Plink...plink...plink, the sound of water dripping in my room's toilet. It was slow, quiet, and continuous. As the sound grew faster and faster, I began to realize,

"He's chasing me..."

"He's almost there..."

"He's coming!"

"Don't come any closer!"

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"HIS VOICE IS....... VERY NOISY, IT'S ANNOYING, I WANT......"

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No, I didn't want to break equipment that didn't belong to me, it would hurt myself and the water faucet too. so I had to buy a new water faucet. I was commented by my roommate about this trivial matter, his name is Rafa. But I just replied by saying "well indeed

this is how I am" I said while laughing a little. It was only natural that Rafa commented on me because that day was Monday and Rafa had to go to his high school, because of me he was so late, I forced him to help me first.

07.00

The justification of the water faucet is finished, it's time for me to clean the room. I swept and mopped the floor, wiped the windows, and brushed the bathroom floor while taking a morning shower. I get ready for the ready, wearing a plain shirt and long cloth pants, wearing shoes while walking out carrying a bag on my shoulder.

The clock on the wall showed 07.50, I was still finishing the Fried Chicken Rice provided by the boarding house mother. I often eat the chicken meat first along with the rice, while I eat the chicken skin at the end, it sounds childish but this is how I am. After eating, I brought my dirty plate to the kitchen. There was a housewife who was washing the dishes.

"Just put the plate Dc, let's wash it all at once"

said the housewife.

"Just leave the plate, let me wash it. I also look tired," I said. "Are you sure? There's a lot of laundry, you'll be

you'll be late for Grandma's again," said the host mother.

"I'm sure mom, I'll do the laundry in one set, I won't be late for Grandma's" I said. "That's it, thank you Dean. I'll be right back" said the housewife.

"You're welcome mom" I said.

I washed the dishes pretty quickly, it didn't matter that my clothes got wet. While I was still busy washing dishes, the housemother asked me "Dean, why don't you want to go to school?"

I slowed down my dishwashing performance, and was silent for a moment. There was silence as only the sound of the faucet continued to pour out water.

"I don't like it" I replied

The housemother looked at me and she asked once again quietly.

"Dean, why don't you go to school?"

I was silent once again, bowing my head, wrinkling my forehead and I said

"I... I don't...like it".

The housemother who heard my words began to relax her gaze and she said to me "why?" She said

"I'm not good at hanging out with friends my own age" I replied.

"Don't make things up Dean!" Said the housemother

"You're not good at socializing? Even though you often treat your own boarding friends." she said. "Ha?" I answered in surprise

"You don't know yourself yet dean, what are you here for? Why do you stay in your own zone? And for whose sake is your action?" Said the boarding mother advising me "Already ... hurry up and clean the dishes, I'll go to the room first" said the boarding mother.

Listening to the words of the boarding mother, of course I was shocked. The boarding mother usually only talked about casual chatter, I didn't understand.

I had decided to quit school when I was going to high school, that was the path I chose. I didn't pursue anything at school anymore, all I felt was sadness and loneliness. At first I felt fine but as I got older, I realized that the burden I was carrying was getting heavier.

It was so heavy that I felt like beating my chest as much as possible. Maybe I could be considered too much, but that's how I was. "It's okay, I'll get through it." I said to myself when I was in junior high school, I kept repeating that sentence when I couldn't bear the burden I was carrying. Until finally I graduated. Although the graduation I got

was not what I expected.

"That's it" I said after I finished washing all the dishes. I went back to my seat, picked up my bag and carried it on my shoulder. I left the boarding house and immediately went to Grandma's shop on foot. As I recall, the distance from the boarding house to Grandmother's shop was about 1.2 kilometers. It took me about an hour to get to Grandmother's shop. Actually, there was one ontel bicycle owned by the boarding house father, but it was quite old and it seemed that the boarding house father would not allow the boarding house children to use it unless it was very close to the boarding house. But I was more grateful for the walk, because Grandma's shop actually passed two colorful house complexes. Both neighborhoods looked very happy, and it was

When I was about to enter the house complex, there were two trees whose names I didn't know, but they had gradations of leaf color, green and yellow. I think those two trees are a substitute for welcome. This first house complex was named menjari.

I don't know why that name was chosen, but it's a unique name to me. I walked there with my face down. Don't ask me why, maybe I'm just not excited.

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"Good morning dean, want to go to grandma's house huh?" Said one of the residents

"Eemmmm, G…Good.. M..Morning.." I answered half-consciously

"Are you not feeling well, Deann?"

"Eee No ... I'm healthy really, take it easy ma’am" I answered

"Ooo .. allright. If that's the case, be enthusiastic, Your youth is still longgggggggg kid" said one of the complex's mothers out loud.

