The house was quiet after everyone went to bed. For me, it was the worst time of day. The time when I didn't have the distractions of other people to keep the demons at bay. When even the familiarity and protection that my house offered wasn't enough. I'd lie in my bed for hours, just trying to get to sleep. Just trying to keep them from my thoughts as I struggled to relax. Most night, it's not enough. Most nights, I'd spend the whole night just lying there, fighting them off, and getting no sleep in the process.

  As the humungous tongue of the man in the leather jacket finally faded back into my jacket's sleeve, I tossed the covers off of me. They let out a soft rustle, followed by a heavy thump, as they fell off into the small space between my bed and the far wall. The space where books go to die. But I was too tired to reach over for them. Too exhausted to pull them back up onto the bed.

  Too tired to sleep.

  With a heavy sigh, I slapped my hand against the bed next to me, using that as leverage to get up. The clock on my nightstand said 1:32, but as I thought I had only been in bed for an hour, it suggested that I had gotten at least some sleep that night. The fits and starts of my sleep were few and fleeting, and usually lost among the nightmares that stretched across my life. As I stood there, staring at the clock, I knew that I would be getting no more sleep that night, no matter how much time I spent in that bed.

  I glanced over at the bookshelf next to me. The books that had sat there for longer than I could remember. I hadn't cracked open any of them since I first went to Desparia. They never had the same draw to them, after experiencing that world for myself. The kind of world that was in most of those books, but so much more real. Even before knowing how real that world was, it was more real to me than any other.

  Sometimes, it had even felt more real than Earth. I guess that should have been a sign for me.

  Instead, I turned to my other distraction. The one thing that had always given me comfort. The top left drawer of my dresser was full of swimsuits. All of them were one pieces, obviously. All of them simple, flat color suits that I could just wear at random. Even in the low light of my bedroom, with the streetlights coming in through the windows, I was able to pull a suit out at random, quickly throwing it on like my favorite suit of armor. It was the only time that I ever wore anything so formfitting.

  The house was readily familiar to me as I made my way through it in the dark. The door to Dad's bedroom, the one he once shared with Mom, was closed, blocking off my view of his sleeping form. As I passed the spare bedroom, I could easily see Heather's hair, glistening in the moonlight. That sight sent a twinge of jealousy through me, as it always did. Heather had always seemed so perfect. It was no wonder why David had always gravitated towards her.

  And never me.

  I paused outside of the next door. The door to Dad's old study. The place was in a bit of a transition at the moment. The old desk was gone, but instead of a bed, the couch that had been on the opposite wall had been moved under the window. The covers that had been placed on the makeshift bed were empty, tossed aside much like mine were. That took me a bit by surprise. But as I glanced towards the bathroom next door, I thought I saw the door closed, suggesting that Jason was in there. I paid it no mind as I headed down the stairs.

  I was like a ghost as I made my way through the ground floor of the house, trying not to make a sound that would disturb the people upstairs. The back stairway was too close to Dad's room; it would have been impossible for me to make it down them, even barefoot, without him hearing me. The last thing I needed was to explain why I was up in the middle of the night. The last thing Dad needed was another reason to worry about me.

  I slipped through the downstairs hall to the kitchen, and out to the backyard. Just the sight of what greeted me out there was almost enough to soothe all my pains. To chase away the demons and memories that continued to haunt me, even in that hallowed space. My oldest friend in all the worlds. The pool that Mom and Dad had gotten me for my fifth birthday. The one that took up almost the entire backyard of the house.

  "Ah, there you are," I said, talking to the pool, as I came over to stand at the side. My toes found the edge, playing with the lip as I stared down into the water. With the full moon overhead, reflected in the surface, I could almost see the bottom, even without the backyard lights on. I wasn't supposed to swim without those lights on, but I still didn't want to wake Dad. The moon seemed like it would be enough.

  But I just stood there for a moment, looking down at the water in front of me. I had never taken that long to get into the pool. Usually, when I couldn't sleep, I'd slip down and take a dip. There was nothing like a few laps around the pool to help me sleep. And yet, it had always invigorated me, always made my skin sing just to swim through the water. It had always felt like home to me, even more so than the house behind me. It made sense, given my water affinity. Given that my magic, when I had access to my magic, was based in water.

