AAAGGGHHHhhhhhh…..
...
Aaaaa….
…
aaa…
…
aaaaaaaaa…
…
…
…
aaaaaa
…
***
Darkness was invading my mind.
It was a surreal experience. Reality melted and began dripping away into dreams.
Forms, shapes, ideas and sensations became vague and everything became unrecognizable from the slushy melting mush my perception became.
I was being broken down into atomic units and slipping away into nothingness like sand in a desert while what was left of my mind was being trapped in an infinite loop of being half a coherent thought away from finishing a single judgment of the situation.
My emotions were crawling over the corpse of my dead mind like ants, scavenging the last moments I experienced and crawling away into the abyss.
I was them and they were me and we were tearing our rotting corpse apart and feasting on it in order to breed more disgusting demons to tear away at us.
I never knew I could have too much of myself. Somebody, please take this ugly thing away, it drives me mad.
Why is only me here? Me, me, me, me and nothing more. Just emptiness. Void and void and void and me and void.
Too much me and too much emptiness.
The emptiness was vast, much greater than me, much greater than the small world that could fit inside me but it was something I became intimately familiar during my stay in it.
Or was it its stay in me? Was it me? Was I it? Was it not me? Was it me and not me? Was it? Was I?
I didn’t know and didn’t dare to know. I didn’t dare to dare to know.
Nothingness could be stretched and molded and shaped as one saw fit and so was I stretched and molded and shaped as something saw fit while nothingness I were.
And then I woke up.
[Corruption Resistance] has reached level 4!
“Haaaaa…. Haaaaa… Wh- what… Haaaa…. W-what w-was th-that?”, cold sweat was covering my face, my teeth were clattering and my hands were shaking.
I quickly scanned my surroundings.
Too many colors and too many things surrounding me. Too many sounds, too many smells, too many tactile sensations – all of it was overwhelming.
I curled into a ball and threw up.
“Haaa… Haaa… Haaa… Hup, hup, haaa…. Fuck… Haaa...”
Then I noticed that I could move my head. It felt surprising, for some reason. Searching for the source of my bewilderment, I found out that I was more surprised at the fact that I had a head in the first place.
“Haaa…. Haaa…. Fuckfuckfuck…”
The fact that I could identify myself as “I”, it was also something that made me jump in surprise.
Why though?
“Daqmnitall… Haaaa…. Aaaahhh!!! Fuck! This all!!”
I didn’t understand.
For some reason, I was greatly afraid and confused by everything.
I’ve also been hearing strange noises for a while now…
“Heeeheee… HAHAAHAhaHahahAhahaaAAAAAAA”
I wonder what is going on.
“Haaaa...”, calm down, heart. Stop beating so fast. Calm down, “Haaa...”
“What is going on?! What is wrong?!”
No answer. Why was my throat hurting suddenly? Oh. I shouted.
Shouted? With my mouth. Though I usually spoke to him in my mind. Like, with my thoughts. Like, without stressing my throat. Like, - who was I trying to talk to just now?
Why am I feeling so confused?
I don’t know who I should call but I will try again. Maybe it’s not a who but a what. What’s the difference again?
Maybe I should call him with my thoughts… I may understand what is going on if he answers. Whoever or whatever it or they are.
I can’t? I can’t speak with my thoughts all of a sudden. I don’t remember how to use those things… Thoughts.
How do you use thoughts? You use them to think, but how? You use them to think, right? Yeah, yeah, I think this should be right. Right? Yeah.
How have I been thinking so far? I can’t recall, I can’t observe my own thinking process.
Am I speaking in my mind right now? I can’t understand.
Alright, concentrate. Calm breaths
“Haaaaa… Haaaaa...”, okay, no calm breaths. Wild and panicked breaths it is. Oh! I just realized how
I can keep track of what my body is doing. And that I’m thinking.
Have I gone insane at last? Was Ralph right to have warned me not to rely on my skills too much?
Who’s Ralph? What are skills? Or who are Ralph and what is skills?
Maybe it’s a person. My Skills. I must be not very close to them. Him, her, it. Since I’m calling them by their last name. Or maybe My-san is Japanese. Then we must be pals.
