“You know if you eat too many of those you’ll get sick.” Robert notifies his daughter, who is halfway through her third CocoSlabPie.
“So? They’re my favorite!” Simone reasons, wiping her face with a sleeve, which leaves behind a smeared stain.
“Exactly, you gotta pace yourself, hun. Otherwise, you’ll get sick so often you won’t want ‘em anymore.” Robert informs. “Too much of a good thing can be a real bad thing.”
“They help me feel better though.” Simone deflects before taking another bite.
“Oh? And what are you trying to feel better about?” Robert asks as he sits himself down next to Simone on the usual meetup bench.
“Nothing…” Simone lies, pulling her legs up to her chest.
“Uh huh… Come on kiddo, out with it.”
“My team lost again.” the girl admits, sneaking another bite.
“Ouch, sorry to hear that hun. Having issues with your teammates again?” Robert inquires as he places a massive arm down along the back of the bench.
Simone shakes her head in the negative.
“No, we're okay now. But we are still losing pretty bad.”
“Hmm… do you think that’s for any particular reason?”
“I don’t know. The other teams are just better?” Simone says annoyed.
“I can’t promise you anything, but I do know that it hasn’t been very long since you sorted things out with your team, right? Maybe just give it time and practice hard, and perhaps your lost streak will start to turn around. You can’t just expect everyone to be at their best right away.”
“But we do practice hard! Jackie and Saolac are already hitting the ball more and even Sam’s pitching is better! Even I can’t hit her throws sometimes.”
That’s great kiddo! Amazing even! If you guys improved that much already, imagine how much more you’re gonna improve in the near future!” Robert encourages, patting Simone on the back.
“I guess… but we’re still being destroyed. I can hit the ball almost every time, and we still lose.” the girl argues.
“Well, you can’t do everything yourself hun. You have a whole team to rely on. Maybe something else you guys can work on is your coordination and strategy. Put some focus on that, you know? Go on the Net and watch some professional games and see how they go about it, or heck even pay attention to what the other teams are doing and learn from them.” Robert suggests.
“I’m too fu-nnnknnn dumb for that…” Simone says softly, turning her face away from her father.
Robert takes his daughter’s shoulder and gently shakes it.
“That’s utter nonsense, you are incredibly smart.” he assures.
“Nuh-uh… I do things and say things for no reason. I’m bad at math. I forget things a lot. And paying attention to more than one thing at a time is hard. I’m broken.” Simone lists off in a grumble.
“Ah hun… You’re not broken. I struggle with those same things, does that mean I’m broken? Are any of your teammates broken just because they can’t hit the ball like you can?” Robert counters in a chuckle.
Simone just shakes her head, unsure of what to say.
“Listen Kiddo. You’re not dumb, and you are for sure not broken. I promise you. You just have a Thatch brain, and your own version of it to boot. You are very good at focusing in the moment, or did you think those muscles were the only thing you're using to hit that ball? You’re forgetful, but only because you like hang’n out in your own head. Which makes you very introspective and aware of the things you’re not so good at. Which is a very good thing to have when you want to work on yourself. Granted, math isn’t your strong suit, but you retain so much information about the things you’re interested in. You’re starting to outclass me in Star Wars trivia for crying out loud!” Robert laughs at that, making Simone crack a smile.
“Still… I don’t think I’d be good at that…” the girl admits with another shrug.
“Then bring it up with your team! Don’t be afraid to approach them and ask for help, especially if it’s going to help everyone in the long run. You don’t always have to be one holding everyone else up. Working as a team is important.”
Simone nods, but suddenly she makes a weird face and clutches her gut.
“What’s up kiddo?” Robert asks concerned.
“I think I’m going to throw up…”
Sickening pain rocks the Terran awake. It's an all too familiar sensation of grinding glass shards in her brain and a swirling gut. Covering her mouth with a hand, Simone gets up on autopilot mode. She stumbles out of bed and rushes to the room’s personal lavatory. There she gives the multi-species relief receptacle one hell of a retching cascade.