  And still, I just stood there, staring down at the water next to me. The inviting water that I should have jumped in without a second thought. I should have been on my third lap, but I couldn't even bring myself to put my toes in. It was another thing stolen by me by the demons at my back. The demons I brought with me everywhere, even inside that hallowed space of my pool.

  Was that why I didn't jump in? Was that the reason why I refused to go swimming? I hadn't been in that pool, in any pool, since I had left Earth that first time. The first time that I had really gone to Desparia, in the flesh, when my friends and I had returned to that world after the museum break-in. I should have swum in that pool every night, multiple times during the day. Anything just to take the sting out of those memories. Instead, I just stared at the water, wishing that I could step forward. Wishing that I could jump in head first. Wishing for everything to go away, like it always did when I was surrounded by my element.

  But if I brought my demons everywhere, they would haunt me even in there. They would surround me, perverting even that space with their sinfulness. Their darkness. Their evil. They would corrupt even that last safe space that I had to myself. Worse, if I had an episode while I was underwater, if I forgot to hold my breath with the demons weighing me down, I'd drown just as easily as I would if they were physically there to pull me down to the depths below.

  And then, suddenly, as I stood there staring at the water in front of me, one of those hands was really there. It was on my shoulder, feeling far too solid for it to just be in my head. But they were all like that. All far too real not to be real. I let out a rather girlish scream as I spun around at that touch. My foot slipped out beneath me, and I was suddenly toppling over towards the pool behind me. My hands were grasping at the air, desperate to find something to grab onto. Something to stay my fall.

  "Here," Jason said.

  He grabbed my hand, quickly pulling me away from the water. His pull brought me back onto solid ground, drawing me forward into him. My hands automatically went to his chest, bare as always. The muscles there flexed, as if shying away from my touch. Away from my cold hands.

  I looked down at that chest. Away from his eyes, his face. Away from the man that had saved me, in so many ways. The man that loved me, for whatever reason. The man that I didn't deserve.

  The man that was the son of the emperor.

  "Hey," he said, in that low tone that was so completely his. Unique to him and him alone. His finger tapped beneath my chin, trying to draw my eyes up to his. But I refused, just shaking my head as I tried to get ahold of myself. Tried to regain what little control I had over myself those days.

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  "Thanks," I said, in a low voice too quiet for most people to hear. But Jason was a fae. He had exceptional hearing, among other things. Like looks, and muscles, and looks.

  "No problem," he said. His voice sent shivers through me, as his finger, lingering beneath my chin, sent electricity through my skin. "Going for a swim?"

  "I, uh..."

  I stepped to the side, slipping from his grasp. His arms fell away from me, but I could sense his body following mine as I drifted over to one of the lounge chairs between the house and the pool. It was only after I had sat down on the chair that I turned towards him. Towards that amazing face that always left me breathless, whenever I wasn't furious at him.

  It took me a moment to remember that he was my boyfriend. That he was mine, just as I was his.

  "I guess not," I said, once I managed to catch my breath. "I don't know. I was planning on it."

  "Thus, the suit," he said, smiling over at me as he pointed at my chest. He took a step to the side, slipping down into the other lounge chair, the echo to the one I was sitting on. "I haven't seen you swim since that first night I spent here."

  "Yes, you have," I said, smiling over at him. "Just not in the pool."

  "You know what I mean."

  "I... Yea... It's been a while."

  "Your parents told me that you love swimming. That you'd be out there pretty much every night."

  "Every night that it was safe to, yea. And I do. I do love it. It's just..."

  "The demons," he said, nodding towards me.

  Of all the people around me, all my friends and family, Jason got me the most. He got where I was coming from the most. He had been there for most of it. The giant museum. The elemental planes. Hell. Even Heaven was no picnic. But he did miss one part that was absolutely the worst. That one part that made the whole thing so much harder to bear.

  The part where I killed him.

  And even just sitting there, next to my safe haven, next to the most calming spot in all the worlds, sitting with my supposed boyfriend, I couldn't help but see him lying there, bathed in the moonlight from above, as a solid block of ice. His lips looked blue. His eyes looked lifeless. I had stared at him, frozen solid, for hours. It was the one visual that I could never let go of. Even when I remind myself that the demons were locked away in Hell, that the monsters were a world away from me, the biggest loss, the most destruction, had come from me. From a power inside me. A power that I carried with me everywhere that I went.