"Eeee hehehe okay ma’am, thanks for the motivation, I guess" answer me with a little laugh

"Thank you again" she replied

The residents here know me well, because I often go through here to go to my grandmother's house, it's sometimes boring but it's the fastest route.

sometimes bored but that's the fastest route. There are quite a lot of houses in this Jari complex, maybe there are about 2 dozen. I wonder if my life is as bright and diverse as the colors of the houses here, surely I don't need to feel the cruelty of myself.

wouldn't have to feel the cruelty of myself. Carrying this heavy burden alone, faking every feeling I have, and sometimes I don't recognize myself. I guess my life will continue like this, repeating the same thing over and over again.

What do you call these events? Ah yes, monotony. I can't see the beautiful colors around me. No! I was wrong! I have experienced this several times, and indeed the world I see is never colorful anymore, I mean there are no more colors around me. But this is for my own good, right? I'm supposed to be happy, joyful, ecstatic, and partying. Because... up to this point... I was still able to survive, at least for a while I managed to protect myself. Besides, every day I always pass by the bridge connecting the Menjari compound and the second house compound.

I feel calm and peaceful every

time I pass it. The bridge seemed to understand what I was going through, and the river water below seemed to understand what I was feeling. You could say that maybe they are my best friends right now. The second house complex is not much different from the finger complex. Perhaps the most striking difference is that the second house complex is more active at night while the first house complex is more active in the morning to evening. The second house complex is more filled with shops and craft businesses. Sometimes I also see performances there. On holidays, the residents of the second house complex usually hold festivals. I attended it once with my junior high school friend, in the festival it was very diverse in content. There were people selling food, souvenirs, clothes, and many more. There were also musical performances, dances, puppets, and fireworks Festival. It was the first day I saw the world in full color. It was just that night, the first and the last. After that everything changed and went back to the way it was, I was like being reset again and again. At least the memories didn't disappear, right? I can still

remember how happy I was at that time, especially hearing the beautiful acoustic music.

Outside the compound of the second house, I only had to walk about 100 meters to get to Grandmother's shop. Grandmother's shop was visible from a distance, the building was quite old, but Grandmother said the wood could last for 100 years. Well, although I certainly wouldn't believe her words haha.

"Grandmahhh... I'm here" I said.

"Dean, you've arrived... you walked all the way here," Grandma replied.

"Hehehe, I'm already addicted to it grandma." I said as I saluted Grandma

"How's Grandma?" my grandmother asked.

"Fine, how's Dean?" Grandma said,

"I'm fine, Grandma." I replied. I put my bag on the seat and started to look around the store.

"What did grandma eat this morning?" I asked while checking the stock of snacks on the shelf.

"Asem Asem Buncis, do you want some?  Grandma made it myself earlier." Grandma replied while tidying up the coffee bags.

Hearing Grandma's offer, I suddenly opened my eyes wide and spontaneously said, "No, Grandma, you won't be able to eat slang if I eat too."

"Hahahahaha, you've already made a lot, help me finish the bean jam, won't you, De?" said Grandma, looking at me with a chuckle.

chuckling.

"okey dokey grandma hehe" I replied with a forced smile and a pretend happy look on my face.

I had no problem with Grandma's cooking, it was really nutritious and quite delicious. It's just that I'm not too sure about Grandma's asem asem buncis, the few times I tasted Grandma's asem asem buncis, last week it was too salty, last Wednesday it was too spicy, and last Friday it was too salty and spicy, even so I still finished my portion. I'm afraid now the asem asem buncis will be too sweet. Well I hope not this time.

Grandma is a very good grandma, she will always be

always come first in my life. One day, Grandma came to my school just to pick me up, she came on Grandpa's ontel bike.

grandfather's bicycle. When I saw her, I didn't know what to do, part of me felt touched but the other part wanted to be angry. From a distance I could see my grandmother waving at me, she was so excited to find me. Her face did not show that she was tired at all, instead she smiled and hugged me, she looked very happy even though for a moment I saw her crying. I couldn't say a word, kept quiet, and just pondered. At that moment, Grandma immediately took me home, she sat in the front and was about to ride the bicycle again. I spontaneously stopped her and told her to sit on the passenger side, while I would pedal the bike. Although she refused, she finally relented. I pedaled the old ontel bike slowly, because I still couldn't get over the fact that my grandmother was willing to pick me up by bicycle from the store to my junior high school which was about 2 km away.

I asked my grandmother why she picked me up when I had never asked to be picked up. Grandma answered with her trademark smile and while stammering she said

"Grandma's grandson can no longer feel his feet walking 3.2 km under the unhealthy sun" was her answer.

"Then what about you yourself, you pedaled 2 km in an unfit body condition, you realize that, why do you still force it? Grandma could have lost her way" replied me who had started to get emotional "Grandma is already ready with the risk of the actions that grandma did, grandma is indeed an old woman who is no longer fit but, as long as grandma's grandchildren are as miserable as grandma, grandma cannot forgive herself, grandma will not remain silent until grandma's grandchildren can live like other children" replied grandma.

