your body, pay attention to it.”

 “Yeah.”

 With Gerry's encouragement, Sam took a deep inhale, coughing almost immediately. He looked almost embarrassed as he keeled over, prompting Gerry to violently slap his back. 

 “You're alright buddy! Get it out! Don't die on me here!” 

 Sam left out a little giggle, prompting even more coughing. He didn't complain though, bringing the bong back to his lips once he recovered. 

 When it was returned to Gerry, he couldn't help but stare where Sam's mouth had been. A thin veneer of his light lipstick had been left behind, barely visible on the colored glass. Sam's lips were in the same place as Gerry's? That was hot. Gerry wanted to tackle him right then and there, but he owed it to himself and Sam to take his time. Their relationship was too complicated to just dive in. 

 “So… What were you wanting to do? I thought you had some ideas…”

 “Yeah! You said you were looking for work right? You want to do something good? I've got the perfect place!” 

 Sam didn't look too happy, almost disappointed. Perhaps he was just remembering his time at STAR, but Gerry worried he was about to bail on his responsibilities. That, or Sam really wanted to fuck Gerry and he got blue balled. Regardless, Gerry had some important work for Sam. 

 “I'll tell you while we walk, come on.”

 Sam followed Gerry out, only stopping to spit in the sink. Just like last time, he'd probably be battling that for a couple hours. 

 “So the Co-op has been organizing again, and we've got several retailers in the Capitol signed up with us. One of them needs workers though, specifically someone to stock and cashier. You won't be counting money, just stock. It'll be a great way to help some people access free food. Just make sure nobody tries to take advantage of the system, right? How does that sound?”

 Sam was quiet, thinking for a moment. He almost stopped walking, but sped back up once he completed his thought.

 “So… you want me to work at a grocery store?” Sam grumbled out. 

 “Yeah? Someone has to do it. You don't have to save the world or anything to help people, you know.”

 “I know. Just thought there'd be something important for me to do. Something with the Co-op.”

 “This… this is with the Co-op, what do you mean? This is what we do. It's nothing fancy, but organizing resources and their distribution is important. That's how we beat this system: by living outside it.”

 “I guess.”

He still didn’t look convinced.

 “Hey this is how real change is made. You already know shooting people in STAR doesn't work. Give this a shot, would you?” 

 “Oh, I'm going to, don't worry. I said I wanted to do some good, and you're saying this is the best I could do.”

 He was grumbling again. Gerry felt a bit disappointed. 

 “Are you being serious? Or sarcastic?” 

 Sam sighed, but fixed his posture, looking at Gerry. 

 “I'm serious, sorry. I won't lie, it sounds dull. But I see what you mean. If that's what stops me from helping people, I'll never be able to.”

 “Good! Don't worry though, you're not alone. I never said this stuff is fun! Most people join us thinking they'll be revolutionaries, fighting on the front lines of… whatever. Really, it's a lot of logistics and networking.”

 “I honestly didn't know what to expect. STAR does things differently. Well, did.”

 “Yeah, you can't just shoot people this time around!” 

 Gerry was smiling, his eyes open wide. Sam was not. 

 “Not funny. I'm trying to get away from that.”

 “Why? It's a part of who you are. If you forget, how are you gonna learn from it? I used to always tell Lanada: you're a murderer, just murder the right people, right?” 

 Gerry shrugged unseriously. Sam looked cross. If he was really going to learn though, Gerry felt like he had to be direct. There was no hiding from the bad things Sam had done. Now it was his time to learn and improve. 

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 “Well I shot the King and that didn't do shit, so tell me who's next.”

 “Hahah! You probably shouldn't say that out loud…”

 “And what's anyone gonna do about it? STAR loves me, they wouldn't admit that to the public.”

 Sam seemed bitter as hell over STAR. Gerry felt a duty to cheer him up. 

 “Aww STAR loves you and you left? You must have broke their heart!” Gerry whimpered, at Sam. 