  Yes, I couldn't use my magic on Earth. Not without a door to that other world open or a mana stone flowing power into the area around me. Yes, I was gaining some control over my magic, getting to a point where I thought that I wasn't a danger to other people. But it was always in me. Always there, just beneath the surface. No matter how hard I tried, there was no convincing myself that I wouldn't blow up again, the moment that magic came back into my life. That I wouldn't kill everyone around me.

  And this time, we didn't have Tina to bring them back. My power would go off, and that would be it. Everyone would be dead. And with how quickly my magic was growing, how easily it came to me, even in those early days, something told me that I could freeze the world, even without meaning to. That when it wasn't channeled by the stone around me, it wouldn't stop. It would trigger an ice age, one that no one would survive.

  No one, but me.

  "It's not just the demons," I said, as I shook my head, trying to jar that thought out of my mind. Trying to get back to normal. But no matter how many times I did that, how hard I shook it, Jason's lips never turned to their normal pink. His eyes never turned their usual bright blue. He just lay there next to me, looking just as dead as he had that day. "It's... It's everything."

  "Well, I can't promise you that things will get better," he said. "But... I can promise you that you won't have to go back there. It's not like there are doors all over the place. It's not like any of us have anything to go back to. This world... No matter what Heather thinks, this world can be so much more of a home than Deparia ever was. We were all on the run for so long, I don't think any of us know what to do now that we don't have to anymore."

  "I think the twins had the right idea," I said.

  I looked away from him, hoping that he would return to normal if I just didn't stare at his death-looking body. The water next to me looked calm and peaceful. But with the angle to its surface different, I could no longer see the moon in it. I could no longer see the bottom. It was suddenly this dark oblivion. A co-conspirator to the demons stalking me.

  "Going out into the world, trying to find your place in it," I said.

  "Hey, I did go out into the world," he said. He raised his hands up and out, as if presenting himself to the world. "I have a job. That's more than anyone else can say in this house."

  "That you do. How is the job, anyway? It seemed like you came home late today."

  "Yea, it's the last day at the Jefferson's estate. The boss had us staying till the job was done. We have a few days off till the next project, but that one should keep us busy for a few weeks. You might not see much of me during your first stretch of summer vacation. I hope you don't mind."

  "Oh, I think I can get by without you," I laughed. "So, you enjoy this whole landscaping gig of yours?"

  "Yea. And I'm good at it, too. It's almost... It's almost like my father's earth affinity rubbed off on me a little. But in a good way, you know?"

  "Yea, I guess," I said. I flinched away at the mention of his father. The reminder of his relationship with the emperor. That last secret that almost destroyed us as a couple, long before we really got there. But with the emperor gone, with all secrets laid bare, there was nothing separating us.

  Nothing but the demons. Nothing but the phantom of his frozen corpse. Nothing but the memories that kept me from everyone and everything that I loved.

  "I just wish that I could do more with it," he said, pensively, oblivious to the storm raging within me. "Maybe start my own business or something."

  "Well, why not?" I asked. I peeked over at him for a moment, but he still looked ice cold. As a brisk breeze blew at us from across the pool, he let out a little shiver, his arms crossing over his bare chest. Normally, he never seemed to feel the cold. Maybe that was a side effect for what I had done to him.

  "Same reason why your dad hasn't gotten a job. Same thing Heather has been railing about for weeks. Bob is nice enough to pay me under the table, but I don't think he'd be so considerate if I wasn't the best worker he has."

  "And modest, too," I said, smiling over at him.

  "Oh, no, those are his words. Not mine. But, yea, I guess I know that I'm the best they have there. But not the best they could have. I'm sure that, if he found ten guys better than me, I'd be out on my ass. And with no real identity to my name, I'd be just as destitute as the rest of the group."

  "We're not that bad off," I said. I motioned towards the house behind us. With Mom still paying the bills, though she no longer lived with us, it wasn't like we were going to lose the house or anything. None of us were out on the street. We had more security than we ever had back on Desparia.

  "For now," he said, reminding me of just how tenuous everything was. "Oh, if only your world had some group that handled such things as travelers from another world. We could apply for refugee status. Visas. Green cards."

  "Would you even still be refugees, now that the emperor isn't in control of Fandor?" I asked.

  "I don't know," he said, shrugging. "I guess someone took over when he never returned. But with how travel between the worlds works, and how secluded Father was, it's possible that no one even noticed he was gone. No one would know that he's dead."

  "Yea," I said, nodding my agreement, as I stared out across the water in front of me.