Simone clings to it for dear life as her burning esophagus purges over and over again until there’s only dry heaving. She spits and falls to her ass gasping in a bitter cold sweat. Thoughts are scattered and aren't allowed to be cohesive through the pounding in her skull.
What doesn’t help is that the dark room she looks back into isn’t her own. Confused and reeling in nausea, the Terran drags herself up and out of the room. The bright hallway lights cause greater discomfort, but she presses on keeping her pained sight to the ground.
Slowly, she shuffles around to the spa. Stumbling in, she doesn’t even bother removing her soiled white clothes before activating the shower. She stands leaning up against the wall with her head resting on an arm allowing freezing water to rain down and soak her thoroughly. Another round of involuntary dry heaving comes, but at least her mind is beginning to center.
Having no real sense of the passage of time she stays under the water until she is coherent enough to recall what brought this hellish hangover on.
“Fuck Simone… what did you do…?” she groans as she turns off the shower.
Simone grabs a towel and finally removes her clothes to dry off. Wearing the towel she takes her leave back to the room she woke up in to check if she had left anything. It’s then she sees items on the desk. A small injector, a communicator, and a datapad with text.
She picks up the pad, squinting to read through her still dazed vision.
‘Hello Simone,
I hope you are faring better after waking! However from what your Autosurgeon says you may not be feeling your best. It has directed me to give you this medicine as soon as you wake up. It has pain relievers, electrolytes, and some chemicals and acids that I dare not attempt to spell. It should help, but the Autosurgeon recommends stopping by for it to give you a full diagnosis, just in case you poisoned yourself more than you should have? An odd concept I must admit.
Oh! And I left a communicator with you as well, this model is not completely recommended for Terrans however it won't cause harm. It should work at least until we pick up a new one for you along with new Lenses!
Your Autosurgeon also informed me you may have trouble remembering what happened during your poisoning. So allow me to explain:
I found you in a dreadful state, and did my best to comfort you. I was scared for you and you said some things that brings great concern. Nothing that causes me to want you to leave the ship though! That’s something I really wish to emphasize, you are still wanted here. I promise you that! However, I believe we should talk, if whatever you did causes you this much pain, I want to help you in any way I can. When you’re ready of course! I won’t press the issue if that’s your wish!
Please know that you are an invaluable member of this ship, and your wellbeing means a great deal to me and Chucknug. I’m here for you, and I promise you that I’m not so easily scared away.
To end this on a brighter note, I’m having Chucknuq take us somewhere special. Just for you! Well for all of us if I’m being honest ^v^
(I looked up Terran emotion-context text expressions, I hope that is a correct use of one!)
Talk to me when you’re ready, and I hope you have a much better day!
-Chak’
Feeling a mix of dread and self-hatred, Simone puts the note down and brings a hand to her forehead.
“What did you say Simone!? What did you tell her!?” she panics as she desperately attempts to recall anything that happened, but in the end can only draw blanks.
It must have been bad if she had to resort to drinking herself into this severe hangover. The last thing she can recall is eating in the mess hall before…
“Did… did I do that in front of her!? Shit!” as the Terran’s stress levels rise her brain spikes in horrid pulses of pain.
Immediately she grabs the injector and jabs it into her upper arm. Unfortunately the concoction seems to slowly take action, so she takes deep vomit-scented breaths and forces herself to push aside the unknown. Chak knew something, but there’s no way to know what it is without asking. The Cali is honest to a fault, she will tell the whole truth of it.
For now, Simone decides on returning to her original room to inspect the damage she no doubt caused. Scooping up the communicator she crosses the hallway to her own door. She takes another deep breath to prepare herself for the carnage. If this episode was half as bad as the last, she had a lot of cleaning and apologizing to do.