 “Yeah. Had to do it though. The relationship was toxic as fuck. And the sex was bad…”

 “Hah-ha!” Gerry cracked up, not expecting Sam to actually joke back. Sam tried too hard to be broody; it was nice seeing his more intimate side. 

 Although Sam was smiling, finally looking relaxed, he tensed up when the market came into view. Gerry could tell he was nervous. Hesitant maybe? Either way, Sam was going to ring up some customers whether he liked it or not. 

 Gerry received many greetings from the staff when they arrived, frequenting that location to give his help. He'd done this job Sam was about to do countless times. He was fortunate to have new people helping reduce his immense workload. With Sam helping, that was even less Gerry had to stress over. 

 Sam received his own greetings, the people there warm and welcoming. Although finding the right people for the place had been difficult, the nature of the job usually filtered people out automatically. The people remaining, who had endured, all largely had great purpose and pride working there. It was unlike the other neighboring grocery stores, running simply for profit. 

 “This is your station! I'll show you a bit, but you don't have to do a full work day. Just learning the ropes for now.” Gerry guided Sam to a little cubicle, a customer already unloading their cart into the conveyor belt. Gerry gave an energetic “Hiiii!” to them before turning back to Sam. 

 “Just scan the items, our pos system will automatically take them from our inventory.”

 Sam did so, not even looking at the customer. 

 “Oh, and when you bag, try to keep similar things together. Like bottles with bottles, separate the meat, keep cans and dry goods together, cold foods…”

 “Yeah, got it.”

 Sam looked out of place down to the expression on his face. When he was finished bagging he looked at Gerry, practically begging to be done. 

 “And that's it! You can go, you're all good!” Gerry took over, releasing the customer. 

 “Really? It's free?” 

 “Yeah!” 

 “Well shit! Thanks!” 

 The customer looked very happy, putting their Circle away. Most people used the multimedia device for payment those days. Gerry felt good, knowing the feeling of getting something unexpectedly free. He looked to Sam to see his expression. It was still blank. 

 “Seeeeee? Doesn't that feel good Sam?” 

 “Yeah. Actually. It does.”

 “Do you want to wait for another customer? Or move on to the next bit to teach ya?”

 “Let's move on.”

 Gerry finished walking Sam through working the grocery store, a rather simple task. Sam definitely didn't need training, but Gerry wanted him to have some company on his first day, worried about him being uncomfortable. 

 It seemed to work, as when Sam had been through every inner workings of the store, he seemed relaxed when they left. The usual burn out from a job didn't seem to get to either of them as they settled in a small kitchen, close to Gerry's apartment. 

 “Are you gonna be ready tomorrow? Alone?” 

 “You won't be there?” 

 Sam sounded scared.

 “I've got some other things to do Sam… The whole point is to get some help so I can get my work done. There's always a bunch of things I need to do at once. It's exhausting.”

 “Like what?” 

 “Manning other grocery stores, driving deliveries, putting together orders, finding suppliers, mining if I need to… Just a bunch of random shit. Now that's one less store I have to worry about helping out with all the time, you know? You're really helping me out here Sam.”

 Sam paused, stiff and looking away. 

 “You? Or the Co-op?” 

 “Both! You're helping me help the Co-op. By pitching in, I can do more.”

 “Well, I'm glad I can help. I didn't realize it was so personal. Is this really the shit you do day to day? Can't believe we put you on a watch list for this.”

 “Yeah haha! I'm sure STAR would only get bored watching me.”

 “Oh we did. Well… I didn't I guess…”

 “Wha— Oooo what do you mean Sam?”

 Sam only grinned, not responding to Gerry. He had to force his lips together to take a drink from his glass, leaving his lipstick there once more. 

 “Lanada got you off that, by the way. The government is no longer surveilling you, you'll be happy to know.”

 “So now I've just got the gangs to hide from… Okay!”

 “Nah, they're all broken up after getting involved with the Geldor.”

 “Wha?”

 Before the Dilna Co-op, there was the Geldor Co-op. Unfortunately, fascist terrorists basically co-opted the movement to install their own global state. Gerry wasn’t a fan.

