It wasn’t funny before, it definitely isn’t now

The world settled into a sterile white room, dim fluorescent lights, spluttered into and out of life on the ceiling.

Kato recoiled. ‘What sorcery was this?’

He looked around, there was no door, he was trapped again. He balefully stared at his bag, then prodded it. “This never would’ve happened if you knew how to hold stuff.”

The bag contorted slightly, wrinkles rippling across its leathered skin, but it didn’t reply.

Kato stopped prodding it. He looked up at the blinking lights, “What are these,” he muttered breathlessly.

“Unknown objects identified, calibrated to older user please wait.” A familiar monotonous voice broke out.

There was a pause. Then the walls fell in. Kato raised his arms to protect himself, bracing against the inevitable crash but it never came. He looked back up, the walls the lights and even the ceiling were gone replaced by the same empty landscape as before.

Great.” He muttered, absentmindedly kicking the floor beneath him.

“Violence detected; safety procedure enacted” The monotonous blared out all around him.

“What?” Kato asked.

A young roguish man materialised in front of him, dark windswept curls covered his head. He grinned at Kato for a moment. “Thought you could get away with kicking my floor, did you?” With a sharp pirouette the man turned, and an oaken staff materialised in his leading hand, where he had pulled it from? Was anyone’ guess, but Kato wouldn’t like to assume.

The staff came down rapidly arcing through the air towards him. Before sharply rapping across his knuckles. The man danced backwards, his feet gliding across the smooth floor.

Kato glowered at him.

“Do you mind, I've had a really rough day.”

“Should’ve thought about that before messing with my floor buddy.” The man darted forward again, non-existent wind swept his hair back into a models pose, sun glinted off his deep, azure eyes. The staff came down again, rapping Kato’s knuckles with a sharp thwack.

“Look dude, you really don’t want to mess with me.” Kato’s hand recoiled back, but his eyes steeled on the man. ‘Really had enough of people treating me like a nobody.’

“Uh … oh, shiver me timbers.” The man comically widened his eyes before swiping his arms across his knees. He darted forward again, Kato dodged to the side, the man twisted mid strike rapping his knuckles once again.

“Listen unnamed guy, your floor is fine you psychopath!” Kato shouted the words at him, spittle flew into the air.

“The name’s Evard, exalted one, keeper of peace but you can call me floor guy.” He stated, a rakish smile crept across his features as he bounced back on the heels of his feet.

“Floor…guy?” Kato couldn’t help but laugh, even with the stinging reminder coming from his knuckles, even with all the pain of the last few days. It was just so absurd. “Are… you…serious?” He wheezed between laughs.

“Hey” Evard replied wounded, “I like it.”

“You like it?” Kato paused for a moment before laughing again, the tension of the past shed off of him, as his eyes crinkled in mirth.

“Words hurt.” Evard stepped back, looking at him pointedly, “no one ever teach you that?”

“Waah…waah” Kato stated slowly. “You were just hitting me; you didn’t think that hurt?” It was Kato’s turn to look at him pointedly.

“You kicked my floor.” Evard stated plainly, as if that explained anything.

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“I barely touched your floor.”

“Well don’t do it again”

“Or what?”

“Or what, or what he says,” Evard looked up. “Can you believe this guy?” The voice stayed silent. “Or there will be consequences, duh.”

Kato looked at him, then raised a foot off the ground slowly.

Evard’s eyes locked on him. “Don’t…you…dare” each word was enunciated with great precision.

Kato let his foot drop, kicking the floor with a dull thump.

“Screw you!” Evard flung his staff to the side and charged at Kato, arms stretched wide, his arms encircled Kato and drove him backwards, tackling him to the ground.

The two rolled around swatting and hitting at each other, but it was hard to build up any momentum when they were so entangled.

After a minute, Evard stood breathing heavily. “You usually so antagonistic?” He asked between heavy breathes.

“You usually such a control freak?” Kato quipped back from the floor.

“Touché” Evard offered him a hand up.

Kato accepted firmly clasping his wrist as he pulled himself back to his feet.

“Anyways, got to dash. Don’t touch my floor again.” With a sharp pirouette, Evard disappeared in a puft of smoke.