" Dean, listen to grandma ... Life is Light means you have to be a useful person for others. People who give life more meaning, are very big services, grandma ready pick you up anytime, grandma's grandchildren are more important than grandma's life. seeing you reminds me how long I used to want to go to school" Grandma said

My crying became more and more, I felt my grandmother's warm hand patting my shoulder as if to tell me.

my shoulder as if to tell me that my grandmother is always near me whenever and wherever. That slang became a colorless slang in my life. Grandma did manage to pick me up but as I expected, her leg was swollen that night and she also caught a cold, so I told her to rest in her room, I had also bought ointment and paracetamol for her to use. I think she became like this because of me, who always showed a gloomy face after coming home from junior high school. This is what finally changed me, to always smile and cheer up in front of anyone even if it's fake.

"Grandma, I've checked all the snacks, nothing has expired," I said in front of her cashier's desk.

"Thank you, Dean" she replied.

"With pleasure, grandma" I replied with a cheerful smile Today grandma's shop is quiet, maybe because it's Monday.

"Did grandma sew scarves?" I asked

 "yes" she replied

"That's strange" I said, still in disbelief.

"Shhh... Don't tell Grandpa. It's a surprise for Grandpa."

"Ooooo....  grandma can count me with that. If it's with me, it'll be safe," I said.

"Grandpa will definitely be happy with this gift, right, Grandma?"

"Sure, grandma will definitely make a scarf that is as good as possible and as beautiful as possible for grandpa" said grandma sincerely until she shed tears because she missed grandpa so much.

"Grandpa will definitely come home, we'll just wait," I said, smiling at my grandmother.

My grandmother smiled back at me too. I admire my grandmother, she has a kind, sincere, and wise heart. Although it's not often that she gets angry with me, but in the end we will always make up.

I went back to my seat where I had put my bag. I opened my bag, took my cell phone, and opened chat

I saw an irregularity there, yeah right I was put into the class group again. I thought why should I be included again, what difference does the class make with my presence or absence? What do they expect from humans like me? if I leave the group again, they will definitely include me again, and so on. So I chose to stay quiet and mute the class group. I pressed the back button on my phone, and suddenly someone with a new number sent a message, saying

"Hey, do you have time? Let's meet"

"I'm your classmate, you must know me"

"Tomorrow at 3pm, at the cafe near the hospital." That was the message from one of my classmates. I checked the person's number and sure enough, it was in my 11th grade group.

I just read the message, I didn't answer it because I didn't care anymore about anything related.

It seems like one class has noticed that I'm always absent from school, maybe it's been about 2 weeks. I never answered chats from my teacher or friends,

I'm done with the school, get out of my life and don't come back.

I closed my cellphone and put it back in my bag. Instead of seeing the ISL class group, I saw grandmother who was very enthusiastic about sewing scarves for grandfather.

"Grandma, let's eat!"

"already? what time is it really?"

"It's already half past 12, Grandma. Grandma so busy sewing scarves, isn’t it?"

"Hehehehe wow yes, grandma really wants to give grandpa a gift." Grandma replied while

laugh

"Okay, come on, eat. Looks like Dean can't wait to eat Grandma's bean tamarind hahahaha."

"Hehehe" I answered nervously.

I put up a break sign at Grandma's shop and then immediately led Grandma to the dining table.

At the dining table, grandma sat on the dining table chair, while I took the bean tamarind that had just been heated. I poured it into a large bowl in the middle of the dining table, then distributed it to grandma's plate and mine. After that I took rice for grandma and rice for me, and we ready to eat.

"ittadakimasu" said the grandmother cheerfully.

"ittadakimasu" I replied cheerfully too

I also ate the bean tamrind made by my grandmother while my heart pound really fast, I put the food in my mouth and

"Wow!"

I immediately ate it, and I even immediately asked my grandmother for rice.

"That's right, Dean can't wait hahaha" said grandma

 "Hehehehe" I answered not focusing because I was busy eating.

 When I was ravenously eating grandma's sour beans, I heard the sound of a new message. I also looked at my cellphone notifications, and what I found was a new message from my classmate persuading me to go back to school, so I didn't open it and

turned off my cellphone power. But it couldn't be helped, I started thinking about school again, all the ambiguities, questions and advice flashed back into my brain. This made me no longer in the mood to eat, I'm sure if it wasn't in front of my grandmother, I would have slammed my plate right then and there. I couldn't possibly do that in front of grandma, right? That's rude, especially since this is Grandma's delicious cooking, and I'm not

maybe taking out my anger on grandma. I also put my dinner plate on the table. Then I looked at grandma, she was still very hungry eating her sour and sour beans. Maybe la

got carried away because of me. "Grandma" I called

"Yeah?" Said the grandmother who stopped eating and wanted to put her plate on the table.

"Grandma, why are you sad when you drop out of school?"

To Be Continued...