No, I must be slightly insane. Maybe it was some mistake of my concerning My-san? Mr/Ms My? Our Lord and savior My Skills.
I see. I don’t feel regret though. Or, more accurately, I can’t observe myself feeling regret while I may feel it unknowingly to myself.
What was I doing? I was trying to contact Ralph – whatever or however or whoever Ralph be. Maybe it’s a verb?
I’ve been Ralphing for a while now. No, doesn’t feel like it. Ralph is definitely an object not a state or action.
Right… How do I… Something like… this?
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
Yes, yes, you speak inside your mind like this:
“#Q#E(@!~~~~~~~~~~~~@EQ@##RG2**#+POMEGRANATE+””TEWR#!#R#$&????????#@!R?#@??????#!`””!@!$!$!$$$!#4’’’
“” “” “” “” “” “”” “”””” “”””””” “”””””””””
“\\\\
\\\\
\\\\”
…
…
…
I think I melted down a little.
Yep, it’s best not to think the old way, my mind is in too much of a mess right now. Wait, how am I functioning if I’m so deep into breaking down? Let’s think about it. How do I do this again? Thinking that is. It’s like walking, right?
Let’s try.
…
Oh, I think I got it after a two-mile walk. Metaphorically speaking.
Let’s try figuring out what is going on right now. First thing fir-
*Chomp*
***
Darkness was invading my mind.
It was a surreal experience. Reality melted and began dripping away into dreams…
***
Why am I feeling afraid and scared? Wait, how am I recognizing that I am an “I”?
…
“What is going on?! ANSWER!”
Why does it seem so familiar? Like I’ve already done something similar several times already...
…
Do I think like… this?
“Refasfihe2321215+****@”
“343wq sd
“
“f”f”f”f”f”””””””””””””””””” \(*_\*) --__--(*/_*)/
“””
…
Okay…
Let’s try figuring out what is going on right now. First thing first-
*Chomp*
Oh my god what is that? I barely avoided it by a scratch-
*Chomp*
***
Darkness was…
***
[Corruption Resistance] has reached level 5!
Why am I- Wait, “I”?
…
…
...
Pfafjkjl””” fgrw|fg
(0/*)>---~! *boom* @~>-(0o0)/
…
…
...
Alright, I shall find the truth of what is going on!
*Chomp*
Whoops, almost got me!
*Chomp*
Haha, a good try! But it’s not as simp-
*Chomp*
***
Darkness was…
Darkness wa…
Darkness w…
Darkness…
Darknes…
Darkne…
***
[Corruption Resistance] has reached level 6!
Why am I?
[Corruption Resistance] has reached level 7!
What is going?
Calm down!
Aaaaa….
[Corruption Resistance] has reached level 8!
…
…
…
(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з=( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿
L[y]=f(x), y(x0)=y0
ggggawredqw
…
…
…
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
*Chomp*
…
…
…
“Haaa… Haaaa...”
[Corruption Resistance] has reached level 10!
[Corruption resistance] has reached maximum level!
[Corruption resistance] has met the requirements to evolve to the next stage! Proceeding to evolve…
Skills [Corruption Resistance (Advanced, lvl 10)] and [Mental Fortitude (Common, lvl 6)] will be combined...
Please, avoid strong stimulus in order to prevent potential accidents!
What... is going on?
*Chomp*
YOU’RE DEAD!
Quest failed!
…
…
…
Skill evolution complete! Due to error during evolution process, failed to acquire skill [Spiritual Strength (Unique, lvl 1)].
Skill [Warped Mind (Unique, lvl 1)] acquired.
Skill [Psychosis Resistance (Advanced, lvl 4)] acquired.
Skill [Mental Torture Resistance (Advanced, lvl 1)] acquired.
Title [Survivor of Hell (Rare)] acquired.
Title [Veteran Warrior (Rare)] acquired.
Due to the failed evolution process, skill [Mental Fortitude] failed to integrate into [Warped Mind].
[Mental Fortitude] is used to create additional skills and titles as compensation.