The door opens, and the light flicks on showing a sight that nearly upsets the Terran. Everything is immaculately clean. Cleaner than it would be on a good day, without even a single sock on the floor. The only evidence remaining of any destructive disturbances is the freshly replaced mattress, pillows and blankets. They weren't just clean, but completely new.
Her jacket and a fresh set of white clothes are neatly folded at the end of the bed with another note on top. Warily Simone enters and picks up the pad to a thankfully shorter note:
‘I hope you don’t mind that I cleaned up a bit. I promise I was respectful with all your things and only threw away the broken bottles. I found more of your hidden stashes, but despite wanting to I didn’t touch them. I must admit you are very clever with hiding spots!
I’m sorry if you find this to be too much of an invasion of privacy! You’ve just been through a lot already and I want to help where I can! If I’ve overstepped my bounds I apologize! ^M^.
(That is a sad/worried expression correct? I’m not so sure.)
After we get to where we’re going I hope to help you acquire more clothing. I think it may be helpful considering how often you need your two sets washed! Also the medical garb isn’t what I would define as visually adequate.
Not that you don’t look good in them! You do! But perhaps you’d prefer something else to depend on? Either way we can sort that out at a later time!
-Chak’
Simone bites her cheek, feeling guilt seep in.
“I’m treating this woman to whatever she fucking wants wherever we land.” she concludes by putting the note on her desk and fitting on the new clothes.
Hesitating, she puts on the communicator. Regretting it instantly, she feels the connection scramble her already tender mind. Wincing she rubs at her head and wagers whether to lay down or go see Dave. Sleeping it off some more is the greatly preferred option, but Chak would want her to go see Dave.
Simone heads off to see Dave.
“Sup dude! Glad to see that you're not dead! Though you kinda look it if I’m being honest. Take the meds I sent with Chak?” Dave greets as Simone walk-of-shamed in.
“Yeah. Still feel like shit. Let’s just get this over with so I can crash.” she responds with an eye roll.
“‘Course! Hold out your hand so I can prick it and give your blood a good swishin’! Don’t want ya to fucking croak in your sleep from too much happy-fun-juice!”
Obediently Simone outreaches a hand to the android’s tentacle and allows it to break skin. The lights blink.
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
“Hm… Well you're not going to die... but I recommend never doing it again if you want to see grandkids. What brought it on? Sports team win the big game or some shit?”
“Sure, whatever.” Simone answers with a shrug.
“Well that’s a fucking lie, but I can’t force ya to fess up… But as your doc I gotta ask ya to be upfront. Leave out the nitty gritty details if you have to, just give me the basic lowdown. It will help in future diagnosis ya know?”
Simone sighs, wanting to just leave the machine and forget this all happened... However, if it helps make it up to Chak she’s willing to bear with it.
“I’m an ex-marine. Seen some shit, did some shit. Especially… doing one real fucked up thing. Sometimes I just.. I feel as though I’m right back in the worst of it. It starts with a panic attack and… sometimes… it gets worse. I can remember that shit just fine most of the time. But these… episodes always sneak up on me. Sometimes I’m fine after a few minutes, other times… the worst I had was about a week.” Simone admits, hating dwelling on it to give this shit legitimacy.
“Dude… you ever get this officially diagnosed? Or have ya just been dealin’?”
Simone crosses her arms uncomfortably.
“I’ve just been dealing with it. I had to.” the Terran answers in a low voice.
“Gotcha, well good news my guy! You no longer have to! Dave is here to get that shit set straight! Now I’m an AutoSurgeon, not an AutoTherapist. So I can prescribe some meds for your condition, but I’m not suitable to give you the mental help you need. Being serious here, I’m diagnosing you with what I suspect is ‘Uncomplicated PTSD’. Nothing that can’t be treated and worked on. I highly recommend seeking professional help. You’re worth it dude.”
Simone leans over, biting her cheek. She hates that this is real, that she has to actually confront it. It’s so much easier to just… let it happen and move on. Deny the power it has over her. Yet here it is, laughing in her face mockingly. It’s there, and it’s already starting to affect the people she actually gave a shit about.