Kato stared at the smoky outline for a moment, before shaking his head in bewilderment. ‘What the hell was that?’

Kato looked at the floor for a moment, ‘how am I supposed to pass the time now?’ He usually just ended up kicking the floor mindlessly when he had nothing else to do, but now Evard, or floor guy, as he liked to be called had ruined that.

There was silence for a couple more minutes before the voice broke the silence. “What are you still doing here, do you have nothing better to do?”

Kato’s eyes widened, shocked. “You summoned me here.”

“User appears to be experiencing severe inhibition…scanning body… no foreign substances found… scanning mind.”

Kato dropped to his knees, clutching his head in pain.

“No mental discrepancies found, reevaluating due to aberrant personality.”

Kato sunk further to the ground, a sharp pain spreading from his forehead.

“No discrepancies found; baseline personality deemed aberrant.”

“Who the hell are you calling aberrant?” Kato glowered upwards.

The voice ignored him, “Training module two: newborn kittens will never fear your name available.”

“This again?” Kato’s glower deepened, “I so too could scare kittens.”

The voice did not reply.

“I am not doing this again; I still remember what happened the last time.” Kato stated firmly, ‘Don’t want another Kray,’ he shivered.

Kato paced for a moment, “Why are you doing this to me?” he looked upwards again.

“Subjects whining noted” The voice paused. “Does subject wish to proceed.”

“No subject does not wish to proceed.” Kato took a breath, “I have a name you know, it’s Kato.”

“Subjects need for acceptance and random connections noted.” The voice stated back, in its mechanical, bland tone.

“You try being lost in a strange world” Kato muttered to himself, his foot kicking the floor slightly in frustration.

A staff materialised in front of him and rapped his knuckles.

Kato pulled his hand back, ‘right, how could I forget there’s a crazy psycho here now too?’

“Would subject like to commence training module two?”

“No! How many times do I have to tell you? Leave me alone you freak! I am a person. Not a subject!” Kato snapped at it.

The world got bathed in a low blood red.

“Would subject like to commence training module two?” The voice asked again its monotonous voice now tinged with anger.

“You don’t scare me.” Kato sat down. “I can play this game too.” Kato plugged his fingers in his ears and closed his eyes. “La, la, la, la, la” he muttered to himself, rocking slowly back and forth. He couldn’t do another of these training modules, he should’ve been dead from the last one.

Depriving himself of nearly all senses, he remained like this for a few minutes longer, until a rough calloused hand clasped his shoulder. Kato opened his eyes.

“Um, what are you doing” Evard asked him, staring down at Kato.

“Ignoring the voice” Kato replied curtly.

“Voice?” Evard looked at him strangely, before breaking out in a smile “nah just kidding, obviously I can hear the voice.”

“Funny” Kato remarked dryly. “Sorry, have I been sitting on your floor too long” he said with an edge of sarcasm.

“While I’m glad you’ve recognised that it is in fact my floor, that’s not the reason I’m here.”

“Why are you here? Better yet why am I here?” Kato asked pointedly.

“You didn’t tell him?” Evard looked up surprised.

“He is a zero, and an aberrant one at that, it would be unwise.” The voice stated plainly, as if that made the most sense in the world.

Evard nodded his head, understandingly.

“Um did you pick up an orb shaped thing at any point?” Evard asked him.

“I guess” Kato stated, reluctantly.

“And after you picked that up did you agree to do training module one?”

“I guess.”

“Right, well that explains that then.”

Kato glowered at him “of course it does.” He said bitterly.

“Glad you understand” Evard smiled widely.

“I… uhh… never mind”

“So, you want to do the training module now?” Evard asked him, kindly.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Give me a second and I’ll be right on that” Kato’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Confirming” the voice said then a moment later, “one second has now passed, beginning training module two for the insecure, wannabe kitten bane, sitting over there, now.”

Kato’s eyes blazed in anger, “You what?”

He couldn’t believe it. The voice just wouldn’t leave him alone, it was relentless and now it was dragging him back to presumably yet another nightmare.

Then the world shifted.