I was screaming and cursing all around me, blaming the whole world for my current situation.

Well it’s not like anyone could even hear me cursing or the never-ending flood of words I would never want to repeat again in my life. After all I’m just a patch of weed.

And it’s not even the weed you would want to buy at the dark shady corner! Nope, it’s the normal, boring weed that grows at any place it shouldn’t. My poor little existence was the one of a useless plant.

I tried to look around me, but being a weed there isn’t really anything to look with, so I tried to somehow sense ANYTHING and after some time I actually managed to feel my own thin blade like leaves, as well as my tiny roots that burrowed into the ground. Not exactly what I hoped for, but at least a lot better than feeling nothing at all.

After some time, I finally calmed down and began to furiously think. How in god’s name did I end up as weed? I mean, obviously it’s through reincarnation. What other explanation could there be aside for this one? I know that I died. No surprise after living to a ripe age of 93, but why did I reincarnate as weed? In my prior life, I was a respectable man who lived simple and worked hard. I was friendly and even frequently donated to the poor. My karma should be good!

So why did I end up as the most useless of all plants? Not that I would be more content if I was reborn as any other kind of plant, but being reborn as weed is still something completely different than being reborn as a potato!

…

Ok that comparison sucked!

I settled down again. Then I noticed that I felt thirsty so I just sucked in some water from the soil.

Fuck….I’m seriously a plant. The thought really depressed me.

Suddenly something popped up inside of my mind. It was a small, blue shining screen that randomly appeared in the darkness. I concentrated on this screen and it enlarged. Now I could see that there were lines of words written on this strange blue wall that suddenly appeared in my most private space. It was written just like an email:

Dear client,

We are sorry for the inconvenience, but something went wrong in your reincarnation process. Unfortunately currently there is no staff free to fix the problem and as this is unlikely to change in the next three millennia we ask you to solve the problem yourself.

As compensation for this small inconvenience we provide you with a set of cultivation manuals you can use. We hope that this will help you.

If you want to leave any feedback regarding the customer service, please cultivate until you are a deity and contact us. We wish best of luck and hope for your success. LOL

This…. ARE THEY KIDDING ME? WHAT DO THEY MEAN SMALL INCONVINIENCE?? AND WHY DID THEY USE LOL????????

I started to rage and once again threw barrages of insults at whoever was responsible for this mess. After about three to four days I then finally calmed down and came to think about the cultivation manual they mentioned. Cultivation, I knew it from my past live. As a huge fan of Asian culture and a person who literally fed on books and novels I had read a lot of these kind of stories. Training and absorbing an energy called qi, using flashy magical techniques and eventually becoming immortal! Or dying because of some other bastard was stronger than me. That’s pretty much a summary of any Xianxia Novel there was…

Well I shouldn’t be too pessimistic about dying, at least it would be better than being a damned patch of grass and with a bit of luck there was the chance that I could become something pretty damn incredible!

On the other hand,…. It’s from the guys who fucked up my reincarnation so I shouldn’t be too optimistic either….

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That aside, where is this cultivation manual? I looked around my mind, quickly scanning through the darkness. By the way, why is my mind dark? Shouldn’t there be my memories or some other stuff floating around here? I stumbled and thought about it for a while. Then I just shrugged my imaginary shoulder. It’s not like I could find any answer to this anyway.

I finally found the manual in a hidden corner of my mind and was astonished to find that it truly looked like a cultivation manual. Some old, yellowish paper bund together to from a tattered booklet. Well, at least these guys have some sense of esthetics!

Then I looked into the book and immediately corrected myself.

This guys are simply bastards!

The reason for this statement was the actual title of the manual: Cultivation for idiots

I nearly fell into rage for the third time since my reincarnation. Seriously, why is it that the dumbest people are always the ones with the greatest responsibility? I mean, who gave this retards the responsibility for reincarnation? If they are always like this it’s no wonder why there is no staff available!

I sighed and finally took a look into the manual. It had 30 pages in total and described the progress of cultivation in three great realms and 36 minor realms in total.

The three great realms were:

The earth realm

The heaven realm

The immortal realm

Each of these three great realms had 12 minor realms that divided it into different levels. In order to attain the first minor realm of the earth realm that was also called student realm I had to absorb an energy form called qi from my surroundings and store it inside of my body. To do this I needed to use the cultivation technique described inside of the manual.

This technique had two parts: a breathing technique and an internal control technique. The breathing technique gathered the qi from the surrounding area and guided it into my body, the internal technique then controlled the qi inside my body and made it seep into my flesh and blood to store it away. Furthermore, I would need to use the internal technique in the future to channel my qi and actively use it.

This was pretty good!

I was really excited! Once I mastered these two techniques I would be able to step into the student realm! And from what the manual described once I reached that realm I could use qi to make simple attacks and communicate with others. Most importantly I could use qi to scan my surroundings! I would finally have something like eyes and find out where I am and what is around me!

With this in mind I instantly started to learn the two techniques from the book.

The breathing technique wasn’t that hard. The technique just made me follow a certain pattern of breathing in and out, it just took me a short time to master the rhythms that I had to follow and after a few unsuccessful tries I managed to ‘breath’ in some qi. To my luck plants could breath and the whole technique was useable even for plants!

I wonder if it was on purpose or not…. But nah it’s these guys we are talking about.

Without even noticing I already made myself an opinion about Guys-who-made-me-reincarnate-persons and the opinion wasn’t the most desirable.

Feeling the qi inside me was a wondrous feeling unlike any I had felt in neither this nor my prior life. The faint strands qi inside my leaves were clearly there. I could feel them. I could feel their presence. But at the same time as I felt the strands inside me I also noticed that the strands of qi seemed to steadily seep out of me. It was as if my body was a container with holes while the qi was simple water. The qi seeped out of the holes inside my body slowly leaving my body.

To my surprise, I realized that unless I quickly made my move, the qi I worked quite a bit for to acquire would just disappear like this. Not waiting for that to happen I tried to use the internal technique from the manual. It involved me focusing my mind on the qi and then visualizing some pretty strange patterns. Lines that went over in cycles and abstract forms, three dimensional shapes that hid even stranger structures inside of them.

At first it didn’t work and I couldn’t even start to visualize, so I tried again and again. At the same time the qi inside my body slowly became less and less so I began to worry. This whole thing was a little bit harder then I assumed at first!

Finally, after dozens of tries there was only one strand of qi left inside my body. I focused my mind and visualized the patterns. Success!

I was overjoyed. Finally, I managed to take control of the last strand of qi. As I continued to visualize the strand wandered around in my leaves and slowly integrating itself into my ‘flesh’. Then it completely fused and I stopped.

So this is how it feels to have absorbed qi. The feeling was quite nice, just like having eaten a good snack. It was truly satisfying!

But this one strand of qi still didn’t make a huge difference, so I continued the cycle. Using the breathing technique then controlling the strands of qi with the internal technique. With each time I repeated the cycle I became more proficient in using the two techniques and after tens of these cycles I actually managed to absorb three strands of qi instead of just one.

Slowly I felt my body change. With each strand of qi I could feel that my leaves underwent small transformations. At this pace it would only be a matter of time until I reached the student realm!

Ability to see… I’m coming!