“Yeah… okay.”
“I’ve already sent a recruitment notice to the cap. Whether machine or flesh we’ll get someone here to help you sort this shit out.”
“Okay…” Simone says under her breath, fighting the stinging in her eye. “Thanks Dave.”
“Always here for ya bud. Now I want your ass here weekly for meds, I will personally administer. I’ll give you your first dose now, and then I want you to go pig out in the mess hall. I’ve already started heating up some broth soup for ya, and make sure to drink a fuck ton of water! You are dehydrated as FUCK.”
Simone gives the android a smirk and nods as it places its tentacle to her neck. With a nearly unnoticeable prick Simone feels a strange calm come over her.
“What… what kind of medication is it?” she asks.
“Anti-anxiety compounds. With a lil’ fast action THC kick because I’m the coooool doctor!”
“Pfft… did you just get me high?” Simone asks in a chuckle.
“Just a tad. Don’t get too excited, I’m a narc remember?”
“Alright… well… Thanks again. I’ll choke down that soup of yours and pass out.”
“Oooooh, that’s what she said!” the android counters, seemingly proud of that opportunity.
“Ha! Fuck you, asshole!” Simone snickers as she takes her leave.
As she enters the mess hall she stops seeing a familiar face already sitting down at a table.
“Ahh! There she is! Been a spell since I’ve last seen your Terran mug! I suppose the soup being poured is yours? Ha!” Chucknuq says with his usual gusto.
“Uhm… yeah I guess it is. Sorry I can come back later if-” Simone says, keeping her gaze to the floor, unsure of how much the captain knows.
“Nonsense! I usually eat alone, but I don’t mind the company. Grab your soup and let’s catch up!” Chucknuq assures waving her over.
Simone sighs softly as she approaches the currently active dispenser filling up a cylindrical canister of flagrantly meaty liquid. Once it finishes she grabs it and wanders back to the table where the captain sits and hesitantly settles in on the other side.
“Your AutoSurgeon just sent me a very interesting request, have you just come from the medbay?” Chucknuq asks as he picks up a fist sized bug thing and swallows the whole thing in one go.
“Yeah. You don’t have to actually hire anyone on my account. Great if you did, but I can figure something out that’s less of a security risk. It’s just what Dave- the AutoSurgeon recommended. He has me on meds now, so....” Simone deflects before taking a sip of her brothy soup.
It’s hard to get down, but damn it’s good.
“Hmhm! Well, believe it or not it’s not up to me who is brought on or booted out. That’s Chakalata’motass’s directive.”
“I know she’s a princess and all, but isn’t this your ship? What’s the power dynamic between you two exactly?”
“The Kwip-Chap is indeed my ship, but I served her family for my whole career. First as a military Captain, then for my retirement I insisted on taking the position of the Queen’s personal offworld captain. She gifted me this fine vessel, and now I use it to serve her remaining daughter. Although she may insist on otherwise, I am at Chakalata’motass’s command. Proudly so.”
“I see.” Simone utters as she slowly sips down at her soup.
There’s some empty air between the two for a short while, before a soft sympathetic tone breaks it.
“You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you lass?” Chucknuq asks, though it comes across as a statement just as well.
Simone sets the canister down on the table and looks down at the remaining contents.
“Yeah.” She answers, her breath somewhat raspy.
“Clearly I’m happy to hear what ails you. Though if I’m to be honest, I do believe I’m not the one you're concerned with hearing it.” Chucknuq insinuates.
Simone shifts in her seat, lowering herself slightly.
“I did something unforgivable. As soon as she finds out, she’ll want me gone. I’ve already grown attached to you guys and want to stay, but like you said… that’s not up to you or me.” the Terran says misty eyed.
The captain leans forward and clicks in his throat.