Level of [Mental Fortitude] will fall to lvl 4.
“Hup! Haaa… What... Haaa… What just happened? Haaa...”, calm down, heart, “now this is better”
Let’s see…
“Ralph, what just happened?”
“Well...”
…
So… the situation.
A monster began approaching my hideout. It isn’t aware of my presence but it will be soon.
Ralph, once again, tried to save my life. Or make me survive despite not being very likely to do so.
Ralph telepathically created a small simulation for me.
The one where the monster is approaching and I have to survive.
When it attacks me, I die. I can avoid its attacks, I think.
The vague memories I have of the times where I wasn’t able to avoid death suggest that it’s possible to avoid its attacks. I, unfortunately, can only guess. The memories are too chaotic and too fragmented.
Anyway, back to the topic.
Ralph just put me inside something like a very realistic dream.
The things around me are all in my head. All of my experiences and feelings are also parts of this dream.
In this dream, there is a single goal. That is, to survive the monster that is about to arrive to my cave.
Every time the monster catches me, it kills me in a single attack. Well, it’s possible to avoid its attacks a few times, but when it hits me, I die instantly.
After dying, I experience what it is basically death, only with the exception that I stay alive. Not to confuse you, it’s not a near-death experience but an actual death experience.
Or is it?
I have died once already in reality and I don’t quite think it felt the same.
But then again, I didn’t even notice dying. Anyway, I guess it’s a penalty for failing the game, of sorts. A punishment for failing the quest.
Also, the attempts I can have a go at it are unlimited. Or more like, I can’t stop it.
Ralph wasn’t kind enough to stop time, but he decided to help me by speeding up time here a thousand times faster. Well, it’s actually 1024 times but let’s not bother with small details.
The problem is, after dying I always went into shock and the experience was so beyond whatever my mind expected that it drove a good part of me insane.
Without skills like Corruption Resistance or Mental Fortitude I would probably turn into a vegetable on the inside. Or get a trauma.
The good thing is that those skills were able to reach very high levels in a comparably to many other sentient beings’ progress on this planet.
Meaning, I can take death here with more resilience.
Why am I so calm right now?
I should be raging and I would be cursing but right now I’m feeling very calm. Too calm.
Ralph could’ve warned me in advance and I would go some other place, far away from the monster.
I had about a day at my disposal. And he definitely knew the monster was coming.
I should feel resentful at him. But I don’t care.
I should be resentful at the monster, but I don’t care.
I should be scared but I’m calm.
I should be disgusted but I’m calm.
I don’t even feel angry. I can’t say I can feel angry anymore.
I just don’t care.
Why?
[Warped Mind (Unique, lvl 1)]
Skill explanation:
This skill is acquired by people with strong wills who are on the brink of mental collapse.
It protects the user from the mental collapse and protect the user’s operational ability by adjusting the user’s psyche to the environment until the user is comfortable in the stressful environment.
The degree of the adjustment depend on the user’s own psyche and the reasons for the user’s mental state.
The user of this skill is also mostly immune to psychic attacks below a certain level.
The effects of this skill are passive, it’s possible to recover the damaged psyche with time after the adjustments made by the skill are no longer required.
Warning: Excessive use of the skill may lead to irreversible changes. This may or may not include: phobias, paranoia, insomnia, lack of empathy, dulled emotions, and other issues.
I don’t think it’s a good skill, objectively speaking.
It basically warps my mind so I can feel alright in extreme situations. It dulls my survival instincts and takes away my will to feel bad about it and do anything about it. I can easily list a lot of bad points about this skill. But I can’t find it in myself to care.
It’s as if it doesn’t matter to me.
Now, that everything has been established I should try to survive. Why do I care about surviving?
The skill keeps the user’s will from being damaged.
So that’s why. My will is to survive. I see. And the skill protects my will.
How do I survive? By studying the problem at hand.
“How much subjective time do I have until the monster reaches the radius of six meters from my real physical body?”
“It would be 13 days, 11 hours and 56 minutes”
I have quite a bit of time. Oh, here it is
*Chomp*
YOU’RE DEAD!
Quest failed!