 “The Geldor? You didn't know? Lactain was hiring gangs to do that shit.”

 “Whoa! Damn, good thing you shot him haha!” 

 Gerry laughed, but Sam's smile faded. 

 “You love talking about me shooting people, huh.”

 “No, I’m sorry. It's just hard to forget.”

 “Believe me. I know, Gerry.”

❣

 When they returned to Gerry's apartment, Sam had calmed down by then. Despite the rough edges of their interactions, Gerry was enjoying his company a lot. Every red flag Gerry saw, Sam was clearly working on. A far cry from the other red flags Gerry had met before him. 

 In front of Gerry's door, they both hesitated. There was a familiar feeling in that moment. Gerry had felt it before. The vagueness of wanting, but not being sure if that's what he wanted. In the moment, he wanted Sam to stay. But was that the best choice? 

 “I'm glad you're getting involved Sam. And. It was nice spending time with you today. Thank you for that,” Gerry nodded with a satisfied smile. 

 “Yeah. Thanks for helping me out. I'd be lost without you here.”

 Sam's words sounded deeper than they actually were. Gerry knew it wasn't some deep observation, just an admittance of his incompetence. But wow, did Gerry's knees weaken when he said that. Few people had said such personal things to him before. 

 “Of course! It's what I do. Do you want to stay? Smoke? Or not, hahah!” 

 “Yeah! Sure.”

 The tension built in Gerry released, then came right back. It was as if some invisible barrier had been broken. Sam entering Gerry's apartment this time was different, more intimate. Without a plan or purpose, he was there only for Gerry's company. And if Gerry had been picking up signals right, they were about to fuck. Or something… 

 Gerry preferred something. For now. He was worried Sam would want more though, knowing Gerry’s easy reputation. Gerry proceeded with an uneasy confidence as he led Sam over to sit down and smoke. 

 Gerry was the first of course, getting it out of the way. He exhaled with perfect clarity; holding back a cough that eventually died away. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on the feeling. He could barely find it, but there was a slight, pleasant buzz. Maybe it was just a placebo effect. 

 “Do you want one?” Gerry asked Sam, finally opening his eyes. 

 “Nooo, I'd be up and down the next couple hours. I'll wait. For now.”

 “I get it! Hah! Ha, it's a lot to take on so soon.”

 “No, I can take it! I just… don't need all that spit in my mouth…”

 Gerry tried his hardest to stop himself from laughing, but he literally spat through his fingers over his mouth. 

 “Sam, already??? It took years of chronic smoking to get there for me!”

 Sam smiled, almost as if he was relieved. Maybe he was. 

 “Maybe it's a rookie thing.”

 “Rookie? BLEGH!” Gerry violently gagged. 

 “Whaat? Is that not what people say?”

 “Hah! Not the people I know!” 

 Gerry bent over laughing, and even Sam chuckled a bit. He spread his arms out, trying to retract them before Gerry laid back again. 

 “Sam. You wanna keep them there?” 

 “What?” 

 Gerry just looked at him, hoping he'd understand with a bit of processing. 

 “Heh, yeah.”

 Instead of bringing his arms to his stiff side, he let them fall. Right on Gerry's shoulder. His brain felt like goop. He wiggled a bit to settle into Sam, gazing at the TV in front of them. It was playing a colorful documentary on doves. 

 “Hah-h Sam… Is it a bad thing to say I have a crush on you?” 

 Unfortunately, Sam looked in shock, thinking up a response. Gerry still stared at him, studying him. He just needed confirmation before he could see Sam differently. Gerry's eyes locked with Sam's, practically begging him. 

 “Uh.”

 “...”

 “...”

 “..”

 “I don't know Gerry. I've fucking killed people. You're a good guy. I couldn't possibly get you involved in that.”

 Gerry kept staring. This time in disbelief. Had Sam really not been listening? Before he could think of a response, Sam popped off the couch and grabbed his jacket. He didn't even look at Gerry before he passed the kitchen. 

 “Sam. Please don't go.”

 “Sorry Gerry. I'll send you a message. See you.”