“She’s going to bring a professional in for you, that is certain. She’ll respect your choice to keep the nasty details between you and the therapist, if that’s your wish. However, my advice? Allow in those who care about you, and give them a little more credit. Especially her. She may surprise you, she may not. Yet something tells me she’s gonna find out at some point, better it be from you. Would it not?”
Simone crosses her arms and bites her cheek.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Well… for what it’s worth, I’m rather proud that you’ve decided to tackle your shadows head on. And so promptly I might add. May I ask… why the change of heart on the matter?” Chucknuq inquires as he picks up another morsel.
The Terran takes a while to answer. Though there’s several reasons as to why, they all boil down to the same thing.
“She needs me to.”
-
“Hey…”
Chak wakes with a startle. She frantically looks around her room seeing no one, realizing it’s her communicator, she responds.
“Oh, uh hello?” she states, now fully awake.
“Sorry, did I wake you?’ Simone’s voice asks.
“Oh! Simone! Hello! Yes but that’s alright! How are you feeling?” Chak sits up straight eagerly.
“Uhm… like shit. But thanks to you and Dave… better. A lot better.” Simone answers softly.
Chak bounces excitedly.
“That’s so good to hear! Oh, I hope you don’t mind me cleaning your room…” Chak says cautiously.
“Kinda feel bad that you had to clean up that shit. But that’s fine, I just wanted to ask you… what did I tell you? I don’t remember a thing.” Simone admits, clearly uncomfortable.
“Oh… You were upset that you… uhm… killed someone? Or several someones.” The Cali answers honestly. “You didn’t say who, or what happened exactly.”
“Shit…” is all Simone says in response.
“Simone?”
“You’re right… the hum in here is nice…” Simone states, almost nonchalantly.
Chak zips her head to the wall where the adjacent room is.
Simone stares up at the ceiling as she rests on the bed. She listens to the faint hum like a soothing lullaby.
“It is.” Chak agrees through the communicator.
The Terran sighs inwardly, preparing herself for what could be the biggest mistake of her life.
“During the Calboor Arm conflict… We dropped on a neutral planet, twenty four of us. It violated several treaties, but we had intel that the Whista populace were allowing our enemy to set up secret forward bases. So we assumed the treaties were broken anyway. Still, we were sent to confirm and destroy any base at the set coordinates. Remaining undetected was the top priority. So they had us geared up as a pirate raiding party for a cover.” Simone clears her throat.
“We… made our way during the night through a thick jungle. I was designated to scout ahead to confirm the base’s location and take live feed recordings to set up a plan of attack. But when I got to a vantage point and started recording… I realized that it wasn’t an enemy forward base at all. It was a war refugee camp. I watched the people, families, kids just trying to find fucking sanctuary. I did see injured soldiers of our enemy, but only a few… I told my squad everything I was seeing, and confirmed it with the feed. So our lead sent word to command to update them on the situation. When we got orders back… we… we were ordered to proceed and eliminate the ‘base’ and everyone within. And… to make it look like our enemy did it. The fuckers wanted us to stage an attack to gain the Whista’s support or some shit… I don’t know. But the weapons we were outfitted with... They knew from the very beginning why they were sending us in.” Simone closes her eyes, waiting for herself to calm down.
“They had you kill civilians?” Chak whispered appalled.
Simone stares back at the ceiling.
“No… that’s what they ordered me to do. I refused.”
“But… you said you killed…”
Tears trail down the sides of the Terran’s head.
“There was a Northa girl… she was playing with a toy, the kind that you throw and it flies back to you. I knew she couldn't see me, but on one of her throws she looked directly into my recorder. She was having so much fun, and in under an hour she would be riddled with weapons fire, or blown to pieces by a mortar. I.. I begged my squad to stop, to refuse the order. I contacted every single one on the comms and pleaded my fucking heart out... We were soldiers, not fucking terrorists. We were better than that.... I was wrong. I was told to sit out the mission, and the rest would proceed with the orders given. I thought I could try to warn the camp first, but by the time I would get down there my squad would be near their attack positions. So I- I… I disabled my location tracker and backtracked. One… by one… I took them down... for good. It was the last thing they expected, so I guess that’s why none managed to stop me. I saw the betrayal in the eyes of those I considered comrades, friends, brothers, sisters… The entire time I was screaming at them in my head to see me… to kill me so I wouldn't have to… but no… I just had to somehow succeed in killing all twenty three… I’m good, but so were they. To be honest, I’m not really sure how I’m still here. The last one to fight back was Sam… our squad lead… she scorned me....said I was a traitor to our people… a murderer… I uh… I dragged her corpse to the camp and told them everything. Told them the names of all the Terran soldiers so there could be no denying this attempt at a war crime. And that’s when I went on the run. I swear I ran the scenario in my head thousands of times, maybe I could’ve done something else? But no, I didn’t have the luxury of time or equipment to do anything else. I had to make a choice, and I did. You’re running from someone who slaughtered your family, and I’m the one who slaughtered all of hers… a goddamn monster.” Simone finishes, waiting for a response.
‘I want you off this ship, you’re no longer needed here.’ or ‘How could you? What kind of heartless creature are you!?’ is what she suspected to hear through the comm. Even Chak wouldn’t want her around anymore. How can Simone be trusted if she’s willing to commit such an egregious act? It’s clear that she isn’t-
The door to the room suddenly opens, where the familiar Cali silhouette stands in her nightwear. Simone slowly sits up, unable to look her in the eye. The princess felt the need to deliver the message in person.
“Chak… I’ll leave if-’ Simone begins to explain before Chak scampers up and tightly embraces her.
Not understanding the meaning of this, Simone freezes.
“...Chak… c-come on… you’re smarter than this… I don’t deserve-” the Terran attempts to say as the Cali speaks up.
“Oh... Simone… I’m so sorry you had to make that choice… a choice no one should ever have to make… I’m so sorry.” Chak consoles through her own grief.
More tears begin to leak forth from the Terran’s eyes.
“No… Chak… I’m a fucking murderer… understand? You can’t… I don’t deserve this!” Simone whispers lightly trying to pull away, but the Cali holds on.
“What you did was horrible… but so were all the alternatives. You chose to help the helpless, to do what you considered was right. I can’t blame you for that. You could have killed innocent civilians, or stood by and done nothing. But neither of those things are you.” Chak coos comfortingly.
“But I betrayed my people… those I considered to be the closest thing to a fuckin’ family… what does that make me?” Simone utters as she starts to cry into Chak’s shoulder.
“A traitor to your military.” Chak agrees bluntly before tightening her grip on the Terran reassuringly. “But a hero to that Northa girl and everyone who was in that camp. Sometimes there is no answer without dire costs, or consequences. You didn’t deserve that to be placed on you, but it was. That doesn’t make you a terrible monster Simone… that makes you a person who had to make a horrible choice, and is now suffering from it... you're nothing like my father.” Chak asserts as she begins massaging Simone’s back.
“...I don’t know what to say… you’re supposed to hate me… tell me that this hell is justice for killing my-”
“Shhh… Never. Because neither of those things aretrue.” Chak whispers honestly in Simone’s ear.
With Chak’s guidance, the two drape down on the bed. Simone curls up, hiding her soft cries in the Cali’s chest.
Then for the first time, Simone allows herself to wrap her arms around Chak in a gentle hug. Well she means to be gentle, but the Cali is pressed to her rather firmly.
Chak doesn’t mind though, she is far from uncomfortable and would choose to be nowhere else at this moment. The Cali has learned her lesson, and primes herself to speak up if the Terran’s embrace grows too tight. For now, she wraps her lower limbs around Simone’s head, brushing her hair and continues to massage the Terran’s back with her uppers.
Perhaps to some, the sight is a strange one. A mighty Terran balled up in the care of a comparatively fragile Cali. Yet, here they are.
“I got you…” Chak promises. “I got you…”